Shane's pov

Once Julie calmed down enough that I could get her to listen to me, I carried her over to Mike's room for her last night of bunking with him. It didn't take long for her to drift off to sleep after Mike tucked her into her sleeping bag as she was pretty worn out already from what occurred in my room. Knowing Julie was now safe and in good hands, I decided to call Dr. Evans.

When I informed Marlena of everything that transpired with Julie over the past week, she told me to bring her into her office the next day so she could speak with her as soon as possible. Dr. Evans wanted Mike and I to attend a session with her as well, citing the importance of a strong support network in order for Julie's treatment plan to be successful.

So the next morning the three of us went to meet with Dr. Evans. Two of us went willingly and one was pretty much dragged there against her will, with the added threat of a spanking from Mike being the ultimate catalyst in garnering her cooperation. After speaking alone with Julie in her office for over an hour, Marlena was ready to have a private session with Mike and I while Julie sat in the waiting room.

Dr. Evans agreed that Julie was indeed showing signs of anxiety which may or may not be attributed to stress from a prior traumatic event. I knew she was sugar coating her true diagnosis for my benefit but it didn't stop me from blaming myself for Julie's issues. Marlena explained to us the available treatment options and then gave us her clinical recommendations.

We all agreed that we would prefer to give behavioural cognitive therapy a try as first line treatment before turning to medications. Marlena recommended a combination of cognitive processing therapy and prolonged exposure as a means to treat Julie's anxiety. She wanted to schedule two sessions a week to start so that's exactly what we did, much to the dismay of our second oldest daughter.

Julie didn't understand the need for all these sessions with Dr. Evans as she insisted nothing was wrong with her. When Mike and I reminded her of the fact she ran away and had a panic attack in the midst of me administering her punishment, she brushed it off as no big deal, claiming she was just tired and stressed out from school. She didn't even remember most of what happened when I had her over my knee about to spank her. We made it very clear to her that these sessions with Dr. Evans were not optional so she might as well get on board and embrace the process as they would occur either way. Julie's only choice being whether to attend with a sore bottom, or not.

During the time Julie would be in therapy, Dr. Evans suggested Mike be her main disciplinarian since she suffered an anxiety attack while facing one of my punishments. I was more than willing to do whatever it would take to aid in Julie's treatment process so I backed off. After more than a month of this arrangement, however, I couldn't help feeling Julie was taking advantage of the situation and pushing the boundaries with me every chance she got.

I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut though because I really wanted her to get better more than anything, that is until Mike went to Africa on business for a week. Julie wasted no time capitalizing on the fact her main disciplinarian was over six thousand miles and an ocean away. I did my best to remain calm and patient in all my dealings with her as the last thing I wanted was to trigger another anxiety episode but a man has his limits and long about day two of Mike's absence, I was fast approaching mine.

Julie had been testing me all day with her blatant disrespect and flagrant disregard for my rules. If I didn't know any better, I would swear Julie was practically begging me to punish her. I would later find out this was in fact exactly what she was doing based on a recommendation from Marlena as part of her therapy. Since this was unbeknownst to me now, I continued to avoid punishing Julie for her misbehaviour until I could no longer ignore her belligerent obstinance.

After my third warning to clean up her room and her language along with my directive to finish her homework went unheeded, I surpassed my patience level and yanked Julie over my knee to begin spanking her for all the insolence I had endured over the past six weeks. As much as I tried to remain calm so as not to trigger Julie's anxiety, I knew this discipline was more than warranted and long overdue, in my opinion.

I quickly bared Julie's bottom and proceeded to spank her naked butt repeatedly. My spanks rained down hard and fast, painting her flesh a fire engine red in a little over a minute's time. Since Mike had been avoiding using spanking as discipline for Julie these past six weeks as well, she was really feeling the burn of each well placed slap upon her previously unblemished bottom.

Julie squirmed and fidgeted under my firm hand, fighting this discipline tooth and nail. She thankfully, however, did not seem to be suffering from panic or anxiety as I held her in place on my lap and continued to pepper her bottom with painful slaps as a reminder not to disrespect, nor disobey me.

"Shane, stop! That's enough," Julie shouted.

"I'll decide when you've had enough, young lady. Now stop fighting this punishment. You know it's well deserved," I countered, as I locked her legs beneath mine and paid special attention to her sit spots.

"No, you don't understand, Shane. Listen to me."

I immediately stopped spanking her upon hearing her say listen to me as this was something I promised her I would do the day Julie first had a panic episode.

Rubbing her warm red inflamed cheeks, I replied calmly through my laboured breathing, "I'm listening, Julie, go ahead." I continued to gently rub her well spanked behind as I patiently waited for her response.

Julie was breathing hard from fighting her spanking but I could tell the difference between this and her erratic breathing when she had a panic attack.

"Marlena told me to do this," she explained amidst shallow breaths, as she tried to calm herself down and lower her heart rate.

I furrowed my brow, completely thrown off by her remark.

"She what?" I asked, in a shocked tone.

