Trees grow thicker. They like trees. They’ve seen me. It doesn’t matter. They will die if they attack. I have traveled so long, so long but not alone. She lurks in the skies watching and waiting. She is my guardian. She has kept me alive this far, she will keep me until this is all done. Then, finally, I can rest.

-Doc Vorran, wandering for so long.

LESEDI:

The cold air pulls through my bones, but at least the snow has receded. What once was a towering wall of white has been reduced to melted slush. It’s hard to say how long we trudged through those dark tunnels, scrounging mushrooms and living off yar bodies. I cringe with the thought of it. The days and nights blurred together, we moved until we were too tired and then slept, it could have been a couple weeks, it could have been a month. But at least it was long enough for the rage to pass and snow to fall away. Lune is ending and we survived.

I’ve learned a lot in those tunnels, the language of our ancestors is quite different from our current one but there are key similarities. I can’t translate it in full, but if I had more ancient reading material it would be possible. I sigh, unlikely. Terminal signs will have to be enough. I’m grateful to the ancestors that they had the foresight to construct so many connecting stations to the tunnels. Through those we were able to reach the surface and collect snow for water, before retreating back down into the dark.

Now here we stand on the surface, and we’ll stay here this time. We didn’t have much of a choice, the tunnel reached a dead end. Near as I can tell, it seems to have travelled in a straight line headed north. According to my maps we’re less off course than I had worried. We at least kept moving in the right direction, we only need to adjust our heading to north east. I breathe with relief, at least one thing has gone right.

Echo’s brooding voice interrupts my thoughts as if trying to steal away my good mood. “Looks like Talea is having a good time.” Her voice is monotone with sarcasm.

I roll my eyes. “What are you complaining about now?”

She gestures over to Talea and Othin, back to having their own zigon after our losses. They ride with his arms enveloping her holding each other as close as possible. This is a good day, and on a good day they exist inside their own bubble universe absorbed in each other. Giddy smiles sit upon their faces. In the depths of this difficult journey, with loss already left in our wake, they find a way to be happy.

Echo snorts. “With everything that’s happened they’re giggling.” She cringes. “Ick. They’re acting like-”

I stifle a chuckle. “Newlyweds? Echo, they are. They chose to yield to the bond. Bondmates, you know how that works.”

She pretends to gag for dramatic effect. “Oh please, you don’t thracking buy that do you?”

I inhale deep through the nose. “The profanity is unnecessary. If it bothers you, don’t look.”

“You’re the one that doesn’t want them to be together.” Echo shakes her head with another eye roll. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

I shake my head and try to assume a calm tone. “Have you thought about how this will end?”

She pauses with confusion. She doesn’t understand, of course not. I take a steadying breath. “Look at them. Bondmates. Connected on a deep level we can barely understand even with science. Look at their happiness, their oneness, their connection. Now look at where we’re going. In a few days’ time we cross into the Valley of Sand. After that Srexi territory. Then somehow to Capital Island and find a way to fight the Razorbone. The greatest monsters we could imagine.” I pause and take another breath. “Now look at them. In the face of all this, how do you honestly think this is going to end?”

Her eyes fall with understanding and for a moment, I see remorse. I didn’t know she was capable of it. “Not well.”

I nod. “Let them have this happiness. Make your ceremony present to them be no more snide comments. Let them think it will last forever. We both know it won’t. At least, not like this.”

Echo goes quiet and nods. A silent promise to try and be in better spirits. Why did she even come along? She claims she wants to get a ride to Safehaven. She could have waited until lune ends then get a ride on a caravan. Not to mention, everyone knows that from the outlands you have to join the terra guard military and work your way up from there. No one gains a cold entry into the Sky Legion without any reputation or official experience. There’s a cold entry test, but it’s so challenging it’s killed applicants. How could she expect to pass it? She’s fourteen, or fifteen now, I think.

She’s always been unsettling, something about Echo just feels wrong. I can tell when a person is lying, I always have been able to. I can feel it from them, I can see it in their faces, I know it. But Echo, even catching her in a bold-faced lie I can’t trust my instincts. Nothing from her flags me as dishonesty. There are many possibilities for this, but all of them leave me feeling even more uneasy. I feel blind around her.

I glance over to lock eyes with Rala. A shudder shakes down my spine. Talea hasn’t spoken of their conversation, all she’s said to me is Rala is dangerous. Of course, she is, I figured that out long ago. I see laid out ahead of me the possible outcomes with Rala, she has a plan of that I’m sure, but what it is can be any one of many nefarious possibilities. I don’t have enough information to narrow the field, having too many possibilities is the same as not knowing anything at all. In that I can’t react preemptively.

My entire life I have felt certain about everything. I could see the world laid out before me and everything made sense. I read mountains of books and every word categorized itself into tidy little paths in my mind. Not to be arrogant, but I am likely the most intelligent person in the collective. Yet, out here, I feel like a lost child. I feel blind. As if my years of study mean nothing, I feel powerless. The world zooms around me out of control and I can’t get my footing.

Talea snaps from her love bubble with Othin and breaks free from his arms in a seamless jump into general mode. The death of Thrik and Vrx changed her. It made her more alert, focused, commanding. She doesn’t want to lose another person, she doesn’t want that pain again, yet she clings to her belief if she works hard enough, she can avoid it. She barks orders to the pack and without hesitation they follow her every word without question. Except Rala who always slinks off to do her own thing.

I have never seen this side of Talea. I grew up with the impetuous headstrong girl with a knack of getting herself into trouble. She was flighty and stubborn and thought of few things besides herself. It was only five, or six, months ago that she was in trouble with Wren. It might as well have been an entire lifetime ago. With every day Talea takes a step farther away from who she was and towards becoming who she will be. I gulp, a leader in war. That is the inevitability.

Per Talea’s commands we stop for camp an hour before the suns rise. The sky is lightening with faint streaks in the sky. My sister leaps from the zigon and continues directing the pack with orders. She’s gotten this scattered group of fighters into an organized team. Everyone has a job, everyone goes to work, and everything must be in order before bedding down.

She sends groups for hunting parties and food scavenging while others are assigned to cook. Some scout the area for traps and dangers, others are placed on watch shifts throughout the day. As soon as we left the tunnel, three days ago, Talea insisted everyone begin acclimatizing themselves to daylight. She did a lot of thinking down there. All the duties are kept on a rotating schedule that she herself is part of. Echo and I too, although I don’t hunt or scout. I’m kept on camp duties.

