Rayne

Arriving in Japan felt strangely comforting. It almost felt like home. Almost.

Rayne didn’t think about that for long though, she rapidly made her way to the hospital. A shiver went up her spine as she noticed how similar it looked to the one in Kenya. She shook away the memories and made a beeline towards the room where her brother was staying in.

A tense silence levitated in the room as she stood by the door, and her parents stood next to the bed in which her brother was lying down.

“Alfie-” Her mother spoke.

“Rayne!” Her brother interjected, greeting her with a grin.

She snapped out of her trance and strode to his side:

“Josh, how are you? What happened?”

“I’m fine. Broken arm, but it’s fine.” He shrugged.

“What happened?” She repeated while gripping his hand.

“That bloody motorbike.” Her father sneered.

“It wasn’t his fault that someone skipped a red light.” Rayne’s mother soothed.

“I’ve had that bike for two years and never had an accident. You can’t possibly blame it on it.” Josh’s smile had faded.

“What is this?!” A nurse chimed in. “I said, one person! One visit at a time!”

“We’ll let, uh, Rayne talk….“

The parents left, basically bowing their heads. After the door was closed, the siblings visibly relaxed. Rayne sat on the bed.

“Well, they used your chosen name. Not bad.” Josh grinned.

“Yay, they did the bare minimum, and it only took them five years…” She dead-panned.

Josh’s grin turned into a gentle smile, as he hesitated:

“They’re… They really regret what they said… And did.”

Rayne looked out the window and stayed quiet. This time the brother held her hand:

“We don’t have to talk about it but… Maybe spend some time with them while you’re here…”

“They called me Alfie as soon as I walked in!” She roared and got up. “Alfie’s dead, and it’s staying dead! They’re waiting for something that doesn’t exist to come back.”

“I know that, and I love you. I love Rayne. I always have. You know me.”

“But you’re… Defending them…” Rayne had lowered her voice, as if in defeat.

“I’m not.” His voice stern. “I moved out after what he did to you. But people can change… “

Rayne cleared her throat:

“I’m glad you are okay. I will be back here tomorrow, and then I will be on my way back to New York.”

“They’re sending me home in the morning, actually.”

“Okay, what is your address?”

The younger sibling stammered:

“…You know… It’s theirs.”

Rayne blinked:

“You are living with them?” She hissed every word and narrowed her eyes. “You just said you left after me!”

”I-I went back. Because they changed!”

“Maybe I’ll just call you tomorrow. It was nice seeing you.” The disappointment was sketched all over her face.

Feeling her surroundings closing in on her, she quickly exited the hospital, disregarding the parents outside the bedroom and a nurse asking her to sign the visitors' sheet.

Outside, she went straight to a store to buy cigarettes and then headed to the nearest hotel.

At the hotel, she bought a cup of noodles from a vending machine before heading up to the fifth floor.

The room was painted blue because the sun had set a short time ago, she loved the look of it. After dropping her bag and kicking off her boots, she made her way to the bed and laid face down on the duvet with a grunt. Rayne knew she wasn’t supposed to smoke inside, but she also knew there were people outside, so she just opened the window to allow the smoke to escape.

As she put the pink cigarette to her lips, her phone vibrated inside her backpack. She hadn’t bothered using it since arriving in Kyoto. It was a call from Ocean, she let it ring, then she realized there were a few calls and texts from Alliyah too, though they had stopped a couple of hours prior.

“I knew I was too fucked up not to screw this up.” She threw the phone on the bed next to her, without even reading the messages, as tears slowly flooded her eyes. “I’m just sorry I wasted your time.”

She put the cigarette out before it even reached its end and fell asleep in her street clothes.

In the morning Rayne quickly showered and changed into distressed black jeans, a black tank-top, and the only leather jacket she had packed.

She grabbed her rose ring and the necklace Mariam had gifted her. The ring reminded her of the day when she met Alliyah. The necklace reminded her of the March, which was the day when she started falling for her. Her stomach twisted so she hid both below all of her clothes in the backpack.

