KIARA POV

MONDAY EVENING

I pace around my room with jittery hands as I look at the entry door for Arjun to enter. Maa went to Bhopal in the noon. I did try to persuade her to stay back for a few days but she just wanted to go back and no power on earth could stop that. I could see the excitement masked all over her face, a satisfactory smile. What I know right now is that I want to be there too. I have to correct my mistakes, change my path as my maa went onto it before.

I have to save myself but more than that I have to save Arjun.

" You look happy. I think the talk with your mother went well. " I hear his voice which makes me turn around towards the door. I happily hop towards him and hug him tightly by the neck, bringing him down.

" Spoke too soon. I think it went great. " Arjun says laughing and embracing me.

" I want to thank you for making me do this. " I speak into his ear.

" Now now, I did not do anything. I just gave you an idea more of a real push. It was all you Kiara you are mature enough to do what is good for you. " He picks me up effortlessly to his eye level.

" I have to tell you a story. " I whisper against his lips.

" You have my whole attention. " He lifts his brow smiling.

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" That... umm... " Arjun clears his throat to make the words go past his lips but failing miserably. His voice is thick with emotions and his eyes are glossy.

" In my wildest dreams, I never wondered this might be the reason. She hid under so many layers that I could even see a crack. She lost her love but she never abdicated. I am so grateful to her..... " My voice trails off.

" I see where you get this strength from. " Arjun smiles at me encouragingly.

" When do I get to meet the superwoman? " He taps my knees with zeal and a glint in his eyes.

" She told me before going that she would want to meet and assess the man I am dating as she is assuming my father's role too but at that moment she just wanted to go to Bhopal. I did not stop her .... she stayed away for long . "

Arjun weaves our fingers together.

" How far is Bhopal anyway? ... 1-2 hours of air travel. " He lifts his free hand in the air.

" There is no airport there. " I notify him.

" How far is Bhopal anyway? One night of travel... " He looks at me smiling and in a moment we both break out laughing.

" Now .. that we are on the topic I have to talk to you about something. " I settle in my seat more comfortably.

" Please do. " Arjun lifts his hand in ' proceed ' motion.

" I was thinking to go to Bhopal. " I hold tight onto his hand.

" Why do you need to talk to me about this? Your mother is there, it is your father's birthplace. I would say you should go there and connect to those hidden roots. " Arjun places a kiss on my knuckles.

" I...I was thinking of staying there. " I continue after a long breath.

" Kiara...again I am saying this you don't have to talk to me. If you want to stay with your mother then go. " My palms sweat as I think of a more explanatory way.

" Arjun, I want to go to Bhopal and stay there but... I don't know when I'll be back ... " I lift to eyes to look at him.

He rubs his thumb back and forth on his bottom lips.

" Where are you going with this? Is there something on your mind? " His eyes turn foggy.

" I don't know when I'll be back or maybe I don't ever want to come back."

I can feel his fingers numb undermine.

" Um..permanently shifting there? That's...oh... but I am here, your post is here..You can't just uproot yourself from here. " Arjun tries to reason with me with tranquility but his eyes give him away. I can see the panic, hurt, sadness.

" I know. You are what matters to me in this city, I have a post here but all that matters to me is that I go there to support my mother, find the pieces of my existence that were snatched away. " I shake our conjoined hand.

" There might be a chance that you would come back here right? I do not want to deprive you of anything Kiara.

You should connect to your father but do put me at stake. This is my city, my home. Leaving it would be impossible... my parents, the brother they are here. I have no problem with long-distance but given the future perspective, we are looking for a house here... I could think of moving to Bhopal ... but it is my family's city. I won't be able to take that step ." His actions and words are haste in sync with what we both are feeling.

I need to pick the pieces of my past, find my true identity, roots to be able to establish a future with someone.

If I am wandering with questions and self-doubt then binding someone with me would be the most selfish thing to do. Arjun does not deserve this.

" Arjun... I am not stable in my mind nor my heart. I see a girl left at cross-sections moving forward at a fast pace but the next turn seems impossible.

