“Irene…Are you sure this is the entrance?” gazing at the one-hundred meter hole. Sweat dripping down from his forehead, hitting the golden sand due to the intense heat in this desert.

“A hundred percent. Who do you think I am? My information gathering network is top class, even ‘Ghoul Squad’ wanted to recruit me for my skills” said the bespectacled gray haired young woman, puffing out her small chest

Squinting his eyes to see what was inside of it. The hole was eighty-feet in diamter, or even more, as it was too hazy in the desert he couldn't be too sure of it.

“But there’s teeth covering the walls…and I think they’re moving” observing the rows of gigantic jagged teeth that’s circling around the inner walls. He thought that his companion might have gotten the wrong place.

“Duh, obviously because it’s alive” stating it as if it’s common knowledge.

*Hrunggggggggggggg...* guttural sounds came from inside the damned thing while she said so. Making the man next to her jump up from the sudden noise.

"And I'm asking you again. Are you sure that this is the right entrance?" looking down, he was unable to see the bottom of this abyss. Wishing that his companion really did get the wrong place. It wasn't really an ideal entrance to a dungeon, he even thought that the underground sanctuary was an even more suitable place than this one, and that place was filled with fluffy black rabbits. Their outward appearance might not be intimidating to say the least, but they can phase through anything including your flesh and rip your hearts out in a matter of seconds if you were caught unaware,

“Don’t be silly Shen, of course it's the right one. We've been trying to find this place for weeks and all the clues point towards here” she dismisses the mans concerns, which made the man more flustered.

"You're so uptight, be more like Red and just let go~ enjoy the thrill of discovery" she points towards someone who was going inside the hole. That person jumped down using the moving jagged teeth as footholds. Laughing away as if he just found something interesting or funny to what he was doing.

“Hey, come back here! We haven’t even planned to go in yet!” he shouted at the man wearing a red coat. He looks back at him with his sharp eyes, revealing a toothy grin. Why did he always do these kind of things, he thought.

“It’s called scouting! I'll bring back a souvenir when I get back!” he shouted as he jumps down towards another moving tooth.

“Please talk some sense into him! He’s going to trigger something again and I clearly remember things going south for us whenever he’s by himself” trying to talk the young woman beside me into persuading the man who went ahead. He wasn't always like this, back then you could still reason with him. To some extent.

“Don’t ask me to do something I can’t do. If you really wanted things to stay in order, then just ask Natalia or Lich to talk him out of it and behave like a good boy” shrugging while she watched the red-coated man. Alas, the woman next to him gave up without even trying.

“If they were here then I would’ve asked them first!” brooding over the fact that they went to the nearest village to get supplies.

“ARGHHH! I should’ve went with them instead, but nooo, I just had to stay behind and babysit a fella who has a screw loose in his head with a girl who has an itch to burn everything to the ground!” he held his head as he sat down at the edge of the hole. He's fear for the 'living' entrance disappearing in the face of his annoyance to his companions.

His companion next to him puts her hand over his shoulder to pacify him.

"Don't worry too much. They'll be back in thirty minutes and then you can rest easy" she smiles as she tries to comfort the blue haired man.

"Okay...Hah...Hah..." he breathes in and out, managing to calm his head in a matter of seconds.

"There~ all better" she sits down next to him and opens her stat window in front of her. As soon as he manages to relax from her words, the sand beneath him began to shift. Two windows popped up in front of Irene and me, accompanied by a loud grunt that came from inside the hole

*HUNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG* it became louder and louder each second, as if the beast that was supposed to be the entrance woke up from its deep slumber.

You have agitated the ‘Sand Eater’. It will now begin to roam the desert, devouring everything in it’s path until it calms down again Total villages destroyed: 0 Dungeon instance ‘Desert Abyss’ has been created by one of your party members

“YOU WHAT!?” they both immediately stood up at the sudden announcement. The man was panicking, while the woman was looking like she was every bit of it.

"Welp, can't be helped~ Ahahaha" she laughs at the words that were being displayed in the windows that popped up in front of them.

"By the way, you're the one that's explaining all of this later~" she said, as she jumps down on one of the moving teeth. He thought to himself at that time of why things didn't turn out the way he wanted it to, but he just sighs as he followed behind them.

"Might as well follow from behind and clean up their mess" he then jumps down into the beastly hole.

