Chapter Eighteen

The ever closer Precipice; black, dark, shadowy.

The unbreakable Chains of Destiny.

The Taint in the Warrior’s Soul.

Where is the Path? And what is this approaching Darkness?

- The Prophet of Truth

Sarah forced the air to enter her lungs and clenched her jaw as she patiently waited for the effects of her trip to fade away. It was the second time in less than an hour, and she was finding it especially hard to control the nausea that made her stomach constantly convulse.

“I’ve been told that the sensation of traveling through the shadows is rather unpleasant for Human Beings,” she heard Farran’s voice that sounded like he’d shouted in her ears. “By the paleness of your face it would seem it’s true. Which has a certain logic, since your bodies are completely made of matter. Although we may look alike, our bodies are much more subtle, making them easier to reorganize, when compared to yours. Hence the sickening feeling.”

Sarah took a deep breath, and once her clothes stopped feeling like they were made of sandpaper, finally dared to open her eyes. Only then did Hale take a step back, as if he’d been guarding her until she recovered from the trip. She still had to blink a few times, trying to adapt to the tenuous light that still felt too bright, and closed her umbrella as she realized they were now indoors.

“Where are we?” she asked and followed Farran with her gaze as he walked to a window.

“In a school,” he replied peering outside where the night still ruled, dark and rainy. “But don’t worry. This school has been temporary closed for renovations, and, in anyway, is relatively far away from the city center. So no one will disturb us,” he told her with a smile and his dark gaze turned to Hale. “You may go. Now that, as you wished, you’re certain than no harm will come to her, you have no reason to stay here.” Sarah turned back, searching for some support, but Hale simply averted his gaze. Guilt again … and indecision … “Ah, you still don’t know, but it was Hale who insisted we should capture your sister first. Because, although you’re certainly an important piece in my plans, that Human has no value to me whatsoever. And, as I’m sure you can guess, I could have always found some other way to capture you, without having to involve that girl in this matter. This was Hale’s condition, in exchange for his help. It would seem he has some unfinished business with the girl. It’s always good to know a bit more about those we decide to trust in.”

Sarah felt her heart jump to a frenzy beat and feverously waited for Hale to deny it, but he simply remained silent, his chaotic emotions confirming Farran’s sarcastic words.

“Hale …”

“If you don’t need me anymore, I’ll go then,” he finally declared, interrupting her, and Sarah took a step forward, suddenly wishing she could stop him from leaving.

“Sure. Have fun,” Farran replied, clearly amused, and Hale nodded once before simply disappearing within the nearest shadow. “Worried?” Farran asked with a renewed dose of sarcasm and Sarah clenched her hands together. “You really think you’re in a position to worry about her?”

Sarah gritted her teeth and reinforced the lock she’d placed around her own emotions. She knew he was right. She was in no position to worry about anyone else except herself and Alexis, who would certainly be the final prize after all that scheming and planning. It was no use worrying about Selena when she had no way to reach her, much less help her. Once more she’d have to trust her first impression of Hale’s intentions, and somehow pray that he’d decide to help her, if it should come to that.

“What do you want?” she finally asked, turning to face him, and Farran smiled, dreamingly watching as the thick drops of rain fell on the small stone ledge outside.

“Contrary to you, I don’t really have a single purpose or objective in mind,” he calmly replied and Sarah couldn’t help feeling apprehensive at the sudden tranquility that surrounded him. “Just as you insinuated there were times when I wished to make Alexius suffer as I did, that he’d go through the same pain I had to endure. Since you were so certain that I wouldn’t hesitate to destroy you, I’m sure they’ve told you I lost my Hridaya and my children, while I was here, on a mission,” he declared and his cold factual tone left her frozen inside. Sarah remembered Aaran telling her that Farran’s family had died in Tzel. But maybe because it had been easier to accept, she’d never included in the word family, not only his other half, but his children as well … even though she could now clearly see the dark lines at the base of his neck that would certainly go down his shoulder, all there was left of his silver mark. Farran sighed heavily and leaned against the window, turning to face her. “But then, it is as you say. He’d never go against our laws, choosing to live like I’ve chosen. If for nothing else, because Aaran expects us to choose self-destruction.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” she asked, suddenly feeling small and insignificant near the strong, oppressing presence he exuded, and Farran folded his arms smiling softly.

