《ICT ONE-SHOTS (FRIENDSHIP)》The overthinking voice (Rohit-Rahul)
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Rahul had been opening with Rohit for almost 6 months now owing to Shikhar's recurring injuries, and their partnership records were great, and their understanding on the field was great as well, but Rahul couldn't help the feeling of guilt and discomfort every time he walked out to bat.
This resulted from a combination of various reasons, none of which he could put a finger on properly till two days before India vs WI 2nd ODI, 2019.
He was passing the corridor outside Rohit's room, and heard him talking on the phone with Shikhar, it seemed.
He stopped for a moment and listened.
They were talking about Zoraver's latest prank, and just as he was about to leave, he heard Rohit say, "You know Shikh, nothing feels the same without you."
Rahul hastened to leave and went to his room.
Well, now he had one reason in front of him--Rohit and Shikhar were so comfortable with each other that he could never fill that opening slot in place of either of them.
He didn't fit in. He was just a replacement.
One day he was batting at 4, the next day he was opening, the next day he would probably be keeping...and the moment India found stable people for the slots, he'd be out of the team for good, because he had never really fit in.
The realisation was depressing him so much that for a moment he considered telling someone.
The first one who came into his mind was of course Virat, his captain, the person who had shown so much (misplaced) belief in him that he couldn't tell him what he was feeling.
The next two people he thought about were his best friends--Hardik and Mayank.
And abruptly he thought of how highly Mayank always spoke of Rohit. Even if he didn't show it a lot outwardly (because he never exhibited emotions a lot), Rahul knew Mayank had sort of worshipped Rohit ever since they started opening together in Tests. Rohit had helped Mayank fit into the international team an awfully lot.
And as for Harry...
Well, Harry loved Rohit. And Rohit loved him right back. Rohit was the one who mentored Hardik from the beginning of his career, and he was just like an elder brother to him.
And it made Rahul wonder where had he gone so wrong that Rohit didn't even like him that much...?
Rohit had even liked an Instagram post mocking him few days back.
It couldn't be Rohit's fault, because Rohit was close to literally every closest friend of his--Virat, Hardik, Mayank, DK, you name it...
So he must have gone wrong somewhere after all...
And that again got him to thinking how he wasn't really part of this family, he was just a Stephanie wheel, just a replacement.
Finally he couldn't take it, and decided to go and practice a bit, though it was 10 o'clock at night.
As he was knocking the ball, he kept thinking to himself, "This sport...this jersey...this bat...these belong to me, no matter what. No one's going to take these away. So what if I'm not part of this family, so that if Rohit...
A voice beside him broke into his fierce stream of thoughts.
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"I know you idolize Virat, who also likes to practise at ungodly hours when he's stressed, but it's not an especially healthy habit, y'know."
Rahul stopped hitting and turned to see Rohit standing there, surveying him skeptically.
"What--what are you doing here?" asked Rahul, disconcerted to see the very person he had been thinking about beside him.
"I left my elbow guard on the field," said Rohit, after a moment's hesitation. "But that's not the point now. Why are you here?"
"I felt like practising," said Rahul flatly.
"You didn't just feel like practising," said Rohit in a matter of fact tone. "What's bothering you?"
Was it so evident that something was bothering him? thought Rahul uncomfortably. But there was no way in hell he would tell Rohit what was bothering him.
"Nothing's bothering me, Rohit," said Rahul, turning back to throw the ball again.
"I've never seen you doing this at night," said Rohit unexpectedly. "So your denials are useless, you see."
Rohit's persistence wasn't normal at all. And he went on and on till...
"Why are you pretending you care when you actually don't?" said Rahul before he could stop himself, and the moment the words left him, he was mortified.
How stupid could he be, really?
For the first time, Rohit wondered if Rahul's mature behaviour was just an act.
"What on earth put it into your head that I don't care?" demanded Rohit.
Because he did. Though there had been a time he had resented Rahul for his closeness to Virat, over the last year and a half, he had grown to care for his teammate a lot.
Rahul was scowling at the ground, looking furious with himself, and it stuck Rohit that he was just Hardik and Jassi's age. Two of his younger brothers he loved so much.
No. Rahul was definitely not the senior he pretended to be.
"It doesn't matter, let me practice," said Rahul in a low voice.
"Look, Rahul," sighed Rohit. "I didn't forget anything on the field for a change. I followed you here."
Rahul looked up at that.
"Because you're my partner, and I'm not blind. I've seen you for weeks now, and I know something is bothering you."
If this went on a bit longer, he would probably end up telling Rohit everything, so Rahul bent and retrieved his kitbag and started to leave, saying, "I'm going."
Rohit grabbed him and pushed him down to sit on the ground.
"What happened?" demanded Rahul, horrified.
"Well, if you act like a stubborn kid, which you usually don't, you'll have to be treated like one. And believe me I'm stronger than you," said Rohit with a twinkle in his eye.
"I believe you," muttered Rahul drily.
"And neither you nor I going anywhere before you tell me," stated Rohit clearly.
"You can't force me," said Rahul with a hint of defiance.
Had he really considered this child a senior few days back? wondered Rohit.
"Does Hardik know?" asked Rohit. "I'm calling Hardik right now."
"No," said Rahul hastily. "No, don't. He doesn't know, anyway."
"Why not?" persisted Rohit.
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"He won't be able to...relate," said Rahul. "You both love each other after all," he added under his breath.
