I jolted awake as my phone rang. The room was dark, reminding me that it wasn't morning yet. I noticed the red curtains and drawing desk in the room. I frowned. This wasn't my room. Arms tightened around my torso and I looked down.

Tasneem was sleeping peacefully beside me.

Her head rested on my shoulder, her plump lips were close to my neck, breathing softly against the sensitive skin. My hand tightened around her waist. I used my other hand to brush away the loose hair from her delicate face. My finger wrapped around the soft strand, tucking it behind her ear as I relished in her beauty.

Her eyes were closed as she breathed in a soothing rhythm. We were so close that I could feel her heartbeat against her chest. I brought my lips to her forehead, unable to resist myself. She wouldn't notice.

She was too deep in her slumber to even feel the faint press of my lips against her smooth silky skin. Although it was still night out, the moonlight coming from the window was still illuminating the ridges of her beautiful face.

My phone rang again, disrupting my thoughts. Groaning, I reached over to the nightstand besides Tasneem's bed. After a couple seconds of fumbling, I finally found it. I squinted my eyes at the bright screen as Damon's grinning picture was plastered on the screen. I slid my finger to the green 'answer' button when the inconsistent ringing didn't stop.

"Why the hell did you think it was a good idea to call me at three in the morning?" I whisper-yelled at him.

Damon snorted, "Well Assalamualaikum to you too, friend."

"If waking up at this ungodly hour is a part of our friendship, I'd like to terminate it."

"Harsh. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" he asked in a light tone.

"I'm hanging up."

Instantly, Damon started yelling, "No! I was kidding! Don't leave me!"

"Don't you have a wife to be bothering, Damon? I don't know about you, but most normal people like to spend their nights sleeping," I retorted.

"Sleep is for the weak."

"Great, so let me be weak and sleep," I said.

Damon let out an exasperated sigh. "Why are you so rude?"

"Because you get on my nerves."

"Tsk tsk, Ibrahim. I'm going to tell your wife that you're bullying me."

My eyes drifted to Tasneem's sleeping form. I had been trying to keep my voice as low as possible so I wouldn't disturb her slumber. She was so scared last night.

I had another nightmare, so I decided to get a drink of water, but I heard Tasneem whimpering. In fear of her safety, I ran to her room. I didn't have the intention to stay the night with her, but the pleading look in her brown eyes made me stay.

"Ibrahim?" questioned Damon.

"Yeah, Damon."

"Thought you passed out on me for a second," he joked.

I considered the idea. "That sounds very tempting, I will admit."

"Asshat," he muttered.

I ignored his comment and asked, "Why did you call?"

"Oh right. I called because I was bored and couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

"Amira is staying at her parent's place," he said. "So I've been deprived of teasing her for a whole day."

"I should care because..." I trailed off, allowing Damon to finish the sentence.

"You should care because your old time friend is lonely," he whined.

I sighed, pulling Tasneem closer to me. Her body molded against my own perfectly like we belonged together.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I asked, confused.

"You're already doing it."

"Damn it," I mumbled against the phone once I realized what he meant.

I heard Damon's deep laughter on the other line. "You always walk into these types of conversations, Ibrahim," he chuckled.

I muttered a string of curse words under my breath.

"Ibrahim," he mockingly gasped. "Profanity is wrong."

"Look who's talking, did Amira make you sleep on the couch the last time you cursed?" I asked, amused.

"Maybe."

I glanced back at the clock, knowing that I should go back to sleep soon if I didn't want to be a zombie in the office. I used to think that being a CEO was as easy as the movies made it out to be, but it wasn't. I spent most of my days in the office with barely any days off unless I really needed it. The workload was almost unbearable at times.

"How tragic," I replied, dryly.

Damon scoffed, "You know there's this thing, maybe you've heard of it. It's called a heart. It's where we show kindness to one another even if we hate them."

"That exists?"

"Hell no."

I had to stifle my laughter. Tasneem stirred a little in her sleep, her eyebrows scrunching. Immediately, I knew it was time to hang up on Damon before he made me wake Tasneem up by accident. She deserved to sleep well, hell, she deserved better than me.

There were countless of times where I thought about our future together. They were unrealistic and straight up fantasies that would never come true, yet I still found myself wishing for my dreams to become a reality.

"Hey, Ibrahim?"

Damon's voice snapped me out of my depressing thoughts. "Yeah, Damon."

"Take care of your wife, man. Trust me when I say that marriage is beautiful even in the darkest times," he said softly.

"I know," I whispered back.

"I'm serious. I know what you think like. Dude, we've been friends since college. I know you and I know that you're afraid of letting a girl into your heart."

"I'm not afraid of it," I denied. "Just worried about the outcomes."

Damon inhaled a deep breath. "Ibrahim, don't let her go. Whatever you do, just do not break her heart. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me."

"Amira turned you into a philosopher," I lightly joked.

"Fuck you, asshole. I'm trying to use that heart I was talking about earlier. God, show some decency to me."

"I know I know. I greatly appreciate your concern, but I'm fine," I said.

Damon sighed, "Well, it's time for me to attempt to sleep without my wife for once."

"Don't hurt yourself," I chuckled.

"No promises," he said and then hung up.

I set my phone down, pondering over Damon's words. My gaze dropped to my wife's sleeping face. She was still sleeping soundly as if she had no worries in the world.

I wondered what she was dreaming about and if I was ever a part of her dreams because she was always in mine. I knew that I should be more of a husband to her, but I couldn't. Something always stopped me.