I am being sucked by my past and it will consume me till there is nothing left for you to pick up. I don't want to fight anymore... " Tears roll down my face as his face softens. Arjun plants his forehead against mine, his breathing loud.

" If you think that I would ever walk over you then you are wrong. If you break I will pick you up again even if it takes my whole life. I loved you for you and there is nothing that could pull me back now, ever. " I shake my head letting the tears free.

" I don't want to do this to you, drag you down the drain when I do not know how to navigate myself. " I whispered looking into his eyes, holding them as they tug at my heart. My heart, poor, venerable heart.

" Let me decide that. That is my decision, why do you assume on your own and I have to abide by it? Don't do this. Let's not repeat the same mistake we did the first time and ruin us again.

Don't let your thoughts run wild...I beg you. The first time was hard enough for us but.. it will kill me. Don't do this to us ." He begs me with his glossy eyes.

" I don't want to do this...but I am helpless. What if you don't want me after all this? What if I am a completely different woman after I come back?

What is I don't want to settle down?

.... what if the history repeats? What if I am scared to be with anyone anymore? What if I don't ever come back ... and hide from everyone. What if I can't love anymore? .. " I push him to stand straight frantically.

" Life is not all roses and bed Arjun....it has happened to my parents. I am scared..... I am so scared. " Folding my hands in front of my chest I let myself free, a loud cry comes out shaking my whole body. I see Arjun standing up to touch me but I move away. His face resembles shock, hurt, pain, anger, and behind it all there is love, so much love for me.

" Why are you so selfish? " He speaks after a few moments of holding my eyes with pain.

" Took you a minute to decide what is the best for us ... best for me. Why? Did I ever make you feel like that? Have I ever made a mistake for you to even think that I would leave you, ever? If you turn into a giant, black, brown, white like snow or double your current physique... it wouldn't matter to me. I would not even pay any heed to that or notice. I love you for your heart and brain. You talk about being broke... Kiara, we both were sailing on a crooked boat. We were not perfect, we have cracks in our pasts but we put in efforts and I would not stop putting them. " He stands straight towering me but I never felt like that but at this moment it feels that maybe he is too high to be reached.

The thought to apologize and staying backcrosses my mind but I bury it deep inside me. This needs to be done, for us.

" Arjun, you are going to be thankful to me maybe not now but in the future. It is my path of discovery and to get out unscathed seems impossible. You would be tried... I don't ever want to become a burden on you. " I say between my sobs.

" Is it because we are moving too fast? Hmm..... baby.. take all the time you want but don't do anything stupid. " He walks up to me holding my joined hands.

" I will do whatever you so ... you want to go to Bhopal for a year, two, three or 5. Just go. I can come to you... You wànted a home with a fountain, I'll get it. Our kids can become lawyers or whatever is that you decide. I would do everything as per your wish but grant me one. Do not leave me behind in all this... I can't..... I can't imagine a day without you. You are my family.... don't leave as everyone did. " Arjun's throat constricts. He looks at me with tear-filled eyes. I bash into him to embrace him, threading our pain together.

" I am a horrible person.....I truly don't deserve someone like you. You are just like papa but I am not worthy of your love because you said it right ... I am selfish but, I am trying to protect our hearts... I am protecting you from the pain. I am selfish. " I fist my hands around his T-shirt. Arjun holds my face bending down to my hair, he takes a deep breath.

" Your presence can never give me pain. Kiara, your parents fought against all odds for their love... won't you fight for us against this predicament. If I was at your place, I would want to spend as much as time I could with my mom .... connecting to my past, feel closer to my parents and just try to find my identity. So much was taken away from you... you need to find answers to all that but, I would never let the past decide for me. I would embrace it with open arms and build a promising future, a future that your parents didn't have but would want for you. "

He just does not get it. History repeats.... everything is the same.

" Why you are so adamant? Why don't you listen to me? Why do you have to be you... just why? It hurts... " I hit at his chest multiple times as I say this but Arjun wraps his arms around me not even leaving space for air to pass through.

