《One Big Happy Vampire Family》Chapter Twelve
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The next two months were practically amazing, despite having to go back to school. The crazy cat lady cooked food and stayed out of my hair and Tyler and I quickly became best friends who do everything together. It was amazing, I mean except the fact I began to get sick in the morning and a slight belly bump.
I thought it was just because of the terrible food the crazy cat lady cooked but Tyler bought me a couple pregnancy tests and I peed on all of them, and they all came back positive.
"I can't be pregnant." I whisper-yell at Tyler who's lying his head in my lap, "I don't know how this happened."
"Well when a dick go-" Tyler says holding in a laugh.
"I know how pregnancy works Tyler, but the guy I did it with can't have kids! I think."
"Did he tell you he had a vasectomy or something like that?" Tyler asks sitting up, "Because I'm pretty sure he lied."
I clench my fist, I asked Daniel once if vampires could reproduce with humans and he said no and they can't have babies period!
Daniel's dumb ass lied to me or the pregnancy tests are broken.
"Okay, here's what we're gonna do," Tyler says hopping off of the bed before throwing a black tank top on, "You and I are gonna go down to some hospital doctor place and your gonna get some doctor lady to tell you that you're not pregnant. After that, we're gonna get ice cream at the cheapest place we can find."
Tyler's like the gay best friend in those cheesy white movies, except he's black and he's not gay.
"Fuck, what am I gonna do if I am pregnant though?" I say as I grab my shoes from under the bed and put them on.
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"Well, you're gonna name it Tyler Jr and Ima be the godfather."
"What if it's a girl?" I ask grabbing one of Tyler's grey Nike sweaters before pulling it on.
I only have a few articles of clothing so Tyler lets me borrow his clothes, even though he barely has any clothes either but we're practically the same size so it works.
"Same things apply, duh!"
I smile for the first time since I began peeing on sticks, "Fine, you can be Tyler Jr's godfather but whenever you're near them you have to turn your voice all deep and scratchy like the first Godfather."
"Deal!" Tyler says grabbing his wallet and shoving it in his pocket before grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the trailer.
Once we get outside I turn to him, "So do you know where any baby doctors are?"
"I thought you would know," Tyler says laughing as we walk down the sidewalk of the trailer park, "You are a girl right?"
"Maybe." I say elbowing him lightly, "Guess you'll never know."
"Guess I'll never know." He says as he elbows me back.
We walk around for almost an hour before arriving at a building that says Gynocoligist and Obstetrician on the front sign. I'm pretty sure that's the places that do the baby things or maybe that's the vagina doctors.
Once we walk in the lady at the front desk tells us that we're in the right place and we only have to wait twenty minutes before I can be squeezed in.
Tyler goes to follow me but the lady bring me back tells him that only close family can come with me, "Uh, he is the dad!"
Tyler looks at me curiously before nodding, "Yup and I want to be there to know whether or not I got this bitch knocked up!"
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The doctor looks at Tyler disgusted before she begins walking towards the back room.
"Too much?" Tyler asks pushing me to the side.
"You need mental help Tyler." I say biting down on my lip to keep from breaking out laughing hysterically.
"Or so they tell me." Tyler says gigging my side with his fingers.
Honestly, I'm glad everything that happened with the vampires happened because if it didn't I wouldn't have met bff.
Once we get in the room I have to lie down, take my sweater off, and pull my shirt up before she squeezes some cold jelly on my belly.
After she pulls the cart over and puts some device to my belly she points to a small little blurry thing on the screen, "Yeah, you see that tiny little circle with the lizard looking thing in, yeah that's a baby."
"That's impossible!" I scream as I sit up ever so slightly to get a better look at the itty bitty blob on the screen.
"Awww look at little Tyler Jr!" Tyler says gripping onto my shoulder before looking down at me with a reassuring smile.
I've only ever had sex with one person so I know whos it is and that's what makes this scarier. I've seen his fangs so I know he's definitely a vampire.
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The Simulacrum
"He who fights with harem tropes should see to it that he himself does not become a harem protagonist. And if you gaze for long into a narrative, the narrative gazes also into you." --- Friedrich Nietzsche (probably?) How would you react if one day you woke up inside an environment running on tropes and clichés? For allegedly average high-schooler Leonard Dunning, this question became quite relevant when one day he woke up in a pristine city on a strange island in the middle of the Atlantic, without any memories, surrounded by classmates who are barely more than characterless placeholders, and with a classic indecisive harem protagonist and his impossibly beautiful love interests for friends. That would be hard to deal with already, yet his investigation into the tropes governing the world, trying to avoid harem shenanigans, and his odd blend of outside-context knowledge, unique abilities, and a penchant for causing trouble wherever he goes ends up dragging him into the center of the action anyway. Disclaimer: This is a tongue-in-cheek, slice of life romantic comedy, with occasional sprinkles of combat and mystery to spice things up. Please do not expect a straight up deconstruction beyond some in-universe meta-commentary by the characters.
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