In the evenings we’re able to jump straight into traveling, no incidents or time wasting. I’m impressed beyond words but at the same time I’m worried. Her problem was never a lack of intelligence, it was a lack of focus and poor motivation. Now she’s more focused and motivated than I have ever seen her. She’s gotten into the habit of pushing herself hard, assuming more duties than anyone else in the pack, and going without sleep. It’s like she thinks if she does more hunting, scouting, watching, than everyone else she can keep her people safe. I worry about a twig that doesn’t bend until it breaks.

They nod and bow their heads. “Yes Tu’kari!” Obedient and respectful the pack scatters to their duties.

I shudder, I still hate the name they call her. But I say nothing, Talea loves it. It empowers her. Which is in part why I hate it so much. It’s like she’s being absorbed by these nightstalkers, as if they’re swallowing Talea and replacing her with Tu’kari.

Othin smiles and leaps from Guzu onto the ground. Grass swishes beside his feet, it’s good to see grass again. He turns towards me to help me down from the zigon, I still can’t jump down like the others and feel like such a child. He reaches up to grip my waist and pulls me from the zigon with gentle hands resting me on the ground. It’s still unsettling to me the great disparity in size between us. Why didn’t I get the height like Talea? She almost blends in with the others. Viko and Da’ku are less than a handspan taller than her.

The cheery nightstalker smiles at me. It’s weird to see perkiness on a nightstalker, Othin seems to be the only one. Kr’thitch only twitches. Gi’mntat at most grins, that is if you can see him at all. Most of the time if one of these nightstalkers is smiling it’s followed by a creepy cackle and then some form of violence. But for Othin, he smiles from genuine happiness.

His deep voice resonates with joy. “Is everything right with you? You seem not happy.”

I purse my lips. “Sure. Everything’s fine.”

He holds my gaze with stubborn silence. Fine. They may not speak well, but are phenomenal at uncovering emotions. “Ok no. I don’t know.” I’m desperate to keep my equanimity but failing.

He squeezes my shoulder with what is intended to be a comforting hand. But those shiny black claws still terrify me. “You can speak. I will listen.”

I can see some of what Talea loves so much about him. There’s something in the way he speaks that makes a person feel at ease. It feels like he will absorb every word without judgement.

I lean against the zigon and let out a deep breath. Off to the left Meekala approaches Talea to bring something to her attention. “Tu’kari. Our supplies…”

I huff out a big breath and cross my arms. “There it is again.”

Othin frowns. “Tu’kari?”

I stomp my feet like an insolent child. “That’s not her name!”

His smile drops into a neutral expression and his voice takes on a comforting quality. “I see.”

My face flushes with chagrin at losing my composure. “Forget it. It’s dumb. I don’t know why it bothers me so much.”

He rubs his chin in thought. “You fear the name.”

I scoff. “What? You can’t be afraid of a name.”

“Yes.” He nods. “A name makes a person. When a name is changed the person is changed. You fear Tu’kari will replace Talea.”

Wow, that’s accurate. I didn’t realize he’s so insightful. Though with Talea by his side he probably has to be. “Maybe.” I reply with a soft groan.

Othin looks off towards Talea, animated in her conversation with Meekala. “She will change no matter the name.”

I sigh. “I know.”

He gestures towards Talea. “To survive, she must be Tu’kari. She must be stronger than she was or she will die. All of us must change and become stronger, or we will die.” His eyes settle on me.

I frown. “What? Me?”

He shrugs. “The easy part of our journey is over. You cannot be the same person you were. If you accept and move with her you will change together. If you fight it, you will change apart. Tu’kari gives her strength. If you love her, is it not more important she survives?”

I bite my lip and gulp. “I knew this was going to be hard. I thought I prepared myself for this being a one-way journey. Losing her is a risk, I knew that.” I pause feeling my eyes mist. “But I don’t want to lose who she is. That feels worse somehow.”

“Change does not mean forgetting. She will need you.” He raises his white eyebrows. “Need you not bitter.”

Steam puffs from my lips as I let out a long breath. “I can’t fight. I can’t protect.”

In a slow motion he places his hands on my shoulders. “You protect with knowledge. You protect with love. You protect with wisdom. That is enough.”

I thank Othin and shoo him off to Talea before he sees me cry. Reaching her, he picks her up and spins her in a circle kissing her. He makes her so happy, and despite all the stigma among his people he isn’t afraid to show how much he loves her. I should realize Othin has helped her grow in ways I never could. I should see she’s becoming an amazing powerful young woman like I always knew she could. I shouldn’t worry for her, but I do.

I’m terrified she’s losing herself. We’re encircled by the frenzied madness of nightstalkers. It even runs through our blood. I can’t help but feel like Talea is succumbing to it. I can’t help but worry what will become of her. I understand what Othin said, it’s as it always has been. Talea is the brawn, the courage, the strength. I am the wisdom, the reason, the mind. Like uncle Trigan said, I am the water Talea is the fire. Together we bring balance.

I shudder. Fire left to its own devices consumes itself and everything else.

✽✽✽

TALEA:

The tent like shape of twigs and sticks starts smoking as Othin leans over starting a fire. The world is cold, but dry, and a fire sparks up with relative ease. At least it wasn’t as hard as trying to start a fire with mushrooms, that was a real challenge of his fire-starting skills. I’m grateful he has the forethought to have brought his striker, I don’t think we would have survived without it.

The hum of activity settles down as the pack finds their places around the fire. They look strong and ready for a fight, but also tired and ready to go to bed. Echo is on hunting duty tonight; she says she prefers to hunt alone and I can’t change her mind. The birds and animals have started reappearing. Some have moved from their hibernation burrows back into the world, only to be pinned with a knife by a hunter. I set down ground rules for them though, no invading nests and burrows, after the first night Viko brought us baby yil to eat and Lesedi vomitted.

I feel uneasy, for now things seem to be going well. We’ve gotten into a rhythm of travel and nothing has blown up in our faces. I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for the next thing to go wrong, waiting for the next crisis to happen, hoping I can get ahead of it. We’ve already lost two, I can’t lose anymore.

My eyes scan the camp taking a headcount, I find everyone except Echo, Rala, and Lesedi. Rala is never accounted for and right now there’s nothing I can do about that. Echo is out hunting, skipping through the forest humming while she pegs birds out of trees. I don’t like that tree line ahead of us, it feels dark and looming. We spent so long in those tunnels with the walls feeling like they’ll cave in on us, it feels good to be out in the open again. But, as it is with everything else, we have to keep moving forwards.

Before panicking that I can’t find Lesedi I take a deep breath and go check for her in the tent. Pulling back the flap I step inside to see her sitting cross legged on the ground combing her hair. I let go of my tension in a breath of relief. Golden and orange rays of morning sun stream into the tent, Lesedi stops to look up and soak them in. I smile and tie the flap open so she can enjoy them. Pangs of guilt stab at me, she’s like a beautiful flower wilting in the shade.

