《[GONE ROGUE]》The Old Man
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The sound of a woodpecker awoke Hanzo’s senses one by one. He heard the howling wind flushing the trees and the loud crashing of waves nearby.
The atmosphere was filled with a peculiar saltiness along with the distant cries of what sounded like seagulls.
The warrior’s eyes fluttered open.
He lay sideways, gazing into an ocean’s beautiful horizon.
The water was blue as the sky but clear as crystal. The sun was up but gentle with warmth that almost put the boy back to sleep if he hadn’t shot up in alarm.
“What the blazes?!” He blurted.
He grabbed a handful of cool white sand and watched it spill to the ground, then he looked about his surroundings in total bewilderment.
What happened to the forest?? Why am I on a beach??
The only semblance of a forest was behind him and that was of the tropical kind, nothing like the shadowy and muted place he slept in.
Or at least he thought he’d slept there.
After a long period of staring at this new environment he got to his feet and dusted the patches of sand off his clothes.
He was about to start walking when he caught sight of the black sword lying close by.
Wait a minute...He kneeled over and lifted the weighty blade, studying it as if it were his first time seeing it.
“So that wasn’t a dream...” he recalled the incidents of yesterday with a boggled mind.
“So then...” he muttered, looking across the beachside where he found the titan, Odyssey seated on the carcass of a great shark.
His train of thought was derailed by awe and for a good while he’d forgotten who he was.
Reclaiming his senses, he went to approach the titan, fitting the black sword into his old sheath as best as he could.
“For the love of God...” he grumbled.
“Can you please tell me what in the world is going on?”
Odyssey didn’t answer his question.
“Today you will begin training in one of the five elements.” Five fingers shot up one by one as he named each. “Water, Earth, Air, Fire and Lightning. You are free to choose whichever one suits you the most.”
“Uh…” Hanzo scratched his head vigorously. Couldn't he just tell me what the freak is going on first?? “I don’t know...lightning I guess?”
Odyssey paused for a moment. “I don’t suppose you have a death wish?” He asked suddenly.
“Huh?”
“I can teach you lightning but you’ll likely end up dead during the first phase of training.”
“Well, then why the hell offer it as an option...” Hanzo grumbled, glaring at the rolling waves. He needed a bath.
“Well, how about water then?”
“Water...” Odyssey echoed, “Now you’re thinking properly. Very well. You will be trained in the element of water. We will begin soon but for now I’ll give you free time to roam and relax.”
The giant rose up, again startling Hanzo by his towering size and dexterity.
“I’ll be back.” He said as he dipped off into the lush forest. The last thing Hanzo saw was his broad muscular back before he vanished.
Now it was just him and the beach for a while.
Hours soon came to pass. No sign of Odyssey.
“Where the heck did he go?”
Frustrated and baked by the sun which had risen quite high, Hanzo knocked off his boots, took of his dragon skin jacket and pulled it over his head to shield himself from the heat.
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He walked back and forth along the beach swinging his new sword and occasionally took a few dips in the water to cool off.
Some noises caught his ears and he looked away from the silver fish swirling around his ankles.
He saw a bunch of folks in a caravan of sorts, walking down a path in the woods followed by a band of camels hauling luggage and other wares.
These people were dressed like tribesmen. Their skins were tanned, hair black or brown and they had some old fashioned garbs that came past their knees. No threatening weapons on their person as far as Hanzo was concerned.
Maybe these punks have something to drink. He mused. My throat’s parched.
“Yo!” He pulled his boots on and jogged toward them waving his arm, “You guys got any water?”
The folks returned his approach with a smile and a wave.
“Sure we do, bud!” Said one of the men, pulling a jug off the hump of a camel who suddenly stopped his obnoxious chewing.
Hanzo thanked the nice man and lifted the container to his lips.
His lungs suddenly contracted as he doubled over and the salty liquid came spraying through his lips.
“I meant water to drink!!” He spat.
“Ohhh!” The man laughed, “You meant water to drink!”
What else would I be asking for, you clown? Hanzo wanted to say but he did not intend to be mean.
The man apologized for his error and gave the boy a canteen.
Hanzo had taken no more than a few sips when a bloodcurdling scream split the air.
“No!!! They’re coming! Run for your lives!!” One of the caravan folks shouted. Suddenly, everyone started running with all their might but Hanzo just stood there, dumbfounded, having no idea what they were so frightened of.