“You’re rather interesting, for a Human. I look at you and I can’t help wonder about things that should be out of question by now.”

“Like?” she encouraged him, certain that he wouldn’t answer, but Farran didn’t even hesitate.

“Like, if I were to believe that you’re really Alexius Hridaya, what does that mean? Does it mean that if Tzel weren’t on the verge of destruction you would have been born as one of us? That by now we’d all be together, laughing under the same roof, as our children played outside? Or does it mean that Alexius would never find his Hridaya because she would be somewhere here, in the Human world, and that he’d be condemned to go mad in my place? Does this mean we never had the chance to live happily side by side? Or is it that nothing was planned and that, faced with our present circumstances, you’re Gaea’s answer to decades and decades of desperate pleas from our dying Race? Are there more like you out there? Is this our future? To look for companions within the Humans that led us to our demise, until our Race is forever extinct. Is this the merciful end our Mother offers? Just allow us to disappear, cradled by the arms of someone who loves us, even if that someone is different from us ... And if that’s it, why keep fighting? But then I realize that there’s no use asking questions. Because, unlike you Humans, we, like all the other Races of Gaea, do not possess free will. We merely obey the Law and not doing so can even be punishable with the obliteration of an entire Race, until there’s no memory of who dared disobey. All that’s left are pathetic, useless struggles; like a fish that, even though it knows it’s out of the water, still fights to swim.”

Sarah felt an agonizing knot squeeze her throat. Because that dangerous threatening being wasn’t all that different, not from her, not from Alexis or Aaran. And, worse of all, he wasn’t wrong. It would’ve been much easier to condemn him and see him as an enemy if he were just a simple mad man bound on plain, unjustified Human annihilation; if he were someone moved only by hate and revenge. But Farran wasn’t at all as linear as she’d thought. He was truly searching for the best answer in order to achieve his ideal, that no matter how much she wanted to, she could hardly condemn.

“It’s not wrong to fight,” she finally declared and he seemed surprised. “It’s not wrong to fight for something better. Even when it seems useless, I don’t think that it’s wrong.” She felt slightly embarrassed with the intense way he was staring at her and Farran smiled coldly.

“Mere pretty words? Would you be able to say those same words if it meant the destruction of thousands of Human Beings?” he asked dryly and Sarah felt a shiver run down her back. Because she knew those weren’t mere words …

“I suppose it depends … of the way I look at things. If you tell me that it implies my sister’s death, or the death of those who work daily with me, or even the death of the nice lady upstairs that greets me every morning … I could hardly say yes. However, if I think of Human Beings as people with no faces, as mere numbers that, to top it off, are responsible for the destruction of your home and for the loss of so many innocent lives, then yes … Fighting isn’t wrong.”

Farran laughed coldly, covering his eyes with one hand, and ended up sighing.

“That’s the most hypocrite answer I’ve ever heard.”

“Still, it’s the truth. I’m well aware of the duality of what I feel. Because it is the mirror of what Alexis feels for me. Because he hates and despises my Race, and I can’t say he’s wrong, no matter how hard I wish he were. And yet I know how much I mean to him, how he sees me, and so I’ve decided I won’t allow the despise he feels to hurt me. And yes, were I in his place, or in yours, I would hate us too. I too would want revenge. And I’d probably not even be as hopeful as you are, still trying to make this dimension your new home. I would probably just want to simply … destroy everything …” she declared and before Farran’s baffled expression simply took a deep breath, feeling suddenly tired. “What? Did you think you were the only one to despise the Human Race? Alexis, Hale … even Aaran … they all share the same feelings as you.”

