《Bowstrings & Velvet (Spellbound #1)》Chapter 27: Confessions

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Felix stared at the door to his wife's bedchamber. Something was off with Shae, and he had a suspicion he knew what it was. Running a hand through his hair, he glanced at Isobel who gave him a knowing look.

"You should speak to your wife," she said. "Something has upset her."

"Me being an idiot has," he muttered. He turned to Boreas who was watching them with a glint of curiosity in his brown eyes. "Seek me out in the morning before the opening ceremony. We must discuss the next steps to keep everyone safe during the Games."

If the Spymaster was disappointed about not being allowed to stay for the gossip, he didn't show it. With a quick bow, he exited the sitting room, leaving Felix alone with his dear friend. His dear friend who had unwittingly become a thorn in his marriage.

"What's going on?" Isobel asked as she pulled her cloak tighter. In the large, billowing garment she looked more like a child than the powerful woman who had saved the world. "What have you done now?"

"Now?" He made a face. "Why do you assume it's my fault?"

A slight smile touched her lips. "You did say you've been an idiot. But truth be told, I probably would have assumed anyway."

"Your faith in me is inspiring." Looking over at Shae's closed door again, he sighed. Somehow that closed door felt strikingly similar to the walls Shae had erected around herself at the start of their marriage. How had he managed to bungle this up so badly?

"Felix?" Isobel's soft voice broke through his miserable thoughts.

"I only recently told her we're not a couple."

The shock evident in his friend's voice was more than enough confirmation of his foolishness. "Why not?"

He tilted his head back to stare into the stone ceiling above them. "I don't know," he admitted. "Pure idiocy? I was convinced she didn't care about me, and it never entered my mind that she might believe the rumours." Lowering his head he looked at her. "And you asked me not to deny the rumours."

She groaned. "Yes, but not to the detriment of your marriage!"

"Well, I did tell her eventually. But I never told her everything, and tonight might have made her doubt my sincerity."

"Probably." Isobel pointed to the door. "Go talk to your wife. Tell her everything you need to."

He nodded. "When will I next see you?"

"I don't know. It might be a while. Be on the lookout. If Son of Deva sent that woman, I doubt she's the only one."

With those grim words, she turned around and left. Felix looked after her for a moment, watching as the King's Guards stationed at the door pretended not to notice her. Did they all believe she was his lover? Did they actually believe he was crass enough to bring a mistress to his chambers next to Shae's? The thought was sickening. He hoped they thought better of him than that.

Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself before knocking on Shae's door and slipping inside. He didn't want to give her the chance to deny him entry. If she was upset with him, they needed to talk. Hopefully, he could explain everything, and—

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A book came flying toward him and he narrowly escaped it as he ducked at the last moment. Straightening, he stared at Shae on the other side of the room in the flickering light of the oil lamps.

"What are you... Oof!" She had grabbed another book, and this one hit him square in the chest. Fortunately, it was a light volume.

"Get out." The whispered words hit him harder than any book or any shouting would have done. She had run out of books but was looking around to see what else she might throw.

"Shae!" He crossed the room in a few strides, taking her hands in his to stop her from lobbing anything else at him.

She looked down at her hands in his and tugged, but he didn't let go. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears and she refused to look up at him. Orc's ass! He had bungled this up worse than he had realised.

"Get out," she repeated, her voice pained.

"No." He squeezed her hands. "I want to talk."

"Well, I don't." This time when she tugged, he released her, and she took a few steps back, putting distance between them. "Go back to your sorceress."

He groaned as he ran a hand through his hair. "Shae," he said, forcing his voice to remain calm. "I was truthful when I told you we don't have a relationship. She's not my sorceress."

"But you want her to be. And she obviously loves you."

The words hung in the air between them as they stared at each other.

"Shae..." He wished he were better at explaining himself. The idea of hurting her like this, even if unintentional, made him feel like the worst ogre.

"I saw the way she looked at you." All the anger seemed to seep out of her, and she wrapped her arms around herself. The sadness in her eyes pricked at his skin like thorns. "The way she so easily touched you and you immediately let her. Like it was second nature to you. And that look the two of you shared, making you blush."

"Oh, that." The memory made his ears heat. "Yes, that... That's not what you think it was."

"Then what?"

He watched his wife as she stared at him, her brown eyes wide and vulnerable. If she cared this much, he must stand a chance to win her heart. No one who felt nothing would be this bothered by the idea of him with another woman. He couldn't blame her for believing there was something between him and Isobel. All of Erya did. And they were close. No one could deny that. Taking a chance, he reached out and cupped Shae's cheek, hoping she could see the earnestness in his gaze.

