>> Time check: 10:00 p.m.

“See you tomorrow! Be early, okay?”

Julia shouts gleefully as we parted away at the pub. The rest of the guys come with her, saying that they’ll go another round of drink somewhere.

“... Will she be okay?” Catherine asked while waving at Julia and the others as they walked away. “She will. I mean, those guys are good ones. No matter how much drunk they are... I think?”

I answered with uncertainty. Catherine looks at me as she shows a wry smile. We both walked along the sidewalk as lights glimmer around the district.

Cars pass around; few people are seen walking with exhaustion on their looks. I reckon they took overtime at work tonight.

“... Senior,” Catherine called out to me. In the serene surroundings, her voice lures to my ears completely.

“What?” I asked. “Uhm... I believe you haven’t dating someone yet?” A sudden thought comes out of her lips.

“No, I happen to see no one...” I answered. Revving sound of motor engines from cars heard from the distance. Glimmering lights coming from the highways spark like gems.

We both keep our pace of walking, as Catherine tilts over to see me. “I’m not seeing anyone as well...”

Her voice fret as that word utters. “Really, but you’re smart and cute; I know men would pique an interest to you.”

“I happen not to see them the way I see you. I mean, some of them are better looking than you... and... And I thought those people don’t deserve me...”

Catherine moves ahead and stops in front of me. I stopped from walking, without knowing I was already in front of the train station.

Illuminating under the light is her pretty face. My eyes beckon on her beauty; like the time I allure that moment. Her expression becomes gentle, her cheeks blushes.

I see her allure and made me sway up totally. In this moment, even I can’t imagine the charm she has now.

“I’m still waiting for you, senior Justine. For 10 consecutive years, I always have been yearning to hear your answer. I tried to forget everything and cut off the communication with you...”

On those words Catherine said, my heart quivers. I did want to tell her how I really feel that time, but she did just go away without hearing anything.

All this time, I’ve been rummaging over these feelings. I’ve been trying to know what I should tell. There’s always been a doubt on me.

Telling something I wanted by not hurting someone is an impossible thing. It’s inevitable that I can’t hurt someone at all. It’s a given factor on this life.

For 27 years of my life, I’ve keep searching why I am getting doubts on falling in love. Something’s not right. I know that truly.

“... Senior,” Catherine calls out to me once more. Her eyes meet mine directly. It fills with wonder and certainty to the next words she will say.

“I’m, I’m still... I’m still in love with you. I do like you and wanted to deepen our relationship.”

It flows out. The words she meant to say flows like a river towards me. Gentle wind caresses my hair while looking directly on her face.

“I do wish; I do wish to be with you all the time. I want us to know each other intimately. To be with you is something I’ve been praying...”

For the second time, Catherine utters those words. The words she means to say from the beginning of our meeting after 10 years.

“I love you, Senior Justine... Please, go out with me.”

The words full of desire and yearning; it comes to me naturally. I should be happy; I must feel glad for someone to tell me that word.

But far from being the supposed to be feeling, those words turns to be hollow to me. I don’t feel anything at all. I don’t feel glad; I don’t feel happy. It’s empty.

The words she said are empty.

I don’t feel joy; even a slight glee is absent. It’s nothing but hollowness.

“Senior...?” Catherine called me out, once more. My body twitches from her call. She shows agitation over the matter, I don’t know what to say; either way, she will just get hurt in the end.

“Ah,” I utter. “What’s the matter? Is something wrong—-“

“Catherine.” With firm on my voice, I call her name. “Huh?” she muttered.

My heart thumps like a drum as I collect my thoughts out. What will be happen to us if I tell the truth? I know this feels morbid, but I don’t want to change everything between us.

“I appreciated your feelings to me, but...” I take a pause. Catherine took a gulp, and turns her expression to grim after.

“... I see you’re still not capable of falling in love, huh?”

“No, it’s not that. I... I do am happy to know you care for me. But—-“

“That’s enough; I know from the very beginning that there’s no chance for me to be someone for you.”

Tears moist on her eyes as those words let out. The once beautiful face I adore to see on her taints with pain and sorrow from the reply I gave.

“I’m sorry...”

“No, it’s fine; I did just expect that you change after years passed. But—-but it seems time isn’t enough yet.”

I didn’t reply to her retort. Those words are true enough to take on me. There’s no way time will change me. No matter what happens, I will remain the same.

“But this will be the last time I’ll cry. I’m sorry, for loving you all this time, senior...”

In between her teary eyes, a wry smile shows up on her lips. “Good bye, senior...”

As she said those words, Catherine walked away from me. I just remain standing, watching her walk away.

Without words left to say, I go back home and take the night as a resting time on my exhausted body.