“And yet they protect you …”

“Because I’m just a grain of sand, not an entire Race. And because Alexis made me into someone I never imagined I’d be.”

“If it is as you say then you wouldn’t be against Alexis joining my cause,” Farran concluded, clearly defying her. “Should we guarantee the safety of the small grains of sand that are important to you, of course.”

“Right now, you wouldn’t have to guarantee anything. Besides Alexis there’s only one other who really matters to me and, as you’ve seen, I wouldn’t have hesitated to sacrifice her just minutes ago …” she whispered in a bitter tone and the pain that squeezed her chest forced her to avert her gaze so it wouldn’t show. “Because I cannot be some idealistic dreamer, hoping everything ends well, hoping I won’t have to lose something …”

“You mean to say that all you need is to have Alexis by your side …?” Farran asked, sounding doubtful, and Sarah nodded heavily, squeezing her hands together.

“It hurts … and it’s not an easy decision … But it was the decision I made when I accepted his request and chose to remain by his side. Wherever he goes, I’ll go with him. If he decides to support you, then I’ll follow him as well.”

“Why? I don’t understand! Even if you’re really his Hridaya, even if there’s something binding him to you, there’s nothing binding you to him!” Farran insisted, still in disbelief, and Sarah smiled feeling suddenly relaxed.

“Because he is the reason why I was born. It was his voice I’ve searched for my entire life, every time someone asked for my help. And although there’s not much I can do for him, it would seem that my presence is enough to save him from the darkness threatening to devour him. And so I’ll stay by his side until the day he no longer needs me.”

“And when that day arrives?”

“Then my existence would have fulfilled its purpose and it won’t have any meaning any more. And that’s fine, too …”

“That! That can be really annoying!” he grunted between clenched teeth and Sarah laughed dryly at the anger filling the air.

“That’s because you understand all too well what I’m saying,” she replied as if she were talking to an old friend and Farran looked slightly disconcerted at how relaxed she looked.

“Does that mean you also think I should have chosen to perish? That I shouldn’t have chosen to live?” he asked, averting his gaze, and Sarah felt his piercing, sharp pain, that left a bitter taste in her mouth. How was he able to endure it, to carry that emotion inside him, day after day …? The torture he’d subjected himself to when he’d chosen to live, was just too perverse, too cruel, bringing tears to her eyes.”

“That’s something I cannot answer. If you’re asking me if I think that you did something wrong, my answer is no … But I guess the right question would have to be - why have you chosen to live? Why have you chosen to endure such suffering …?”

“Because I wanted revenge!” Farran answered ferociously, startling her. “I wanted revenge against the whole world! But then I realized that there was no logic or order in my desire. And so I tried to understand who were the ones really worthy of my wrath. Aaran?, for keeping me away from my family? My Brothers?, for being unable to defend what was so precious to me? Those who had rebelled against the Law?, for being the cause of my presence here, so far away from those who really needed me? The Humans?, for being futile, empty beings unable to learn from their own mistakes? Gaea?, for allowing the presence of such worthless being like the Humans? The Law?, for always choosing to defend the Human Race, abandoning us when we most needed? Or myself?, for being weak and powerless …? For having sworn to defend her and for having broken my promise? Ultimately for being unable to follow her as I felt her life slowly fading away … For being a coward, unable to face the end of my own existence as everyone expected me to …”

Sarah blinked away her tears. He was exactly like Alexis, so much so it hurt. His screams for help had been repeated over and over again until they were silent. But, contrary to Alexis, there was no room in his heart to accept the hand that would save him from darkness. Because that space had been occupied long ago and, although the hand that had brought him light was no longer there, the space was still, and would always be, filled. For the first time she was finally able to understand why beings like him had to be destroyed. Aaran was right, no matter how cruel it sounded … Beings like him shouldn’t be allowed to go on living, and not because of the danger they might pose for others. Merely because it was just too cruel to prolong such never ending suffering. Keep on living for what? Bitterly, she couldn’t help curse the nature that had created them like that. If they were really bound to share such deep connection with their loved ones the correct thing to do would be to just simply and mercifully erase them once they lost their other halves. Why grant them the choice to keep on living when they could never be alive again?

