《The Secret Policemen》Do me a Favor
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The inside of the van had two bench seats running along either side of it. There were no windows in the van, and the driver’s compartment was blocked off. The inside was illuminated by a bright strip light.
The Inspector was sitting on the right hand side bench.
‘You must be Karla - please have a seat’ - said the Inspector, smiling.
The door was closed behind Karla. She moved to the left hand side bench and sat opposite the Inspector. Karla crossed her legs and sat looking at the floor.
‘There are bad people in this world Karla - very bad people’ - said the Inspector, not smiling anymore and looking serious.
Karla said nothing, training her eyes to the floor.
‘It is my job, Karla, to catch these bad people. But these bad people can be very slippery. They hide and dodge - and we sometimes need help to find and stop them from doing bad things.’
Karla was silent.
‘My colleague tells me that you have a customer Karla - a customer called Mike that comes to visit you often. Is this true?’
Karla kept her nerve. She refused to look at the Inspector, and refused to answer his questions.
‘Karla - we can do this one of two ways. The first way is I ask you for a favor, and you help me. With this way, I owe you one. I owe you a favor and life carries on. You will be protected from everything bad that can happen in this world. The second way is I ask you for a favor, and you sit there in silence - or tell me to go fuck myself or whatever. With this way, you don’t get to leave this van, and you will no longer be protected from everything bad that can happen in this world. And the bad that can happen in this world, Karla, is so very terrible - especially for such a pretty thing like you. Do I make myself clear Karla?’ - The Inspector leaned forward.
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Karla sniffed, and nodded her head - still staring at the floor of the van.
‘Okay - good. So, let’s try again. You have a customer that comes to visit you often. Is this true?’
‘Yes’ - Karla replied.
‘And this customer is called Mike?’ - the Inspector leaned back against the side of the van.
‘Yes.’
‘And Mike came to see you today?’
‘Yes.’
‘And when is Mike coming to see you next?’
‘Tomorrow - he comes after he plays squash. Usually twice a week.’
‘And does Mike always keep his appointments - or does he cancel or not show-up ever?’
‘He always comes when he has an appointment.’
‘And what does Mike do when he comes to see you, Karla?’ - The Inspector peered forward again.
‘What?’ - Karla looked at the Inspector.
‘Tell me what Mike does - his routine?’
Karla looked back at the floor. ‘He comes just for a massage.’
‘I am sure, Karla, that your massage skills are so good that Mike comes to see you twice a week for just a rub-down - but I am not interested in what the two of you get up to when the door is locked and the lights are turned down low. What I am interested in, however, is what Mike does. Does he smoke a cigarette? Does he have a cup of tea? Does he read the paper? What does Mike do before and after the “just a massage”?’
‘He smokes cigarettes?’ - Karla said, looking back at the Inspector.
‘And…?’
‘He has a couple of whiskeys, and a shower. And then he has the massage.’
‘So he comes in, sits down and has a cigarette and a couple of drinks - then takes a shower and then the two of you get down to business. Is this right?’
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‘Yes.’
‘Same routine every time - Sit, smoke, drink, shower, and then the massage?’
‘Yes.’
‘Always?’
‘Yes.’
‘And after “the massage”?’
‘A couple more drinks, then we talk for a bit. Then he takes another shower and gets dressed. And then he leaves’ - Karla returned to looking at the floor of the van.
‘Very good Karla - thank you’ - the Inspector relaxed against the van side - ‘So now here is the favor I am going to ask you - when Mike comes to see you tomorrow do everything the same, nothing changes. He will come in, pay his money and then spend his time with you doing everything that he always does. But I need two things from you - I need the cigarette butts he has smoked, and I need the glass he has drank from. Do you understand Karla?’
‘Yes.’
‘It is very important that only Mike’s fingerprints are on the glass - so I need you to make sure that the glass Mike drinks from is polished and spotless before it is handed to him, and you have to be very careful not to put too many of your fingerprints on the glass. Do you understand?’
‘Yes I do.’
‘After Mike has left - my colleague will enter your place of work and collect the cigarette butts and the glass.’
Karla quietly nodded her head.
‘And - no drama Karla. For you it will be just another day at the office. And for Mike, he will come to you, have his fun, and then leave - there will be nothing special about it, nothing out of the ordinary. Do I make myself clear?’
Karla nodded again.
‘And then that will be the favor delivered - I will owe you one Karla, and your life can go on safe in the knowledge that you will never see me again. But if Mike changes his mind and doesn’t come to see you tomorrow, or there is drama, or I do not have the cigarette butts and the glass, then this will change everything - and you will be seeing me again. Do you want to see me again, Karla?’
Karla said nothing.
‘I’ll take that as a no. No offense taken Karla. If I was in your position, I wouldn’t want to see me again either.’
Karla continued to stare at the floor of the van.
‘Alright - I think we’re done here. Now remember - business as usual tomorrow. Get me the cigarette butts and the glass, and not a word to anyone about this little chat we have just had. Loose lips sink ships!’ - The Inspector smiled at Karla, and then banged the side of the van with his hand.
The rear door of the van opened and the cool night air flooded in. Karla stood and avoided the Inspector’s gaze. She climbed out of the back of the van, and the operations man closed the door behind her and walked back to the passenger side of the van, and climbed in. The van started up and pulled away.
Karla was left standing in front of the smoking man’s car. The smoking man climbed out of the car and walked towards Karla.
‘How did that go?’ - He asked.
‘Go fuck yourself!’ - Karla screamed, turning and walking away back down the street.
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