5 MONTHS LATER

~KIARA~

Yet another sunset but he was not there to keep me warm. Pretending is such an easy task. Pretend that you are happy, content. Easy. A fake smile and enthusiasm pierce like a venomous needle. We become so good at pretending that we can't see past our faux self in the mirror. I tend to look closely, diligently and I see it crystal clear. I am broken, trying to mend but doing extra damage in return.

There are days I woke up to dreams played in reality. I see myself in his garden playing, watching a movie, eating as it reminds me again and again how much he loves me. He once told me that death is inevitable and he does not want that in his last breathes to regret there were once a moment he made me feel less loved. I am still warm from his love and feelings.

There would be times I would hover over his number, just one call. I promise myself that I just need one call, this one last time but I know the reality. I constricted myself this one time, not again. It won't even be physically possible.

He is everywhere. He blasted the Bangladeshi bowlers, he is plastered everywhere. People forgot me at the same pace they accepted me. Kiara Singh is old news, one of many women of Arjun Malhotra.

________

" You are stalling again? " I jerk to look at maa who has a concerned look on her face.

" Am not.... just admiring the weather. " I move from the chair by the window to lie down on the bed.

" For how many hours today? You are an intelligent child but you come up with such lousy excuses. " Maa taps her head in resignation.

" That was not lousy! " I exclaim feeling offended and a shocked expression pulled on my face.

" So you agree that you are making excuses. " She tilts her head coming forward.

" Maa, I am not in the mood to talk right now. We have been through this. I want to stay here, closer to my parents. " I hold her hand in mine giving an encouraging smile.

" Kiara, for how long you are going to lie. " Maa lets out a long dejected sigh.

" You are getting it all wrong. I am not scared of the past .. ok... I have my reasons. I was meddling between my past and present. " The lies leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

" No, this is where you are wrong. You are scared, scared to be in love. You are living a life of trepidation and apprehension. You have fixed it in your brain that what happened to me was because of a reason, you. I am not blind. I am your mother, I read you and how you look at me secretly with sorry, guilty eyes does not get past me. " Her tone getting sharper by each passing word.

" Maa...maybe I am. Have you not thought it that way? I was born and everything went down the hill. How can I stand by and watch the same thing happen to him? " My hand flies in the air.

" Are you blind? You are. Can't you see the reason why we all live today? Kiara, you are the sole reason for happiness in our lives. We wake up every day because of you, for you. If it wasn't for you then we would have died a long time ago. You did not break this home, you mended it with your presence. " My eyes tear up but I move my face away.

" Maa, what if history repeats? " I ask in a low voice.

" Who is opposing your union? You have my blessings. Kiara, you are miserable without him. He is the one.

You left him for his good but I look at him and he doesn't appear so. You move around the house with a lost expression. " I meet her gentle eyes.

" You are both suffering and punishing yourselves for something that would never happen. We have burnt and bled for you to have a life with the man you love. Don't let our sacrifices go in vain. " Maa places her palm on my cheeks with a delightful smile.

" I am scared. I am worried I would bring bad luck. I wanted to feel close to my family but still, I am not happy. " I cry feeling guilty.

" Does he know the real reason? " I shake my head.

" I thought so. You must have told him the same half-baked truth. The roots, family, past. Kiara ...my baby the past was dark but it was for me to conquer for a bright future for my child. " Maa massages my shoulder as she speaks.

" I am still stuck at one question maa. What if the history repeats? " I ask comprehensively.

" Then make sure you battle it out together. History is repeating but for a better tomorrow. " Maa gives me a knowing look as I nod along.

" Think. " With that, she leaves.

_________________________________________

" I...ARGH...." My knees buckle but I hold on to the pole of the treadmill.

" You said something gibberish." I hear Arjun say from somewhere behind my back. I can imagine him gracefully squatting down with 100 kgs whereas I am crying, panting mess in 2 minutes.

" I can't do this anymore. " I furiously tap the monitor with whatever energy I had. I hear Arjun grunt, iron clanking, footsteps and he appears right at my side coming across me to look at the time.

" You have been on it for 1 minute 24 seconds. " Arjun exclaims pointing at the timer with an expression of bewilderment.

" They feel like 30 minutes. I'll die on this if you don't stop. " Arjun looks at me with narrowed eyes.

" Stop this mad machine. I want to get off ... my knees feel like jelly... I ... can't move. " I may have exaggerated with the act but looking at Arjun's expression I know he has pierced through my acting. He presses two buttons and the treadmill comes to a stop, slowly.