She took a deep breath and exited the room as though she wasn’t falling apart.

In the hotel brunch buffet, she served herself rice, scrambled eggs, sausage, and tomato for brunch. Although, she didn’t eat much, due to the knot inside of her every time she thought about her family or Alliyah. Should she forgive them? Furthermore, what was going to happen when she was back in New York?

On a morning walk to catch some fresh air, Rayne was passing by a tattoo shop and, on a whim, decided to just walk in.

“Hello?” She called, but no one was in the front of the store.

It only took a few seconds for a tall woman with long, purple braids to greet her.

“Hi there. I’m Daniela. You can call me Dani.”

She spoke in a Cuban accent. Her skin was brown but not as dark as Alliyah’s.

Ugh, there they were, the thoughts of Alliyah. Rayne shook them away and was thankful that Daniela continued talking.

“Do you have an appointment with Marco?”

“No. I just-”

“Well, I can attend you. Did you bring a design?”

“No. I just-”

“Well, come here, I'll show you my portfolio.” The woman motioned for Rayne to follow her into another room.

On a wall, in the other room, was a huge portrait of Marylin Monroe, but they made her into a punk sort of aesthetic, at which Rayne smiled.

“You like it, uh?” Daniela smirked.

“Yes. Did you do it?”

“Marco and I.” She nodded towards the man who was also dressed in all black and wore a snap-back. He was tattooing someone’s back.

Marco didn’t acknowledge the women, although it was obvious he heard the conversation.

“Don’t mind him, he’s not very chatty.”

Rayne smiled softly and looked around the store. The walls were mostly black and full of designs in tracing paper and framed photos of people’s tattoos.

Daniela called Rayne over to her desk. She opened a large bin and started going through the pages: a large yet minimalist mermaid with an afro on someone’s thigh; a pink rose on a forearm; a sunflower…

“You don’t like any?” The artist looked disheartened.

“They are wonderful… Just not my style.” Rayne gave an apologetic smile.

Daniela closed the portfolio and spoke seriously:

“How foolish of me. Can you…” She gathered a notebook and a pencil. “Tell me what you like?”

“Ummh, well, dark stuff. Daggers. Bats, cats, skulls, moths…”

As Rayne listed things, Daniela noted them on a page, she nodded, as if already connecting the dots on how the tattoo was going to look like.

“Okay, I have a few ideas. Can you go wait back in the waiting room, please?”

Rayne nodded and made her way out.

30 minutes had passed, and she regretted not taking her phone with her.

“Okay, these designs are pretty minimalist, hence why they were quick, but I think you’ll like them.”

Quick? I reckon time is, in fact, an abstract concept.

One of the drawings was that of a hand holding a knife, the knife reflected a skull. And the other design was a moth morphed with a skull. Both black and white and with few lines.

Rayne was drawn to the knife one, the hand had black-painted nails, like hers.

“I want this one.” She pointed at it.

“Great! Come with me, then.”

The sound of the tattooing gun made her nervous, but she liked the feeling. And she liked the idea of the pain that came with the needles piercing into her skin. It numbed her mind, it made her forget about her past, it made her forget about her inability to maintain a relationship, so she just closed her eyes, and allowed Daniela to adorn her body.

“Are you okay?” The artist asked after a couple of lines.

“Yes.”

She was surprised that it didn’t hurt that much. Perhaps even frustrated.

“So, are you from around here?“ Daniela asked, following a while of quietness, aside from the two tattoo guns being utilized.

“I am from here, but I have been living in New York for a few years.”

“Oh, where dreams are made of. Have you lived your dream there?”

“In a sense…”

“Wow, you talk almost as little as Marco.“ Daniela teased, but only earned a nervous smile from Rayne. “Okay, okay. You’re paying here, so I’ll just leave you to your silence if you’re comfortable. It’s almost done anyway.”

Her dream… Her dream was to belong, and it was shattered the moment she fled from New York.

But it was expected, right? She was always going to mess up… It was who she was. She was never going to truly find a home.