time in a long, long time, Benjamin Espinoza was speechless. He had no witty remarks, no curious questions, no fiery arguments — just a heart full of sadness, and teary eyes as proof of it. The nurse had attempted to explain further, but instead of listening to the little crumbs of information she had, Benjamin had asked her to leave, and done the same thing to Dan — the man, that wasn't even really his brother, wasn't welcome in the room. He wanted time alone, peace and silence. He wanted to swim in a pool of self-pity and darkness, submit to the developing ball of misery in the pit of his stomach.

He had grown in the same house with a man that seemed so loving and kind on the outside, only to hate Benji inside the four walls they were forced to share. Benjamin had never understood that, and Dan had sometimes tried to stand up for him to no avail, sometimes he just shrugged it off as a bad day or something equally foolish. Their mother never bothered to explain why it was, and while their father did take Benjamin to play baseball with him and Dan and got him Christmas presents, it was about the little things. Deep down, he never liked Benjamin, never saw him as a part of their family, and now Benjamin knew why. It was because he never was.

At this point, Dan would have told him that it didn't matter — even if they didn't have the same father, they did share a mother. Even better, they grew up together, did everything together, and although technically they were only half-brothers, it still meant everything to Dan. They were brothers no matter what, even if it was by bond and not by blood. But all Benjamin could focus on was the feeling of betrayal in his heart, the lack of love, the abandonment that dawned onto him.

He didn't know who his real father was, he didn't know where he was, and right now, he didn't want to. He just wanted to stuff his face with the food that Izzy had dropped off, and cry. He wanted to cry his eyes out, in the hopes that afterwards, his heart wouldn't ache the same way but he knew it would.

The rest of the day went pretty much like that — he was unwilling to see any family or friends, and in the night, he barely slept. He merely stared into the darkness and wondered what kind of a life he would have had if it had been with his real father — and why didn't he? Why wasn't this told to him before? Could have been happier with his biological father? Maybe he wouldn't have had to run away and search for home elsewhere. But then again, maybe he and Dan would have never become this close. Maybe he would have never met his niece and sister-in-law.

Those questions continued to haunt him as the sun rose and the nurses came to check on him, which was quite the mundane beginning to his day, but afterwards, something far less boring happened. A part of Benjamin wanted to insist that he wasn't in the mood for guests or any reminders of what a screw-up he was, but when the door opened and Lucifer stepped in, he forced himself to remain silent and allowed the man to enter. But, he figured that if anyone would understand him and the pain he was in, it was Lucifer. Whereas Dan and Chloe would only suffocate him with sympathy and sickeningly sweet reassurance, Lucifer was brutally truthful and didn't try too hard.

Therefore, Benjamin greeted him with a smile. And in response, Lucifer could instantly tell how fake it was.

"You heard too, huh?", the man sighed, rolling his eyes slightly, and pursing his lips in an awkward smile, Lucifer nodded to confirm what Benjamin had already put together.

Pushing his hands into his pockets, Lucifer shrugged. "For what it's worth, I'm not here to tell you it'll all be okay. I come bearing other good tidings, Benjamin", the taller man began, and already, Benji liked the sound of that. "You're getting home. The doctors said that you're healing just lovely, and as long as you take it easy for a few weeks, you should be good as new in no time", Lucifer explained, and the good news caused Benjamin's eyes to lit up. Frankly, hearing that was a flicker of light in the gloominess he had surrounded himself with, and that was obvious in the small, genuine smile that tugged on his lips.

Good, he thought to himself, I need a drink. However, he didn't say that out loud — instead, he carefully sat up on the bed and eyed Lucifer with a hopeful gaze. "That's awesome. Could you maybe give me a ride?", he wondered, and when Lucifer looked at the doorway and parted his lips to argue, Benjamin knew that he was going to bring up Dan — luckily, before Lucifer had time to do that, he had continued. "I know Dan would gladly do that, but I'd rather go with you. I'm not going home, though. And not Lux either — not yet, anyway", Benji shrugged softly, and breaking into a fond smile eventually, Lucifer offered a nod in response.

