rather cozy — something that Benjamin could see himself living in one day, perhaps with a family of his own, the days of partying and breaking the law behind him. But for now, he was the forgotten son of a man that he had come looking for, only to find out that he wasn't there at the moment, but luckily, Chase Allen's wife, Laura, was kind enough to let him and Izzy in, with the offer of a fresh pie tempting them. Benjamin had politely declined, but Isadora, always up for some desserts, had accepted the apple pie that had now led them to the quaint kitchen, with Laura cutting pieces for them. Needless to say, the whole situation reminded Benjamin of home — perhaps, even the home he could have had.

"So, how long have the two of you been together?", Laura inquired, gesturing towards the two young adults seated by her table, and chuckling instantly, they both shook their heads.

"I, uh, actually like my partners a bit more... male", Benjamin pointed out proudly, a grin on his lips, while Izzy informed that she didn't care for the opposite gender, either. It seemed to fluster Laura, merely because she had made an assumption that was only funny now, but she never questioned their identities, which both Benji and Izzy appreciated. They could never know how people would respond to them admitting they were gay, but much to their relief, Laura didn't seem to have a problem.

The sun was already going down as the three of them sat in the kitchen, sipping coffee and eating delicious apple pie, with the moments of silence filled by the sound of an old clock tocking away on the wall. But, once they had reached some kind of silent comfort with one another, Benjamin took the opportunity to talk more about his father. "So, uh, you know about... me and...", his smooth attempt to bring the subject up failed miserably with the stutter of his words, but the warm smile on Laura's lips assured that it was more than okay.

"You've been mentioned. You're his son. Only son, really", the woman hummed softly, "it was really hard to get him to stop blaming himself once he came to the realization he had done a terrible mistake. Leaving you, that was. But you did have a family to live with, right?", her eyebrow lifting slightly as she made sure that Chase hadn't abandoned a child on the streets, and nodding in response, Benjamin smiled — mostly at the thought of Dan. Even though he had spent a lot of time thinking about the way things could have been, what kind of a life he could have had with Chase, he wouldn't have thrown away his relationship with Dan for anything.

"I did. Or—I still do, actually. I left L.A to travel for several years but I recently returned and I've been living with my brother", he confirmed, before clearing his throat and poking the slice of pie nervously. This felt good, though, like baby steps. He didn't have to face Chase right away — instead, he could progress slowly by talking to his wife first. "I guess this is a question I should ask him instead of you, but why did he leave in the first place? Has he ever thought about looking for me?", Benjamin wondered quietly, knowing that if he were to speak any louder, his words would only falter and he'd be one step closer to crying.

Which he hated doing.

Laura broke into a fond smile. "I suppose he left because your mother was already in a relationship, and they agreed that it'd be best if your whole family lived in the belief you weren't the child of another. As for coming back, he tried", she choked up, licking her lips briefly whilst her eyes drifted to the window. "He told me he wanted to fix things, to tell you the truth and bond with his son. So he left for L.A to meet you", Laura continued, before turning back to Benjamin, whose eyebrows knitted together.

"I've never met him, though. He never came. Or was I out of the country when he did?", Benji questioned, and by now, tears were rolling down Laura's cheeks as she shook her head.

"I don't know. But he never came back, either", she revealed, and at that instant, Izzy choked on her coffee and Benjamin's heart leaped all the way up to his throat, fear settling in as the woman wiped her eyes. "I got a call the next day, saying they had found his body. It was a mugging gone wrong, apparently."

Everything blurred together, into one giant mess, and the words that proceeded to flow from Laura's lips turned into a buzz in Benjamin's ears. The tears piling up in his eyes forbade him from seeing, and as his heart continued to crack until there was nothing left but the bits and pieces of a man who had come here with the hope of meeting his father for the first time, he took in a shaky gasp. The chair beneath Benji screeched violently as he pushed himself up and mumbled an apology before storming out of the room, and directly out of the house, unable to suffocate in that broken home for any longer. The loss on his heart was growing too big, and the weight on his shoulders made him stumble through the doorway, leaving behind Laura, and Izzy, who tried to apologize to the woman profusely.

He wanted to feel guilty for rushing out like that, on a woman that had lost her husband, but in that moment, everything just crashed together inside Benjamin and he couldn't stop himself from letting out a sob, overwhelmed by the emotions he was used to pushing so deep they couldn't get back up. But they did, in the form of abundant tears rolling down his cheeks as he shakily leaned down against his Camaro and squeezed his eyes shut. And he hated this — being so emotional and showing weakness, but that didn't stop him from easing against Izzy's arms when the woman showed up behind him, tugging him into a comforting hug to shield him from the cruel world.

"Come on", Izzy whispered eventually, "Laura said she understands. Let's go somewhere where you can breathe", encouraging Benjamin to get in the car, which he slowly did. Isadora took the job of driving, and she made sure to be gentle with Benji's darling while he leaned against the cold window to feel the contrast against his heating skin, the tears still piling onto his wobbling lips.