“Is that why you became the leader of the rebels?” she asked in a ragged voice and Farran absently played with one of the piercings in his ear.

“Maybe just to go against everything else. But also because I know I’m right and that my vision would be the perfect solution to guarantee the survival of my Race. If only the Law would allow it … Not that I’d destroy the entire Human Race. Such a thing wouldn’t even be practical, since this dimension has too many daylight hours during which we can hardly move. Ideally we would rule over the Humans. And so, besides achieving a place where we could live in peace, we’d also assure Gaea’s health and avoid the future destruction of other dimensions. But these are all theories. The Lex Regis will never allow us to interfere with Human evolution.”

“If you know that … then why?” Sarah insisted, unable to understand, and he smiled coldly.

“Why not? What’s the alternative? Protect your Race until we’re completely extinct? What for? This is the end, one way or the other. At least I’ll fight for what I believe till the end!”

“But even so … even knowing all this … you still want Alexis by your side,” Sarah added sadly and the fierce gleam that took over his eyes made her take a step back.

“Alexius place is and has always been by my side! And when the end comes we’ll greet it standing side by side, like we were in the beginning! He is my grain of sand! The only one that matters, after all I’ve lost!”

“Even though you locked him in that warehouse? Will you keep insisting it was all to help him?”

“It was never my intention to destroy him,” Farran replied and Sarah had no way to counter him. If that had been he’d had more than one chance to do it.

And nothing else matters … nothing else …

Sarah lowered her head. She couldn’t for the life of her hate him. She couldn’t despise him … And, after he’d taken that oath, she couldn’t even fear him. Quite the contrary. No matter how much she disliked it, she always found herself understanding him, feeling sorry for him, wanting to cry for him. Because he wasn’t wrong. He wasn’t the violent aggressor she’d made him to be. He was a victim. Probably the most suffered of them all. And, as if that weren’t enough, there was still Alexis and how much she knew the man in front of her meant to him.

Once more she lowered her mental defenses, allowing his emotions to fill her. Although as intense and unchecked as Alexis’, his had a measure of order to them. And yet she couldn’t help feeling like he was somehow lacking, as if part of him had been lost through time. There was hate and anger, as to be expected. But also a deep indifference that, like a growing stain, slowly devoured everything else. The only thing that remained untouched, burning like an eternal incandescent ember, was the pain that consumed him and defined his entire being.

“I understand.” She raised her head again and faced his cold, distant gaze. “What do you want me to do?”

“That simple?”

Sarah shrugged, her head throbbing painfully.

“My place is by Alexis’ side. If Alexis decides to join you, nothing else matters,” she declared and Farran left his place by the window, crossing the room in slow, heavy paces.

Contrary to what she’d expected, she didn’t tremble or even waver as he stopped right in front of her, and her gaze fell on the small cell phone he offered her.

“Call him. It’s best if you’re the one to tell him that you’re currently in my possession.”

Sarah nodded and accepted the phone. She found the name ‘Alexius’ right at the beginning of the contact list, and couldn’t help noticing that he’d never even given her his phone number, even though Farran, his supposed enemy, clearly had it.

“Are you sure I can simply talk to him and tell him whatever I want?” she asked and Farran shrugged.

“No matter what you say, the result will still be the same.”

Sarah nodded again and pressed the button, leaning the small device against her ear. The calling sound repeated itself a few times, and just as she thought no one would pick up, it was suddenly interrupted, the brief silence that followed leaving her heart beating faster.