"Anywhere for you, Benjamin. I'll wait outside. Take all the time you need — I've got a bag of gummy bears to keep me busy, and the detective has a bunch of paperwork waiting at the precinct so I am in no rush", his devilish grin was enough to earn one from Benji, who simply shot Lucifer a look of gratitude before the man stepped towards the door. But, before he left the room, he turned to Benjamin with one last sarcastic smile on his lips. "It'll all be okay, Not-Douche. You're not alone", he comforted him, half-joking, but at the same time, not at all.

And that warmed Benjamin's heart — somehow, hearing those words didn't feel so worthless coming from Lucifer.

Sadly, the smile vanished from his lips quickly. As Lucifer pushed his tall frame through the doorway, Dan took the opportunity to sneak in and approached his brother with gentle steps — but instead of a happy reunion, he only got a grim look from Benjamin who no longer felt like his brother. He knew it wasn't Dan's fault, but he also couldn't help but feel betrayed and like he didn't belong. The one constant in his life, being Dan's brother, turned out to be untrue, and the man he used to see as a superhero looked like a part of the lie now.

"Benjamin—", Dan started, but that was about as far as he got.

"Don't you have a case to work on, or something? Somewhere else to be? Anywhere else to be?", Benjamin inquired bitterly, interrupting Daniel as he began to get dressed — it was a struggle, and he could feel Dan's sympathetic gaze burn the back of his head, but he sure as hell wasn't going to accept help in putting on sweatpants. Instead, he bit down on his lip and fought through the sharp pain poking on his ribs, ignoring the need to unload that misery into howls and cries.

Shaking his head, Dan sighed whilst his hands found their way onto his hips, something he always did when nervous or upset. "You're more important. You're my brother — and before you say anything to argue, you are my brother. Maybe we don't have the same father, and while I can't even imagine what you're going through right now, I'm here for you. It doesn't matter if we're of the same blood, Benjamin. Because you are my best friend and my family. And I know you're going to try shutting me out, but I won't let you, not this time. You don't have to run, Benji, not always. It's okay to not be okay", Dan promised, and gulping thickly, Benjamin couldn't stop the tears from piling in his baby blues.

He didn't turn to look at Dan, but he knew he was waiting for Benjamin to do that. Instead, he remained seated on the edge of the bed, his hands trembling and his entire body aching — including his heart.

"You don't get it, Dan. I know you're going through a divorce and you have your own struggles, but that's different. I don't belong anywhere. I might have a roof over my head, but who says that means having a home? Our parents— your parents, I loved them but does that make them family? I mean, they sure as hell didn't love me. Maybe mom tried, but we both know she never approved of who I am. Dad, your dad, he always hated me. He hates me, Dan. He always will", Benjamin shook his head, his voice breaking as he rested his tear-stained face against his palms and closed his eyes, causing a flood of tears to cascade down his red cheeks.

"No one hates—", Dan tried, but he didn't get the chance to finish, when Benji had interjected once again.

Jumping up from the bed, and then ignoring the pain that spread out like a wildfire, Benjamin turned to Dan finally, face painted with sorrow and anger. "See, this is what I mean! I know you mean well, and I know you are a good person, but Dan... You're the successful, obedient son. I'm the disappointment. And I feel like that is all I ever will be", he ranted, shaking his head sadly and feeling the pile of words about to break free from his lips. But, before he could do or say anything he'd regret, he merely swallowed them all down and stepped back as if to give up.

"I don't want to talk about this with you anymore. I appreciate you trying, but it doesn't matter what you think, because it won't stop me from thinking like this. I'm leaving now. Lucifer is giving me a ride", Benjamin headed towards the door, silently reminding himself to grab his belongings from the reception before leaving the hospital.

Before he stepped out, Dan spoke one last time. "Where are you going? Will you come home tonight?", he wondered, and stopping on his feet for a moment, Benjamin thought about his answer.

"You don't have to worry about me, Dan", Benjamin sighed, "I'll go home once I know where it is."

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