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Sitting on a box of wooden orange crates. Two boys where idly passing their time, enjoying frozen popsicles in a mid-summers afternoon. You can clearly see that one of them was roughed up, but the other one was just smiling away as if he found something fun to poke at.

“So, how’s that for a days work? We taught them some good ’ol manners didn’t we John” smiling towards his friend who had russet hair combed to the side with sharp, almond shaped black eyes and a few bandages on his cheek.

“You’re only saying that because you’re not the one who got sucker punched by one of them!” squinting my already sharp eyes at the boy who had shoulder length maroon hair and big round violet eyes that'll definetely catch the attention of passersby. It was so eye catching that when the first time I saw this guy, I stared at his face for ten minutes before he got angry at me.

“And you took it like a man. No, like a champ!” tugging his red shirt that's twice his body frame. Why can't her just wear some clothes that would actually fit him?

“Urghh. I’m going to get scolded later Dean. When Mrs. Lane hears about this from their mothers, I just hope I don't get another earful” groaning at the fact that I'll get another sermon about how I should make peace and blah blah blah when i return.

“Then you can tell her that they called you and the other orphans ‘A bunch of stray dogs left by their owners to die'. Let's see those scumbags talk their way out of it this time” harrumphing while he throws his popsicle stick in the trash can a few feet away and goes directly inside. It was a good throw considering we were fifteen or so feet away from it.

“…we should’ve just walked through the normal route we used to take instead of going through that neighborhood” sighing at our actions. I also tried to mimic what my friend just did, but missing my mark as it lands to the side of it.

It was the middle of August in the city of Dawnlock, a city of business and trade where big shots and people who want to make big come and go everyday. Going for deals and building relationships to further their own goals. Be it technology or food, this is where they start before globalizing their products.

The city’s divided into four parts, the eastern part is where tons of factories that carry out the manufacturing of products, the western part is more of like a private sector where locals do business, the northern part where the headquarters of some large groups are located, and the southern part is the Urban area and pier.

“This heats killing me. Its only1 o’clock in the afternoon and I’m already drenched in sweat” using my right hand to wipe the sweat from my forehead. Why is our only vacation from school when it's super hot or when there's snow falling on the side walk? Can't they make the school schedules a little bit more accomodating?

“We could hang out at my place. Its pretty cool there with the air condition” he suggested.

“Wouldn’t we be bothering your parents while we’re there?” not like we're going to cause a ruckus, but people working don't typical want to be disturbed.

“Nah, their on a business meeting in the northern part. They won’t be home ‘til midnight” as we get up from the wooden crates and started to walk down the street.

Dean doesn’t show it with his clothes and style, but his family is filthy rich, as they deal in software business by programming business management softwares to the business groups here in Dawnlock and other parts of the world. Not bad for a young couple back then. Uncle Dustin and aunt Jude moved here about eight years ago, they often donate and visit the orphanage. That’s how Dean and I became friends. Well, we didn’t used to get along like right now. He used to be a dick but with the constant visits, some nudge from Mrs. Lane, and a few fights, we got a long in no time.

“Can you turn on the T.V. while I go get us something to drink” he said while moving towards the kitchen. I find the remote right next to a family picture of Deans Family. Taking a quick glance at the three people who where smiling happily towards the camera, I then returned to the sofa and turned the T.V. on.

“Have you seen the new VR pods those people were advertising these days on T.V.?” I asked as he got back. He carried a jug of lemonade and two empty glasses, putting it on the table in front of the T.V. Ah~ nothing beats the summer heat than a fresh glass of lemon mixed with water and sugar.

“Yeah, mom was really interested in doing a business deal with them and dad just eager to see how the machine works. So, we went to an exhibition in the north a few days ago. It was really cool to see it.” leaning on the sofa. I understand why aunt Jude would be interested, but why was uncle Dean suddenly so eager in something that he usually just ignored back then? He got the offer to work for the company who those things, but he immediately turned them down, because of 'it's not intersting enough' for him.

“You were there? How was it? Did you get to test it?” hitting him with a barrage of questions. Innocence is bliss, but I won't be able to sleep at night if I don't get to hear from his mouth what it was actually like.

“Nah, they only showed how the people using it interacted inside the virtual reality, landscapes and what not. The machine looked big though, as big as a mini cooper” he said while shrugging his shoulders.

