I feel the heat of a faint breath beside me. It tickles the tiny hairs on my skin and brings me back to the world of consciousness. My eyes open, yet all I see is darkness. The feelings of uncertainty and fear fill me, and a panic rises. I turn my head side to side frantically, searching for something… someone… Where was the man from the darkness?

As I looked blindly around my surroundings, visions flashed across my mind. Not just any images, pictures of when I was in that cold darkness. The place where I had met that man with the power of the divine gods. That fire was so tender and warm, which heated me when I was cold in his arms. But the images of his face… they frightened me. I remembered the back marks near the outer corner of both his eyes that presented themselves like engraved tears that settled after eternities of pain. He was handsome, though. His tan skin had glowed like it had absorbed the darkness they lived and bathed in. And the song he played as if he had already played it a trillion times before, and yet he still cried playing it for me.

"Azulia?" said a familiar voice. I turn my head towards the calling voice. The visions that filled my mind vanished and were slowly replaced by the luxurious decors that encompassed my room.

"Azulia, are you alright?" my Mother's sweet voice fills my ears, and I look up. My eyes are met with her ice-blue optics and golden blonde locks. The face of my Mother meant one thing — I was home. Oh, I was back! I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, and I scrunch my nose up in an attempt to prevent them from falling in front of my Mother. I was a big girl, you know? I was getting married soon, and here I was… crying… all because I missed my Mother.

"Mama…" I mumble, sniffling. I reach out and grab the skirt of her nightgown. "Mama, I missed you. Where were you? I was so cold. I was looking for you. I needed you. Where were you?! Mama!" I cling to my Mom, my hand tightly gripping the cloth of her skirt — Teardrops falling from my face and onto my bedsheets.

I sat in bed. My Mother stood at the edge of my bed, next to me, watching me cry. The tears kept falling continuously. I inch closer to her, lifting my legs slowly and pushing forward. Mama brought her hand to my cheek and brushed my tears. I looked up at her, seeing a face filled with indifference. Another tear fell, and she lifted her other hand to wipe it away. Mama held me in her gentle, delicate hands, wiping each teardrop that fell. My brows were knitted, nose scrunched, lips cracked and tightly together. I probably looked horrible, yet Mama still tenderly held me. Then, she smiled. A kind and slightly worried smile.

"Azulia, baby, why are you crying?" she asked. The sound of her voice made my heartache.

"Mama, where were you? I was lost in the dark. It was so cold…" Reaching out, I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me.

"ZuZu, it's okay. I'm here now. It was just a bad dream. Bad dreams don't scare you, right? My Azulia is a big girl now." Mama says, brushing my hair from my face and kissing my forehead.

"Mhm," I sniffle. I'm a big girl, and big girls don't cry. I pushed away from my Mom and wiped my tears with my arms. I stared down at my palms and tucked my fingers in, creating a fist. I held it tightly, gripping them firm till my hands turned white. Then I let go, watching the release of tension.

I remember that I was supposed to be meeting Mama in my room to discuss some important matters. Yet, Mama was in a nightgown now. What happened?

"Azulia, I love you. Remember that," she paused, taking my chin in her hand, she lifted my face till my eyes met hers, "And Azu, don't cry. Your face is too beautiful to be stained by tears. Legend has it that if you shed enough tears, the dark tears would be engraved in the corners of your eyes. I wouldn't want that for you."

As my Mother spoke, I was reminded of the dot on the outer corner of his two eyes. If the legend is true, why did he cry?

"Ma, in my dreams… I met a man. He had dark dots imprinted on the outer corner of both his eyes, and he played a song on a piano for me. He used divine power and warmed me. It was dark, Ma. The darkness was so cold. His face was scary, and his smile was frightening. He cried too… he cried while playing the piano. A sorrowful song. I watched him, Ma. He was there in the place where I tried to find you, yet you were nowhere to be found."

Telling her made me feel like I was a child telling her Mother about her stupid little nightmare.

My Mother remained silent while I stared into her pale optics anticipating her response. Her countenance returned to its former indifferent state. "ZuZu, does this dream haunt you? Frighten you?" she asks, running her hands through my hair.

"I-" I paused. It was just a dream, wasn't it?

She sighed. "Azu, move over," she said, gesturing me to give her space to move onto the bed. I scooted over enough so that she could lay beside me. She lifted the blanket and lightly lowered herself onto the bed.

"Are you going to sleep here?" I ask, watching her plop herself down on her back and tuck herself in.