I sit down across from her and pat her on the knee. “It’s beautiful.”

She nods and goes back to combing her hair. “It is. Truth be told I miss it.”

“Sunrises?” I grin and gesture out the door. “We see them every day.”

She pauses and raises her eyebrows. “Before we go to sleep. I miss the daylight; I miss the world being bright and warm.”

“It’s lune Les.” I shrug. “The days haven’t been bright and warm anyway.”

“True.” She nods and then puts her comb away in her bag before pulling out a bottle of oil. She dabs it on her palms and rubs it into her hair.

I frown. “Why do you bother so much with the hair? That has to be more trouble than it’s worth.”

After smoothing oil through it she goes through again, this time with a brush. “There are many reasons, one is simple vanity. But it’s also something that I can control, something that makes me feel like me. Despite everything that’s happening.” She looks up at me with a waterfall of gold and green hair spilling over her right shoulder. “My question is, why do you bother with so much hair?”

I tilt my head with confusion. “What?”

She puts the brush away in her bag and puts on her Lesedi face. Here we go. “Your hair is just as long as mine. Yet you make no effort to take care of it. Sure, with my insistence you clean it, some, but that’s it. If it’s such a hassle then why not cut it off?”

“I, uh, I don’t know.” I pause feeling anxiety tighten in my chest.

“I know.” She scoots over to me and pulls out her comb. I cringe, but she turns my head and starting from the bottom tries attacking my knots. It hurts and she makes no effort to be gentle. “You have always felt inferior and less beautiful than me. Not surprising, people have small minds and you don’t fit inside their box.”

I frown. “Ouch, that hurts.”

Her comb eases up. “Sorry, you have a lot of tangles.”

I chuckle. “I wasn’t talking about the hair.”

She pauses and squeezes my shoulder in support. “To many, long hair is feminine and beautiful. You keep your hair long as a way of trying to fit inside that box, like I do.” I feel another yank from my scalp and try my best not to flinch. “But at some point, you need to realize that not only do you not fit inside that box, you never needed it in the first place.”

I grunt. “It’s annoying how right you are all the time.”

She giggles. “I would say it’s a curse, but it does have its perks.” More yanks pull on my head as she makes her way to the top. “My point is, I’ve had to realize that you can’t fit inside a skysinger box, or a nightstalker one.”

I sigh. “How do you know all this stuff?”

She puts the comb down and starts scrunching her fingers through my hair. “While you’re wrapped around that nighstalker of yours all night, I’m lost in deep contemplation.”

“Troubling yourself with all my psychological problems?” I chuckle and shake my head.

“Well, I do love a challenge.” She laughs and runs the brush through my hair. “Now hold still, I’m going to braid this mess of yours to prevent more tangles.”

“Thank you Lesedi.” My words turn soft and serious. “For everything. I know I said you shouldn’t come, but I couldn’t do this without you.”

She sighs. “Aw, yes you could. I just pity the world if you’re unleashed upon them without me to stop you.” I wish I had a pillow to throw at her. Like when we were little. She ties up the braid and pinches my chin turning my face to hers. “You are Talea Arathune, you can do anything. All you need to do, is be you.”

I smile feeling overwhelmed by how much I love her. It’s been a difficult journey and there hasn’t been a lot of time to sit and just be sisters again. This feels like a reprieve from the chaos, or the calm before the storm. I push the thought to the back of my mind and instead choose to enjoy this moment while I have it.

A loud screech sounds in the sky, I look out the tent door to see the black silhouette of what seems to be a bird. I feel like I’ve seen that bird before. In an eye blink it darts away and disappears into the sunrise. It feels like an itch on the back of my mind, where have I seen that before?

✽✽✽

The suns are setting as the world fills with eerie blue while the last blush of pink falls behind the horizon. Everyone is packed and ready to go on schedule. Lesedi sits atop her Zigon staring at the map, Echo gets enraged about the fact that she can’t command one, everyone ignores her. I guess skysingers can’t, which means Lesedi has more nightstalker in her than she realizes.

More guilt piles on top of me, we’ve come to rely on Lesedi in everything that requires even a small amount of thinking. She’s our navigator, our doctor, our strategist, botanist, she’s our everything. The nightstalkers even bring her things automatically before eating them to ask if it’s poisoned. She feels the pressure from it, but I think it’s a good thing. They’re starting to see the value in intellectual strength and respecting her for it.

Lesedi rubs her chin and points to parts of the map that seem random to me. She looks up at the stars forming in the darkening sky. She takes note of where the moon is rising from and where the suns are setting at. She writes down notes in her journal while she still has some waning sunlight. She misses the use of her lantern; I feel bad about that too.

I’ve tried to sneak a peek at those journals of hers, but she won’t let me. The secrecy of it all makes me want to look even more. I don’t know what’s so important to hide about science notes I won’t be interested in reading anyway.

I vault up onto the zigon’s back and crouch behind her. “Hey brainy, are we lost?”

She raises her eyebrows with indignation but doesn’t pull her eyes from the map. “No, we’re not lost. But if we continue our course correction, we should be there in two days. Uh, nights, sorry.”

Lesedi begins rubbing her temples, guilt swims through me again. Glimpses of sunrise and sunset are not enough for her. She’s withering and I have to do something to invigorate her.

I lean forward with a sly smile. “Othin will ride with Echo tonight and I will ride with you so you can sleep.”

She frowns without understanding. “Sleep? Why?”

I can’t fight the beaming smile coming across my face. “When the suns rise and the others are sleeping underneath their cloaks, you and I are going out exploring. We’ll be in that forest up, ahead won’t we? Let’s hope it isn’t cloudy and we can spend a day in the sun and see what’s out there.”

She smiles so bright her eyes start to water. “Talea, that sounds wonderful.”

✽✽✽

Othin’s fingers brush the lavender hair from my eyes. He plants a soft kiss on my forehead and his deep voice sounds like love laced with worry. “Talea, please be careful.”

I scoff and scrunch my nose. “Oh please, I’m the goddess of caution.”

He frowns for a minute as the understanding of my sarcasm washes over him. “A woman once told me ‘We are us now, not you. If you do not take care of yourself, you do not take care of me.’”

I snort and cross my arms. “Using my own words against me. Clever. I might regret letting you spend so much time with Lesedi.”

He smiles and shrugs. “She has been teaching me some things. Helpful things in how to speak, and win.”

A grimace comes over my face. I run my fingers along his arm. “I think I preferred it when you spoke with your body.”

In a flash his emotions change, he leans down to nuzzle his mouth into my neck. “I am still skilled in that way of speaking.”

I giggle and push him away. “What? Sneaking off while everyone slept yesterday wasn’t enough for you?”

