┏━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━┓

┗━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━┛

We sat at our table inside now, on the lower deck, having dinner. We both were done eating now and only sipped at our wine every few moments while talking and watching each other.

He set his glass down and leaned back in his seat, watching me silently.

I lifted my brows at him before taking another sip, finishing the last of my red wine. I wasn't getting tipsy or anything, but the wine sent a rush of heat to my cheeks almost immediately. My neck, my cheeks, every inch of my skin was buzzing, making me warmer than usual.

I learned quite a lot about Josh tonight, more than I was expecting to. I heard some college stories, how he moved all on his own from Chicago to New York, how he ended up at Travel Addict Weekly, even how things happened when Blake was born.

It was the first time Jenny contacted him in years, is what he said. She called him to the hospital for the delivery and demanded that he show up, no matter what and he didn't even argue with her, he was there the moment she asked.

"Josh, can I ask you something?"

He nodded, leaning forward and resting his folded arms on the table.

"This little... feud, if you will, that you have with Jenny."

He paused and then nodded again.

"Is it really necessary? I mean, you don't mean it, do you? You don't really hate her... do you?"

"No," he said slowly, "of course, I don't hate her. She's my sister. But I hate what she did to me."

"Which was what exactly? If you want to tell me."

He contemplated it before downing the rest of his wine and then telling me. "Poppy, you have no idea what my parents are like. They are total control freaks, to the point where not only living with them felt suffocating, but to the point where we couldn't do anything we wanted. I understand why Jenny left and I'm not saying she shouldn't have. But she didn't consider me at all. In fact, before she left when I tried talking to her, all she had to say to me was that she didn't care about me or what happened to me. She wanted to leave and that was it."

I frowned slightly. "She said that to you?"

He nodded calmly. "And then that same night, she ran away."

"To New York?"

"No. She stayed with a friend for a few days before coming to New York, as far as I know."

"What about your parents? They didn't try to bring her back home?"

"Nope. Once they found out where she was, they didn't care. As long as she was alive, I guess."

"And with you? Was it the same when you left?"

He chuckled dryly, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. "No. It was the opposite. They lost their minds, they went crazy trying to find me. They asked every friend they knew I had, every relative of ours, everyone. In fact, the first time they spoke to Jenny since she ran was when they were looking for me."

"But... isn't it good? That they were looking for you?"

"No," he shook his head, "because they weren't looking for me out of genuine concern. They were looking for me because it was bad for their reputation. Growing up, I had no idea what the fuck I wanted to do with my life and that drove them insane. It horrified them that their son might turn out to be just some guy who has no life, no money, and does nothing on his own. When their friends or co-workers would come for dinners, they'd ask me what I was planning to study and I had no answer and that embarrassed my parents so much. It was painfully obvious how ashamed they were to have me as their son. And it made me feel like shit."

I hated hearing all this. How could they do that to him? To their own son? And even to Jenny. I've always thought that as a parent, it doesn't matter how horrible your kid is at something, even if you really want them to be good at it. It shouldn't fucking matter as long as they're trying and every ounce of your effort that your child puts into something, you should appreciate as a parent. That's what my parents always taught me and even if things got a little shaky after Mom died, Dad never made me feel like I wasn't enough for him.

Sure, he made me feel like it was my fault that Mom died and that devastated me in a whole other way, but that's something different.

"Parents are supposed to be one of the most important people in our lives, right?" he asked.

I nodded softly.

"But sometimes, it just doesn't happen, you know. Sometimes, people are just born with the wrong parents. And it's not their fault. But I think you never have to maintain a relationship with anybody, even if it's your family. If they're draining you, if they're bad for you, it's okay to leave them."

"Of course, it is, Josh. But... didn't you feel guilty? At all? I'm not saying you should have, you shouldn't have, and if you didn't then I'm really glad. But did you?"

He nodded almost immediately. "A lot. I hated myself for a long time, I beat myself up for it all the time. But I understood that if I didn't leave, they would have ruined me. You just have to put yourself first sometimes. I didn't have anything to feel guilty about."

I stared at him for a minute before nodding slightly, "You're so right."

He sighed, "And neither do you, you know."

I held his gaze. "You don't know what you're talking about," I forced a short, awkward chuckle.