At that moment he saw a stampede of pumas pouring down the shell ridden road with fire sliding out of their muzzles.
“What in the hell...?” Hanzo frowned at the anomaly.
In no time the beasts were already on the caravan and a few pounced out of the woods unleashing a blaze upon prey.
One woman had tripped over a log and was in the process of being devoured. Her face was strewn in fear as the puma latched his jaw on her skull.
Hanzo suddenly realized that the danger that she was in.
He gripped his sword and dashed forth.
The animal glared at him and released his hold on the woman as he came slashing his way through a band of the cats.
The puma opened its jaws and a hot ball of flames emerged just as Hanzo’s sword split the animal’s skull in two.
The fireball exploded and blasted Hanzo into the air. The young warrior smacked the ground with a thud, rolled down a steep incline, cracked his head on a rock and fell unconscious while the pumas went on hunting down the caravan who scrambled desperately away from danger.
“Mgh...” Hanzo gagged as his consciousness slowly returned. He felt a warm, thick substance forcibly entering his mouth.
His eyes flew open in alarm to see an old man seated over him with a spoonful of some brown stuff lodged between his lips.
The boy coughed the spoon up and nearly screamed in shock.
“What the freak are you doing?!” He rasped furiously.
“Oh...” the old man looked dejected.
“You seemed to be enjoying the porridge up until the seventh spoon.”
“What?!!” The boy seeethed, balling his fists. “What the hell is going on!??!”
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“Well, you know...” the old man continued, “I found your body lying around these parts so I decided to feed you a little somethin’ cuz I figured, a dead body ain’t gonna feed itself! Hah! And I’ll have you know, I also padded the back of your head with a little bit of porridge to heal that bump you got yourself.”
Hanzo felt the back of his throbbing skull and felt the ugly sludge on his fingers.
“Man, what the hell??”
He didn’t know whether to be furious or just outright confused but he definitely couldn’t begin to comprehend the insanity that plagued him.
Without another word, he went to the ocean and cleaned the porridge out of his hair then started to look around for the black blade.
The wrinkly old man with the grinning face and the long earthly garbs had it propped up against his old rickety chair. Hanzo strode up to him with a death glare, snatched the sword away and started off in another direction.
“So a magical bird told me you want to learn the water element.” The old man spoke up.
The warrior stopped in his tracks and cut his eye at the fool.
“Who told you that?” He growled.
With a toe curling chuckle he replied, “I can teach you if you like. I’m a certified expert!”
“Haha...” Hanzo retored, “No thanks. I’ll pass.”
“Well, I’ll always be around if you change your mind, pal!”
The boy ignored him and left in search of Odyssey who still hadn’t shown up after all of this madness.
He tried to return to the spot where they first met but to no avail so he took to the roads in the forest to find him or anything else that would give him a clue to where the heck he was.
Just then the nearby bushes started ruffling madly. What the...?
Whatever was approaching, it was approaching fast. Another fire breathing puma?
Hanzo lifted his sword to take a head off.
“BOO!!!”
The same old man came pouncing out of the bushes like a frog and startled the kid.
He stumbled backward and rolled down another hill, and hit his spine on a sharp rock. He rolled over clawing at his back in pain. “You stupid weasel!!!”
“If you want to see weasels, we can go to the zoo together!”
The old man called out with a happy grin. Hanzo raced back up the hill to serve a killing blow to his skull. The old geezer chuckled making no noticeable movement of defense, then suddenly stopped the sword with his finger.
“What the…” Hanzo was stunned. “Whoa, buddy. It’s dangerous to be swingin’ these large swords around, ya know?” The man gigged, “Maybe some porridge will sit you down, heh?”
Hanzo’s eyes turned green with fury and he pressed the edge down harder.
It was useless. The fool wasn’t going to die
With a growl, he pulled his sword away and punched a tree in the face to channel some aggression.
“What the hell do you want from me..?”
The grandpa chuckled, “The real question is, what—“
“Shut up!!!” Hanzo roared. “Answer my damn question! Why am I here? Who the hell are you and what the hell is this stupid place??”
“Whoa, calm down, buddy old pal!” The old man exclaimed, “You see, an old friendbrought you here because he told me that you wanna learn the arts. His name was—oh boy...my memory ain’t like it used to be.” He shook his head wistfully, recalling the power of youth that he once had.
“Are you talking about Odyssey?” Hanzo glared.