"As part of my therapy, Shane, she asked me to do this." Julie was still trying to catch her breath.

"Go on." I absentmindedly traced figure eights on Julie's backside as I eagerly awaited her explanation of Marlena's recommendation.

"Dr. Evans said this was a part of my prolonged exposure therapy and would be a good test of my progress so far." Julie had successfully slowed her heart rate and calmed her breathing so she was able to speak more easily. "She said if I could tolerate a spanking like the one that triggered my first episode, that would mean I'd made a lot of progress toward being able to control my anxiety when you punish me."

"Hmmm." I patted Julie's still bright red behind as I processed her words.

"Honest, Shane. You can ask Dr. Evan's if you don't believe me. I'm not lying though." Julie seemed concerned I didn't think she was telling the truth.

"I believe you, sweetheart, I just don't understand why she couldn't tell me about her plan ahead of time," I wondered aloud, as I gently stroked Julie's upper thighs.

"Duh! Really, Shane? Think about it. She couldn't tell you ahead of time cuz then it wouldn't have worked. Kinda would've defeated the purpose, Einstein." Julie spoke like I was an imbecile, which I did not appreciate.

I delivered a harsh spank to her bottom to address her disrespect.

"Hey, watch yourself, young lady, that was uncalled for. Understand?"

"Yes sir." Julie winced and rubbed her bottom trying to alleviate the sting of that last slap.

I brushed her hand away to keep her from rubbing, simply out of habit.

"Not completely inaccurate but still uncalled for," I admitted, feeling a little stupid for my previous remark.

Julie giggled, snapping me out of my self reflective state.

"Well, I guess we're done here." I pulled her underwear and pants up before lifting Julie off my lap. I stood up and she surprised me by giving me a quick hug. "What was that for?" I asked, as Julie pulled away.

"That's a thank you for spanking me, Shane," she stated matter of factly, like this was a completely normal thing for a teenager to say.

"Well, I've got plenty more where that came from, sweetheart, if that's all it takes to make you happy." I smiled and winked at my daughter. Looking at her I was amazed by how much she's grown and changed since I first met her when she was just a little girl.

"What?" Julie asked, wondering why I was looking at her intently without saying anything.

"Nothing, luv." I shook my head and smiled before pulling her into my arms and holding her close. "I'm just continually amazed watching the four of you grow into mature young women that make Mike and I so proud."

Six weeks later

Julie's pov

I've now been through twelve weeks of sessions with Dr. Evans and she thinks I'm ready for the biggest step yet in my prolonged exposure therapy but I have my doubts. I haven't had any major anxiety attacks or panic episodes since I started treatment. The few mild to moderate attacks I had, I was able to manage with breathing exercises and mental imagery. I don't think that will work for this situation though.

Marlena wants me to go back to Memorial Park. Today. With Shane. To the dugout. My pulse rate just about doubles every time I think about going back there. I haven't set foot in that park since that night, let alone been in the dugout and certainly not with Shane but I'm willing to try this since Dr. Evans feels it's an imperative step in my recovery. Plus, I'd do anything to replace that look of guilt mixed with pity that appears on Shane's face whenever he looks at me while I'm in trouble.

We're going to go during the day while it's still light out and Marlena said she won't leave my side the entire time. Shane will be at least ten feet away from me and will not be allowed to touch me without my express verbal consent. We can leave the moment I feel the least bit anxious as well.

Marlena had Shane drive separately to the park so I could get my bearings first, just being back in that location. I felt my heart rate accelerate as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. I absolutely hate the feeling of not being in control of my own body which makes it so difficult for me to deal with anxiety. I try to get my mind to control my body but when that doesn't work, I just become more anxious which leads to me panicking and feeling completely helpless.

Per Dr. Evans instructions, I did my breathing exercises as we walked from the parking lot towards the dugout. I can already feel my body betraying me as my pulse quickens, my cheeks flush, and I begin to perspire but I want so badly to be able to do this for Dr. Evans, Shane, and most importantly myself. I feel better when Marlena puts her arm around me, comforting me and offering me some badly needed encouragement.

I slowly and purposefully walk the three steps down into the dugout. As soon as I see the bench that I sat on though, the same bench Shane propped his leg up on while he belted me, I begin to hyperventilate. I close my eyes but the memories start flashing in my head so I immediately open them again only to see Shane walking towards the dugout. The images pulse quickly like on a slide projector. The anger on Shane's face, the cold heartless look in his eyes, the swift speed of his belt, my tears falling. I hear the sickening sound of the leather slapping my skin, my screams from the agonizing relentless pain, my pitiful pleas for mercy that go unanswered. The images separated by complete darkness, a paradoxically suffocating black void that sucks the oxygen out of the air.

I try to scream, "I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE!" at the top of my lungs but I can barely manage to speak as I gasp for air. "I can't do this." My head is spinning and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Seeing my distress, Shane runs to me but Marlena stops him as she hears me say, "No, no, no," repeatedly, before the darkness overcomes me and I collapse.