"Shae," he said quietly. "I will not lie and tell you that Isobel means nothing to me. She does. I care for her deeply. It would be strange not to after we spent so long together. When you go through something like we did, you forge a certain bond. But I do not love her. I have no interest in her romantically, and I am so sorry that I ever gave you cause to worry that I did."

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Her lips parted, and he had to refrain from bending down to capture her mouth in a kiss. To prove to her the only way he knew how that he had eyes for no one but her.

"Does she have a romantic interest in you?" She searched his face for the answer.

The question almost made him laugh, but he knew she wasn't in a frame of mind to appreciate it, so he shook his head and smiled gently. "No. I think she sees me as more of a dear, but annoying, brother."

Shae's brow furrowed as she considered his words and he hoped to the Gods she would believe him.

"What about the touching?" she finally asked. "That look you shared, as if you were embarrassed for me to see her touching you."

"Ah." He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "That... There is something you don't know about Isobel. That most don't know about her."

"But you do?"

"Yes." He nodded. "You must remember we spent nearly a year travelling around Erya gathering support to take Messina back. We got to know each other well. Better than most. And she relied on me at times when her... ability took too much out of her."

Isobel had told very few about herself because even among magic users it was an unusual skill, but his friend had told him to tell Shae everything he needed to. And he wanted to be truthful with her. Wanted her to share everything in his life.

"Isobel is an empath."

Unsurprisingly, his wife frowned. "What does that mean?"

"I'm the first to admit I don't understand these things," he said with a wry grimace. "But my understanding is that she senses emotions and moods. She can't read minds, but she can get a pretty good impression of what someone is feeling. Especially if she touches them. Sometimes she can even influence them."

Shae's eyes widened. "That's how she got Ornice to talk."

"Yes. She used to—and still does, like tonight—hold my hand sometimes to clear herself of whatever distasteful emotions she picked up on. I guess I'm fairly calm." He gave her a lopsided smile. "Or perhaps my mind is simply empty enough. But it seems to help ground her."

"That makes sense. I never heard of empaths before," Shae admitted.

"As I understand it, they are quite rare. She doesn't like people to know because they will often act differently around her." Since she hadn't moved away from him, he took the liberty of tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her skin.

"Then why did you blush?"

He had rather hoped she had forgotten about that. "Eh." He cleared his throat. "I think she picked up on my feelings for you."

Her eyes flew to his, and he quickly decided to lay it all out. They had wasted too much time in this marriage already. If he could lay siege to a city and save the world, surely he could tell his wife how he felt?

"Shae, I have never lied to you," he said. "Foolishly, I never explained to you about the relationship between Isobel and myself. I was too busy with meetings and correspondence and all the frustrating little things I have to do every day to see how miserable you were. Instead, I assumed you loathed me and I stayed away from you, but—"

"I never loathed you," she cut him off, shaking her head.

"I began to realise that after the attack in Adreas when we were forced to spend more time together. That maybe you didn't hate me, and that I had a chance."

"It was self-preservation," she admitted quietly. "I didn't want us to become too close. I had lost so much and I wasn't ready to allow myself to be vulnerable to that again. Falling in love with you would have been too easy, and it was the last thing I wanted."

Hope burned in his chest as he stared down at her. "You worried about falling in love with me?"

She glared at him. "You know you're charming. And handsome. Women at court fall at your feet any time you smile at them."

"Do they?" He couldn't hold back a grin. "I hadn't noticed."

"Because you're a fool," she grumbled, but the corners of her mouth twitched.

"I am a fool," he agreed. Caressing down along her arms, he took her hands in his and raised them to his face so he could place a kiss on her knuckles before meeting her eyes over their joined hands. "But I'm a fool who loves you."

Her lips parted again, and this time, he couldn't stop himself from capturing her mouth in a kiss. When he pulled back, she was still staring at him as if in shock from his confession.

"I love you, Shae." He wasn't sure why he said it again. She had obviously heard him the first time. "We can make this a good marriage. I know we can. Things have been so much better lately and I would hate for things to go back to the way they were. You are everything I want. The only one I want. No matter what the world might like to believe. And maybe..." He hesitated a moment before adding, "Maybe one day you can learn to love me, too."

She shook her head, and his heart plummeted.

"You truly are a fool, Felix."

He frowned. A warm hand on his cheek made him look back at her. She was smiling. "I already love you, you fool. I have for longer than I cared to admit, even to myself."

A burst of happiness shot through him and he suspected he was grinning like an idiot but he couldn't stop. She loved him. He felt invincible. Pulling her close, he kissed her fervently, and she melted into his arms as if she was made for him. They fell onto the bed, limbs tangled, lips meeting, and hearts finally free of doubt and fear.

She loved him. And he loved her.

~~~~~~

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