I widen my arms with doe eyes with a silent demand. Arjun lifts me from right under my arms as I wrap myself around his torso as an octopus.

" I don't think I can walk for weeks... " I exclaimed looking at the ceiling to which Arjun laughs.

" You have zero stamina and let's not talk about athleticism. " Arjun says humorously but I don't mind.

" I don't care about athleticism. I have to sit all day. I want to have lasagna. " I speak into his shoulder.

" After this astounding performance, NO. " I can say this is the only one con of being with an athlete. Eat this, eat that. Don't drink water on dinner, don't sit like that your knees would pain. There are just too many don'ts.

" Can you carry me to the living room? "

" Kiara, ouch! You are insulting me. Of course, I can carry you but, will I? " I tight my arms and legs around him with whatever I had but it only lasted about 3 seconds. I feel his body vibrate with a laugh. He walks comfortably to the living room and bends down towards a single lounge chair where I let go of my hold.

" We decided on 3000 calories a day. What is the update? " Arjun places his arms on the headrests as he bends down from the waist. This was supposed to intimidate me.

" I think it is going according to the plan. I had whole grain oats before coming here, I was munching almonds ... " I count it on my fingers.

" Soaked? " Arjun asks tilting his head.

" Ahhh...direct from the packet. " I smile because I do think I was doing it right.

" You are supposed to eat soaked almonds " Arjun returns the tight smile.

" Long story short. I have been continuously eating ... if you want me to gain weight so badly then why are you making me run. " I widen my arms feeling indignant.

" You can gain weight and muscles, I was letting you warm up. I was planning to take you to some lifting, quads exercises. " Arjun massages my thighs which were equivalent to his ankle area.

" We can start from tomorrow. " I fall back lazily into the chair closing my eyes.

" Clearly. " I reply with some sound as I hear footsteps retreating. I take a handful of dry fruits as I walk up to the photo wall. I always find my way to the wall with a smile plastered on my face.

Somehow looking at these pictures, knowing the story behind them makes me feel as if I have known them forever. I have started feeling connected to their parents even if I never saw them but I know they are at peace. They are looking down at me too. I stop in front of a picture where Arjun stands with a trophy his parents on either side as his father embraces him with a proud smile and his mother's eyes are red, the happy tears. Karn is also there in the photo in his element. He is crouching with a wide open mouth and he still manages to smile. It's the perfect family picture.

" This is my favorite photo. " I turn around to look at Karn standing there with a happy smile. The one thing I have noticed is they both are never sad but rather cherish the memories of their parents. They never talk about their death or the accident but they always talk about the happy moments spent together. They laugh at how their father pulled their leg, he became a child with them. They relish the moments they were beaten by their mother. One time it was a slipper that came flying to both of them right at the front door.

" I love it. " I reply cheerfully.

" It was an amazing day. I had my first-semester internal exams in the coming weeks and I had not paid any attention in the classes. I was constantly looking at online stores. " Karn shakes his head in horror.

" Did you pass? " I ask curiously.

" Just passed. Studied 10 minutes before the paper. I don't want to gloat but I am an intelligent person. " He flicks his hand in a patronizing way.

" Ahaa.. I am sure. " I mock an impressive expression.

" If you don't mind can I ask you something? " I say when he steps beside me. Karn gives me a ' are you serious look ' and looks back at the pictures.

" okk... Do you not miss them? You both were young, unsettled and they were not of the age. " A sad look adorns my face.

" We miss them, we think about them but we never feel that they left early. Maybe they did. Kiara, death is inevitable. You start dying from the day you were born. Our parents lived to see us grow into young boys, I started college, Arjun was climbing the ladder of success. What if they left us when we were 10 or 13. Everything is planned. There is never the end of greed for your loved ones to live. We don't live in history but make sure to live the present and plan our future the way we wanted. " He says it solemnly without a hint of sadness but a zeal to live happily with them in his heart and memories.

" I never thought it that way..." I whisper looking at the wedding picture of them.

" Because you are too held up on history. Kiara, you guarded yourself which is normal but, you are of a viewpoint that something like that would happen. I know you have felt at the beginning of this relationship. You are moving forward but you are still scared. This fear might be the downfall for what you have built with Arjun, me, and most importantly you would lose yourself. What you had suffered would not happen again, you won't ever do that to your kids. Break the cycle. You are you. You are not your parents. "

Every word makes a home on my body. This is what I always believed and this is what I wanted to hear in my life.

