“Saints have no moderation, nor do poets, just exuberance.”

Endless streams of fire coursed trails across her back.

While she was pressed down on her knees, both El’rra and Mer’ren had taken turns on hitting her back with dark tribal-made staffs made of finely ornate iron steel.

Behind her, the children performed a wicked ululating chant that matched the rhythm of the battering staffs crashing down against her bones on impact, teeth rattling as her entire body surged forward at each crack.

It’s when the overwhelming pain of fire pushes her to passing out that the children sharply pulls her back to full raw health. Along with that, it was impossible to breathe through the pain. And whenever her visions gets dark and spotty, the children would make thrilling animalistic noises in perfect harmony that it balloons a cool breeze of unwelcome fresh air inside her lungs— allowing a dry desperate cry to ring out across the cavernous grotto. She was surprised to hear that the animalistic yowl even came from her. Dry howls ripped from her throat, it gave her brief momentary distractions from the searing flames across her back. If she focused on screaming her throat raw, then she wouldn’t have to keep her mind on their dastardly strikes.

Sometimes, Me’ren’s cane would blow down so hard it jarred her bones to crack. That was when she held her breath. Any more than a bellow would puncture her insides from cracked brittle bones.

“How many times are you going to make the same mistake?” Asked the goddess, a moment ago she had transformed back to a humble elderly man wearing farmer overalls “I’ve taught you this many times before. Listen to what I say! It’s an order!” The whip of her grandfather’s bark was sending shockwaves throughout the grotto.

As she breathed, a choking sob erupted from her throat. “What are you really here for?”

“Eat the damned apple!”

“If I do,” she gritted from the fresh wave of pain El’rra and Me’ren had inflicted. She had to remind herself that the damned goddess stole their own free will. “You will give back those who we have lost. Those who died under that damned beast.”

She gave a righteous scoff “I will certainly make it happen.”

“U’tu, Lei’la, the sun tribe village from..” What did she call it? “..from Inertia. They didn’t have to die. Holden didn’t have to die. Heck Maksim—” she sucked a shuddering breath when the blows came raining down hard on her “Bring them back! Bring them all back!”

Grandfather Florencia leaned in, levelling his gaze with hers “All that and more.” He said, offering the damned apple back to her face again.

River took a long moment staring at the apple and recognized it for what it is. Another condition to earn the love and attention she craved for in her own family. Another leap. Another bound for some sliver of attention her way.

A wash of acid burned through her veins. Rover never had to do shit none to deserve what he always got. He never had to lift a finger for it. It was given to him freely, without condition.

She thought she gotten what she always craved the moment a strange new universe swept in a whirlwind around her. But the good nature of tribespeople had a caveat in them. River had to overcome a set of obstacles to deserve her recognition as behagthi. She had to prove she was what they wanted her to be. And River had the perfect bleeding heart to agree helping those who were in need.

A cold drench of sensation crossed her stomach. Rover never had to do any of this shit.

Jealousy burned like wildfire in her gut, and for once, she let it wash through her like a blanket coming to settle then it was gone. And all she felt in the end was an empty nothingness. As though her entire insides were hollowed out. “How do I know you will serve the end your bargain?” River said, face numb and mouth dry.

“My dear daughter, sweet child. I didn’t go through all the trouble of building pathways through multiple universes, roleplay two damned people as your primary caregivers just to short-change you.”

“Was it all real? My grandmother.. she.. you gave me gifts on my birthday. Took care of me and shared kind words when I got lost growing up. Were they ever real?”

She sighed as she straightened up, “You are not my first creation. Time is of no essence to me. And I’ve meticulously experimented with each creation over and over again to make it perfect. I can honestly say, I don’t remember. What we shared is lost in time. I don’t know. But it is what you will make it to be. Don’t fret, child. It is but a memory. It will not matter for our future, teh? Now go on. Eat it.”

The goddess tutted, holding up a finger when River opened her mouth. “I will not entertain any more questions. Either do as I say or suffer another round of lashings.”

River looked around her. To Me’ren. To El’rra. The the dark tribe healers who chanted in unison, mending her broken bones as they prepared for another round of lashing. She realized she was back to right where she started.

Alone. Unloved. And as always. She had to prove her goddamned worth.