《Golden Solitude》Prologue III: Someone Within.
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It has been a year since then. I can now walk properly. Though, I still can’t get behind the fact that my parents look so good. My father had a dark complexion, he had black hair, and was slender and muscular, to say that he was handsome was an understatement. That doesn’t mean my mom wasn’t good-looking either, she was probably at the same level or even a level higher. She had brown colored hair that dropped down till her waist. And she had a very feminine charm. Her eyelashes were long, and her face was well defined, she had a light complexion. I still didn’t see myself, though I doubt I’d look good. But, I had hope. Being the son of two beautiful people, obviously I had to be too.
I had noticed something from the day I was born, at times my body wouldn’t work. As in, I had no control over it. It was especially noticeable whenever I had gone hungry or wanted to ‘do my business’. I didn’t know what was happening. Now the rate at which I would lose control increased. As in, It refused to move.
Suddenly, similar to how I had throbbing pain before. The pain struck again, it was the same season, and it had to be around the same day. This time the pain was tolerable, but it was still painful, especially for me who had the body of a kid. I could hold out, but then I lost consciousness.
My vision went dark, and nor could I feel my body. Suddenly, I was in a white space. It seemed like a room, but I didn’t want to lose my way. So, I stayed here. I then noticed that there was a kid in the middle of the room, he was just lying on the floor. I seemed taller than usual, though I couldn’t see my body. I tried touching him. He glared at me. I crouched down to talk to him, he then turned towards me and sat.
“Hello?” I said.
I didn’t know who this was, nor did I know what happened to me.
“You are always taking mommy’s wove. I hate you!” - I didn’t understand him very well, but I could make out ‘you are.. taking mommy’s love.’
I didn’t quite understand. How could a kid like him even talk? Wait no, what is he even talking about?
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“Don’t act innocwent!” - “Uhm… I can’t really understand you.”
“Stop it!” - He had gotten up from the floor, and started hitting me, on reflex I had stood up. But, I couldn’t really feel any of his attacks.
He started crying. “I jwst want to be with mommy!” he shouted. I felt bad. Unconsciously, I had started patting him. He just seemed like a kid who needed someone to talk with. “Okay. Stop crying, alright?” - “O- Only if you let me be with mommy..” he said while sobbing.
“Ok, I understand.” I replied, smiling at him. Averting his eyes, he looked at the floor. Now then, where was I? I can’t see anything else in my vicinity.
“Kid. What’s your name?” I asked him. He seemed really scared. So, I put him on my lap(?), It was like an impulse, I couldn’t even see my own lap. Nonetheless, it seemed my lap ‘existed’. He seemed to calm down, moving from my lap, he moved to the floor and faced me.
“My name is Viwa.” - Could he have said that he was Vira? No, it can’t be. Only I should know my own name, no wait even then, How would a kid like him know about it?
“Do you mean Vira?” - “Mhm.” saying that he nodded his head. I couldn’t understand what was going on. If this kid’s name is Vira, and mine is as well. We could just be people with similar names, but then that wouldn’t explain the situation in front of me, nor would it explain where I was.
“Uncwe?” the boy asked, tilting his head. I can’t blame him, he’s probably just as confused.
“Ah.. No… It’s just that my name is also Vira…” I told the worrying boy, what had I even done...? Showing weakness to a child. I can’t seem to think clearly, this is the first time I’ve been this startled.
“Wow! Uncwe, we both have same name! How coow!” - I couldn’t help but admire his innocence, in this situation he was still just hanging on to the smaller details. “Mhm. That is very cool.” I replied to the excited little boy. He was smiling back at me. I then ruffled his hair.
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“Hm… Vira. Why did you say that I stole your mommy’s love?” I asked him.
“When I try to move my body… my body stwops…. Mommy never try and talk to me…. I feel awone..” he told me.
It was similar to what I experienced. It was like watching your body move on it’s own without your consent, like you were looking through a window.
“Vira. Answer me this, and then you can have mommy’s love. When you try to control- no move, is it the time when you want to do something?” I asked him.
“I wanted… to play with mommy.” - This confirmed it. We both were trying to control the same body. That’s why it had randomly stopped at moments. I didn’t understand until now, but that would explain a lot of times when my body would do what it wanted or whenever I felt like I was paralyzed.
“Vira… I think I know what happened to us.” I told him, but I didn’t know how to approach a kid who didn’t know anything about this topic. He can’t possibly understand anything I say.
“We both are in the same body.” I didn’t expect him to understand, but then he nodded. He understood? I was skeptical, no way in hell can a two-year old understand me. But, then again I don’t know my original age either. Judging by the fact that he calls me ‘Uncle’, I’d expect myself to look quite old to him.
Ah… This is just adding upon itself… The questions keep on piling, while the answers remain a mystery.
“Uncwe?” he asked.
“Say. Vira, did you really understand me?” - “Mhm. I did uncwe.”
“Then, you know how both of us can live here?” - “I know a wittle bit.” he knew? I couldn’t quite understand.
“What do you mean Vira?” - “Uncwe, I cawwed you here.” he called me here?! That sounds complicated, I didn’t grasp the idea that this kid was the one who called me. I wonder if I could do the same.
“Uncwe, you can call me too!” he said. It was like he read my mind. “How do I do that?” - “Just call me!”
‘Just call me!’, huh? I didn’t try to comprehend this child and his thinking. But, still the question remained- “How do we get out of here?” I asked him. It seemed that this kid was more familiar with these ‘aspects’ for some reason.
“It’s weally simpw- simpw- simple!'' After struggling to talk, he started averting his gaze, I then patted his shoulders, composing himself, he continued. “We shake hands!” - I hadn’t thought about any of this, it quite simply didn’t make sense. “But, you have to let me play with mommy!” he said. “Okay. I’m fine with that.” I replied back.
The both of us smiled at each other, then shook our hands. I had now come back to reality, and it was already morning. Except there was a tiny difference. I could visibly see him behind me. It was like he was a ghost, my parents who had entered the room couldn’t see it either. Only I was able to see him, I could even talk with him.
「Uncwe!」- Trying to talk to him, I thought perhaps our thoughts could get carried over.
「Can you hear me?」- He answered with a ‘Mhm’ and nodded his head.
I was now able to talk with ‘Vira’, the one who was most likely the original owner of this body. It would make sense that a young soul like him wouldn’t be able to communicate with me as soon as we were born. It made sense, but it made me frustrated. I thought that this life would be something that I could live, but it seems that hope was thoroughly crushed.
Yet, I can’t feel angry towards that child, his gentle smile quite frankly made me ashamed of my own thoughts. If not for myself, I will make sure that he lives properly in this world. That was the least responsibility that I had to accept.
「I want to play!」- he said. He wanted to play first thing in the morning. But, I had just thought of giving control, and he already took over. My mom and dad were still oblivious to this. But well, at least this life will be just one tad-less boring with this kid.
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