Chapter 56: Hawwwwwwwwww!

“Um…I told you to fuck off?” Cabir felt as if there was genuine curiosity in Aakash’s tone and made an inexplicable facial expression as he shook his head at Aakash as if asking, “What the hell do you think is going on?”

“Yeah, and I asked what that was.” The spectacled teen nodded his head, seemingly unable to figure out what Cabir was getting at.

Silence descended among the small company of students.

“…let me be clear. You are saying you don’t know what ‘fuck off’ is?” Harshil’s face was scrunched up, helplessness scrawled as visibly on it as the fact that he was holding painful laughter back.

“No. Is it another pop culture reference?” Shaking his head in confusion, Aakash spoke again, “What’s the big deal, guys? It’s completely normal to not know some words. Also, Harshil, you look as if you’re constipated.”

“And you’re uneducated! Moron! Buffoon!”

The already confused boy threw his hands to the side, at a loss for words, “That makes no sense.”

“I meant in slang language. Uneducated in slang language. Dude, when are you going to grow up?”

“More to the point, we’ve been cussing for a long time! And you read so many books…I’m pretty sure many YA fictions have slangs.” Cabir pointed out. “There’s no way you haven’t thought about what they meant.”

“I mean, I know cusses. Bitch, bollocks, bloody hell, bastard-”

“Okay, no. I don’t want a list! Though I’m very curious how you know bollocks but not fuck.” Cabir let loose conflicted expression.

“Oh, I don’t know the meaning. Never really felt the need to, you know? Similarly, I’ve heard fuck but mainly as in “What the fuck?” but I thought it was the same as “What the hell?”, you get it?”

As the others looked on, the boys incredulous, Aanya stifling her laughter, Aakash continued explaining, “I haven’t heard ‘fuck off’ before and since ‘hell off’ doesn’t make sense, it stands to reason fuck doesn’t mean hell.”

“…that was incredibly boring.” Cabir pursed his lips.

“And exactly like Aakash.” Harshil and Aanya chimed in.

“Yeah, it’s Mr. Goody two-shoes after all. What was I expecting?” Cabir mumbled.

“Can you stop being a drama queen and explain what it is already?” Aakash rapped on the desk, at the end of his tether.

“You stole my term!” Cabir gasped.

“Robbed it. Just like you did with others’ right to speak and food.” The reply was shot forth without even a bat of an eye.

“Yeah, about that! My lunch-”

“Nobody cares about your lunch, Harshil! Now it’s time to expand Aakash’s worldview!”

“Aakash does! He just mentioned-”

“Sorry, Harshil. Buzz off for a while, yeah? We’ll deal with your usual arguments later on.”

“Fuckkkkk!” The spiky-haired boy looked at the two other guys, eye twitching in abundant annoyance.

The black-haired girl patted his back in comfort and hoping to find succour, Harshil immediately pleaded with her, “Aanya-”

But before he could make his way past the first word, another betrayal got the drop on him.

“On any other day, I might, emphasis on might, take your side…okay, considering your opponent is Cabir, I’d always take your side-”

“Hey!”

Aanya just graced Cabir with a perfunctory, “Isn’t it obvious?” look while Harshil asked in a monotonous tone, “But today…?”

“Today, you can get in line.” Aanya patted his back again. “I’m really looking forward to Cabir explaining to Aakash what ‘fuck off’ is. And judging by how clueless he is looking, Cabir might have to explain very systematically and with normal language rather than more cusses.”

“Aanya, do you really have to enjoy this?” Aakash tried to coax her. “Just tell me. You’ll probably explain better anyway.”

“Not probably, definitely. But I just have to see Cabir’s failed attempts first. It’s more enjoyable.”

“Who’s going to explain what ‘fuck’ is to this guy?” Cabir smirked. “That’d be too easy.”

“What do you-”

“Look ‘fuck off’ loosely means to go away or get lost.”

“…that doesn’t seem to fit when you put it in the context of ‘what the fuck’.” Aakash noted.

“Oh, that’s just a vulgar way of saying ‘what the hell’ or ‘what’s going on’. Something along those lines.”

“What about ‘fucking hell’?”

“Similar to bloody hell. I guess. I mean the other way of looking at it…isn’t pretty.”

“What does that- no, you know what? Forget it. It’ll just be another bizarre meaning. Why are there so many meanings?”

“Oh, it’s a variable.”

“Don’t drag maths here, Cabir. I’m warning you.” All of the group assembled there flared at him.

“Okay, fine.”

“For god’s sake, what does the word ‘fuck’ mean just by itself?! Just tell me already!” Aakash was thoroughly annoyed by then.

“Using both god and fuck in the same sentence gives quite a weird vibe, doesn’t it?” Harshil chimed in, scratching his head.

“Uh…maybe? Or maybe not? Since we say, ‘For god’s fucking sake’.” Cabir stroked the light stubble on his chin.

“I don’t think so.” Aanya shook her head in Harshil’s direction.

“I don’t know because I still don’t know the meaning!” Aakash thundered drawing eyes from all around the classroom. As more people started to stare, he made a face and yelled, “There’s nothing to see here! Fuck off, y’all!”

The moment the two words left his lips, a “Hawwwwwwwwww!” spread across the classroom, though the sound also drew many eyes who stared at those classmates with disgusted expressions.

“Well, at least our Aakash isn’t a ‘Hawwwer’ even if he’s a clueless idiot.” Harshil clapped the mentioned person on the back.

“A relief for sure.” Cabir nodded.

“I would at least know the reason for this “Haww” if you told me the meaning!” Aakash snapped. “I feel like I’m in primary when even ‘shit’ got kids hawing.”

“Oh, this is a much higher level, I assure you.”

“Can you tell me what it is?”

“No way, that’s not happening. Go search on Google on your own, you’ll learn a lot.”

“That’s what you told me last year when I asked what ‘porn’ was!”