He pulls me in tighter with a smirk on his face, a combination of a chuckle and a groan radiate from his chest. “You are Talea, nothing will ever be enough.”

I smile, rest my hand on his cheek, and stare into his eyes for a moment. “That’s sweet.” In a flash I whip my hand away and slap him. “Now go to bed.”

His smile broadens as he rubs his cheek. He turns and walks towards the edge of camp to start his watch. “I will make you pay for that.”

I chuckle and blow him a kiss. “I hope so.”

A yawn sounds beside me and I see Lesedi waking up from her nap. I grab the zigon and scale up its side pouncing into a crouching position by my sister. “Hope you got your rest. We’ve got a lot of exploring to do today.”

She rubs her groggy eyes and stretches her arms above her head. “When was it exactly that you last slept?”

I pause for a moment and shrug. “Not sure. I think I got a few hours yesterday.” I give a playful smack to her leg but she still doesn’t open her eyes. “Come on! Let’s get going!”

She yawns squinting at the forest around us. “You’re more chipper than usual. I thought I would be the one most excited about this.”

I shrug. “It’s a good day. Let’s go play.”

I bolt into the trees feeling my muscles stretch as I full on run for the first time in far too long. I assume Lesedi is still struggling from the zigon, I’ll double back and help her. But for now, crunching the mulch under my feet and feeling the wind against my body as I sprint feels too good. As the suns rise the forest brightens and rays of golden light scatter through the branches. The trees are bare of leaves still, we won’t get new leaf buds for a few weeks still. I breathe in the peaceful happiness; nothing has gone wrong for almost a week. We haven’t had to kill anything, or fight to stay alive. It’s like things are finally starting to go well. I try to push my fears to the back of my mind like I push my legs forward.

Thoughts leak through anyway. The faces of our family left behind appear in my mind, there’s no way of knowing how they’re doing. I miss them more than I expected to. I miss hearing the child-like giggles between Wren and Trigan, I miss seeing Zoey duck under tables running away from Echo, I miss the smell of pie and cut wood. I miss my home, my family.

I imagine walking down those steps I spent my life running up and away from. Lesedi beside me as we come back to our family, victorious. Othin and I can run and ride along the forests and coasts with complete freedom. A picture forms in my mind of us dropping in with my family and eating dinner, in a house above ground. Together.

I sigh. I know it’s a naïve fantasy that’s improbable at best. But, what’s life without dreaming? Once I was a frustrated farm girl who wanted nothing more than to run away and find adventure, now I have that for sure. Who’s to say this can’t happen also? Lesedi keeps telling me I need to plan for when all of this is over, what we’re going to do if we’re able to succeed. I still have no clue about that, but after what we’ve been through so far, I do know I want to make the best life for my family. Othin included. For now, though, running through the trees is enough.

After making a circle I wind my way back to the camp where Lesedi is climbing down from the zigon. Gi’mntat stands nearby poised to catch her if she falls, this time she’s determined to do this herself. She falls gracelessly from the beast but manages to land on her feet, albeit wobbly. I stand in front of her panting and happy from the brisk run, my whole body feels clear and focused.

Lesedi checks herself over to make sure she didn’t tear her veya. “Suns Talea, the way you run off like that I would say you’re half fand. How can you even be that alert after-” Her words cut off as she looks up and sees me for the first time this morning. She’s angry. “What did you do to yourself?”

I push through the confusion smiling with pride and strike a pose. “Viko did it. While you slept, I lashed our zigon to Othin’s and hopped over to the twins. She says I honored her by wanting to copy her hair.” My smile droops in response to Lesedi’s stunned silence but I try to push through with confidence. “They call them knotlocks.”

Why does my sister make me feel like a chided child? If I wanted to, I could squish her. Her frown intensifies while her outrage grows. But I push back, remaining lost in my adoration for my new hair. Viko’s locks were bigger and chunkier than mine. My knots are thinner and there’s twice as many of them. It took almost all night. But the purple cords swishing around my body make me feel beautiful and powerful. I never knew hair could make me feel this way, usually my hair made me feel like a mess to be looked down on.

Lesedi’s face drops the frown and goes cold. She doesn’t respond. My confidence wanes as I raise my eyebrows trying to sell her on the idea. “Viko says I don’t have to brush my hair anymore. I just have to roll the locks as my hair grows.”

She speaks and her voice in monotone. “Yes. That’s why the nightstalkers do it.” She pauses with a confusing mix of conflicting feelings. “I was alright with braiding your hair. You didn’t need to do this.”

I sigh as my shoulders sloop and we fall into an awkward stride together through the woods. “You yourself said I don’t have to make myself fit the skysinger views of beauty. This is definitely outside the skysinger box.”

She scrunches her eyes closed and clenches her fists. “Yes, and right inside a nightsalker one.”

Why does that matter? I can’t wrap my brain around why she’s so mad. “Fine, you hate it. But I like it and for the first time ever I feel-”

“Like a nightstalker.” She cuts me off and walks ahead of me.

I catch up to her in two strides and grab her by the upper arm. “Like me.” We stare at each other for a tense moment and I try my best to talk to her without messing it up. “This is me. I did this because I liked it, I wanted it. Not because I’m trying to copy Viko or look more like a nightstalker. You said for me to stop trying to be what I think I should be and to just be me. That that’s what we need.” I gesture to myself up and down. “This is me.”

She crosses her arms and sighs. “The one time you actually listen to me.” She squints as she reaches out to hold one of my locks. She pinches it with an examining eye. “Well, it is an efficient method of hair care I grant you that.” She sighs and drops her arms to her sides. “And it does suit you. Only you, Talea, could be more beautiful than ever with a head full of knots.”

Excitement pulses through me. I wrap my arms around her and lift her off the ground spinning her in a circle. I can’t keep myself from giggling. My glee is interrupted by screams piercing the crisp air. I drop Lesedi and she lands with a thump on her feet. I pause and listen again, another scream screeches through the trees. It isn’t a nightstalker, but it’s coming from our camp.

I grunt. “Thrack! We didn’t even make it thirty feet before there was trouble!” I grab Lesedi’s wrist and break into as fast a pace as she can keep up with. “Come on!”

This forest is different than the one back home. The trees are thicker, wider, and farther spaced apart. The ground feels more open, there’s no brush or ferns of any kind. Instead the ground is covered in blue moss that spreads out like a carpet. There’s so much more open space it makes our home forest feel cluttered in comparison.

The screeching cry sounds from above the trees and in the sky, I can see a black shape riding the winds. Why do I keep seeing that? I feel like I’ve had something following me, looking over my shoulder, but I can’t identify it. Through the bald branches of the trees I can see the thing circling as it comes closer to us and I feel in awe more so than afraid.