While VR's development may have stagnated since they were first introduced a few decades ago. A group of Neurologist and programmers suddenly came out with their new developments and discoveries on how to make VR technology work as it was intended. They called their VR machine the “Gift”. It was originally going to be used for the disabled people who can’t walk all the way to the comatosed patients to try and stimulate brain activity. Which is a huge leap for them if you ask me.

Their group has then been called Grand Gift Corp. They took the media by storm when they first announced about it. Gathering investors like a bear is to honey, the corporation soon grew big enough that they announced about venturing not only for medical purposes, but also for the entertainment of others using the “Gift Machine”. They have a division here at the north of Dawnlock where they first advertised their product to the local hospitals.

“They’ll be releasing a game called 'Beginning' a few months from now, alongside the opening of a few Gift Centers here, where the gift machines will be open for the public to use...on a rental fee that is” informing me, who was clueless on what was going on. Gift centers...sounds like something that came out of a pokemon game.

“Must cost a lot to get one of those, heck, even renting one might charge you with a huge renting fee per hour” imagining the money that would be spent just to rent one of them. I guess I could also get some part-time jobs like Luc.

Dean grins at my statement, which led me to tilt my head to the side as to why he was laughing weirdly.

“Hohoho. I haven’t told you yet, but dad ordered three of those Gift machines and they’ll be arriving next month. And one of them is going to be installed in the orphanage!” dropping a bombshell on me. Alert! Alert! Little Boy has been deployed!

“Your shitting me right!? Please don’t joke, your going to give me another stomach ache at this rate” holding down my excitement. Curse you stomach!

“Eh? Are you really going to shit yourself?” tilting his head to the side. I tried to change the embarrassing topic, making a stoic face while doing so. I'm not going to embarrass myself this time, this I swear!

“Moving on. You're really not joking with me? As in we're seriously going to get one?” I looked at him seriously.

“Of course I’m not! We can play when the game releases!” grinning while he checks my reaction.

“OOHHH!! WEOHHHH!!” I scream unintelligible words. Can’t really blame me for making that kind of noise. I was just too excited and I couldn't contain it anymore. Currently, being able to play one of the new VR game that’s coming out is one of the dreams of most children and adults out there. Alongside ruling the world or breeding imaginary dragons and unicorns for a living and selling them to leprechauns. Ah, blissful idiocy is so nice~

After a few hours, the sun had already set and I had to go back to the orphanage. I bid Dean goodnight, but before I left he called out to me.

“Come back here again in a few days, the trailer for the games coming out at nine o'clock! Remember, nine o’clock sharp!” shouting from the entrance of his house. You don't need to tell me twice, that time is already etched inside my head. I wave at him one last time before going down the street.

Can't wait for next month~ I thought, humming a tune while I moved forward.

I walked along the street, making sure I didn't take the route where the neighborhood kids we met a while ago where living. It's not a good idea to look for a fight when it's going to be one vs the whole cul-de-sac.

I moved along and looked at my surroundings to pass the time. It was a fantastic sight to see every night. Even though its already evening, the lights of the stores, street vendors and various establishments still illuminate the night with a brilliance that makes you think it’s the dawn of a new day. Most establishments here don't even close, they stay open twenty-four seven.

After walking for fifteen minutes, I see a shabby looking building a few meters a head of me. It had a sun faded Teal color on the walls and a byzantine colored roof that’s cool on the eyes. It may not be the best looking house out there compared to Dean's and the other houses on the neighborhood, but I call this place were I feel comfortable and safe 'Home'.

As I was about to enter the fence, I see our caretaker standing by the doorway with her light auburn hair bundled up to the side of her head while wearing a frown with her eyebrows furrowed.

“And what have you got to say for yourself young man?” folding her arms in front of her chest. She gave me a stern look, like a police officer who found a wanted criminal walking down the street.

Mrs. Lane was our caretaker, as far as I can remember. I was left in front of the door of the orphanage wrapped around with newspaper and a layer of cloth when I was still a couple of months old. She was the one who took care of me since I was a baby. Good thing I didn't die getting covered in snow back then, that would've been tragic.

