"Do you believe in God?" Evan asked Lily when they were nearly to Cincinnati.

"No," she flatly replied, but then she cocked her head and re-considered. "Well, not the guy in the clouds with the beard God. But, like, the universe itself as a higher being or something outside the universe controlling things in a way that we couldn't perceive or understand, I guess there's no way we could ever know that. But I think most of the evidence points to we're on our own, generally. I definitely don't believe in religion."

"That's kind of what I think," said Evan. "It's like, we only have five senses, and we're always perceiving the universe through those five senses alone. It's like Rick Warren, the guy who wrote the Purpose Driven life said, us trying to understand God would be like an ant trying to understand the internet. But the Internet still exists whether or not ants can understand it."

"I've never read that. The Purpose Driven Life."

"Me neither. I just heard him say that somewhere. But yeah, my mom used to make us go to church every Sunday when I was a kid."

"Mine didn't. Larry did, though. For a little while."

"You're lucky. It was boring. I didn't really get anything out of it, ever. I remember you at catechism, though."

"Yeah, we only went for a couple of years. Cause of Larry. Then I got caught smoking pot and they kicked me out of catechism and we stopped going after that."

They were silent. Then Lily spoke again.

"I think that mostly has to do with the fact that people are afraid. They're afraid of not understanding what it means to exist, and so they make up their own reasons for it so they can have something to lean on. It makes them feel better."

"I hope existence is more than a void," said Evan. "Kind of a whole lot of something for a whole lot of nothing, you know?"

"I mean, I do, too. But it might not be. And even if it is, so fucking what? We're still here, we're still doing our thing, and it doesn't change anything."

"Well, I hope I can get onto Idol and become a celebrity then," he said. "If that is the case, the only thing you can do is get the best possible deal out of this one existence you're going to have." He paused. "Make it to gloryland. Like an earthly version of gloryland."

Lily looked at him, and he couldn't read her expression.

"Yeah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?"

The Smashing Pumpkins were still playing, but it was a slow, boring song.

Evan reached for Lily's CD book on the backseat.

"I think we need a new CD," he said. "Siamese Dream is good, but the first half is way better than the second half."

"I concur," said Lily.

"Pick something," said Evan, tossing it into her lap. He glanced over to see what she would pick.

She chose a Mastodon mix.

"Do you sing or do anything artistic," he asked amid the opening chorus of Blood and Thunder.

"No. I used to draw, but I was never really any good at it so I stopped."

"What do you do now, like, in your free time?"

"Uh... I work out. I watch TV. I go on the Internet. You know. Stuff. I work."

"How is your mom and Larry?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to my mom in a while. Last I saw her she was smoking a joint on the couch in her underwear. Larry actually died awhile ago ."

"Holy shit, how?"

"He killed himself, actually."

"Holy shit. I'm sorry."

"I'm not. Fuck him."

"Why not?"

"He was an asshole."

"Why? Did he drink at all?"

"No, he smoked weed all the time but when he wasn't smoking it he would just be this abusive asshole. Sometimes even when he was smoking. He'd get really angry over the slightest shit."

"Like what?"

"Like, you know, you turn a light on at the wrong time or something."

"Did he ever hit you?"

"No, he would, like, grab you and throw you in a room or something. I mean, he'd spank me when I was younger. But my mom would've killed him if he'd ever punched me or something like that."

"Did he ever hit Marty?"

"A couple times I thought they were going to get into it, but they never did. I think Marty stood up for himself enough that Larry didn't want to mess with him."

Lily paused.

"I think he wanted to fuck me, too," she said.

"What? Why?"

"You can just tell, you know, you start to recognize the look that men give you

when they wanna, you know, get it in, when you're like, twelve. They do it even when they don't realize it."

"That's fucked up. He never touched you, though?"

"No, like I said, my mom would've straight- up murdered him. But I saw him

looking at me a few times, and the way he would talk... he was always meanest to me out of anyone. That's one of the reasons he was so angry. He was getting old and he'd never had much sex and I was kind of this constant reminder of what a failure he was. That's just what I think, though."