"Yeah. But you were six years old, Poppy. You don't... You couldn't have done anything wrong. And I don't care what anybody told you, whether that be your little brother or your dad or whoever. I should probably respect your family though, huh, and I swear I do."

I smiled softly, a whisper of a laugh escaping me.

"But I don't respect it if he made you feel guilty about what happened to your Mom."

I paused, "But you don't know what happened."

"You can tell me. If you want."

I contemplated it. I wanted to tell him but not here. The night was going really well so far and I wasn't sure I could get through that conversation without crying and I didn't want to cry on this boat. "Maybe later. I don't want to ruin the night. Or cry on a boat out of all places."

He cracked a smile before nodding. "All right. Maybe later, don't worry."

There was an announcement that we'd be stopping in fifteen minutes since we'd be back at the docks, so until then, Josh and I walked back out and watched the water and lights.

He grabbed my arm, pulling me in front of him, and then leaned forward, resting his hands on the railing from behind me. I glanced at him over my shoulder as he leaned in, kissing me. I smiled against his lips, kissing him back. The kiss was soft, much softer than the last one, my heart was pounding rapidly beneath my lungs. His lips traced mine and he made the kiss feel unusually gentle. He deepened the kiss but barely and pulled away way too soon for my liking.

We stared at each other for a minute after we pulled away and a giggle escaped me, heat crawling up my neck. He grinned, hiding it behind my shoulder as he lowered his head, pressing a kiss there before resting his chin on me as I faced ahead again. "We still have to be careful," he mumbled, against my skin.

"Around Jamieson and Valerie?" I asked and he hummed in response.

"I don't trust them."

"Even Jamieson?" I questioned.

He sighed, "Well, I don't trust that Lydia won't push him to answer if she even gets a hint of what we're doing. And Valerie would most certainly—"

"Rat us out," I huffed, "God, I really don't like her. Stupid... bitch."

He laughed and I felt it through me where his front pressed into my back. I spun around slowly, facing him. He watched me, amused. "Stupid bitch, indeed," he nodded.

I grinned, reaching up and stroking his cheek with my thumb, holding his face. "I love that we hate the same people."

He hummed again, "Makes it more fun to talk shit about them, doesn't it?"

"Yes," I laughed, "yes it does."

He turned to my hand, pressing a faint kiss against my palm.

"So, we're a secret then?" I asked.

He answered, "Yes, ma'am."

"And how does it feel to be breaking Lydia's rules for once?" I teased.

"Worth it," he replied without hesitation. The boat slowed down and jerked briefly to a stop before it was announced that we could leave. "Let's go?" he asked, pulling away.

"Yeah." I held onto his arm and from his reaction, he liked that better than when we held hands, so I remembered to do it more often.

We left the boat and he helped me down before we reached the main street and stopped a taxi that took us back to the hotel. Stepping into the elevator, I leaned against the wall as he pressed the button to the fifth floor. I watched him before he faced me as the doors started closing.

He waited before he began leaning in again and just as his lips brushed against mine, the elevator doors were forced back open. "Wait, wait!"

We both abruptly pulled away, taking a step away from each other as the doors opened back up, an arm in between holding them open. Once the doors opened enough, Valerie came into view. She blinked in surprise, looking between us. "Oh, it's you guys."

Josh simply nodded in response as she pressed the button to our floor.

"Where did you guys go?" she asked.

"We went on the Steamboat Natchez ride," I answered.

"Oh, nice. You just got back?"

"Yeah," Josh answered.

"Oh, we got back a while ago."

"Really?" I asked, rolling my eyes when she wasn't looking.

She so kindly chose to stand between Josh and me too.

"What were you doing downstairs then?" Josh asked, looking at me and rolling his eyes.

I bit back a laugh, waiting for her answer.

"I lost my key card, actually, so I went to get a new one. You guys sure look like you had fun," she snickered.

I glared at her silently.

"We sure did," Josh replied.

The elevator, thankfully, dinged on her floor and she left wordlessly. Josh and I both groaned as the doors closed behind her. "God, she's so annoying," I said through gritted teeth. "Why can't she just—"

He cut me off, standing in front of me and putting his hands on my waist, backing me up against the wall. "Don't waste time on her. Kiss me," he demanded.

I chuckled, leaning forward and putting a hand on the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to mine.

.

.

.

.

.