"Is there any reason I can't?" Mama says, turning to her side and smirking at me. "Azulia lay down; let's have a chat."

I raise my brow at her but soon fall onto my back, obeying her request. Mama was behaving awfully weird.

"So Mama, I fainted just like that day at morning tea, right?"

She nods. "Though Azulia, this time was much worse. How do you feel now?" She grabs my hand from under the blanket.

"I'm fine, but whenever I faint, I always have weird dreams and visions. I've never fainted before. I've always thought I took good care of myself and had good health."

"I'll get the royal physician to do a check-up on you in the morning," Mama replies. She reaches out and cups my cheek in her hand. "Azulia, you're going to make a great queen." I pull closer to Mother and hide my face on the warmth of her collar bone, taking in her dreamy sweet scent. Mama put her arm around me and rested her chin on my head.

"I hope so," I say, closing my eyes. The closeness of my Mother reminded me of when I was young and still a rotten child. When I would cry from a small fall in the garden, and Mama would pick me up and kiss the pain away. I would like to be a child again. So, I didn't have to hold the future of an entire empire on my shoulders. What if I wasn't the firstborn? Would it be the same?

"Our kingdom is being constantly threatened by the soldiers of Ragnar. Your Father and Lord Ragnar have been having inappropriate disagreements over letters. I'm afraid if you don't marry Prince Reynuldus… our kingdom may be taken from us. Our people killed before our eyes." I feel my Mother's chest vibrate as she speaks calmly to me. My ear that is pressed firmly against her collar listens to a slight humming in each sound. A war? So this is a war?

"Ragnar declared a war?" I asked, feeling my Mother gulp.

Lord Ragnar and his family are infamous for their exceptional fighting abilities and skills on the battlefield. Ragnar used to be just a wanted rouge from a small kingdom but quickly rose in fame as he built his own following in which he used to overtake his own nation and many others with ease. I had thought because Hydrangea was large and protected by the Gladiolus that they would instead view us aside as an ally than an enemy. What triggered this? Aren't the House Gladiolus and their soldiers strong enough to protect us?

"Azulia, I request that you ignore the red ink used to write the love letter, for the sake of your life. My life. Your sister's lives."

"What if Reynuldus is planning to attack us too? Did you not see the blood-red ink?" I grit my teeth.

"I know the queen of Lefort. She was a dear friend of mine before I was crowned Empress of Hydrangea. Her son is quite a striking young man. I could sense he would grow up to be a great man even when he was just a mere baby. There is nothing to be afraid of." Mother looks down at me and kisses my forehead.

"I think, though, that we can destroy Ragnar's troops." Marrying this man was like running away from this war because we're scared. I know Hydrangea can win this!

"You are underestimating Ragnar and his family. It's not like before. Now, he's stronger. His sons are grown, and his rule is more stable than before."

"Even so! We've been a stable and strong kingdom for many centuries!"

"We've just gotten lazy from all this peace."

"We can fight!" I beg, looking up at her with a plea in my eyes.

"No," she snaps.

"Why not? What are you so afraid of?!"

"You haven't seen what I've seen."

"And that is?"

"The loss of one's whole world. When someone dies, they can no longer exist again. They are gone, you are gone, to them… the world has ended."

"The world is like a game of chess. You need to lose to win!"

"Death isn't that simple! You're too naive! You've been raised in too much peace. You haven't experienced the grief of war! Sacrifice is not needed!" She yells, breathing heavily. Her arm that she was placed around me tightened, like fear.

I could tell my Mother was on the verge of tears that I was about to make her cry. I didn't reply; I was sure that I would make a big mistake if I did. Who was I again anyway? Just a princess. She's the Empress, and she has experience. I'm only 21 and naive. I have no reason to fight with my Mother.

"I'm sorry," I whisper onto her chest.

She presses her cheek onto my head. "It's alright. Azulia, I can tell you're strong. You'll be a better queen then I'll ever be."

I push away. "Ma, you're a great Empress. A ruler I could never match."

She giggles. "But you are my baby. So you'll be two times as great."

I snuggle into her neck like a child. "I try to be."

We lay like that for a while. My Mother's arms were wrapped around me, and I snuggled tightly onto her like a child. After I felt my Mama's breathing slow to a steady pace, I looked up at her. She was asleep. I stared at the eyelids that covered her dreamy icicle-like eyes. What was she seeing? What was the world like in Mother's eyes?