It was a lengthy day. A day where time slowed, and every minute seemed like ten, and every hour seemed like fifteen. When I got home, Nicole was there. She was in a light mood and cooking.

“Hi sweetie,” she greeted. “How was your day?”

I walked in the kitchen and leaned against the refrigerator. “I’ve had better ones.” I watched her sliced and diced onions like a pro, then tossed them into the pot.

“The show is drawing near, and I have been working hard. I wanted to cook you something today.”

“Did you finally finish your painting?”

“I have. I can’t wait for you to see it.” She brushed me on the cheek. “I promise you’re going to love it.”

That’s a lot to promise.

“You’re going to let me see it before the show?”

“Yes, silly.”

“Okay then, I can’t wait to see it.”

Inside the bathroom, I turned on the tap and splashed water over my face. I tried to wash away the images of Joe’s bloody eyes and Uta’s cheerless face and gloomy voice from my mind. I gripped the edge of the sink and shut my eyes tight. The haunting image of Joe was making me run very low on hope. Only a person in denial would remain hopeful in this helpless situation.

“Ji-Hye, honey, come to have something to eat.”

I cleaned myself up, took a deep breath, and went to the dining room. Mom was already setting the table.

“I’m not hungry. I’m tired.” All I wanted was to lock myself in my room and curl up on my bed where I could feel safe and away from everything.

“But this is your favourite,” she said, disappointed colouring her tone. “I’ve been so busy with my painting and you’re hardly home. I don’t get to spend time with you and to catch up on things happening in your life.”

I looked at the table and saw her hard work and painting, which occupied a place around the dining table with a sheet thrown over it. How could I disappoint her after all this?

“Okay, I’ll eat.”

I took my seat and tried to eat. My mind was on Uta. His gloom clouded my mind.

“Honey.” I looked up to see Mom watching me. “Is anything the matter? You’ve barely touched your food.”

“I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay.”

“Well, I am.”

“You may not believe it, but you can tell me anything, Ji-Hye.”

I nearly choked. Was she serious?

“Are things all right between you and Uta?”

“Sure,” I muttered.

She studied me. “I’ve not seen him around in a while and lately you’re not yourself. Are sure things all right between you and Uta?”

“Mom, come on. Quit bugging. If you don’t believe me, here is my mobile. Call Uta and ask him yourself, he’ll tell you.”

“If I should call Uta, it’s only to tell him to stop keeping you out late at nights.”

My mouth dropped open, then pinched closed. I eased back in my seat and crossed my arms over my chest as I drew my eyebrows up. “You can’t do that. You know how embarrassing it would look if you did that.”

Nicole nodded, a knowing grin spreading across her face. I’d smooth the ripples out. Fast.

“It’s Joe,” I said at once.

“Uta’s uncle?”

“He is sick.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I think he may have caught flu or something.” I flinched at the lie. My voice was steady, but my eyes focused on my hardly touch meal instead of meeting her gaze.

“I see.”

“Uta is busy caring for him. He wants his uncle to get well, and so he’s down. I am sad because Uta is gloomy.”

“Ji-Hye…” Nicole sighed. “The way you are with Uta, I am afraid if he hurts you, not that I think he’ll. But if he should, it will break you.”

I swallowed the rising bile in my throat. “Like you’re since Dad left.”

“Worse, perhaps.”

She didn’t hide the pain in her tone, which felt like hundreds of pins stabbing me over my body. I wondered what Nicole would say if I told her love was barely my reason for dating Uta. Wasn’t I the worse?

Nicole raised from the table. “Enough of the heavy. I’ve got you something.” She went to the kitchen and returned. “I will leave the painting for when your mood comes back. Here.”

She placed a ring in my palm. It was quite unique and seemed full of character. I narrowed my eyes, inspecting it. The octopus-shaped ring was silver with hints of murky gold, like polka dots. Swirling it around in my palm, it amazed me at what I saw. It looked like someone had taken a ball of golden light and placed it right in the centre of the crystal stone. It was stunning.

“It’s beautiful.”

“The gentleman said it has magic.” Nicole’s voice rose to an exciting pitch.

“Magic,” I said, doubtful. “What kind?”

“He said something about it being sacred items.”

“What’s that?”

“It means something holy. Sacred items have been used in culture as a means of protection and to maintain stability. It reminds me of the colour of your hair when it glows. I thought you’d like it.”

“I do. Very much.” Smiling, I slipped the ring on my index finger. Then I hugged Nicole. “Thank you, for thinking about me.”

“Always.”

Later, I did the laundry to keep my mind busy. I gathered my dirty clothes and threw them into the washer. It was the only chore Nicole allowed me to do, and I always did a lousy job. I straightened up the living room and did the dishes. Nicole was in her bedroom taking a nap. She needed a social life. Whenever I brought dating, she pretended not to hear and quickly changed the subject.

Nicole and I barely talked about what Dad did. I think she believed if she didn’t speak of it, then it might not seem real and I would forget it all. I forgave him, but I couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen. It gnawed at me from time to time, knowing that uncomfortable truth about how much he hated me. I recalled he told once, “I didn’t get you. You were given to me. I wouldn’t want something pathetic as you. We didn’t get you. You’re a replacement child. You are nothing more than a replacement child for my little girl that’s no longer with us. She was my little girl. My flesh and blood. Your mother might want you, but not me. I never needed you. Do you understand? You’re a replacement child. Remember that for the rest of your life.”

I was unsure what he meant by all that.

When I finished the housework, I made myself an ice cream sundae, plopped down on the couch and watched TV while enjoying my dessert.