AN: Just a couple more chapters, then the prologue will be done...and then I can actually start. ^^

Luke wasn't having a good time.

He would liken his situation to the end result of a train wreck, but feels that only a single train full of merely a few hundred people isn't enough. Rather, a train of trains, each carrying thousands of nobel-prize winners, heart and brain surgeons, and volunteer charity workers, had gone off a cliff into a gigantic pit of magma, which led into the deepest belly of hell from which Satan himself swallowed each and every one of them, so that he can torture them eternally within his own hideous body.

That, or that one time Tiff caught him touching a box of his cereal. Not even opening it, just touching it. Luke's nightmares were particularly wrenching that night, and featured a short demon in baggy clothing.

Two and a half weeks have passed since Tiff fell off a building and then took of running. Luke would like to say he'd done a good job keeping the four of them alive, but...

"Um, what do I do with this?" Alice asked while holding a pitchfork.

"Just put the pointy end in the other guy!" Luke shouted, while nocking an arrow.

Bren was holding back a frothing monster with a hockey stick."God, can't we get a break?!"

"..." Luke still don't know that guys' name. Well, the important part is that the monsters on his side were on the ground...somehow.

Luke gritted his teeth. They were currently in a store that sold farm and ranch necessities. Why a store like this was in the middle of the suburbs, he couldn't fathom. They were trapped, not because of the accidental mistake of a certain member, (Alice) nor was this whole situation completely that persons' fault, (Alice) and he would definitely not place the blame on Alice if he had to. (that person) (fuck)

Morning had just arrived, and it looked to be a bloody one. At least four monsters were assaulting them, but Luke heard more outside. He had to look for a way out...

Taking carful aim, Luke shot his arrow through the eye of the monster almost on top of Bren. Bren looked over, and flashed a smile. "Thanks!"

Even though these people had their quirks, Luke had to admit he liked them. Bren may be a bit obnoxious, but was quite honest and hard working when it came down to it. Alice may be a total failure, and have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, being a clutz, an idiot, and pretty much useless, but...well...she...there...and, uh, the last guy! Damn was he dependable! Perhaps the one most like Tiff among them, except not as loud, or terrifying, or scary. Probably because he doesn't talk very much. Or, well, at all.

Honestly, the only reason Luke knew the guys' gender was because he went into the mens' stall when they stopped by a gas station.

The double doors made of glass had long since been shattered, though Hoodie had taken care of the two that got in, and retrieved their eyes. Bren was still dealing with the one in the doorway, with an arrow through its' head, and Alice was...trying to...distract? ...doing something to the one that came in the back. At least it wasn't eating her.

But Luke kept hearing several others outside. The screams from those ones had intensified, and he got the feeling that if they didn't get out quick, they were going to meet something horri-

From the doorway, two more monstrosities ran in, along with four more coming in from all around through the windows. Things were looking bad, yet for some reason Luke felt like it was about to get worse...

Behind the two zombies, along with the light of the rising Sun, a small silhouette appeared.

Oh God in heaven...have mercy on my soul.

A sliver of light flashed through the necks of both monsters. With one accord, their heads flew upward while their bodies crashed to the ground. A hand reached out, appearing slow but moving fast enough to briefly touch both faces. When the heads finally hit the ground, they were missing their eyes, and from within the doorway a 5'6" figure stood, maniacal grin plastered across his blood-spattered face.

Luke, seeing the face that had haunted his dreams until early in the morning, felt like turning into something very small and disappearing.

The grin cracked open, and a high-pitched, feminine-yet-not voice flew out.

"Wassup, bitches!"

Cancel that: Please, God, just kill me now.

Luke attempted to raise his voice, yet something blocked his throat. Fear, yes, that's it.

The four monsters from all around latched onto this new, loud arrival, and started to run.

High-pitched laughter.

The first to reach Tiff was speared in the throat, then yanked forward. Tiff stepped around the monster, moving to its' back and jerking the spear, ripping its' neck apart and pulling its' head to the floor. A monster came from behind, and Tiff turned his head, before thrusting the back of his spear into the knee of the incoming monster. As it began to fall, Tiff planted the spear on the floor, letting the monsters' own weight drive it half-way down the shaft.