Every time that I tried to bring up my horrible past, my demons came back, pulling me back with their sharp talons. My mind would become hazy and lost like a fog overtaking my memories. I couldn't- no I wouldn't allow my past to consume me once again. I promised myself to never burden anyone with my dark secrets.

Running the back of my hand against her soft cheek, I leaned closer to her. My lips hovered over her own, they were tempting me to kiss her. Her lips looked so inviting, but I couldn't.

Dropping my hand, I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't lead her on like this. She deserved better, she could have better than me. That was what pained me the most.

Our marriage wasn't like Damon's. Ours was complex. We were an expression that had no answer, no guide. I was a lost and bitter man. I didn't need anyone. I was fine alone.

Alone.

That was all I ever knew. I only knew the feeling of pain as the darkness within consumed me. I used to be like Bashir, quirky and energetic, until that day I was taken away. That day where I was the reason why my parents were murdered. I had to live with that burden for the rest of my life. My parents were gone, brutally slaughtered in front of my eyes and it was my entire fault.

I had brought that fate to them.

Slowly, tears welled in my eyes. My breathing wavered as my mother's gentle face came to mind. Nine years had gone by and I still broke down at the mere memory of them.

It was all my fault, I killed them, I ruined them, I destroyed them. My heart still tightened whenever I thought about my parents. Oh Allah, I prayed, make this pain easier on me.

"Ibrahim?" asked a soft voice.

I looked down, Tasneem fluttered her eyes open. The large brown orbs stared up at me, concern filling them as she took in my distraught expression. She quickly sat up, cupping my face in her hands. The red blanket fell to her hips at the sudden movement. The tips of her fingers brushed under my eyelids.

"You're crying," she softly said. "Oh, Ibrahim. What happened?"

"Leave me alone," I mumbled as I pushed her away from me.

I swung my legs to the side of the bed and got up, walking towards the door. I had to get out of here. All that was on my mind was leaving before she really left me for good. She couldn't find out what happened and what I had done.

Panic settled within me, blocking all my senses. I had to get away from her. She would be gone forever if I didn't. I knew she would because I had never told anyone that dark secret. I wasn't taking any risks with it either.

"Wait! Ibrahim-"

Her hand held my arm back, and I stopped. The room was silent. All that could be heard was my heavy breathing, my fists clenched at my sides, yet Tasneem's grip on my arm only tightened. I wanted to shake her hand off me and just storm back into my room, but at the same time I wanted to stay with her like this forever.

I wanted her love.

But I didn't deserve it.

She didn't say anything for a while, and I didn't turn around. I was very aware of her presence, her smell, her breathing. I was aware of every little thing that she was doing. The small hand that was wrapped around my arm ignited a fire within me. Her touch seemed to calm me. I could feel her intense gaze on my back, willing me to turn around.

I stayed still, waiting for her to do something, anything to break the thin ice between us.

She didn't.

"Why?" I hoarsely managed out. "Why do you still stay with me?"

I turned around, facing her. Her eyes widened as she saw the watery look in my eyes, her fingers loosened their grip, allowing me to pull away. I stepped back, putting distance between us.

"You're my husband," she said quietly.

Her words angered me. "I shouldn't even be called that," I hissed.

"That's not true."

"It is. I'm a sad excuse of a husband and you shouldn't even be near me. I'm a monster, a mess, a broken fragment that lost all the pieces."

Her brown eyes softened as she took a step closer to me. "Stop that," she whispered. "Don't say those horrible things about yourself."

I laughed, bitterly. "It's the truth. I'm a fucking coward who can't even tell his own wife about his past. I can't even give her the love she deserves. I'm not worth your time, Tasneem."

"Yes you are! You're worth everything, Ibrahim. You're not a coward or a monster. You're perfect just the way you are. Why can't you see that?" she yelled, tears brimming her eyes. Her shoulders shook as a sob ripped through her. "You keep telling me to leave, you keep telling me to stay away from you, but I won't. I won't leave, I won't do it!"

The determination from her voice surprised me. There was my beautiful bride, crying her heart out as she tried to convince me that she wasn't going anywhere. She was offering her love and affection to me, but it hurt me even more. I would never be the husband that she wanted me to be.

"Tasneem-"

She shook her head. "No. Stop it. Don't tell me you won't be who I want you to be because you already are the man I want you to be. Stop this, Ibrahim. Please," she begged. "I don't want anyone but you. I only want to care about you. I only want to love you!"

"You can't love me," I croaked out. "When you find out, you'll leave just like everyone else. I can't take that pain anymore, Tasneem. I just can't."

Suddenly, I felt Tasneem's warm embrace. Her arms wrapped around my torso and her cheeks rested against my chest. I felt her tears soak into my shirt, wetting it with her sorrow. My arms hesitantly wrapped around her shaking form as a few tears slipped past my eyelids. Slowly, her arms tightened and I rested my chin on her head, allowing her to hold me as she cried.

"I-I won't go away. No matter how many times you p-push me away and how many times y-you tell me to go, I won't," she promised. "I'm yours forever, Ibrahim."

Allah was giving me a chance at the happiness I was deprived of. My heart painfully constricted in my chest as I heard her tell me those words. She was mine. She promised she wouldn't go. Never in my life had I felt the raw emotion that was surging through my veins. I never knew what it was like to be loved, yet the sweetest girl I ever met was promising to love me.

"S-Say something," she pleaded, her wet stained cheek still resting against my broad chest.

Bringing my lips to her ear, I murmured, "Thank you."

She pulled back a little to see my expression. She sniffled as she rubbed at her eyes, "Why?"

"For not giving up on me," I gently smiled, pulling her closer.

She was mine and I was never letting her go, not after today.