As I stated clearly in the prologue, all the information required to understand what is going on for this entire story is placed right in there. Also, Unicorn-Rapists. That will be important later.

Got that? Let's move on.

Holding onto the slimy bugger that reminded me of a cross between a snail, a slug, and a fantasy dwarf, I refused to throw up. My stomach then vetoed my heads' decision, and took executive action, effectively placing my body under a temporary dictatorship. Because many different societies made up my body, all with several different warring factions of their own, this new-found total control by a foreign entity caused them to forget their differences, for the moment, and rise up in glorious revolution, which took the form of puke.

In short, without all of the political claptrap, I vomited all over the slimy bugger, though his slimyness seemed to decrease, my vomit diluting its' natural slime, and making it into a more disgusting, yet somehow somewhat aweinspiring puke-slime.

Are you thoroughly grossed out yet? Please, don't answer in the affirmative. Trust me, if this makes you sick, you've already come too far. Just stop now. Also, one of the laws in Alabama clearly states that, in the event of a loss in the fight to the death, it is illegal to train a pet hawk to hunt down your victorious opponent and take vengeance, under the 1991 amendment to the states' law.

What? You think I'm joking? Look it up. I'm as serious as can be, and I did research on this, for your information...by the way, why is it called re-search, if I've only ever done it this once...? Nonetheless, it's a real law.

Moving on, the slimy bugger seemed somewhat put out at being hurled on. I felt that this was a very human emotion, and so decided that maybe I didn't have to kill it. Setting it back on the ground, I took another look around myself, for the sake of those fucking idiots who skipped the prologue. I mean, jurglenir, what kind of brainless zombie would skip perhaps the most important part of this whole story? Obviously you, because if your reading this it means you did skip the prologue, as that's the only reason you would pay attention to these nonsense words, and not use the secret code I put in the prologue. Really, this must sound like a bunch of weird shit to the dumb fucks that don't have the basic intelligence to just use the secret code, jeez. Ouy t'nera, etarepsed er'ouy? Sdrawkcab gnidaer ouy era yhw?

I stood in the middle of a circle of grass, about the size of a baseball field, and around me perhaps two-hundred other people were also looking around wonderingly. Also, a mountain happened to be floating, with a waterfall making a rainbow in the air and everything. Did I mention the water was falling up, and then transforming into snow, which then went upwards and became clouds, which floated away?

Oh well, I of course explained all of the rules of physics in this world in the prologue already, so no need to re-explain that, since even the fools that skipped the prologue to start the first chapter will have definitely given up by now. No, if someone as foolish as that were to get this far, their stupidity wouldn't be of the normal type, it would be worthy of praise, even! And so, a prize, to reward the foolishness of people. You are helping to fulfill my goal, which I stated in the prologue.

So, what do Unicorn-Rapists, a law regarding hawk-vengeance, and the prologue have to do with each other? Well, to start off with, let's begin with an explenation of Unicorn-Rapists.

They're people who go around fucking magical horses with horns against their consent. Now, before you read the next line, answer this question with one word. What part of this description is wrong?

Have you got an answer yet?

If you don't, I'll kick you.

I mean it, I'm good at kicking. I actually didn't mention that in the prologue, which is strange...

Well, the answer to the question is...those bastards weren't asking for consent! It's one thing to fuck magical horses with horns, but it's another thing entirely to do it against their will! That's just plain jacked-up. Now, answer me another question. What's wrong with this answer?

Have you got an answer yet? I'll wait.

Just kidding, I won't, and if you stopped reading to think of a suitable answer, I hope you know you're one of those people who take everything far too seriously.

The answer? I ignored a crucial, integral part of what it means to be a Unicorn-Rapist. You see, you're not gonna believe this, but...

Unicorns aren't real.

So if someone called you a Unicorn-Rapist, not only do they sound like a pussy, but they also seem like an idiot. You probably made yourself an argument for the first question I asked saying something like, 'well, bestiality is pretty wrong, duh.' or maybe, 'uh, unicorns have x horns, actually, so shut the fuck up.' If you thought either of these things, you're an idiot. Now, onto the next part.

Let's talk about the law. Is it actually illegal to train a hawk to take vengeance for your defeat in a battle to the death? Obviously not, that's a stupid law.

If you lose in a battle to the death, you're dead. Idiot, how would you train a hawk when you're dead? You probably think the law itself is fake, but it's not. It would be against the law, if death itself didn't already take care of the problem of fowl vengeance being exacted.

Heh, fowl vengeance. I'm funny.

If you actually looked up whether this law was real or not, it matters not what you found, you're a fool for thinking this law could exist at all. And finally, let's move to the last subject.

Do you remember what I've said about the prologue? Remember what I said about it letting you understand everything in the story? How you're a fool if you didn't read the prologue first? About how it contains a secret code, that could let you see something other people haven't? Have you noticed how I repeatedly called you a fool, an idiot, and stupid, if you didn't already read the prologue?

Now, let me ask another question, and this time, answer in your heart. For real this time.

Does the prologue exist, or was it a tool I used to unjustly insult you and waste your time?

I'll give you a second.

...

Now, I bet you're thinking I'm going to tell you the answer, but in truth, even if I told you I'd written the prologue, odds are, if you decided it was only a tool to insult you and waste your time, then even if I showed you proof that the prologue exists, because you decided in your heart that it doesn't, then it won't.

And, if for some, odd, weird reason, you believe me when I say that I've written the prologue and just haven't posted it, and I put up a thread titled, 'prologue,' you'd find meaning for this story. If you looked long enough, you'd find a secret code, even if I didn't put it in there. Why? Because you decided in your heart that it exists, and so, it will.

So, what is the correct answer, and what is the wrong answer? The correct answer, is that the prologue is religion. Take from that what you will, and goodnight.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY DID THEY TAKE MY SAVED DRAFTSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

...oh, and also, this is actually a real fiction I'm starting, I just got a little sidetracked with calling you stupid...I mean, saying something deep and profound. Shit.

Remember how I started this post off with me saying Unicorn-Rapists and puke-slime? Just think about that the next time you're reading the Torah. i'm certain it will help enduce a spiritual experience in you. Or the experience of being yelled at by your mom for giggling for no reason. Either way, I win, fulfilling my purpose I stated in the prologue.

Which is real, by the way.