Sarah woke up with the sound of his voice. For a moment she couldn’t even tell where she was, or what time it was, but then all questions were erased from her mind as her attention focused on Alexis, stirring in his sleep.

Sitting up she tried to understand what was going on and her heart ached as she noticed the mask of suffering that had taken over his face. His emotions went well beyond pain, leaving her anguished. And so, without thinking twice, she tried to wake him up from his nightmare, gently caressing his cold, sweaty forehead, as he mumbled and shouted in his sleep.

“Alexis! Please wake up. It’s only a dream.”

His eyes shot open, and what had started as relief at being able to wake him, was quickly replaced with fear, as she instinctively tried to escape him. His movements, however, were just too fast, and even unable to see, he grabbed hold of a handful of her hair, which didn’t allow her to go that far. A scream left her lips, more from fright than from pain, and her heart beat hard against her chest. Controlling her own fear she just sat there, motionless, knowing that she’d never be able to fight him off, that trying to do so would only make him angrier, make him even more dangerous. His eyes … his eyes were pitch black, dark shadows with no color or light, just like before. And although she knew he’d eventually go back to being himself, she still couldn’t help cringe as he bent over her. And yet, when she thought he was about to hurt her, maybe even try to kill her like before, his other arm pulled her closer, making her fall against his chest. The hand grabbing her by her hair pulled her head back, immobilizing her, and his hot breath caressed the tender skin of her neck.

“Sarah …”

That murmured, slithering voice set her brain on fire, making her hold her breath. Chaotic confusing images overlapped each other … The silent request and the sharp need marking his voice were the same. The heat surrounding her, transmitting a fake sense of security was painfully familiar. And a sob escaped her lips as his teeth grazed her skin.

Again …

But, this time around, there were other emotions mixed in that ravenous hunger. Things she hadn’t noticed before, or maybe that she hadn’t been able to recall. Sorrow and pain, and a need as deep as the self-contempt that accompanied it, in a constant battle of hesitations and impulses.

His words came to back to her. Ishar had the ability to heal him and his entire body screamed with that need.

Feeling suddenly calmer, Sarah allowed her eyes to close and placed a shaking hand on his head, holding him in a gentle embrace. The groan of pain and frustration that echoed from his chest made her mentally prepare herself for the pain that would certainly follow, but in the next instant he’d grabbed her by an arm, throwing her on the bed. His anger and his sudden rough movements left her dizzy and confused. A strong hand held her by the ankle, pulling her down, and he was on top of her, and between her legs. Her heart jumped again, fear swallowing her whole as she made use of all her strength to push him off, her hands against his chest, although it felt more like she was trying to move a wall.

“Alexis!” she cried between anger and plea, closing her hands into fists as she hit him, but he still didn’t stop, pulling and tearing up her clothes.

He was inside her in one harsh, sudden movement that made her scream, repeating it over and over again in a possessive, wild rhythm that brought tears to her eyes; hurting her, until she understood that it wasn’t the pain that made her cry. He was furious … furious with himself, with his own weakness, and the pain inside him was so deep that it made her sob. And suddenly his eyes of shadow didn’t seem all that empty or scary anymore. They were just sad. Because that was the part of him that everyone feared, the part of him that was constantly denied, the monster that had to be controlled and chained, and, once it became impossible to contain, would simply and merciless put down.

Sarah raised one hand and placed it against his tattooed face, recalling what he’d told her about how her touch could ease the constantly burning sensation that the silver lines brought him, and smiled at that shadow gaze that she’d thought unable to see her but that had still called her name.

“I’m right here, Alexis. And I’m not going anywhere …” she whispered softly, and as if those were magic words, his body was suddenly still, and all that was left were their irregular breathing.

Sarah smiled, patiently caressing his face, and as she’d expected the darkness in his eyes started to recede, allowing its normal stormy color to show. The despair and shame that took over him, and his expression of panic as he realized what he was doing, made her wrap her legs around him, pulling him even closer and preventing him from leaving; the shudder that coursed through his body making her laugh.

“Sarah …”

Regret … Sadness … She hugged him and he followed her small frail hands, burying his face on her shoulder.

“It’s okay …”

She shivered as his soft hair slid around her neck and slowly moved to meet him. A smile of victory took over her lips as his breathing became short and rough again. Trembling arms and uncertain hands embraced her, caressing her, holding her and taking the lead, leaving her light headed and panting. She slid her hands down his back, just for the pleasure of feeling how his muscles flexed and contracted, and knew without a doubt she had made the right choice, that her place was there, beside him; that meeting him had been the reason why she’d been born into that world, a world where she’d never belonged to to begin with.

Her voice escaped her control as her entire body crumbled into small spasms of pleasure, and she felt him shudder violently when he followed her an instant later.

For a moment the whole world seemed to fade away and reality was her body mixed with his, the same scent, the same heat, the same heartbeat, and the same feelings. Everything was perfect.

“Forgive me, Sarah …” His deep regret made her hug him harder. If only he could feel her feelings the same way she felt his … But he only knew himself and his chaotic emotions. He knew nothing of the unnamable vastness she felt for him.

“I love you, Alexis.”

The sudden tension that took over his body made her immediately aware of what she’d just said and instantly reactivated her more logic, rational mind. Biting her lower lip a knot of anxiety froze her stomach. Those words were too compromising, excessively binding, and in many cases, all too scary. Words that she should never have spoken, she immediately rebuked herself. Because the dream would always end where reality begun. And the reality that she stubbornly refused to think about kept telling her that Alexis and her belonged to two completely different worlds, impossible to conciliate.

In a wave of painful embarrassment she tried to find a way to, somehow, make those words seem less serious than they’d sounded, since denying them wasn’t an option. But in the next instant he’d raised his head to stare down at her with his unseeing eyes, and his warm fingers lightly touched her face, softly tracing her lips …

“I don’t even have the right to touch you …” he murmured although, contrary to what she’d expected, his words hadn’t been accompanied by grief or remorse. Now, inside him, was only happiness and a deep feeling of fulfillment. “Too frail …” he whispered as if he was seeing her for the first time and Sarah couldn’t help stare at him, bewildered by his low, seductive voice. “Too small …” he went on and a smile touched his lips stealing her breath away, because she’d never seen him smile like that, with such warmth and kindness. “I’d say too shy but lately I’ve changed my opinion about that.” She couldn’t help laugh as she blushed. “Too perfect …” he added and his smile gave way to an expression of complete adoration. “My Hridaya …” The reverent way he spoke those words touched her and marked her more than any other love confession could. Because she knew exactly what he felt, and similarly to what she felt for him, there were no words or romantic expressions that could ever describe it.

The kiss he gave her was the sweetest that had ever touched her lips, as if he could somehow kiss her Soul, and before that simple gesture everything else seemed inconsequential; and the reality that just a few moments ago had scared her so much was reduced to a mere dark spot, easily swallowed by the world of bright light that was their feelings for each other.

* If you want to know more about this book or simply access earlier updates, please visit the official site at http://carpersanti.net/gaea/

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