"God, I hope that doesn't happen to me," said Evan, thinking of the book Brian had shown him two summers ago-- The Game.

He'd completely forgotten about it. He scrambled to remember the techniques used to seduce the women. He needed to start looking for opportunities to neg Lily. Even though he hadn't had the guts to try anything out with a stranger, surely it would work on someone you were already familiar with.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" he asked.

"14."

"Who was it with?"

"This guy, Juan Torres."

"No way. From the bus?"

"Uhh... yeah, him."

"Where?"

"After a football game. In his car. Wasn't that great. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing. What about you?"

"I'm still a virgin." Evan said.

I shouldn't have said that.

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"You're 21 and you're still a virgin?"

"Yeah."

"That fucking sucks. I think I'd be losing my mind by now."

"I am," Evan said. He tried to laugh.

"Were your parents ever mean to you?" asked Lily.

"No, they never did anything except for like, occasional spanking under extreme circumstances. They were controlling, though. They didn't mean to be, but they were. You lost your virginity at fourteen; I didn't know what a condom was until I was fourteen."

"You didn't know what a condom was?"

"No, I got it mixed up with condo. I thought somehow having sex in a condo would prevent pregnancy. Until I was a freshman in high school. I mean, come on."

Lily let out a genuine laugh, a beautiful sound. It lit up Evan's heart.

"That's hilarious."

"But yeah, no, they didn't hit us or throw us around or anything. And I never had to worry about getting molested, which was nice."

Lily gave a snorting laugh.

"I saw a black woman get slapped in a KFC once, though," Evan said.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, I was there with Matt and we were in line and there was her and this other black dude working behind the counter and the dude was obviously pissed at her for something and he like, leaned in to say something to her and she was kind of dismissive of him, like, didn't even look up at him, and he just hauled off and gave her one and walked off. Really hard, I mean, just—" Evan took his hands off the steering wheel and quickly whapped the fingers of his right hand against his left palm. "Right on the cheek."

"What did everyone in line do? Was it just you and Matt?"

"No, there were a bunch of other people, plus the people working there, and no one did anything. They acted like it hadn't happened. Even though it was, like, right in front of all of us."

"What did the woman do?"

"Nothing. She just came back over and gave us our food and said 'Have a nice day' and that was it."'

"And then you left."

"Yeah, then we took off. The guy was smoking a cigarette out back and I remember I told Matt we should go over there and kick his ass. I felt really angry the more I thought about it but we obviously didn't do anything. We just ate in my car in the MJR theater parking lot. It was right before we went and saw The Dark Knight, actually, now that I think of it."

"Yeah, people like to not get involved in other people's shit. Especially strangers. It's like, better to not get involved. It's just easier to leave it alone. You don't want to get any of it on you."

"Was your biological dad abusive?"

"I don't know, I barely know him. I saw him like twice a year when I was little then when I was eight he moved to Houston and I haven't seen or heard from him since."

"That sucks."

"Eh, no it doesn't. I don't need him."

Evan nodded.

Lily suggested they listen to something else, and Mastodon was switched out for Death Cab for Cutie. Lily skipped to the second track.

A thrumming bass was joined by drums under frosty sustained guitar notes and a percussive, descending piano riff.

Lily hit fast forward on the CD player.

"This intro lasts like five fucking minutes, though," she muttered.

She let up on the button just in time for Ben Gibbard's breathy voice to sing the ominous refrain about possessing an unrequited lover's heart.

"Good lyrics," said Evan. He knew it was fate that they were listening to this song. It felt like it had been written for them, in this moment. He tried to suppress a smile. All of a sudden Lily's relationship with Daddy and any other guy seemed an easily surmountable obstacle. They were all back in Michigan. Evan was the only one here with Lily.

They drove on, Ohio now behind them and Kentucky farmland spreading out all around. The sky was an imposing dome under which groves of trees stood defiant against the sun, the buildings baking.