The fool snapped his fingers and smiled. “I remember now! Odyssey! Yes, his name was Odyssey! That big ol’ giant man with the...thingys. Anyway...Yep, I’m here to take over in his absence old pal!”
“Over my dead body!” Hanzo protested. The old man chuckled again and Hanzo felt a sudden urge to plunge his sword through his esophagus ten times over. He sounded like a chicken every time he spoke.
“I can teach you how to stop swords with your finger among a vast wealth of other knowledges.” He offered. If he could stop his sword like that with just a measly finger, then he probably did have something good up his sleeves. But why did he have to be such an ass?
“Alright, look.” Hanzo submitted yet still eyeing the old fogey as if he wanted to cut him down. “If you've got something to teach me then do it but if you keep playing around I’m gonna wring your neck, you hear me?”
The man pulled his creaky old chair and took a seat, resting his hands on his walking stick. “Alrighty, then. It’s the water element right? Okay, go down over there…” The man said pointing in a random direction. “And go tell the girl who lives there to give you what the old man needs. And make sure you tell her to give you what the old man needs.”
Hanzo was confused. “Go where??”
The old man continued to point in the same direction, no further details given. What the heck….Hanzo picked up his sword and headed toward wherever he was to go.
He followed the road, glancing around often to make sure the fool wasn’t fixing for another idiotic stunt at his expense.
Broken shells crunched under his boots. The birds watched silently from among the swaying trees, which made him slightly unnerved.
Just what was this place?
After some time, Hanzo came upon an empty clearing with no more than a cozy log cabin built in the middle.
The cabin’s deck was spacious but crammed with furniture and miscellaneous items like swords and rifles and such.
On that rickety deck, Hanzo found a pretty girl seated on a rocking chair sharpening a heavily used sword.
She donned a whole warrior’s outfit made up of a dark brown sleeveless leather dress orbited by a leather utility belt fit snug on her waist.
The skirt of her dress was split into four triangular ends.
She wore fingerless gloves with iron knuckles & her forearms were laced in bands of discolored cloth.
Black, knee-high combat boots with brown criss crossing laces covered her legs.
She had silky black hair pulled into a thick braid reaching down to her lower back. Hanzo took a second glance at the braid. A small diamond shaped knife was strung to the end of it. Interesting.
Overall, the girl seemed somewhat aggressive as she sat there, sharp eyed watching the sharpener sharpen her already sharp sword.
“Uhhh....” Hanzo cleared his throat.
“Hi. I’m here to...” he struggled to remember what he was supposed to ask this uppity looking lass.
“I’m here to get what the old man needs...”
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Old Riding Author Lunatic Asylum
Just off the A19, in the dark, incomprehensible lands known as Yorkshire, there lies a town. A town where shadow-silent alleys glint with the secret hunger of knives. Where blood soaks the chipboard window shutters of forsaken terraces stretching off into the night. Where the smog-choked air rattles with the depraved laughter echoing out from clubs that can only generously be described as post-apocalyptic. Well, that’s Middlesbrough. But down the A19 a bit (an impossibly long way down, actually) there lies another town: Raughnen, in the ancient, forgotten Old Riding. It is an equal match in muggery and thuggery alike. It also has magic spells and pointy wizard hats. And now, across the miles and across all sensibilities, a pretty nasty power (a magic one) calls out for its pretty nasty counterpart (a decidedly unmagic one): a proper sound Boro lad. Nothing good can come of it. This is a collection of one novella and four connected short stories: I. A Yorkshire Summoning II. Old Riding Day Trip (the novella) III. Heaven is a Parmo IV. Death on the 66 V. Death on the 257 In total, this comprises 34 chapters totalling around 35,000 words, so try not to worry. It will be over relatively quickly. There are three more short stories with more tenuous links to the core collection: Rush, Paper Round and Scenario 79: Sausage Fingers, all of which can be found in my collection Short Records of Misadventure. Reading these may allow you to make more sense of certain parts of the story, if any sense is to be made at all. NOTE: There are instances of prejudice and discrimination within these stories, including elements of sexism and ageism, which are purely the thoughts and actions of the characters involved and which certainly do not reflect my own views on these matters. ANOTHER NOTE; A WARNING, PERHAPS: This can get a bit weird. In less than 150 pages, we have four viewpoints, first and third person narratives, and a completely disjointed plot with lots of gaps, dead ends and no real resolution. Also ZERO lunatic asylums. It's all a bit odd. If that sort of thing isn't your cup of tea, which it most likely isn't, it might be best to move on now.
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