The bird takes a sharp turn out of sight but I can hear it’s screeching call still. The sounds it makes echoes through the trees as if it’s all around us until the sounds focus from one direction. An enormous black bird appears from the forest maneuvering through the trees with ease and lands before us. It stretches out its six massive wings that swoop away to angular points at the end. It stretches its long neck upwards and I can see the crown of black feathers from its head that jars backwards down its neck like hair. It settles to the ground and I can see the swish of its long silver tail feathers that drape across the ground and move like ribbons in the wind when it flies. I gasp. I know what this is. We all do.

Everyone in the camp backs away with reverence and fear. The nightstalkers under their cloaks jump to their feet and take up alert positions, but upon seeing the creature in front of us they drop to their knees and bow. I can feel it from them, fear. Nightstalkers do not take fear lightly.

Mighty silver talons grip the cold hard ground. It shakes its head and rears its winds high above before bringing itself to a full stop. Bold purple eyes with a soft glow bore into me. The eyes are set amidst a heft of soft black feathers, a face so black it looks featureless. From that dark face pokes, a long black beak that comes to a knife-sharp point.

Lesedi whispers with wonderment. “A soleena.”

I glance at my sister; her eyes are wide open with awe. Even Echo is frozen in place after leaving her tent with cranky intentions. This is a once in a lifetime sight to see, soleenas are the rarest and most precious of any animal. It’s said they are the children of Father Sky himself and are revered by skysingers. Among nightstalkers they are the most fearsome predators ever to exist, they are almost unkillable. It’s said that they are the claws of the Moon Mother sent to test her children and make them stronger. It’s the one thing both our people can agree on, there is a sacred connection with the soleenas.

I stare into those luminescent purple eyes and I don’t fear it. I feel connected to it and can’t help but reach my hand up to touch the feathered chest.

Lesedi shoots a scolding whisper to me. “Talea! What are you doing?!”

I shrug and step closer. “I don’t know. But I-” I reach forwards and place my hand against the chest.

The feathers are the softest texture I have ever felt. The chest is firm and warm. In that same moment a voice bursts into my mind. It’s hard to hear, it rings with a thousand echoes. The voice sounds jumbled like it’s coming from every direction.

I AM SHAMIRA. I CHOOSE YOU.

I gasp and stumble backwards, I almost trip but catch myself. The echoes stop. I look it in the eye and it nods its head as if to confirm what I had heard.

Lesedi shoots another urgent whisper to me. “Be careful! It could-”

“She. She could.” I interrupt her. “But she won’t harm me. She won’t harm any of us.”

Her voice rises above a whisper as she frowns. “How do you know?”

I smile. “Her name is Shamira. She chose me. Whatever that means.”

I glance at my sister and her frown freezes into an expression of shock. “Dear Father Sky.”

I begin walking a circle around Shamira to take a good look at her. She doesn’t move. Her beautiful black feathers travel down her neck enveloping her chest and back. But between the third pair of wings the feathers change. They turn into long swooping feathers of bright silver. It looks like a beautiful draping curtain that sparkles in the dawn light. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Completing my circle, I turn to my pack, still stiff with fear. I close my eyes and project to them a feeling of safety. “We’re ok everyone. Go rest.”

Despite still feeling uneasy the nightstalkers huddle back under their cloaks. Shamira’s sudden appearance reminds me that the trouble is never over, we are never safe, and I need them rested and ready for anything. They trust me and huddle back under their cloaks, though they do move a good distance away from the bird.

Finishing my circle around the beautiful creature I find myself facing her piercing purple eyes. No pupil, no iris, just a solid stare of purple that darkens to indigo around the edges. I shrug and look at Lesedi. “Now what do I do?”

My sister frowns. “What are you asking me for?”

“You’re the brains here.” I shrug. “You know everything.”

She gives herself a humored smile. “I know most things. I know little about soleenas. All I know is that they’re elusive animals. They’re the only carnivores in the world.”

I pause. “Wait, they’re carnivores? Like, they only eat meat?”

She shrugs. “We think so. But they’re so rare they’re hard to document. It’s more likely that they’re omnivores and supplement their nutritional needs with some plants. There are accounts from tradesmen and pirates who saw them fighting ragonmaws. Some have even seen them peck off aalamon like they’re little more than lizzards.”

“Tough girl.” I smirk. “I like it.”

Lesedi rolls her eyes. “They’re the most dangerous creature on the planet. Also, the most enigmatic. They’ve been seen rescuing convoys from dangerous plant and animal attacks. It’s hard to say what their motivations are.”

Othin’s voice chimes in, I forgot that he was here. “The Moon Mother has used her to save moonrunners from attacks as well. One story says a group of hunters was trapped by aalamons but the claws of the Moon Mother tore them apart and let her children go free.”

I pause and turn towards Shamira. “So, you’re a protector?”

Shamira nods and although I don’t see it, I can feel her smiling. “So, if your kind are such great killers why don’t you fix our Razorbone problem for us?”

The bird shakes her head and her eyes widen.

I HAVE KILLED MY CHILDREN. I CAN NO MORE. WE NEED UNITY.

I scratch my chin in thought. “We’re your children? Is that why you protect us?”

She nods and I probe further. “The nightstalkers, they are your children too?” She nods again. “We come from the same people. We were a family once and you want us to be a family again.”

YOU WILL MAKE CHANGE. YOU WILL MAKE UNITY.

I look up and meet Shamira’s eyes. She nods her velvety black head while locking in her gaze. I’m not sure why, but I get closer to her. As I do, she lowers her long neck to make her eyes level with mine. I reach up a hand and run it between her eyes, her feathers are so soft. My fingers stop at the tip of her hard beak, it’s so smooth and shiny. I understand now.

Without looking away I call out to my sister. “Hey Les, do you know anything about if soleenas are psychic or something?”

I don’t see Lesedi but I can imagine her scrunching her face. “No one knows much about them. All we know is they’re apparently ageless. They’re rare to see which indicates there’s few of them. There is a theory that they pre-date us.” She pauses. “That means they lived here first before we did. But that theory might be influenced by theology.”

I smile at Shamira. “You’re guardians. You try to guard your children until one day we can stop hurting each other.”

She nods and the echoes come back.

YOU WILL GIVE BACK WHAT WAS TAKEN.

I hear Lesedi’s voice. “It’s a bird Talea. I’m not sure it thinks like you and I do, with a greater plan. It’s likely-”

They can’t hear what she’s saying. Only I can. I shake my head. “She does. I don’t know about all of them, but she wants to help us. Help me.” I give her another tender caress and turn back to Lesedi. “She wants unity for us again.”

My heart fills with sadness as I address a question to Shamira. “Were you here when we lost our family?”