Tiffs' right leg rose into the air, then fell, snapping off the monsters' head. Gripping the middle of the spear once more, Tiff spun around before bending his knees, letting the spear sweep the final two monsters' legs. Even while their bodies' rose up, he cut down with two, devastating slashes. Once more, fanged heads rolled. He planted the spear in one head, pinning it to the floor, before de-eyeing the other two. He then walked over to Alice, or was busily trying to keep a monster from eating her, when Tiff kicked the monster in the chest so hard it flew into the wall, then holding out his hand towards Alice.

"Mind if I borrow that poker?"

Alice finally looked and saw the fallen corpses, still twitching, and the impaled head. Even an idiot like-uh, a...'mentally challenged' person like her dropped her jaw, and meekly handed over her pitchfork. Tiff grinned again, then reversed his grip and took a step towards the monster slumped against the wall.

"Thanks."

The pitchfork flew as fast as one of Luke's arrows, and nailed the final monster to the wall by its' throat. Then he wiped his hands.

"Whew, I think my jog this morning was a little much. I think I'll stretch a little. Anyone wanna join?"

Luke: "..."

Bren: "..."

...: "..."

Alice: "Oh! Me! Me!"

---

Oh, yeah...feel the burn...work that soreness out!...keep going...a little further...

"Uh...Tiff." Luke seemed nervous about something.

"Yeah? What's up?" I'd almost finished my stretch, meanwhile Alison was having trouble figuring out what 'stretching' was.

"So...you're, uh, pretty flexible, huh?" Luke asked as I finished putting my head on my knee in the middle of my front-split. I give a relaxed nod.

"Pretty much. I like to think of gymnastics as my whore."

"O-h. I see...uh, if you don't mind explaining, could you...explain?"

I grunt as I move into the butterfly stretch. I'll try to get a couple more inches behind my head this time.

"Well, Luke, there are people around who call themselves gymnasts, right? But ever since I was, oh, eleven or so? I realized that I was fundamentally different from everyone else. Everybody else, they have this weird thing in their head, like a 'conscious.' My parents tried telling me that thing was the little voice in your head that told you to, 'do the right thing,' or, 'make good choices.'

The only thing the voices in my head ever told me to do was kill myself. That is, until I slammed my head against the wall until they stopped. Heh, sure showed them! I ain't never not heard no voices never again! Except yesterday, but I'm pretty sure I was just talking to myself. Different thing entirely."

"Ah. I see. And how do the voices in your head relate to gymnastics?"

"Keep your cock in, I'm getting to that. So, after I realized that I was different, and therefore, better, than everyone else, I had trouble being put in the same category as lesser life forms."

"...you mean people?"

"People, trashcans, what's the difference? They're both full of garbage. So, since I was offended by being put into a box, I decided to take myself out. So, I practiced everyday until everyone else worshipped me as a god, as is right. Thus, I made gymnastics, as a whole, my whore. I choose when to fuck her, and she meekly obeys my every command."

"...you know, I find it very respectable that you worked hard to achieve your dreams, but I find the dreams themselves to be horribly, horribly twisted.

"Hm? But my whole gym work thing was basically a hobby for most of my life?"

"Oh God...I don't want to know what you've done during your lifetime."

"I stopped believing in God about the same time the voices stopped speaking to me. I thought that if the holy spirit could be drowned out by simply making bad choices, that I'd probably knocked that guy unconscious already.

Now I worship Confucius, and my Smertphone IZ X. The technology that went into making a veritable super-computer into a handheld device is beyond human, or at least my, understanding."

"Wow. Just, wow. I don't think I can say any more. You've literally just contradicted everything I believe in, yet I somehow still agree with you. Shit."

I got up, and shrugged. "What can I say? I'm practically a messiah. Now..." I begin, holding up a bag full of white stuff. (AKA the wings I tore off of Pigeon Boy) "I'm gonna go get high. Wanna come and watch?"