The black body bag was removed from the stainless steel table in room 1621 by two members of the evidence collection team. They wore white paper suits and goggles and paper masks covering their faces. On their feet they had yellow paper coverings which slipped over calf high white rubber boots; all to prevent evidence pollution. They had a gurney - and they lifted the black body bag onto the gurney and secured it with nylon buckled straps.

The smoking man was smoking - and he filled out the paperwork and handed it back to one of the evidence collection team. The evidence collection team wheeled the gurney out of room 1621 to the non-descript hallway.

‘Thank you comrade’ - said the smoking man to the evidence team.

‘Thank you comrade’ - They replied.

The two evidence collection team members wheeled the dead man in the black body bag on the gurney down the nondescript hallway towards the elevators. The smoking man walked away in the other direction.

The evidence collection team and the dead body stopped at a bank of elevators. One of the evidence collection team pressed the down arrow and they stood waiting. The elevator arrived and the doors opened; it had four men, all wearing black mackintosh overcoats, black trilby hats, white shirts, black thin ties, and charcoal gray suits.

‘Sorry comrade - this one’s full - one of the men said to the evidence collection team.

The door closed, and the same evidence collection team member pressed the down button again. The same elevator door opened - and the same four men stood there.

‘Sorry comrade - still full’ - the same man said.

The doors closed again.

‘You have to give it a few seconds, comrade’ - said the evidence collection team member who hadn’t pressed the button.

‘I know, comrade.’ - said the evidence collection team member who had pressed the button.

‘If you know, comrade, why did you press the button without waiting a couple of seconds?’

‘I thought a couple of seconds had passed, comrade.’

‘Okay, now you can press the button comrade.’

‘I know, comrade’

He pressed the down button - and the three of them waited in silence.

An elevator arrived and the doors opened. This time there were three men in the elevator. The evidence collection team stood and stared, and the three men stared back.

‘Come in comrades, plenty of room for important workers such as yourself’ - one of the men said smiling. He had a red, fat face and large stomach. The other two men looked at him, but said nothing.

‘Come on comrades - squeeze in’ - the red faced man said. The evidence collection team members hesitated - ‘Come on, comrades - don’t be shy. Plenty of room for everyone.’ - the red-faced man insisted. The evidence collection team wheeled the gurney with the dead man into the elevator, and squeezed in on either side, as there was very little room.

‘Shame you cannot stand him up comrades - then it wouldn’t be so cozy!’ - The red faced man laughed. The evidence collection team was going to B4, one of the evidence collection team tried to reach the floor buttons.

The elevator door opened again.

‘Chief Inspector - you’re out late burning the midnight oil’ - the red faced man cheerily exclaimed.

Standing outside the doors of the elevator was a tall, thin man, wearing a black mackintosh overcoat, black trilby hat, white shirt, thin black tie with a silver tie bar with three silver diamond shapes on it, and charcoal gray suit; a dress code adhered to by all comrades. He had a gray complexion - and gray watery eyes. He held in one hand a pair of black leather policeman’s gloves, and in the other, by his side, a black attache case.

‘Good morning comrades’ - the Chief Inspector said, eyeing the full elevator - ‘I hate to do this, comrades, but I am rather in a hurry and my driver is waiting for me. I need to get home and freshen up before getting back to the coal face. Do you two evidence chaps mind awfully if I take this car - and you chaps get the next one?’ - The Chief Inspector held out an arm to hold the elevator doors open, and moved to the side - waiting for the elevator to empty - ‘Doesn’t seem your companion is in a hurry to get anywhere at the moment’ - the Chief Inspector gave a slight snort of laughter eyeing the dead man on the gurney.

There was a moment of silence and motionlessness inside the elevator. The occupants of the elevator digested the request from the Chief Inspector.

‘Of course Chief Inspector - absolutely’ - the red faced man agreed. He tried to push the gurney with the dead man on it out of the elevator, but it was stuck behind one of the evidence collection team. ‘Come along comrades, the Chief Inspector needs to get home and freshen up’ - the red-faced man said to the evidence collection team.

The evidence collection team member who was stuck between the gurney and the elevator wall was trying to squeeze out - all whilst the red faced man continued to push against the gurney.

‘Come along comrades’ - said the chief inspector impatiently.

The evidence collection team member managed to step out of the elevator, and as he did the gurney shot forward - propelled by the weight and enthusiasm of the red faced man. The metal side rail of the gurney scraped across the bare knuckles of the Chief Inspector’s hand, which had been holding open the elevator door.

‘Arrrggghhh - what the blazes!’ - the Chief Inspector yelped in surprise and pain. The Chief Inspector dropped his attache case and gloves and staggered back holding his injured hand. The second evidence collection team member wheeled the end of the gurney with the dead man out of the elevator. Both of the evidence collection team members stood and stared at the Chief Inspector who was holding his injured hand between his thighs, moaning and cursing.