She drove the car to a nearby beach, and once the vehicle had stopped, Ben had already rushed out and to the pier over the edge of the water, the softly rocking waves illuminating his heartbroken face as he leaned over the railing. Softly sighing, Izzy turned off the ignition and once the keys were securely in her pocket, the deputy approached her friend, but although she made sure to give him his peace, she stood next to him to confirm that she was there and she wasn't going anywhere. She couldn't even imagine what it felt like to spend an entire childhood with a man that didn't care, only to find out that he had a real father somewhere — a graveyard, sure. But she never faltered from Benjamin's side.

It was silent between them for a while, and the evening was already getting dark with almost no people around them — something Benjamin was wonderfully relieved about. "Ever since I found out that I have a father somewhere out there, I've been thinking about the life I could have had with him. If I would have been happier. Maybe I would have never run from home. And today, I got hope that maybe I could still have the dad I always wanted, feel like I belong. As much as I love Dan, he doesn't understand how I feel, because he's always had his whole family around him. And to find out that my dad is—is... I just— I thought I could have a family too, but I guess my fate is to be the black sheep, the reject", he explained, staring at the water blankly while pouring his heart out.

Nodding, Izzy licked her lips, unsure what to say. "I'm sorry, Benjamin. I didn't know— if I did, I would have told you", she whispered, and forcing a smile, he looked over to her reassuringly.

"I know. It's not your fault. In fact, I can't thank you enough for doing all this for me. This hurts, like hell and I don't know how I can move on, but in the long run, it's better to know than hold out hope for something that is never gonna happen", Benjamin sighed whilst his gaze drifted back to the calming waves hitting the shore every now and then.

It was true that it was going to be hard, perhaps even borderline impossible, but Benjamin tried to focus on the positive — his father had tried, he had reached out and attempted to connect. If it wasn't for whatever scum of the earth that had killed Chase, perhaps they would have met and Benji wouldn't have spent his life feeling like such a disappointment. But he did.

"Do you want to go back home now?", Izzy asked carefully whilst holding Benji in a soft hug yet again, and with a sigh, he nodded.

He did miss home already, and when he thought about that word, he couldn't help but see the image of Lucifer's wide smile in his mind.

—————

and then catching up with Dan, Benjamin had one more destination left. It had been a long, emotionally draining day and all he wanted to do was hear Lucifer's stupid jokes and breathe him in whilst lying in his bed, legs tangled and fingers interlocked, which was luckily something Lucifer had promised to do. The party downstairs was still going on strong, but Benjamin ignored the desire to get drunk and do something reckless, and instead he faced his fear of elevators and made his way up to the Devil's penthouse, where the man was lazily playing a song on the piano with his jacket resting next to him.

"Benjamin", he noticed the Espinoza's arrival quickly, and after closing the piano, he stood up and rushed to his side with the intention of comforting him. "What went wrong?", Lucifer's voice softened evidently as he ran his thumb across Benji's cheek, feeling the former tears still on his smooth skin while a frown painted across his lips.

With a heavy sigh slipping from him, Benjamin leaned over and snaked his arms around Lucifer before his head rested on his chest, surprising the man, but encouraging him to respond to the hug with a gentle hold. "He's dead", Ben whispered, his lips moving against the white fabric of Lucifer's shirt as they stood in front of the bar in a warm embrace, "I don't have a dad."

A sad chuckle, devoid of amusement but filled to the brim with sympathy, escaped Lucifer's mouth as he began to lead Benjamin to the bedroom. "I'm sorry. But, in my opinion fathers are completely overrated", he mumbled, and that did pull a soft sound from Benji who closed his eyes once they made it to the bouncy mattress. Lucifer smiled faintly at the sight before him, and while his fingers trailed Ben's features, he continued. "And, that does not mean you don't have anyone. You have Detective Douche, your sister-in-law, that pesky little child, the redheaded deputy... Even Mazikeen... Me", he listed, pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek, "I saved the best for last, clearly."

Shaking his head while involuntary laughter bubbled from his chest, Benjamin covered his face, unwilling to give into the happiness that always kicked in around Lucifer. But once he opened his eyes and found himself staring into the familiar dark shade, he couldn't hide the smile on his lips. "And how was your day?", he questioned curiously then, hoping to change the subject that was bound to weigh on his heart for many days to come.

"Oh", Lucifer breathed out. "Well, someone seemed to be killing off all my former lovers, so we interrogated some possibly jealous people. But, none of them cared enough to murder for me, which was surprisingly disappointing. For a moment there, I was quite certain no one loves me", he chuckled quietly, knitting his eyebrows together as he thought about the eventful day he had had. And when Benjamin looked up at Lucifer, his profoundly flawless features and felt his warmth against his own body, he couldn't stop himself from speaking up.

"I do", he whispered quietly, and for a blink of an eye, Lucifer remained frozen, as if still in thought. But then he realized just what Benjamin had said, and his heart picked up the pace as their eyes locked and he stared at the man in disbelief, worried that he had heard him wrong. Breaking into a sheepish smile, Benjamin looked away for a moment, "I'm not saying it again", encouraging a grin to spread over Lucifer's radiating face as well.

But despite his unwillingness to repeat himself, as they hid underneath the sheets together and remained in one another's arms, he was sure that he had gotten to know every level of Lucifer, his heart and soul, and he knew that his feelings were true.

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