Mrs. Lanes husband died six months before I arrived at the tender age of twenty-two. She was teaching at the local university back then when he got involved in a car accident. Distraught at the news of her husbands death, she quit teaching and holed herself up in her house for months. They didn’t have any children, so when I arrived at her doorstep, Mrs. Lane thought about adopting me, but settled on the notion of starting an orphanage for kids like me instead. Though, adoption here in the city was very rare. So most of us would probably stay here until we spread our wings and take on life our selves. But, I'll still help her out if she calls for me.

“I didn’t start it, I swear!” blurting it all out in a heartbeat. Hey, I can only plead for my innocence. Please, ma'am. I'm innocent!

“And you played along with it? You’re fifteen now, John. You should have just ignored them and walked away with Dean. You know how that child acts sometimes. Geez, he just does whatever he wants when his parents are away” putting her right hand on her forehead. I guess the judge finds me guilty...

“But they called us stray dogs!” I continued on. Mrs. Lane comes closer and pats my head.

“I know sweety, but what others say to you whether their hurtful doesn’t matter. What does matter, is what the people you care about think of you” she pats my head again. What are these pats for? Comforting me? Well, it's working.

“And from what I heard from you, I’ll have a chat with their parents about their attitude, also…” she gets up and goes to the door to open it and turns around smiling.

“Welcome home” Mrs. Lane opened the door and I was soon greeted by my fellow orphanage children.

Ah, it's good to be back.

------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been three days since that day. I was getting ready to leave for Deans house, and as I was about to head out, some one talked to me from the living room.

“We’re you going J? gonna hang out with D again?” said a tall young girl with black long hair. She was wearing a super long shirt that makes you think that it was a one piece dress. Why not just put on something that would fit you...did she get her style from Dean?

“Yeah, we’re going to watch the trailer for that new game that’s coming out soon” I said to Tala while I was putting my shoes on. I should just buy those easy to wear ones where there's no laces, it's such a chore putting this thing on.

""The game that you and bro Dean keep talking about?”" said at the same time by two indentical people who were sitting on the sofa. They really looked the same, and that’s to the fact that they're twins. The male of the two is named Dymo, sporting a checkered blue and red hoodie with animal ears. The female one is named Didy, who was also wearing a similar hoodie but colored white and pink. They have the same ashy gray hair but Dymo had black eyes while Didy had hazel ones.

“Yeah, that one” suddenly, I feel the hem of my shirt being tugged on. As I peer at who it was, I hear a voice to my side.

“Cayn I kwom wit you Jyon?” staring at me with big blue eyes.

“You can’t come with me Alana, Mrs. Lane would get angry if I take you along” I said, looking into the eyes of this short bob cut haired little girl. Such an adorable little angel~ but...Must. Resist. Those. Eyes. When people in the orphanage look at those pleading puppy dog eyes, they'll surrender to her and just do what she says. But not this guy, this guy is immune to those cute red cheeks that are asking to get pinched…sometimes.

I pat her head and wakled towards the door

“Can you tell Mrs. Lane that I’ll be home before dinner” I said as I opened the door.

“Sure thing J” she gives me a thumbs up. I was the oldest in the orphanage, with Tala as the second at twelve years old. The twins were eight now and then cute little Alana was the youngest at three years old. I do consider them as my brothers and sisters and I do view Mrs. Lane as my mother even though we aren’t tied by blood.

When I got out of the building, I hear a commotion outside, Looking around, I see three people arguing next to a messed up bakery with broken chairs all around, pointing here and there.

"And who's going to pay for this!?" yelled the owner of the bakery.

I turned my attention to where they were pointing at, and saw two cars were totaled next to the bakery, with a few broken tables here and there. From what I could translate from their nonstop yelling of who’s to blame for the accident, the newspaper boy was delivering the morning mail when one of the two cars was overtaking a slow moving cart next to the boy on the road of the opposite lane. However, the other car didn’t notice the oncoming vehicle, as both of them took a sharp left and right, trying to avoid each other but failing. They then crashed into the bakery.

I went to the side of the newspaper boy to check up on him.

“Hey, Luc. Tou okay there?” I asked while scanning his body for any injuries.

“Yeah, I just scraped my knee when I got startled and fell from my bike” said the glasses wearing boy of short height. Scrapes are fine, but a head trauma and a few broken bones would've been something worth panicking over. So all is good.

