The wind brushed around me, pushing and pulling me towards the inevitable before me. A sickening lurch filled me as I stared down. The lights shone bright, mere pinpricks combining into an elaborate tapestry. Cold seeped into my clothes, my jacket flapping and tie whipping around. My shoes stuttered on the cold ledge, entirely unsuited for such a situation.

The sounds of good cheer behind me were like a dagger in my head, stabbing me at my very heart. A particular voice rang out, and the dagger twisted. How long had it been like this?

Light shone up at me, illuminating me against the backdrop of the night sky. A clear moon was visible, its luminesence battling the aggressive glow of the cityscape. I stood staring, the lead weight in my gut the anithesis of everything I saw. There was nothing left.

A bottle slipped from my fingers, its contents long since gone. It fell in a entrancing spin, end over end, for what seemed an age. Then it hit the distant floor. A faint tinkle, a smattering of glass. The shards glittered up at me, calling me with a pretty sparkle.

How easy it would be, how easy to take that step over. Just one motion, a final motion. A slow fall, the adrenaline amplifying everything. How would it feel - would the rush of the wind drown all else out, or would everything become enhanced? Would I tumble, or instead fall straight? And then the end.

What impact would happen? An instant could become an eternity - everything coalescing to a single moment of clarity and life. Or would it be intense panic - the realisation of an irrevocable choice? My fingers clenched, fist forming of their own volition.

I looked up, breaking my gaze into the abyss. It didn't matter. Like every other time I had been like this, I knew nothing would change. It would be the same as always. No new propulsion put me here. The laughter and cheer echoing out to me jarred me from my staring. A brief glance back, reassuring myself that I was still alone.

As I knew myself, so did I know the others. Were any to see me, standing on the ledge of the balcony, I knew what their reactions would be. Concern and comfort would be rushed out, smothering and patronising when all I craved was a release. The chains that bound me were the very things they would produce. I breathed out, steam leaking out to mingle into the sky.

There was nothing to do. The thought of continuing either direction repulsed me, and attracted me. I stood torn, my inner turmoil freezing me at the edge. I studied the city once more, hoping and dreading that I might see some kind of sign. An intake of breath behind me startled me.

"J-jake? What are you doing?" He said to me, eyes wide with incomprehension.

I stared at him, half-turned to face him, balancing with a little effort on the stone banister. My mind raced, struggling to decide on words, as I watched his face go through a kaleidoscope of emotions. Eventually it settled on fear - fear for me, and slightly of me.

"Why don't you... why don't you come inside and have a drink? W-we can talk if you want - or not! If you don't want to..." He said, voice stumbling and trailing off as he stared at me in horrified worry.

Some sick emotion grew in me. That he should find me, of all people, he should find me in such a situation. The sign, dreaded and longed for, had arrived. I turned to face him fully, a smile slowly growing on my face. He too began to smile, worry slowly morphing into something like relief, that what he had seen had not been what he feared. His face froze with my words.

"Eric. Sorry."

I saw his hand reach out, then he was gone, replaced by the suppressed night sky. With cold detachment I looked at the stars visible, impossibly small and bright, impossibly immobile. They remained, fixed and constant, as the building swiftly grew by my feet. The sensation of looseness filled me, my body dedicated to a force greater than I could resist. The inevitable rushed to me, black fluttering the edges of my sight as I was pulled down.

Intense pain shot through me for a second, then nothing. Oblivion consumed me, and I knew nothing.

Later I was told I'd been lucky. A fall like that should've killed me.