She nods. Lesedi did say they’re ageless. So much suffering she must have seen, so much pain to watch your world unravel. To see the people that were your family, your children to you, kill each other for a thousand years.

My voice chokes. “It must be torture.” She nods. I glance over to Lesedi who is now writing with full ferocity in her journal. Her hands move at lightning speed to record everything. I take a deep breath and look back to Shamira. “Do you understand that to bring unity we will need to bring death first?”

She nods and closes her eyes. It seems like she takes a deep sad breath and sighs. Her face doesn’t emote much, it’s more like I can feel what she’s expressing.

SOME CHILDREN WILL NOT LET PEACE BE.

I pat Shamira on the neck with a gentle touch. “I know. Do all your people feel the way that you do?”

WE ARE ALL SHAMIRA.

I pause and turn to Lesedi with a face of confusion. She looks up from her notes with an eager voice. “What did she say?”

I squint and shrug. “She said ‘We are all Shamira.’”

Lesedi’s eyes widen and she jumps to her feet bolting to my side. She clutches her journal with eager anticipation and shoves me aside looking at Shamira. “Are you many minds acting as one?” Shamira nods. Lesedi squeals and bounces in place. “They’re a hive mind!”

I frown. “What?”

Lesedi takes deep breaths and scribbles more notes in her journal. “This is more information than we’ve been able to observe in a thousand years! They each act like a contributing part to a large brain. So, it’s like one person with eyes all over the world!” Lesedi’s face flushes bright red with excitement. “What one sees, they all see. The brain power one would need to process all that information would be immeasurable. Especially the given intelligence they have, this goes beyond instincts. Do they have a centralized cerebral cortex somewhere? I have so many questions!”

I cut Lesedi off. “Not right now.” I turn back to Shamira. “If you support our mission, I promise to do everything in my power to unite our family. But right now, my sister and I have a walk to go on.”

THANK YOU. I WILL CONTINUE WATCHING.

Shamira nods with what looks like a bow. I look into her eyes and I can feel so much sorrow from her. I feel grief, pain, dark sadness. A crushing boulder that weighs heavier on me the longer I delve into the feeling. I travel along it anyway and begin to drown in her stinging eyes. My heart aches as I become overwhelmed by agony, as if I lost everything I love in one moment. My mind darkens with anger, loss, mourning, and pain. So much pain. My emotions and turmoil bound in circles as if I’m stuck in a constant limbo of loss. At the point where I feel like I can’t bear it the darkness breaks away and I’m pulled free.

MY PAIN IS NOT FOR YOU.

I look back at Shamira with tears on my cheeks and whisper. “I’m so sorry.” She nods once more and, in this moment, I feel a deep bond between us. Like the bond with Othin but different.

Two hands rest on my shoulders, I look back and see Othin. “Talea, are you hurt?”

I sniff and wipe away my tears. “No. I’m fine it’s just-it’s hard to explain.” I pat Othin on the chest. “Don’t worry so much. I’m fine.”

He raises his eyebrows with disbelief. “If you need me-”

I smile and laugh. “I know I know. Sheesh, it’s not bad enough I always have Lesedi on my case. But you’re always worried and now here comes Shamira. As if I needed another person to be paranoid about my well-being.”

Echo’s voice rings from the tent full of irritation. “If it helps, I don’t give a thrack whether you wake up tomorrow.”

Lesedi gasps with horror and I chuckle. “Thank you Echo. Your love means a lot to me.”

I hear a growl mixed with a snort come from the tent. Lesedi sighs and fixes a few undone clasps that came open in the excitement. “Well, if you won’t let me question the most amazing discovery of our time further, then can we get going?”

I nod and bring myself back to our plans for the day. “Of course. Let’s go enjoy the day.” I turn towards Othin and peck him on the lips. “I promise we won’t be all day. Go sleep and put Gi’mntat on watch. Love you.”

With that I all but skip away with Lesedi. She protests and insists on going back to take more notes. I refuse, there will be more opportunity for study. Today we need to relax, to have fun. We need a day of happy memories to carry us through whatever is up ahead.

✽✽✽

Mulch and dried foliage crunch beneath my feet. A chilly breeze gusts through the woods in soft blows. The blunt end of a lock tickles my bare elbows. It annoyed me to have one torn sleeve so I ripped both of them off. Lesedi protested, of course, but the weather gets warmer every day. I smile as I feel my long cords whip against my back while I move. I look down at my thick leather boots and it’s good to see no snow beneath them, or swallowing them.

I scan my suspicious eyes around the woods. The trees are different now, at the edge of the wood the trees were old rohedans, but they became less and less frequent the deeper we go. Taking their place are massive stark white trees popping from the forest floor in thick twisting shapes. They’re still bare of leaves like everything else right now, but their branches entwine with each other so much that when the canopy is filled in there would be little light down here. These trees are so odd. The trunk all the way up is white with a crackle of gray. But the branches diverting from the middle don’t match. Some are brown, others blue, others yellow and green. I’ve never seen a tree like this.

Lesedi gasps and shrieks as she half runs and half skips over to a thick trunk. She hops up and down shaking her arms with glee. “Talea! Do you realize what these are?!”

I approach with a casual stride and shrug. “Of course I don’t.” My eyes scan for danger before pulling back to look at her.

Lesedi rolls her eyes. “You have no appreciation for the extraordinary.” The discovery chases away any remaining frustrations in her. In this moment she’s completely happy and it feels good to see.

I shrug again. “Let me guess, you read about these in a book?”

She glares. “Well, yes. A biological survey of trees pre-existing to The Poisoning. The manuscript of course is being held on Capital Island with all the surviving texts. Too old and fragile, too valuable.”

I laugh at her and she pinches the vulnerable skin by my armpit. “Ouch! I didn’t read about trees ok?”

She shakes her head. “You didn’t read about anything. Too busy getting into trouble.” She mutters. “Or causing it.”

I shake my head. “Hey! I read stuff. There was that one book. It had something to do with clouds or something. But I don’t remember it.”

She again shakes her head displeased. I defend myself with indignation. “Hey! Why should I bother reading anything huh? You tell me everything you learn anyway. If I have a question all I have to do is ask you.”

Lesedi sighs. “That’s a terrible plan. What would you do if you didn’t have me to answer your questions?”

I wave my hand at her. “Irrelevant. I’ll never be without you.”

She shrugs away the comment. “Fine. Do you want to know what’s so significant about these trees?”

Humoring her I cross my arms and smile. “Sure.”

Lesedi raises one eyebrow. “You don’t care but I’m going to ignore that.” Her face explodes with sudden excitement. “These are mother trees!”

I return her enthusiasm with a blank stare. She huffs with frustration. “Mother trees!”