“That’s good to hear. Don’t push yourself too hard then and always look where your heading, it’s dangerous on the streets when drivers don’t pay attention while driving" cautioning him about the dangers of not paying attention while biking on the streets. A safe life, is a happy life.

“Will do John. C’ya later then, still got some newspapers left to deliver” getting up and riding his bike. We parted ways at the intersection. I then arrived at Deans house and saw Uncle Dustin outside doing a yoga pose called 'Kapotasana' while wearing a yellow leotard next to a tree. I greet him by waving my right hand.

“Good morning uncle Dustin, you’re doing yoga again this early in the morning?” He doesn’t get up but instead wiggles his chevron mustache from side to side. What a weird man he was.

“A pleasant morning to you also, John. Care to join me in this spiritual and ascetic discipline? I have a spare outfit inside the house that matches mine” wiggling his mustache again. That didn't sound good to me...

Uncle Dustin Devin, Deans father is an eccentric but kind man. Who might not look capable with his goofy looking hair, chevron mustache and drooping eyes, but he graduated as the top in Information Technology - Enterprise Information Systems with aunt Jude as the third at Yalo University, the second most prestigious school on Information Technology in the whole continent. Or so they say.

“Not today, I’m just here to hangout with Dean” I replied immediately, waving at him one more time before going inside. Leotard plus me, equals a day of mockery from everyone I know.

As I enter, I saw Dean on the couch, upside down sporting another red shirt while watching T.V. I look towards the second floor and saw Aunt Jude talking to someone on the phone. She notices me and I wave at her while saying good morning. She replied by nodding her head towards me. I then went over to the couch where Dean was.

“Hey, they’re about to release the trailer in fourteen minutes” he goes upright on the couch. I sit on the long black leather sofa and started to discuss the game with him.

“I wonder what it’s going to be. Fantasy world with a medieval setting? Modern? Sci-Fi? At least it has to be an RPG right?" speculating at what type of game they were releasing. That's what we can only do right now, speculate and have wet dreams about it.

“Why not everything? Imagine a game with all of it, action, adventure, role-play, flying saucers that abduct cows. That could be either fantasy or sci-fi right? That would be an awesome game” while waiting for the trailer to release, we talked about how the games going to be.

Fourteen minutes of waiting later, we changed the channel and peered at the TV screen, eagerly waiting for the trailer to be shown. The screen turned black and a pair of slightly opened eyes with green reptilian irises and a timer counting down from 719:59:57 appeared. That was it, nothing else happened except for the count down timer.

“What the fucking hell kind of trailer was that? Is that even a trailer?” said Dean as he stood up from his seat. Exasperation could be seen on his entire face.

“Well…That was definitely a unique way of showing one. But from what I could see, maybe its counting down on when it releases?” adding my two cents. I divide the hours on the timer by twenty-four and I got exactly thirty days.

"In like, thirty days?" I said.

“I thought they’d release it after a few months when the Gift Centers are done?” tilting his head to the side, while he thought about it too.

“Maybe they’re already done and going with it at an earlier date?" also thinking up of a reason as to why they did it.

"That doesn’t matter! It’s releasing next month!” jumping up from my seat.

“HELL! FUCKING! YEAH!” we both shouted and aunt Jude berated us for being too noisy. We apologized and went to his room to play video games until noon.

A few hours later, aunt Jude called for us tp come down.

“Boys, there’s sandwiches and lemonade here. Come down and eat” she said. It was already noon and we were having lunch downstairs while uncle Dustin was still laying in a meditative posture on the front yard.

How long can one meditate in the scorching heat anyway? Won't he get skin cancer if he does that everyday? looking at Dean's father from the living room. We chatted with aunt Jude while we were eating. Dean was drinking from his red glass again. Everything I see that Dean has is coloured red. I asked him once why all his stuff was red and he told me 'Its because it’s my favorite color and it represents strength! All the ladies want a strong man!' he said, while he flexes his unimpressive muscles.

“So, how have you boys been these days? I hope you aren’t getting into any fights or you chasing skirts out there already?” said aunt Jude. While uncle Dustin was more of the easygoing type, Aunt Jude is the strict and overly serious one with her shoulder length hair, big violet eyes, wearing her signature red glasses and she was always in her business attire even in her own home. She handles everything from the business side of things all the way up to their home finances, but she does have a soft spot for Dean and uncle Dustin, pampering her two boys (but one of them is a forty year old man) too much.