" I am fighting for my love, my woman who is my whole world. The woman who is my soulmate, my partner, my family, my wife, the mother of my future children. Don't expect me to give up because that is never happening. The one who is giving up is you. "

Ohh! It hurts the pain.

" I was right. I said that there are chances that I can't love anymore... well said. I don't have any space left in my heart nor my love can outgrow you for anyone. I will die with my all heart that has you and all the love you gave me bundled together. " I kiss his chest. I make my hands grow free to feel him under my touch because it might be the last time.

" Don't push me away. " He whispers into my ears. I feel his wet lashes on my shoulder.

" I am going away.... maybe we would meet again, 5 - 6 years from now ... you haven't found anyone then ... what say? "

I see the haste movement to him shaking his head.

" That can't be true because I am out of all the love I had it is just you and Karn. "

" I want to live there forever. If I can't be transferred then I'll resign... I can practice law as a lawyer. I am hard to argue with. " I look up to him with a shy smile.

" Yes.. you can't be made to change your mind... I mean look at us right now. Are you going to leave me? " Arjun's voice holds so much agony.

" Don't put it like that. " I plant my hands on his abs because of the force of habit and Arjun flexes them. I smile sadly looking at my hands wondering how much our lives are in tune, we coordinated and blended. How am I supposed to live after being with him?

" Then how do I put it. You don't want to come back.... it is not the distance it is you and your demand to step back away from me because you assumed the good for me, you don't want me to be at your side when you walk through your past to the future, our future. Tell me, how wrong am I putting it? " I could not make myself to hold his eyes, to see his pain, for him to see mine.

" I am going to save you from the ache and torment to love someone who might be broke for life, who is scared that her presence would harm your life. I love you way too much to let you go through it even if you want to because I am not selfish. I wanted to be your strength but right now I am not strong enough to hold myself at this tri-section of life. To hear that your father was murdered, your mother was forced to marry, my grandparents lived every day in hidden just for me, maa kept a smile on her face for me, I was a walking example for their collective loss but they couldn't even mourn and I had no idea what I came from. I was considered an outcome of an affair, I was illegitimate .. a bastard. I have deep holes to be filled and I have to face them alone because it is my fight ... My parents fought for me but I want to live again as Vikramaditya Singh's daughter, my paternal grandparents' only grandchild at my father's home. I want to live up to my true identity... let me find it. You love me and this is something I want to do right now. Will you support me in my decision? " I lift my eyes slowly to his glazed eyes, pain palatable. I look up to him as my support system, the one person who would want me to fight for me. I know he sees that too. My face falls at his pain contoured one.

" Baby. " He whispers as I take him in my arms again.

" Don't look at me like that. " I hold him tight as he clings to me freely as if I am the last boat out of the vast ocean.

" I can't live without you. " He whispers into my hair. Goosebumps erupt on my arms as my throat gets dry. He lifts his head and bends down to kiss me. I sob against his lips the second he kisses me.

" I don't want you to cry ... this might be one of our last moments together. " He says against my lips. My heart beating, I tipped my mouth up to kiss him the same way he had me, my hand reaching to touch the side of his neck. Dropping back to my heels, his forehead followed mine down. I drew my hand over to his jawline, face, eyes copping a feel for what may or maybe the last time I would ever be able to.

" Pretend as if this is not out last evening together, I won't leave tomorrow, we are together... " I say in between the kisses.

" We will always be together, you will always own me, my heart and I have yours completely. How can we be alone? I will continue my life because it never stops even if you want to end it. I will go out in the public, on fields, I'll play, go to awards, get shoots done with you on my mind and heart. A committed man. " We break apart with heavy breathes.

" At any moment in your life, you want to come back, come to me without any miss. I am always standing at the threshold just for you to cross. I don't care even if we are 70 ... I can stay at peace with you choosing your path. I will love you from a distance, cherish our memories because you don't need to have a person in your arms to love, you love them from a distance, through their low and high. "

After all this his love for me prevailed, making me weak on my knees. I place my forehead at the center of his chest as we both descend.