" Thank you. " I turn to look at him with slightly glazed eyes.

" We are family. Come here. " Karn throws his hand on my shoulder bringing me to his side as he gives me a wide happy and enthusiastic smile.

_________________________________________

" Ooo, this house looks so beautiful. " I leap out of my seat planting my hand on Arjun's thighs moving towards Arjun to get a better look. It has to be the most unique house I have ever seen. It has a Victorian-era look yet it looks modern.

" We can look at it. " Arjun says smiling down at me as my upper body is almost in his lap.

" We cannot just barge in there. It is someone's home. " I move back with knitted brows.

" We are making it our home. " He parks the car at an open face and gets out of the car. I look at him, the same man who has right now lost his mind as he crosses his way over to me.

" This is trespassing... " I whisper harshly when he opens my side of the door, extending his hand forward which I swat away. I look around to inspect if there is any audience or whiteness to not so legal action.

" Arjun, I know rules and if I do not stop you today to educate you on certain things then you are prone to lose control. You are a school graduate so it's understandable that your brain is not dynamic but the mistake of law is no defense. " I correct my glasses after I attempt to make him understand.

" The house is on sale. " He says looking at me with a blank face but his eyes dance with mirth.

" Ohh... still you learned something today. " I lift one shoulder nonchalantly and come out of the car.

The house looks newly constructed, the garden was trimmed with a British look. The guard was young and he recognized Arjun who is chatting at my back as I admire the house or our home. I take a step forward thinking that can I see all three of us, our future kids here. The main gate is a huge wooden door and it looks like a door guarding the fort. With every step, every room, space, the kitchen I can see us moving around in this house happily. I look for all our demands. There is a gym, pool, theatre, and luckily a small jacuzzi to curb Karn's need for an indoor hot pool just not Olympic sized.

" You feel it. " I twirl around to Arjun who is looking around the 1st floor open space. I am not sure if that's a question or a statement.

" What? " I ask curiously. He then looks at me with dancing eyes and I know this is it.

" I feel that we would make this our home. " I know it for sure.

" We can get the process started. " Arjun says with an excited bounce.

" Yesss! " I exclaim as we both rush to hug each other which ends up me being a lifter from the floor.

" There is an open area jacuzzi so I think Karn would love it here. " I tap his shoulder with zest.

" There is no foundation? " Arjun lifts his brow humorously.

" Fountain doesn't matter all that matters is that we see ourselves here. Also, we can have an aquarium. " I point at the open space around the corner.

" Karn loves to fish. We had an aquarium back home when we were kids. The fishes were scrutinized every 6 months as they would grow. Karn had a new resort to that, he would bring it out, arrange a campfire and relish it. " Arjun recalls it with a funny yet quite horrific expression.

( I heard a story about sth like that. )

" That's peculiar but hello that fish taste like heaven. We can do something like that here too. " I clap my hands excitedly.

" Good thing then because I always wondered how would my partner manage to live with wonder my brother is. He would remain an enigma to them. " He smiles at me adorably.

" Oh please. He is not an enigma but a more carefree person. He has a unique personality that's it. What's there not to love. He is amazing. " I speak this right from my heart.

" We are doing this. We are. I never thought I would ever trust someone to dedicate my life to. " I meet his eyes which shine with molten passion.

" I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever have people with me whom I would call my family.

Our pasts do not control us anymore. It shaped us to be what we are. This is our time now. History makes us stronger but it should never affect the future. We can shape our future and I refuse to let it stand on your insecurities and mine. We are now. "

" We are now. " I whisper into my silent room.

" Past is in its place. "

" We break the cycle. "

I hold our initials that are hanging from the bracelet. The diamonds shine in the darkroom, illuminating our initials which are bound together beautifully.

He gives me this on our first date. He was sure.

I walk cautiously to the window to breathe in the spicy yet so sweet scent of Bhopal. One last time. This is not my place. This is not where my future lies.

I was building a home back there. I saw my whole life there. I had a family whom I left. I am divided between two worlds. Two things bind those worlds together.

I turn to the fact of mirror which, is dark and dusky.

Maa was right.

History has been repeated.

But it brings new light and hope.

We are different.

The past is not our future.

We can change it.

I trace my eyes from my hair as it stops on my 5 months old swollen belly.

We do not belong here.

My love and our baby binds us.

Forever.

_________________________________________