I hummed and shook my head. "The shirt looks too tight. Get a bigger size."

Drakon went back behind the changing curtain to take off the graphic shirt of a video game and came out. "Just one size bigger?" He asked, holding the shirt up.

I nodded and Drakon jogged over to the shirt sections. My foot tapped along with a pop song as I sat. The store wasn't packed since it was morning. The best times to shop were in the mornings after all.

"Hey, mom, are we going to go to other stores?" Drakon asked when he came back with the shirt and dark blue sweatpants.

"Yes." I said, taking the pants from him. "You need new clothes for the new year and for school. Go try this on."

Drakon handed me the shirt and went behind the curtain again. I started putting all his new clothes in the shopping bag and stood up to stretch.

It was already January and I haven't seen or heard from Tristian for months. I went out to search for him multiple times, but I wasn't even sure where to look. I had tried to recreate the path where he saved me from the wolf, but after years, it became fuzzy.

I tried to remember the spots where I bumped into him, but I couldn't remember the path. Sometimes I left out the chocolate kisses outside, but they remind untouched for weeks. I visited Belle a few times. We talked about everything, but when Tristian came up, she either avoided or changed the topic. I tried not to force her to talk about anything she didn't want to. I didn't want to upset her, but I grew frustrated as weeks turned into months and gave up trying to find him.

I knew when I wasn't wanted anyway.

As for Javon, he also avoided me and Drakon. There were a few times when he came home, but it was only for a night or two. He was still hot-headed and jealous. He argued about every little thing to me and each time, he grew more violent.

Luckily, Drakon walked in the right time or I managed to escape before he could lay a hand on me.

I exhaled deeply through my nose and I started looking through the sweaters. I noticed an odd man was on the other side of the rack, staring at me. I shifted uncomfortably and looked up.

He was a tall slender man with lifeless brown eyes. His brown shoulder length hair was tied in a ponytail, but what surprised me was his faded scar. It ran from his right eyebrow to his cheek bone.

Our eyes locked for a second and I quickly looked back down, pulling out a white and gray stripe sweater.

"I don't mean to stare. You look familiar." He spoke, his voice deep and hoarse.

I lifted my head and forced a smile. "It's okay."

He held out his gloved hand over the rack of sweaters. "I'm Elijah."

I reluctantly shook his hand. "I'm Varia."

Elijah blinked and his eyes widen slightly, but before I was completely read his expression, it changed. He pulled his hand away and looked around.

"Are you from around here?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I live in the city with my son and husband." I lied, not trusting this man. "Are you?"

He shook his head and pulled something out from the rack. "No. I'm passing through and decided to stop to buy my niece's sons a new sweater."

I nodded. "That's nice of you. It seems every year, these winters get longer."

Elijah ran his tongue over his chapped lips. "It seems so. Well, it was nice meeting you, Varia."

I smiled and put the sweater back. "It was nice meeting you too, Elijah."

He gave me a tight-lipped smile and walked out of the store empty-handed.

"Mom, this fits good."

I turned around and gave him a thumbs-up as he showed off his sweatpants. "Take it off and meet me by the cashier."

Drakon nodded and rushed to take it off. I went over to the young cashier and started laying out the clothing. It didn't take long until Drakon came back and then wandered off to the cheap toys that were on sale.

It didn't take more than three minutes until we were out and looking for another store. Drakon laced our fingers together and I gave his gloved hand a squeeze.

I swung our hands and Drakon pulled his scarf from his nose. "Mom, can we stop by McDonalds?"

I chuckled. "Since when did you like McDonalds?"

Drakon pressed against me as a group of loud teenagers passed by and shrugged. "I'm in the sudden mood for fast food."

I only hummed to that and my eyes squinted when the sun came out from the dark clouds. Though it snowed last week, there was snow everywhere. It was hard to walk and mostly everybody walked on the roads since everybody was too lazy to shovel the sidewalks.

We went to several different stores and finally decided to call it a day when it got dark. We caught a cab home and Drakon fell asleep.

"There aren't many shops around here, so that's why we decided to go to the city." I explained.

"Ooh, I see. My daughter lives here with her husband." The old cab driver said, sounding proud.

I smiled. "You visit them often?"

"Whenever I can." He said and pulled into the driveway. "Here we are."