“Yeah, yell it louder. That’ll make me understand what you’re talking about.” I smirk.

She shakes her head. “They are unique in the fact that they adopt and graft any branch from any tree as their own.”

I pause for a moment. “So what? All trees can graft different things onto them. Ha! I do know things!”

She rolls her eyes with a smile. “No. You don’t get it. Do you see all the different colored branches? Those are fruit trees. Look up there. Beckleberry branches, smortle trees, ognil, hodgen berry, lerdon, there’s too many to identify! Each enormous branch is like a whole fruit tree because the mother trees get so large!”

I begin walking around the circumference of one of the large trees. “So, it’s a big tree with lots of fruit on it.”

Lesedi is on the verge of pulling her hair out. “Look! Each tree has the same branches on it regardless of age and size! Mother trees adopt the grafted branch into their composition. It becomes one with the tree. So, when that tree reproduces it breeds a new tree with all the grafts growing from it. It’s why all these trees are like this. They all stem from an original host mother tree!”

I pause. “Woah.”

She hops again. “Yes woah! If we could find saplings of these trees and grow them on the plains by Gerafar it could solve the food crisis! We could stop being dependent on Gardenya! Look all around us. Think about how much food this forest produces each year! If only we could somehow harvest this and haul it to Thraz and Gerafar! This forest goes on for days! It could feed everyone!”

I laugh, she’s so adorable when she’s excited like this. “Yes. But you need to calm down. We’re still on our first mission to save the world. Let’s get that sorted out and then we’ll tackle hunger. The problem remains that nightstalkers kill caravans.”

Lesedi waves her hands at the problem. “Psh. You’ll fix that. Come on! Let’s go find a sapling!”

She runs off into the forest with her golden braid swishing like a tail. Running faster than I thought her capable she disappears into the trees. I bolt after her. “Lesedi! What are you going to do with a tree on the trip?!”

Her voice calls back to me. “I’ll figure out something!”

She keeps running, invigorated by her excitement. Her giggles echo through the trees and I hold a firm sight on her swishing bright colored braid. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her like this. Happy, excited, cheeks flush with discovery and lips in a wide smile. After running like mad through the woods we come to an abrupt stop. Laid out before her is a large clearing. In the middle of it is another mother tree, this one twice the size of the largest ones before. It’s like a building, as if an entire town could be built on it. Popping up from the floor a good distance away are small white sticks. Lesedi approaches in awe. She kneels to the ground as she pulls the flaps of her veya out of the way.

Lesedi reaches down and caresses the small white sprig. “Isn’t it beautiful?” She speaks softly as if a harsh word could break it.

I crouch down beside her. “It’s a little white stick.”

“No.” She shakes her head and speaks in a reverent whisper. “It’s hope.”

I shrug. Lesedi smiles never breaking her eyes away from the tiny tree. “This little white stick will someday grow into a beautiful tree producing more food than we ever could. Mother trees are self-pollinating. Which means one tree becomes two or three. Then those become six or more. On and on. From one tree springs an orchard. Don’t you see?” She pushes her fingers into the mushy forest floor. “A lot of species of wildlife died out in The Poisoning. Mother trees were thought to have gone extinct too. But here they are. An entire forest of them. Growing strong for the past thousand years.”

I decide to stay silent lest I ruin the moment. Her voice goes solemn and low. “It’s not just a little white stick. It’s hope that miracles can happen. That something impossible can be possible.”

I smile and rest a hand on her shoulder. “I get it. But you can’t bring a thracking tree on a perilous adventure.”

Her shoulders slump as she elbows me in the stomach. “Language. You’re getting as bad as Echo.”

I take in a sharp breath. “I am?! What’s with the violence?”

She sighs. “I won’t bring the tree. It’ll probably die. But will you promise me something?”

I nod and take a few breaths as the pain recedes. “For you? Anything.”

She turns and takes my hand in hers. “When this is all over, we’ll come back here, dig up a sapling, and plant it at home. Promise me we’ll bring this miracle home.”

I pull my sister in for a tight hug. “I promise. First, we’ll save the world, then we’ll feed it.”

Lesedi smiles brighter than I’ve seen in far too long a time. It fills me with warmth and to be honest, alleviates some of my guilt. Even though she volunteered, insisted, to come with us I feel like I didn’t really give her any options. I pinned her into this dangerous journey, I’ve forced her hand in walking this bleak path with me. She’s not meant to be out here; she should be somewhere safe studying something with a lot of words.

This helps though. Lesedi is a flickering flame against a backdrop of gray. She’s full of hope and possibility and wants nothing more than to make the world better. She sees the world in ways none of us can comprehend and yet, she doesn’t think she’s better than us. Smarter, of course, but not better. Even though it was a hard transition at first, she keeps her mind open about the nightstalkers and doesn’t let the fact that they almost killed her block her from reaching out to understand them. For a while I was afraid that light of hers might be snuffed out against everything we’ve gone through. But I should have known better than that. Lesedi is every bit as determined and stubborn as I am, just in different ways.

She pulls her journal from a side pocket in her veya and forms a bubble of focus in her mind. Nothing can snap her out of this, it’s almost like a trance. She sets to work scribbling as many notes as she can. She draws sketches and labels what kinds of fruit trees were adopted by the mother trees. She draws a map from memory and makes notes of how to find this place again.

It takes a while so I lie down on the soft blue moss and rest looking up at the bare branched canopy. I don’t know how much time goes by, but I’m unwilling to rush her. Let her have this day, record notes about trees if it makes her happy.

I hear the scratching on the paper stop and Lesedi hums to herself as her muttering forms into coherent words. “I wonder who planted this.”

I shrug while absorbing the sunshine, my eyes are closed and content. “I thought you said it all came from one tree.”

She hums again and through one cracked eyelid I can see her point her pencil at me. “I said it could all come from one tree. Someone went through the trouble of grafting all these to the host mother in the first place. Who?”

She looks almost delirious with curiosity and I smile before closing my eye again. “No idea Les. Probably before The Poisoning happened. Back when people had the time to play with trees.”

Lesedi hums to herself. “Perhaps.”

After a moment I hear the scratching resume as she scribbles in her journal like mad. This journal is half filled now, at least that’s what I can gather from peaks I’ve taken at it. She keeps her other one even more guarded, it even has a lock on it. When I badger her, she tells me it’s “preparations” whatever that means. I don’t know why she won’t tell me, but I trust her. The best I can figure, it’s a plan to help us but she doesn’t want the nightstalkers knowing about it. They can be unpredictable.

