hot/hɒt/

adjective

having a high degree of heat or a high temperature

I've tried. I looked down at my phone as my nurses plucked in my needle to begin chemotherapy. My hands were shaking as I look at the photos of me and Keira. It's been a few months since she's left and it hurts. Clearly it does. She was my hero, I looked up to her no matter what. But then I knew I took her for granted.

Something I clearly shouldn't have done. The minute I arrived from Italy I should've saw her straight away but I was so in love with Blake I-I basically forgot about her. Now all I feel is me being a terrible human being, my sister walks in the room along with Belle as they carry a few drinks of Starbucks for each of us.

"There's a new club opening tonight, I say we go and have a blast!" Belle screamed loudly, my sister gasps agreeing with her whilst I see some liquid enter inside of me. Belle hands me my drink and I thank her taking small sips.

"Oh come on Amira, it will be a blast! Please come with me." And release the puppy dog eyes she did. Ahh I hate it when she did things like that. I sighed shaking my head saying I wasn't in the mood to party. "Even more reason we should go." She answers back.

"If I go, you let me wear what I want. No forcing me into anything." They take a glance at each-other as if talking with their own eyes. After a few minutes and my drink nearly finished they came to a final agreement.

"Fine!" They say at the same time. It's been nearly a few hours and chemo was now finishes. I grab into my things handing it to Belle to take to the car. As I pick up my bag along with hers.

When I said I regretted this. I really did. Here I stood in the club full of sweat people. Like I said I wasn't in the mood for any of this. I was still broken. Still hurt from everything that has happened. My mum is basically forcing me to go therapy whilst Belle and my sister are forcing me to stay here and dance.

"I'm going to go get a drink." I said causing them to nod their head. I walk towards the bar asking for a whiskey on the rocks. That's when I hear a soft cough. Turning I see an old man, probably in his fifties. I didn't give him a second gaze before twisting my head to take a sip of my whiskey.

"Come on darling talk to me." I hear his drunk voice whisper. Before anything was said my phone begins ringing. I take a step away from the club trying to find Belle to tell her but she wasn't to be seen. I exit the club and answer the phone without checking the caller I.D.

"Hello?"

"Hey Amira, It's Lorenzo...can you please come to the downtown club?"

"Why?"

"It's Blake, he's in a fight and nearly murdering the guy. No one is stopping him please help."

"What the fuck do you want me to do? Get hit in the face."

"He's been in a rough state, please just this once." I sigh pressing the end button before booking an Uber. After a three minute wait I dive into the seat giving him the name of the club. After a few minutes since it was close to the one I was in the car pauses.

I jump out of the door and rush inside ignoring the bouncer shouting for me, I push people who were surrounding someone or was it Blake? "FIGHT! FIGHT!" They cheered on, I squeeze myself through the sweaty bodies and see Blake straddling a man, the man was indescribable. Blood covered his face as if paint tipped all over him. I rush towards Blake and press my hands against his shoulders.

He twisted his head ready to punch me as his fist extending, only for it to stop when his eyes linked with my own. "It's okay...come on..leave him Blake." I look at Lorenzo giving him a slight nod as he drags the guy from underneath Blake. My warm hands slid onto his cheeks, butterflies overtook my stomach as his head rested on my chest. Why did I come?

"Come on...let's go home." I whispered trying to lift him up as he held me in his embrace, scared to let me go. Scared that I would run but in reality that's the last thing I would do. But It's what I'm scared he would do to me.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry princess." He whispers, I ignore his apologies as he stands up with me and I see his bloody face. His arms were flung over my shoulders as I carried his heavy weight. We stroll out of the club and I notice his black SUV parked right outside. I grabbed his keys from his pocket as I unlocked the car. Opening the door I helped him inside, slamming the door closed I notice Lorenzo standing behind me.

"Thank you."

"This is the last time I'm doing something like this again. I don't want to be involved with Blake anymore and you need to respect that. The both of you." I said looking at Maria who takes a gulp, I wasn't being rude. I just wasn't ready for my heart to be attached to someone who would leave me in a second. After all the months of I had after my suicide attempt I promised myself something like this wouldn't happen.

"Can you just take him home? The police are on the way and we need to explain what happened." Maria stuttered, I nod my head walking away from them and entering the driver seat shoving the keys into the ignition.

"Princess—"

"Not now Blake, drink this." I shove the water bottle I found on the side door at him. He picks unit up from his lap taking small sips of it as he looks out the window. I begin driving, I haven't driven before only once or twice. And now I'm driving a fucking SUV. If I crash this then Blake basically deserves it.

"Do you really not want anything to do with me? Have I fucked up that bad?" He whispers, my eyes turn to him for a second before turning to the roads full of traffic. I groaned braking the car as I notice the long chain of cars in front of us.

"Blake I don't even know anymore." I said.

"Not even a second chance."

"You hurt me. I'm not ready..I don't trust you anymore to not pick up and leave the minute things get complicated." I hear him shuffle from besides me.

"I was stupid, I was scared-"

"Do you not think I was scared? Or am I not meant to have feelings?"

"We both did wrong, you should've told me! And I shouldn't have left."

"Well then I guess we both fucked up in our own ways. I was going to tell you-"

"Then why didn't you?"

"I don't fucking know." I shot back.

"You do know."

"No I don't." I replied, he scoffs shaking his head as his hands rush through his bloody curls.

"One reason. One reason why you didn't tell me and I'll never annoy you again, I will leave you alone. Give you the space you want and to stop fighting." The thing was. I didn't want him to stop. I liked the way he chased after me.

Call me a weirdo or stupid but I don't want him to leave me again. I want to be in his embrace. I want to kiss his lips every now and then. I want to laugh, joke and bunk classes. I wanted our old friendship, our old relationship. I wanted him. As much as I say that I don't it was all a lie.

I can't get his eyes out of my head, his laugh out of my ears, his personality out of my heart. I loved him. I still love him and I know I wouldn't be able to love on. The reasons I was making was clear lies. I knew that yet I didn't want to admit it.

My hands grazed the steering wheel as I turned to see his eyes linking with my own. "I was scared you would treat me differently, I was scared you would leave the minute you found out...and you did. I don't blame you, bad boy Blake wouldn't want a weak-"

"Are you fucking serious? After everything I've done for you, have I not shown you I was enough-"

"You showed that by leaving."

"I was scared as well-"

"Why?"

"I was scared to lose you...I was scared I was going to break the minute you left my grasp. So I left. I left thinking I can forget all about you but instead...I couldn't stop remembering you..when I came over to your house and saw the water...then the blood and your lifeless body in my own hands. Everything I was scared about when— when— you were dead. I blamed myself..." he whispers.

I never really took his feeling in consideration. I never took how he saw me in the bath tub in consideration. Instead this entire time I was thinking about my own feelings...I never once thought about his.

Everything was more understanding now, I understand why he was scared. I understand his fear of losing someone attached to them. "When I saw you lying their...my mum-" My head lifts from the steering wheel into his blue eyes, "she tried to commit suicide because of my father. He abused her day and night, every time I wanted to do something I was scared or my dad would throw me in the basement. My mum is my best friend."

"Then one night the abuse got real bad, so bad to the point she was lying in a pool of her own blood and I was a weak prick who just stared at her. I could've done something."

"How old were you?"

"Nine."

"What could you have done? You were a child Blake."

"I had many chances...had way too many chances...that's when I saw her hanging from the fan..she hung herself..but she...she is still alive"