When I awoke that next morning, aching and stiff from sleeping on that old couch, there was still no sign of her. I have to admit, I’d half hoped she’d show up during the night. I knew I’d have to drag myself into work, but it would be a less than productive day. As I went through the motions of grooming and dressing, it finally occurred to me to call her work. She wasn’t the type to shirk her work. If she was okay, she’d be there. No doubt. She just needed some time from me... for some reason.

I picked up the phone, flipping through my small list of numbers before punching hers in. It rang twice before a surly girl I knew from the shop answered. “Grub a dub deli, how can I help you?” she muttered into the phone.

“Hi, Stella. I need to know if Ellette has been in today or yesterday.”

She snorted into the phone. “No, that bum took the whole week off. I’m on my own.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she asked for the time a while back. She didn’t tell you?”

“No... no.” stuttered in reaction. “Thanks Stella. Hey, do me a favor. Call me if she shows up?”

She laughed, she knew we were roomies, and was dying to goad me on this. “I’ll call.”

“Thanks,” I added quickly and hung up. I didn’t care to explain that she’d disappeared on me. Most of our associates assumed we were a couple. The fact that she took off without me knowing would be a juicy piece of gossip. Not that I cared, but people do love to talk.

* * *

Up the stairs we climbed, and she stumbled more and more with each step. It was a relief when she finally gave in and let me carry her those last few steps and down the hall to our shabby little apartment. In her condition, I knew an explanation for her irrational behavior wouldn’t be likely. I was just happy to know she was okay, for the most part, and was home. The rest could wait.

And wait, I did.

The first day she was back, there was little in the way of conversation. She was far too sick, too somber for that. I went to work, hoping that I’d return home to find her where I’d left her.

It was impossible to think, to focus. I could only wonder what had put her into such a state. Her disappearance was planned, that much was obvious by the fact that she’d requested time off work. Why hadn’t she said anything?

It was only by chance that I had run into Jessie as she bolted for the coffee shop to escape the rain. She hadn’t even looked up at me, her mess of auburn curls obscuring her face.

“Your girl is out there in the park. It’s as if she’s summoning the rain...” she’d said, and then she was gone, through the doors and into the warmth and shelter of the shop. Jessie is as wise and crazy as they come. I took heed of her comment and headed out into the ever-increasing torrent.

That’s when I found her, her face streaming with rain and tears, her clothes soaked through. She was just sitting there, staring off. And then she started talking to me about her little sister, who got sick. That was all I could gather from her ramblings.

I suppose her sister died. I’m no stranger to having a loved one die. I can understand how this can break a person. So now, I’m waiting her out. She’ll tell me if and when she’s ready.

* * *

I came home to a darkened house. I was tense with anticipation, hoping that the silence, the dark only meant she was sleeping. That she hadn’t slipped off again without a word or explanation. I flipped on the light in our narrow kitchen and was relieved to make out the outline of her form under the blankets on the pullout couch.

After winding down from an agonizingly long day at work, I made my way to her. I sat down on the edge and pushed a few stray jet black hairs from her face. She was flushed, her skin hot to the touch. I sighed. It was like taking care of a child with her sometimes.

After digging through the cabinets for some Advil and filling a glass of water, I returned to the bedside.

“Ellette,” I prompted, shaking her shoulder. “You need to take something for that fever.”

I was no stranger to fevers. My boy used to get them all the time. Many a long night was spent trading off with Roxie to check on him and keep track of the Tylenol and Advil rotations.

She moaned and eventually roused herself. It was a long, groggy process getting her to take the pills. Afterward, she just sat, her knees pulled up to her chest, resting her chin on them. She blinked sluggishly at me, and much to my surprise began to speak.

“When Dani and I moved to the city, it was like life had begun for us for the first time. Everything else, was like a past life, a bad dream.

“Dani... was... my little sister. In every way except for blood. We’d gotten through a great deal together.

“We got an apartment, jobs, and were even active in the community. Dani was part of some social club. I can’t even remember the name of it now, but it meant so much to her. At the end of the club year, in the spring, there was to be a big gala. She saved up every penny so she could buy this dress she’d put on layaway. It was pink and strapless... her perfect prom dress. It was her way of making up for not going to prom.

“After agonizing, scrimping and saving, we’d both managed to save up enough for this dress. It was hanging in her closet, ready and waiting for her big day.

“Then, she got sick.

“It happened so quick. One day she was fine, the next she was in the hospital. Within two weeks, she was gone. It was just enough time to watch her waste away, but not enough to come to grips with what was happening.”

“So... after she passed... I went to the gala as she’d asked, wearing that bright pink dress that I had to stuff quite generously to even come close to filling it out. Somehow, I got through it.

“Afterwards, I waded into the river... the rain pouring down on me,” she paused, “I put my arms out like she had...

“That feeling she’d described, never came. I was just as empty, only now I was miserably wet and cold. I went home, put all her things in storage... and my life slowly fell apart.”

Her long, slender, still burning hot fingers found mine. She squeezed my hand softly. “Then, you found me on that hot summer day two years later.” She studied my scarred, damaged hands and turned them over in her own.

There was a long stretch of silence before I dared to fill the void. “I was worried,” was all I could manage.

She only nodded, this still slightly feral, stray girl I had taken in. “I’m sorry. I...” she trailed off, searching for words. None came for a long moment, and she met my eyes hesitantly before they slid away once more. “I know you have your own...” she paused again, “grief...”

I smiled. So, that was, at least in part, what this was about. “I’ve had more time than you have, sunk far deeper than you did, and climbed back out.” I sighed, realizing it as I said it, “I’ve put that as far behind me as I can. You won’t trouble me, don’t worry about that.”

She nodded. “I’ll be fine for now. Maybe next year...”

“Next year you’ll tell me before you go?”

“Yes.”

"That's all I ask," and I left it at that.

And so we went back about our normal lives... well, as normal as our lives are.

I will never forget, though, the sight of her streaming with rain and tears, hoping to wash away some secret sin.