After what my therapist donned my "breakthrough moment" during our first session together, the following days felt a lot less tense and a whole lot lighter. The days bled together one after another, mostly consisting of working intermittent morning shifts at RJ's and weekend nights only at Vice. The new schedule went a lot smoother now that I had begun getting more rest and better sleep at night.

Days slowly ebbed by quietly, save for more movie nights with Savannah (another perk of the new schedule) where she wailed at the loss of one of her favorite characters, threw popcorn at the old box TV in frustration because "Oh my God, just kiss already!", or screamed during a jump scare (she ended up sleeping in my bed that night. Thanks, Pennywise.) and subsequently trickled into weeks.

Memphis had finally gotten the memo that summer was over, the last week in October inviting the first chill of the fall season. Two weeks into November, it seemed like autumn had screamed "Sike!" and sidestepped so that winter could make an exaggerated appearance — something that Savannah and Sidney would not let me forget as we walked the outside aisles of Midtown Plant Nursery, rows of plants and flowers lined up in planters placed strategically on wood pallets on either side of us.

"You picked the absolute worst time to go plant shopping," Savannah grumbles from behind me.

"Not like she doesn't have enough of them already," Sidney says over the sound of the wagon I pull behind me, the wheels squawking as they scrape against the asphalt.

I roll my eyes in jest and open my mouth to retort before getting distracted by a tiger plant to my right. I make my way towards it, nearly tripping Savannah when my wagon stops abruptly in front of her.

"I should've waited in the car," She groans, burying her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

Okay, so it was cold. Below 40 degrees, I would have to guess.

And yeah, I have a problem. A plant problem.

That newly allotted free time I'd been granted due to dialing back my work schedule? Yeah, it led to me realizing something. I have no hobbies. None. Zilch, zero.

It was when I walked to the kitchen on my day off, prepared to clean, when I realized that the smell of off brand Pine-Sol still lingered on the floor from the night before. I kid you not, the cracked, stained linoleum fucking winked at me it was so shiny. So yeah, with nothing left to clean, and nothing to do but sit quietly with my thoughts until Savannah got home from school — which sounded like a nightmare — I came to the conclusion that I literally did nothing with my time other than work myself to the bone and worry myself sick with stress and anxiety.

The trait to extend myself mentally, emotionally, and physically over the years in order to provide for Savannah and I had sadly become the main focal point in my life, and without our parents knocking down the door to wreak chaos into our lives anymore, I found that I had no other purpose in life.

It was a sad realization. I'd spent all these years foregoing my youth in order to grow up when I shouldn't have had to, and now that my sister and I were finally at the most stable points in our life and I no longer had the mindset that the other shoe was sure to drop and mess that up before we could enjoy it, I had no choice but to recognize that my life had no direction. No end goal. No fucking purpose.

So after spilling my guts about it in therapy, Tierra and I brainstormed possible healthy habits or hobbies that I could take up to occupy my free time. And since I was already so damn used to taking care of everything other than myself, well, it just seemed fitting to give all of my newly devoted free time to plants.

They filled our house now. Abundantly. The air circulation in our home had never been more crisp, and the only thing to thank for that is the rows and rows of plants that now line every available surface; the kitchen and bathroom counters, the dining table, the coffee table, my nightstand, the front porch, literally every single window sill in the house.

I'd suddenly become obsessed with researching different types of plants and learning all about how best to care for them. Embarrassingly, I'd even begun propagating different cuttings and seeds. I was that devoted to my new hobby.

And okay, a large part of that devotion stemmed (pun intended) from literally having to turn my phone off and close it up in the drawer of my nightstand so that I wouldn't be tempted to throw myself at Austin's feet before I was fully ready.

That's another topic Tierra and I talk a lot about during our sessions. Amidst the unpacking of childhood trauma, Austin had slithered his way into our conversations much like he did my life. Abruptly but determined to stay. It seemed like every other revelation ended with the mention of his name. I loved Austin. I love him, and it's the scariest feeling I've ever endured because the unknown, the what-ifs still linger ominously whenever I think of even making plans for the future.

We'd started texting again, much like the beginning stage of our relationship. Small talk that slowly built up to casual but flirty conversation. When I told him about my new plant infatuation, he began asking questions about them, requesting pictures of the new plants I'd picked up during a trip to the nursery. Suggesting names, usually something stupid like 'Jello' that made me laugh to myself. Texting slowly turned into late night phone calls. We caught each other up on our days if we hadn't worked together. We talked about our childhoods, our first ever jobs, our weirdest dreams. We then progressed to making subtle passes at work — I'd strayed away from his office, knowing that if I ventured up there after closing I'd leave with flushed cheeks and swollen lips quite like our last rendezvous outside of Vice. I constantly felt his eyes on me through the security cameras, remembering one night when he mentioned that he liked watching me work because I was unguarded and too "in the zone" to second guess what I was doing when I typically knew I had eyes on me.