“Farran …? What now …?” she heard his soft voice ask from the other side and the shock that coursed through her being left her speechless. Because there was no anger or hate in that voice. Just a deep weariness, as if he were talking to a way too persistent old friend. “You didn’t call me just to ask how many Humans we managed to save, right? Because if that’s it I have better things to do. The mess you’ve made will keep us busy till daybreak. But I suppose you don’t need me to tell you that, right?” Sarah held the phone with both hands, stopping her hand from shaking, and swallowed hard. Because she’d known the pain that Farran’s name brought him … but she’d known nothing of the affection and care she now heard from each and every word he spoke. “Farran …?! Is something wrong …?”

Concern. Sarah raised her head and faced Farran’s cold, cutting gaze.

And suddenly she clearly understood how inconceivable it was, thinking that Alexis would be able to defeat the being standing right in front of her. A weight threatened to choke her as she was certain she was about to call him to a trap from where he’d never be able to escape. Because sure, Alexis was important to Farran. But to Alexis Farran wasn’t a mere indispensable existence. If Farran were to call him … If Farran really needed his help … he’d drop everything, leave everyone, just to come to his aid, no matter the consequences. The pain that pierced through her chest left tears in her eyes. How stupid could those two be?

Sarah took a deep breath and lowered her head, escaping Farran’s intense gaze.

“Alexis …?” she muttered softly and the silence that followed was more than enough proof of how shocked he’d been, hearing her voice.

“Sarah…?! Sarah!!” Disbelief followed by raw anger. Sarah smiled sadly. Even at a distance she could clearly tell what he was feeling. “What …? How!!”

“Alexis! Take a deep breath! And calm down!” she ordered in a purposely harsh tone and he went silent again, although she was certain that, by now, anger was consuming him, making his blood boil. “I’m fine. And nothing’s going to happen to me,” she told him with all the conviction she could manage and when he spoke again she could hardly recognize him.

“Is he there?” he asked in a cold, unfeeling voice that made her shudder.

“Alexis …”

“He’s there, isn’t he?” he repeated and Sarah sighed. Right then nothing she could tell him would be able to reach him. Still she had to try.

“He’s not going to hurt me. Farran took one of those unbreakable oaths. His arm has red marks all over. Trust me!”

“I’ll be there in a second.” The disconnected sound left her hanging on the small device. As to be expected he hadn’t heard a single word she’d said.

“It’s as you said … No matter what I told him …”

“The result would be the same,” he completed, tucking the phone in his pocket, and Sarah couldn’t hold back her anxiety any longer.

“What do you expect, really! I’m sure you know Alexis will never choose to join you!” she accused. “At least not as long as Aaran exists. He is totally and completely loyal to him! What is it that you really want?”

“Aaran’s problem will soon be no more. And then it’s just a question of seeing how things turn out.”

“What do you mean?” Sarah frowned. “Aaran’s problem will be no more? Aaran is … completely different from you or Alexis! There’s no way you’ll be able to defeat him!” she declared, unable to find the right words to describe what little she’d learned about Aaran in those few moments he’d lost control, revealing part of his true self, and Farran smiled.

“You’re rather perceptive, for a mere Human. Of course I’m well aware of the immeasurable differences between the two of us. And that’s why I’ll force open a dimensional fracture right here, in this place. By other words, I’ll connect this space to Tzel,” he excitedly declared in a prideful tone, and Sarah took a step back as his expression changed to that of a dangerous mad man.

“What do you mean …?” she dared insist and a red glow took over his dark eyes, a smile extending his lips into a perfect expression of madness.

“Dimensional fractures tend to spread. They’re different from Portals, that can be opened and closed. And Aaran will be the only one around with enough power to close it. Shame that such heroic acts tend to claim the lives of those idiotic enough to try to achieve them. And so, being the perceptive girl you are, what do you think the noble King of the Araphel will choose to do?”

“What if he doesn’t … do it?”

“Assiah will be destroyed together with Tzel. Which, on the other hand, would be ironically interesting to watch.”