If I am capable of freaking out, I would. The hormones in my body are running so fast that I have a little trouble keeping up with them. I put my forefinger up to ask Lilith to give me a moment to adjust, but she just holds my hand and sends vibrations that reverses my effort. Lilith has always been a stronger human than I am, and if she wants me to freak out, she can make me.

“It’s not healthy to keep it all bottled up,” Lilith explains, “You need to let go of control sometimes.”

She puts another hand on the back of my hand, and all Hell broke loose inside of me. I don’t even feel the hormones running anymore, I just feel their effects on me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I demand as I pull my hand away, “An angel? A freaking angel? Is that why I always listen to you? Because half of me is designed to bow down to you and obey every single one of your commands?”

“No, you listened because I’m your mother. Also, angels are not ‘designed’ to bow down to us, some of them don’t bow to us. That’s why there are fallen angels.”

“Gee, thanks for the clarification, mom. Wouldn’t have known…” Then it hits me. The hormones and emotions may be running wild in me, but my IQ remains just as high, “A fallen angel… My dad’s a fallen angel, isn’t he? That’s why you didn’t want to tell me.”

“Technically, that’s not your father…” said Lilith sheepishly.

“Oh, don’t give me that ‘technically’ bullshit, mom!”

“Okay, I know you’re hurting so I won’t say anything, but…”

“No, no buts. I’ve earned all the ‘shit’, ‘fuck’, and ‘damn’ in the world because apparently, I am half-angel. Half-fallen angel at that! How could you not tell me? Can I even kill them with my mind?”

“No, and you can’t imprint orders into their thoughts either, but you can still communicate with them mentally.”

“Talking and reasoning with the angels who hate the other half of me? No, thank you. I think I’ll just stick to my swords.”

“I would prefer that actually. Much safer and more direct that way.”

I glare at Lilith. I don’t know why I do that, but the anger inside me is so intense that I just want to look at her and show her that I am not in the mood for games or humor.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? I’m not. I’m glad you’re half-angel, and I’m glad you’re half-human because you are 100% absolute perfection, even if you don’t see it yourself.”

“Quit mothering me!” I shouted in frustration. Do I know that it is completely useless to yell? Yes. Do I care? No.

I hate being in this state, but Lilith’s influence has locked my ability to regulate my own hormones and emotions for the next hour so I am stuck with all the anger and frustration that comes with the discovery of my true identity. For some reason, Lilith thinks that my crazy reaction is okay so she doesn’t reverse her influence on me and allows me to keep feeling lost.

I take a deep breath to try and calm myself down, but the refreshing air just feels like atoms that have no influence on my soul whatsoever. Lilith watches as I breathe.

“I hate being out of control,” I confess.

“And under normal circumstances, I would let you be, but this is not one of them,” Lilith closes in on me and touches my face. My soul is screaming at this point, and I can barely contain myself. My fist tightened as I bit down. Lilith seems like she is looking forward to me going crazy, “The demons, the fallen angels, and even the humans will use your identity against you, make you doubt your stance, and seduce you into darkness.”

“I… have never needed …” I struggle to keep myself together, but the anger and confusion are getting to me, “I don’t… I don’t…”

“The fact that I am able to influence you at all means that you do care,” Lilith points out, “And the devil will use that against you. Your ability to regulate your own hormones will do nothing for you, not if your very soul is aching to be loved by another parent.”

“The devil is nothing but a fallen angel,” I say through gritted teeth, “And don’t change the subject. You lied to me about my identity.”

“Your identity remains the same. Who your biological parents are had nothing to do with who you are.”

“Then why it keep a f*cking secret at all?”

Lilith pauses and looks right into my eyes. She sighs then says, “I really don’t like it when you cuss like that.”

I shout a series of profanity that is so crude that my graceful side refuses to acknowledge the fact that those particular combinations of words is designed by the anger in my soul.

Then, something inside of me clicks.

I am still angry, and I am still disappointed, but my soul calms down. It seems that shouting everything and expressing all that out has cleared its influence on my soul, and I am able to think rationally despite my emotions. I sit down on the ground and curl up to hide my head between my arms and leg like I am a child.

Lilith sits down beside me. Her patience and love have always been astounding so I am not surprised when she pats my head and strokes my back.

“I thought you hate it when I cuss…” I murmur.

“But I love you more than I hate your cussing,” replies Lilith.

“Is… Is this why the angels hate me? Or why Grandpop always seems to be monitoring me?”

“You can still accurately read their minds, and you know the angels don’t hate you. They hate that you make a mess in heaven every other day, but they don’t hate you. As for God… He’s monitors everybody all the time. It’s nothing personal.”

“I know, but… I… I’m just so confused,” I say as I lift my head to look into Lilith’s eyes. Those eyes, regardless of their colors and size, have always been able to calm me down, “What do I do now?”

“What you’ve always done. Live your life,” advises Lilith before she opens the transparent box and helps me put on the bracelet, “And should this bracelet ever shine brighter than it is right now, you run because it means that someone stronger than you is within your proximity, and that person means to do you harm.”

“Is this a bracelet that detects power?” I ask when I notice that the bracelet is shinier on Lilith’s hand than it is on my wrist, “Or is it just something to attack my pride?”

Lilith grins and kisses my forehead. “My prideful little angel.”

“I think I want to be alone for a while.”

“Okay,” replies Lilith who obviously wants to keep an eye on me, but is also respectful enough to honor my wishes.

Lilith has already taken a few steps when I remember what I need to say.

“Mom,” I call out. I still have my back on her, but I know that she has turned around, “Just so you know. I’m still annoyed that you keep my identity a secret, but I love you the same.”

Then I hear Lilith chuckles warmly before she leaves me alone.