"How much will it be, sir?" I asked as I shook Drakon awake. I grabbed all the bags I could and froze when I noticed Javon's car parked.

"I-I'm sorry. How much is it?" I asked again.

"Thirty, miss." He repeated.

I took out two twenties and told him to keep the change. We got out of the car and Drakon sighed.

"He's home?" He whined and I nudged him.

"I want you to go to your room and start taking out the tags, okay?" I said and Drakon frowned.

Since Javon's behavior changed, Drakon was old enough to understand what was happening. Drakon grew cold towards his dad and kept his distance. He would ask why dad started yelling and I only gave him excuses.

"He's tired from work."

"He hasn't slept well."

"He isn't feeling too good today."

"I forgot to buy his favorite cereal, so he missed breakfast and he's cranky."

I swallowed hard we entered into the house. I coughed and covered my nose with my scarf. Cigarette smoke hit me right in the face and Drakon cringed, covering his nose. I motioned for him to go upstairs. I went to the living room and saw Javon sitting on the couch, looking through some papers.

His suit jacket was thrown and he pulled his tie loose. His hair looked messy as if he ran his fingers through it too many times. A newly cigarette hung from his lips and he glanced at me.

I clenched my hands and narrowed my eyes at him. "If you're going to smoke, go outside." I snapped, pointing at the door.

Javon scoffed and stood up. "Last time I checked, it was my money who rebuilt this home, so I can do whatever the fuck I want" He snapped, angrily throwing his papers across the coffee table.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the remaining shopping bags off the floor. I headed towards the kitchen and I could hear Javon right behind me.

"Where were you?" He asked.

"None of your business." I retorted, putting the bags on the counter.

Javon grabbed my arm and swung me around to face him. I took a step back and narrowed my eyes. "It is my business when you are using my money, darling." He whispered, taking his cigarette from his lips.

I turned my head away and jerked myself away from Javon's loose hold. The words I had wanted to say were at the tip of my tongue, and just when I was about to swallow them down, Javon blew into my face.

I closed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked him straight in the eyes and lifted my chin. "I want to a divorce." I said through gritted teeth.

Javon's face twisted into confusion and he took a step back. "What?"

"I want a damn divorce! There! Can you hear me now or do I need to get right in your face?! I'm sick of you treating me like crap! You don't even pay attention to Drakon anymore! You don't come home and when you do, you're drunk or angry and I've had it—"

My head was snapped to the side and my cheek abruptly stung. I cupped my cheek, feeling something wet on my palm. Javon grabbed both of my shoulders and pushed me back until I was pressed against the refrigerator.

I whimpered as Javon grabbed my arms and dug his fingernails into my skin. "Listen to me because I'm only going to say this once." He seethed, his breath fanning my lips. "You can't and will never leave me. You belong to me and you are only mine. Do you understand?"

Tears prickled at my eyes and Javon shook me again when I didn't answer. "Do you understand?!"

"Yes!" I shouted, my voice trembling. I swallowed and said in a more calmly voice, "Y-Yes, I understand."

Javon stepped back, his lips breaking into a smile. "Good girl. Now, how about we forget this happened and you whip us some dinner, yeah?"

I held my elbows and shakily nodded. Javon smiled and cupped the back of my head, lacing his fingers with my hair. He smashed his lips on mine in a sloppy, wet kiss. I squeezed my eyes shut as Javon crushed me against his body. I whimpered and finally pulled away to breathe, a string of saliva dripping from our lips.

"Just like old times, huh?" He asked, rubbing my lower lip with his thumb.

I weakly nodded and sniffled. He sighed and rested his chin on top of my head. "I love you."

I pressed my lips together to suppress a sob. I managed to nod against his chest and he tightened his hold on me. I closed my eyes and waited for Drakon to come, but that never came.

-------

The whiskey burned my throat as it ran down my throat. I sniffled and served myself another shot. My hand trembled and I spilled across the counter.

I stepped back and almost tripped by the stool. I mumbled an apology to nothing and grabbed a bunch of napkins. I started wiping the counter when a knock caught my attention.

I lifted my head and noticed it was from the back door. I frowned and stumbled my way over. I halted in front of the door, and through my drunken state, my heart began to beat widely.