‘On my goodness, Chief Inspector...!’ - The red faced man croaked. He stepped forward to speak to the Chief Inspector, but as he went to move the elevator doors closed and it started descending.

Back on the 16th floor the Chief Inspector was still holding his injured hand between his thighs, and muttering - his watery gray eyes leaking down his cheeks.

‘Absolute bloody imbeciles!’ - He muttered. ‘What kind of morons are we employing at this god-forsaken circus!’ He continued. He noticed the two evidence collection team members standing - staring at him. ‘Yes, I’m bloody well fine - thanks for asking!’ - The Chief Inspector bellowed at the evidence collection team members.

Pausing, and taking a moment to compose himself, the Chief Inspector straightened up. He made a fist of his damaged hand a couple of times and inspected the skin - everything appeared to be okay. The Chief Inspector smoothed his tie and mackintosh front, picked up his gloves and attache case. Composed again, the Chief Inspector stood tall and regarded the two evidence collection team members.

‘I would suggest, comrades, that this incident didn’t happen. I would also suggest that as this incident didn’t happen, you should not mention to anyone - including me - this incident that did not happen. Do I make myself clear, comrades?’

‘Yes Chief Inspector’ - One of the evidence team members said.

‘And you?’ - The Chief Inspector said to the other evidence collection team member.

‘I don’t know what you are talking about, sir’ - said the other evidence collection team member.

‘This - what just happened?’ - Said the Chief Inspector

‘Nothing happened sir.’

‘My hand - that fat faced imbecile in the elevator?’ - Said the Chief Inspector

‘I don’t know what you are talking about sir.’

‘Don’t be smart with me comrade’ - shrieked the Chief Inspector shrieked.

‘Sir’ - interjected the other evidence collection team member - ‘I think sir, my comrade is following your instructions. There was an incident that didn’t happen, and we were not to discuss the incident that didn’t happen with anyone - including you - sir.’

‘Then why are you discussing the “incident” that didn’t happen with me then, comrade?’ - the Chief Inspector moved close to the masked and goggled face of the evidence collection team member.

‘What incident, sir?’

‘The incident, comrade, that you just told me that I had told you not to discuss with me!’

‘I don’t know anything about any incident sir.’

‘You just told me - and I quote - “you were not to discuss the incident that didn’t happen with anyone - including me.”’

‘Sir, I wouldn’t be able to discuss - with you, or anyone else - an incident that didn’t happen if that incident had not happened - sir.’

The Chief Inspector thought for a moment - and then asked the evidence collection team member whose face he was close to - ‘If I were to ask you if the incident did not happen - what would you say to that, comrade?’

‘What incident sir?’

‘Answer the bloody question man!’ - Roared the Chief Inspector - ‘did the incident not happen?’

‘Erm - no, the incident did not happen..sir.’

‘Or maybe the answer should be yes’ - chimed in the other evidence collection team member.

The Chief Inspector spun on his heels and marched up to the other evidence collection member - ‘What did you say, comrade?’

‘If the Chief Inspector is asking “Did the incident not happen?” and you answer “no” you are - in effect - saying that no, it did not not happen which means it must have happened.’

The chief inspector stared at the evidence collection team member.

‘Sir, if you asked “did the incident not happen?”, and the reply was “no” - this would mean that the incident - whatever it may be - did not not happen, which must mean that it did happen...sir.’

‘So let me ask you this then, comrade’ - said the Chief Inspector, licking his thin, dry, gray lips - ‘Did the incident happen…?’

‘What incident sir?’

‘THE INCIDENT THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN!’

‘Sir, if through a spoken or written statement you have affirmed - or concluded - that an activity or action has not taken place, further discovery becomes futile unless - or until - new evidence becomes available that weakens or supersedes your previous affirmation or conclusions...sir.’

‘So I am futile - is that what you are saying, comrade…?’

‘Sir, what I am saying is “We are in agreement - that no incident or any noteworthy event that would warrant retelling - and or reporting - has transpired during the time - today - that we have been in our collective presence on the 16th floor of the People’s Ministry for State Security and Policing, sir.’

The Chief Inspector thought for a moment - and dwelled on the evidence collection team member’s statement - ‘Very good, I think…’

The Chief Inspector stood back from the evidence collection team member, straightening and composing himself again - ‘Very good, comrades. Well done and good work.’

‘Thank you sir’ - they both said in unison.

‘Just a few loose ends - that fat faced clown. I want him located and sent to my office by 6 AM this morning to join our little “ask no questions, tell no lies” club.’

‘What fat faced clown, sir?’ - Asked one of the evidence collection team.

‘The fat faced clown who smashed my hand with your god-forsaken gurney.’

The two evidence collection team members looked at each other.

‘Sir - I am unaware of any fat faced clowns...’