" I promise... I promise... I will always love you. I will fight for you, I want to win. " I curl my body into his lap as he rocks me back and forth.

" Everything will be alright. " Arjun continues to say soft words into my ears.

" Take me to the room. " I speak after some moments of silence filled with our ragged breathing. Arjun lifts me bridal style and places me on the bed, I wring my hands onto his neck to bring his face closer. I kiss him softly pouring my love.

" Please leave before I wake up. Let's have one last night of love, embracing each other like all our problems would disappear in the night and the sun will rise pink. Everything is fine ." I feel wet on my cheek as Arjun's tear falls onto it.

" We were supposed to grow old together... " Arjun says caressing my cheeks.

" No more talks... " I cut him off with a fierce kiss. We kiss like there is no tomorrow, we belong at the moment, the forces are in our favor. We pour the love, hurt, pain into each other.

Arjun Malhotra. The man who had my whole heart in his palms nourished it, loved it, and caged me forever. I move on with life with my heart missing to this man who gave me everything. I imagine seeing him on tv, hoardings, newspapers and thinking he was with me, we were making a home together but I should have known better. I was always deprived, always will be. He might hate me for leaving him but I am saving him all the ache and agony of being with someone like me who brought rotten luck with her. I have made peace with the fact that with my birth began the doom of my loved ones, I lost papa but I can't lose him.

I am cursed, I know that but he does not need to know what is going in my mind. What made me take this drastic step in the first place. If I told him I know he would convince me otherwise, I would look into his eyes and forget all worldly problems. He needs to live, he suffered enough.

I see the future, I am sitting alone as he conquers the world. He hits hundreds on the field as I sit praying for him, maybe a few years from now he would move on, his girlfriend or his wife would come to the stadiums cheering for him as imagined myself to do so.

He does not need to live alone, any woman would be lucky to have a man like him because he is one in 7. 3 billion.

" Arjun...I know you love me with all your heart. I feel very secure in this position. No one will ever take it away from me, no one will take away our moments but

You don't deserve to be alone .... "

" Don't don't . Never in a million years." Arjun cut me off, anger twinging his otherwise soft voice. I feel him stiffening and flexing.

" You are not going to be miserable. You are the most amazing man, handsome, loving, a millionaire and famous... " I deliberately use a teasing tone to anyhow make his mind light.

" Don't ask me to replace... I am all out of space. " I trace his face lightly, feeling defeated.

" You are permanently secured here, Singh. " He smiles affectionately at me.

" One last time, Malhotra. " I tug him closer as we both get lost in the moment of tranquillity, solace, and love.

A new sun will rise tomorrow, darkening me with it, I would wake up to an empty bed as it would signify my new life. A life of longing, disappointment, and love for Arjun Malhotra. The cricketer.

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ARJUN POV

I have my arms around Kiara as she sleeps. Our bodies are warm, tangled, and fitted to perfection. Sleep did not come easily last night, we were sprawled on the bed wide awake as we watched the sky begin to lighten. A new day. This light would take away all the shine of my life. I slowly slip my arms away as she stirs. I trace her naked shoulder, cheeks lips, and hair slowly, smelling their aroma for one last time. I dress up and stand there for a long time, memorizing her face as I leave myself with her. Giving a final tug at her blanket to make sure it secures and covers her body.

My steps out are slow, delicate and a blank mask is pulled on my face. I fall into my car and put my head into my hands. Tears fill my eyes and I sob out loud.

I'm in a dark place.

I call that one person who can soothe me.

" Kaun jaagta ( who wakes ) ... " Karn says in a sleepy, cranky voice.

" HELP ME .. HELP... " I cry.

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HOLA!

This was an emotional chapter to write. I did not want Kiara to come across as needy and demanding. There are situations in life where you need to restart. I hope the concerns, fears Kiara had come across well.