Tristian lowered his arm and it seemed like he took a deep breath in with the way his shoulders and chest moved. I opened the door and took a step back.

"Wh...What're you doing here?" I asked, my speech slurred.

Tristian took a step inside and was strangely closer than his usual boundaries. "What happened to your cheek?"

The first thing that came out was a chuckle and I went back to the counter, lifting the bottle. I held it to my lips and then pulled it back.

"Now you care, huh?" I said, taking a sip.

Tristian stood on the other side of the counter and leaned forward, putting his gloved hand on top of the bottle to stop me from taking another drink. "I always cared."

A sudden rage exploded inside of me as I pulled the bottle away from him. "Lies! You are a liar! You never cared!" I said, my voice raising. "I tried to tell you about my husband, and what did you do?"

Tristian held his hand out and slowly walked towards me. "Clam down, please."

"No, I won't calm down!" I shouted, throwing the bottle on the floor. It shattered and sent the alcohol and glass flying. Tristian jumped a little and he rubbed his jaw as he averted his face away from me. "My life is falling apart since I moved here! My husband hit me, my son is scared, I'm seeing things, and I c-can't sleep, and you left me alone! All I wanted was someone to talk to. S-Someone to hear me out and you...you walked away."

My chest felt tight and I started to pant as I sobbed. "You walked away and I... I-I didn't know what I did wrong."

Everything fell silent as I quietly sobbed. I glanced down at my floor, noticing the glass was everywhere. Drakon could cut himself if I didn't clean this up. I slowly lowered myself down and picked up the biggest pieces as I wobbled.

"Don't worry about the mess. I'll clean it for you." Tristian spoke through the silence, holding his hand out.

I peered up at him and instead of slipping my hand into his; I put the pieces of glasses I managed to get. I returned to picking up the glass and I heard Tristian sigh.

He dumped the glasses in the trash and grabbed the broom I kept hidden between the refrigerator and the wall. He started sweeping and I held on the counter edge to get up. I got out of the way and wandered to the living room.

I stopped by the doorway and sniffled.

"Mama, please! I'm hungry and there's nothing to eat."

I snapped my head to the side and saw a younger me, trailing behind my drunken mama. Her faded dark grey robe hung loose on her thin shoulders. She dragged her feet across the floor and dug through her pocket. She threw a couple of crumbled bills at my face.

"There! Now stop bitching to me and leave me be." She snapped and headed to the living room, pausing before the big red chair that belonged to my step-papa.

I picked up the bills and sniffled. I came to stand by the doorway, and lowered my eyes at the sight of my mama kneeled in front of the chair, her shoulders shaking as she cried.

"Mama... come with me. You need to eat, too." I said quietly.

My mama took a deep breath in and run her hands through her wild hair. "I'm not hungry, baby girl. You go, but I want you back by ten."

I mumbled an "okay" and headed out. It was useless to convince my mama since the death of my step-papa. Her head was not right and no matter what I said, she wouldn't change her mind.

I took a deep breath in and the memory faded. Looking down at myself, I almost appeared like my mama. I took off the robe and rubbed my arms.

No. I wouldn't turn out like my mama. Though she never laid a hand on me, it was her constant drinking, her neglect that drove us apart. There were days when she and I got along. There were days when she was sober enough to actually talk to me and give me advice when I asked. There were days where she showered, cleaned, and cooked.

Yes, we had some nice days.

But it never lasted longer.

"Varia?"

I swallowed the lump in my front and slightly turned my head towards Tristian's direction, but my eyes didn't leave the big red chair.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came to me." I said hollowly.

"Varia..."

"I didn't mean to explode on you."

"Varia."

"What?"

"Did... you ever saw that shadow again?" He asked out of the blue.

I blinked a couple of times and frowned. "Why do you care? You said it was all in my head."

"I know, but..."He trailed off and came to stand in front of me. His hand reached towards my face, but he pulled back and shifted uncomfortably. "You said you see things."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, so?"

"What do you see?"

I averted my eyes as I tried to remember, but every memory was merging into some gray psychedelic. I blinked rapidly, but nothing cleared.

"I don't know... I'm tired." I said honestly, chuckling to lighten the mood.

Tristian's shoulders dropped and he nodded. "I'll help you to your chambers then."