The journal she writes in now is a bit boring. She’s written “cultural observations” about what she’s learned about nightstalkers. New plants she’s found, star patterns in the sky and ideas about how to navigate by them. She’s even got several pages from when we were in the tunnels trying to understand the alphabet of the ancestors. I don’t know why their language wouldn’t be the same as ours now, we come from them. She said something about “lexicon evolution” and I drifted off. Regardless, it helps her stay sane. A way of quantifying the world around her and the insanity that surrounds her. She keeps it at a distance by treating it all like an experiment.

I shift around on the cold ground, the rays coming through the canopy are relaxing but we’re still far from the hot months. “You know, I’ve never seen you get so excited about anyone like you have with these trees.”

“Hmmm?” She’s far away from paying attention to anything I say.

I smirk. “I’m just saying, maybe if you paid a little more attention to people you would-”

“Talea what are you getting at?” She pulls her eyes up from her book and huffs.

I reach up and place my palms under my head. “I don’t know. Gi’mntat has been friendly to you.”

Lesedi rolls her eyes and glares. “Seriously? Are you implying what I think you are?”

“I’m not implying anything. I’m just telling you something without saying it.” I wink at her.

She looks away from me and goes back to sketching pictures. “I don’t care what you’ve gotten into that warped little mind of yours. I’m not interested.”

I sit up and scoot over towards her and look over her shoulder to see what she’s drawing. It’s a beautiful, detailed, rendering of the tree with each branch labelled in immaculate handwriting. I nudge up against her. “All I was saying is Gi’mntat has been particularly nice to you. But for some reason you’re cold as ice to him. More so than all the others.”

“Stop it. Ok? Just stop it.” She snaps and lets out a calming breath.

“What I-”

Lesedi snaps her journal shut. “Stop it. I’m serious. You know that I’m not now, nor ever intend to be, interested in pursuing a romantic interest with anyone, let alone a-”

My smile falls away. “A grayskin?”

She lets out a long breath. “A nightstalker. They kill. They have no intellect. They-”

“Are our family.” I interrupt through gritted teeth.

A long pause falls between us and Lesedi tucks her journal away. “Is that why you’re so set on becoming one of them?”

I sigh and reach for my sister but she pulls away in cold silence. “I’m not trying to become one of them. I just feel like I belong with them. I never felt that anywhere, you know that.”

She looks hard at a distant tree away from me. “I’m losing you. Bit by bit. I lost my mother to the nightstalkers and now I’m losing my sister too. Tu’kari.” The last word is dripping with bitterness.

I stand up and begin to pace. Frustration and confusion pulse through me giving me anxious energy. It feels like a rift is trying to grow between us and even though I try to close it all I do is make it worse. I’m trying to hold on to her, keep her close, keep her safe. To do that I have to be strong, but when I do that it makes her angry. I don’t know what she wants from me. The feelings boil under my skin and well up in my mind until my eyes flash red and I punch the mother tree. Bits of white bark splinter off.

Lesedi gasps and glares at me. “How does that help?!”

I pull at my hair with eyes still blazing. “Do you think this is easy for me?!” I roar at her. Lesedi flinches. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm down forcing my eyes to cool back to purple. It’s a struggle. “I have the same fear that you do. That one day I’ll wake up and I’ll be a nightstalker. I have dreams about it.”

The negative emotions swirl up in my mind like wisps of mist I can’t escape. Darkness overshadowing my entire person. Despite my efforts my eyes flare red again. I march towards Lesedi with a growl. “I don’t need you judging and criticizing everything I do!”

I close my eyes trying to will the anger away. What I want more than anything is to go hurt someone. But the only person here is Lesedi and that is my firm line in the sand. My thoughts spiral and it feels like blackness is swallowing me. From that inky darkness I feel Lesedi’s hands on my cheeks.

“Talea, open your eyes.” She speaks with a soft kind voice. I shake my head. “I don’t mind your reds, just open your eyes.”

I open my eyes revealing the blazing red eyes peering out at her. My breathing is shallow and fast. She smiles. “I want you to take a deep breath.” I force a long deep breath. “Good now another.” I take another. “Now I want you to look in my eyes and think of beckleberries.”

Air sputters from my mouth in chuckles. Trigan had always joked we had eyes the color of beckleberry juice. Memories come to mind, pictures of Lesedi covered in purple smatters after having a beckleberry fight. Wren in the kitchen with Zoey making beckleberry pie and smacking her hands when she steals bites. Alaric playing hide and seek with me and I’m nested in the trees where he can’t see me, then when the moment is just right, I throw a beckleberry at his head. The heat melts away from my eyes and they return to purple. I smile. Lesedi gives my cheeks a gentle pat and withdraws her hands.

“I understand now.” She smiles with peace in her face. “I’m supposed to be the water to your fire. I had forgotten that.”

I sigh. “You said all I have to do is be me. Be Talea.”

She grabs my hands. “And I meant it. But I need to realize that you have to be your Talea, not my Talea.”

I shrug feeling drained. “My Talea still loves you.”

Lesedi pulls me in for a hug. “I know.” Her arms wrap around my waist and I drape mine around her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were fighting a war on two fronts.”

I squeeze tighter and my eyes well up with tears that fall in warm streams on my cheeks. I can’t speak so I nod my head and rest my chin on her head.

Lesedi breaks the hug and wipes tears from her eyes. “We’re going to be ok. I’ll do better. I’ll try to help you be you, whoever that is. Talea and Tu’kari. Just please promise me something.”

My voice creaks as I shrug. “Sure. Anything.”

She wipes more tears from her eyes and takes my hands. “Promise me, win or fail, loss or gain, you are and forever will be Talea. Promise me, you will not lose yourself.”

I sniff. “I promise.”

“Wheew.” Lesedi takes a deep breath and smiles. “So much for a casual walk in the woods.” We both chuckle and dry our eyes.

“To be clear,” I grin and raise my eyebrows. “I do think Gi’mntat likes you and you could at least be nice to him instead of Lesedi the Ice Queen of lune.”

She laughs. “Alright, alright, fine. He is one of the only ones that hasn’t snarled at me. I promise to be nice. But nothing is going to happen do you understand?”

I nod and the tension eases between us. We hadn’t had a chance to talk, really talk, since this whole thing started. I guess when you go on without saying anything those feelings build up. We move on and enjoy our stroll through the woods, it’s a much-needed break.

We laugh, skip, and even dance around like little girls while Lesedi sings to the birds. We haven’t seen birds in a long time, they hibernate in lune along with everything else. I’ll never forget the image of my sister dancing with so much grace she looks like a bird herself. A smile brimming from cheek to cheek while her beautiful voice sings with joy and her gold and green braid twirls around her.

In this moment I truly love my sister. Not just the way that I love my family. But as the unique, brilliant, person that she is. She is my Lesedi, and I will protect her all my days until my last fighting breath.