And yet, I still hadn't allowed myself to delve back into our relationship head-first. We fell for each other hard and fast, so it felt nice to take some time to myself for once and take things slow. And in doing so, the sexual tension and the urge to jump his bones (again) was through the fucking roof. Hence why plants had suddenly taken over my house.

"How many more til we can go? My fingers are numb," Savannah asks as I place a monstera in the wagon.

My gaze skirts over the few plants I'd snagged. "Okay, yeah we're good to go," I decide, satisfied with my haul.

"Finally," My sister groans, "Can I go warm the truck up?" She pleads with Sidney.

Sidney slips the keys to Lincoln's jacked-up truck from her purse. "I'm right behind you. You good, Aria?"

"I'll be there in a sec," I say, my lips twitching with amusement. Mindless thoughts of Austin during my plant search had caused warmth to slowly trickle through my body, so I didn't feel as cold as before. I sigh as I get in line to pay.

My phone buzzes in my pocket as the woman in front of me unloads even more plants than I collected onto the counter. I pull out my phone, a smile forming on my face as I read the text message lit up across the front.

My smile grows as I click on the picture he attached. A four-tiered wooden shelf, plenty of space between the shelves to house my newest additions. I do a double-take, noticing that a hand saw sits next to it on the floor slightly out of frame.

"He's insane," I murmur to myself, my stomach tingling with happiness.

"I know, right? The palm grass at the nursery across town is so much cheaper," The woman behind me whispers, gesturing towards the guy behind the counter.

Smile still splitting my lips, I can't help but to burst into laughter, not giving a damn when the people in line look at me like I'm crazy.

And to be in the moment so carelessly? It feels good.

——

I meet Austin at his Jeep, stepping back as he effortlessly hauls the shelf from the trunk before slamming it shut. "Do you need some help?" I ask, moving forward to grasp the other end. He whips around before I can touch it.

"Nah, I got it. Get the door for me?"

I scurry forward, bounding up the steps and swinging the front door open.

Austin whistles as he walks inside and sets the shelf down. "Jesus, it looks like a jungle in here."

I slap his shoulder playfully. "But it looks pretty right?" I gesture to the greenery around us.

Austin meets my gaze. "A beautiful sight if I've ever seen one. Plants look good, too."

"Austin!" I lightly push his chest. He slips an arm around my waist and tugs me to his front before I can blink.

"Savannah here?" He asks.

I sigh and rest my hands on his chest, giving up on keeping distance between us. It's these moments, the intimate ones where we pretend I didn't put a pause on our relationship (albeit a pause Austin swears doesn't exist), that bring me the most peace. Screw the plants, nothing will ever compare to the contentment I feel when Austin looks at me likes he wants to conquer me.

Even though he knows he already has, despite how many times I try to play coy.

"She's in her room studying, again," I mutter. "State exams are next week and she's convinced she'll get everything wrong except for her name."

"She studies more than I ever have in my entire life, I swear," He murmurs.

I scrunch my nose in distaste. "Yeah, I have no clue where she got that gene from."

Austin laughs and places a kiss on my forehead before stepping away. "Alright, where do you want it?"

"Well since Savannah's home, I guess it'll have to be the Jeep. Neighbors might see though," I muse, shrugging nonchalantly and purposely riling him up.

Austin groans and stomps towards me. "Come here, brat."

His lips effectively cut off my laugh. I sigh and sink into his kiss, my toes curling in my socks. After a few seconds I pull back and murmur, "I'm sorry I keep making you wait."

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'll wait however long it takes, as long as you still smile and laugh like that when I get you back."

"You still have me," I mumble, reaching up and pecking his lips.

"I want all of you. Especially this new Aria. I think your frown lines finally started fading," He teases, smoothing his thumb between my eyebrows.

I groan and push him away. "You're insufferable today."

He moves toward the shelf when I start clearing the plants on the floor by the TV stand. After getting it situated, he steps back and brushes a kiss against my temple. "Love you, baby," He murmurs.

I tilt my head back and he catches my intent, reaching down to place another kiss on my lips. "I love you. Thank you for my shelf, I love it."

Austin pinches my waist. "I already bought a new can of wood stain for the next one."

I turn away to pick up the plants on the floor, trying to hide my smile. Austin lets out a deep laugh, and my smile grows, knowing I've been caught but not giving a damn. He can see it all; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Every part of me is his.

——

😭

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