Dean responds to her mothers probing question with his usual Dean-like answers.

“We would never trouble anyone. We’re good honest boys who uphold to the morals dictated to us by the elderly!” while I look away when aunt Jude stares at me. Please don't, I'm weak to those kinds of things.

“Are you sure? Because Lane told me that you got yourself into a fight again yesterday or did she lie to me, hmm?” giving the both of us a questioning look. By that time, me and Dean were sweating buckets. Looking at each other, we communicate with our minds on how to handle this situation. Yes, people, you can communicate using your minds with someone whom you've know long enough.

'SHIT!' 'SHIT!'. Was all we could convey to each other. Aunt Jude then started scolding us for fighting. She must have been informed of what really happened by Mrs. Lane because the scolding didn’t last too long.

After hanging out at Deans house we went to the local convenience store and got ourselves fruit flavored popsicle sticks. This has become a routine for us whenever we see each other in the summer. The streets aren’t busy like they used to be a few months ago, seeing only a few people walking down the street. They must be hiding inside their homes, trying to avoid the scorching sun.

As we enter the store, the person behind the cashier talked to us.

“Hey, did the two of you see the new trailer of Grand Gift corps. game? Weird, right? Just a black screen and a count down timer” said Jim, the part-time store clerk here. Wearing an apron with the store logo over his white shirt, the words 'AG please help' written on it. We asked him before on what it means and he answered with “Addicted Gamer”. We met Jim a few years back, when he first arrived in the city. We befriended him fast since he had the same interests as us and was always on the know when it comes to gaming in general. He was a cool dude to hangout with.

“Yeah, stupid right?” answered Dean.

“Oh, yeah, Jim are there any Gift centers that are open here now?” I asked while I pay for the popsicle stick that i held in my hand.

“There’s no Gift center that’s open here yet. But there’s five in the private district that’s about to open next month. From what I heard from my friends working at the pier. There was a large shipment of Isolation pods that came in this morning. They are, with a hundred percent guarantee, for the Gift centers!” announced Jim with a smug look.

"And I was also snooping in the forums of some sites about what type of game 'Beginning' is, and from what I gathered, it’s a Fantasy RPG in a medieval setting with some slight modern influences here and there. I saw some screen shots of the game on beta, there werepistols and an airship quest, I didn’t see any cars though so there’s that. I also heard that the places in the game are region based. So if you registered and started your game here, you'll most probably going to start in this regions 'Zone'” Jim kept talking on and on about the game and we listened like devout worshipers on a sunday morning. Praise be to our Game Addicted friend Jim!

When we finished talking about the game, it was already 6:30 pm in the evening, Dean and I left the store after saying our good byes to Jim. We parted ways at the intersection and I went home for the day.

Can't wait for next month~

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Mom was talking to someone on the phone. She was ecstatic about something as she called for me and dad to come to the living room.

“I have a big announcement for you two. Grand Gift accepted our deal to create an Information system for their Gift Machine” as mom announced that, both me and dad wore dumbfounded expressions. After a few seconds to process the information, me and my dad jumped up and down, celebrating our new fortune. But mom wasn’t finished speaking yet.

“But we have to move to the main headquarters of Grand Gift Corporation in a few days to get started on the integration and adjustments when they release the gift machines to the public” when mom said that, my heart suddenly sunk.

“But do we really have to go there? Can’t you guys just go and install it or something and then come back?” I argued.

“We can’t, dear. Once the system's up, we need to do constant filtering of information and adjustments to the system that needs to be done every few days when they go public” mom said with sad eyes while looking at me.

“I can stay here though, can I? All my friends are here and I don’t want to leave them” pleading with my mother as I say it, but before she could reply, my father cuts in.

“Son, I know its hard, but we can always visit when summer or winter comes. We also have to think about where you’re supposed to go to high school and college, Brohlm is a school that specializes in Neuroscience and prizes itself for the quality education that it can give you there” making a hard face as he lectures me.

My mother looks at me while caressing my head. I don't understand why dad was so adamant on this, last time he was the one who didn't want to leave this place.

“We still have a few days to prepare dear, you can hang out with your friends as much as you want by that time” she said.

After the announcement I went up to my room and thought real hard for a few hours.

'How do I break this news to John without making him shit himself...'