Though Rahul didn't mean him to hear it, Rohit did, and he sank down beside Rahul and asked, "Is it about me?"
"No!" said Rahul, cursing his stupidity once again.
What was the matter with him? Why the hell couldn't he keep his mouth shut?
Or did some part of him wish he could confide in Rohit about everything--even this, because Rohit night not like him but he did respect and like Rohit a lot--and Harry and Mayank both loved him...and suddenly he wished very badly that Rohit loved him even a fraction of how much he loved his two best friends.
"I know it's about me, which is a very good reason why you should tell me right now what it is," said Rohit.
Rahul wondered what he could say.
"Come on, you fool, it's late and I'm sleepy, for god's sake..."
"If you think I don't care, ask yourself--why would I bother to follow you here? After all I'm not a nosy git like Yuzi," said Rohit.
"He is nosy," said Rahul, grinning for a moment. "But he isn't bad."
"Who ever said being nosy is bad?" demanded Rohit.
"No one," said Rahul hastily, who in spite of all his composure, got a little nervous whenever Rohit got impatient.
"So will you tell me now if it's about me...?"
"Yes," cried Rahul suddenly. "Yes, it's about you! It's about how you can't even like me a bit... enough--enough not to--like a post against me..."
Rohit mentally groaned. His stupid Instagram.
"It's about how much you miss Shikhar opening with you, which means I can never be good enough for you..."
Rohit was wise enough to let him finish.
"And...and...I know I'm not Harry, or Mayank, or Jassi but," said Rahul. "But you love them such a lot and..."
Rahul clammed up abruptly, realising what he had said.
Why would he keep on repeating the same mistake when he had such good control over his tongue usually?
Rohit saw Rahul's conflicted expression and realised how deep seated his insecurities were, because he felt he was just a replacement, and how most of it had originated from him not showing he cared for Rahul enough.
"Look..." began Rohit. "Firstly don't believe in my Instagram likes. It has a messed up soul of its own, it likes random pictures and tries its best to ruin my life. I guess I'm just unfortunate that way."
This successfully drew a laugh from Rahul.
Rohit put his arm around him, and Rahul, surprised at the unexpected gesture, tried to pull away half-heartedly.
"And about all the rest of the things you said, you've got it all wrong, because clearly you're a worse overthinker than Vi, which is saying something, believe me," said Rohit. "I do miss Shikhar, because he's like a brother too me, and--initially it did feel weird to open without him, but now...have you seen our partnership records in the last 6 months, Rahul? We make a great team!"
There was so much warmth in Rohit's voice that Rahul stopped trying to pull away.
"Let's check the stats," said Rohit enthusiastically, reaching for his pocket to take out his phone.
He frowned and checked his other pocket, then his shirt pocket, and then finally started to panic a little.
"You have lost your phone again," said Rahul.
"I must've left it in my room," said Rohit, trying to sound confident.
"Let's hope for the best," said Rahul drily, and passed his own phone to Rohit. "Take this if you must check the stats, though there's no need for that."
And he took back his phone, much to Rohit's chagrin.
"You know what's the coolest thing that can happen to a pair of openers? It's scoring centuries in the same match. And the two of us have already done it once, remember?"
"Yes, Sri Lanka," said Rahul.
"We need to do it again... both of us scoring huge centuries and India scoring 400+...day after tomorrow, what d'you say?"
Rahul found himself laughing. "Ok."
"And each of us can make up unique celebrations and the other can try to guess what it implies," said Rohit, his eyes gleaming.
"I was wishing I called you Rohit bhaiya till you put forward this dumb idea," said Rahul, for once speaking to Rohit without any hesitation or second thoughts.
"You can still call me bhaiya," said Rohit hopefully.
"Can't," said Rahul regretfully. "Harry will pass at least twenty comments about it!"
"When Hardik is not here then? In front of Virat, say..."
Rahul started to laugh again.
"You could just let Virat hear it once or twice, maybe on the field," said Rohit, who was also laughing.
"Ok, done," said Rahul.
Opening with Rohit (bhaiya) suddenly send like a lot of fun to Rahul, which was shocking considering how depressed he had been two hours back.
Rohit caught Rahul looking at him with something like awe and... devotion? And he tightened his arm around Rahul, genuinely glad to see him happy again.
On an impulse, Rahul (who never acted on impulse) hugged Rohit, and though it felt unfamiliar, he had a feeling that it would become familiar some day soon. Rohit hugged him back hard.
Rahul could see perfectly well why Hardik and Mayank loved Rohit so much.
______________
Rohit and Rahul did score centuries together in the next match.
Rohit reached his 100 first and celebrated by holding his bat horizontal.
When they were hugging in mid pitch, Rohit asked, "Guess the meaning?"
"I have no idea," said Rahul honestly.
"Neither do I," said Rohit ruefully. "I just did it."
Rahul couldn't think of an answer to a statement like that.
Later when Rahul scored his century, he celebrated by shutting his ears with his fingers.
And when they met in the pitch, both of them grinning widely, Rohit said, "Critics, I can't hear you!"
"Not critics..." said Rahul. "I can't hear the overthinking voice inside my head."
Rohit stared at him for a moment and then hugged him fiercely, suddenly feeling both extremely proud and extremely fond of him.
"I'm proud of you, kid."
"I'm proud of you too, Rohit bhaiya."
"Say this in front of Virat, please?"
"I already promised!"
❤️
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