The creatures of the World of... What? are rather remarkable beings. The flamingo for instance is a rather intelligent, social creature who, once taught, is able to perform useful tasks to aid the citizens in the Kingdom of... What? Usually mice were used for these tasks, since they were evidently cheaper and more numerous in number, but none of them are currently present to speak for themselves.

Another remarkable creature in the World of... What? is the mythical water buffalo. These beings live up high in the clouds as huge bodies of water. When agitated they start to steam and boil, which causes clouds to shift and the weather to change. In their mating season the male water Buffalo fight amongst each other to the death, causing roaring thunderstorms. Once a water buffalo is defeated by another they will drop through the clouds, creating an impressive rainbow before crashing upon the earth, leaving a pool of water.

This little gem of information is usually kept secret from the general population. Not because it would threaten the water buffalos up in the clouds, but mainly to prevent vegetarians from realizing the shocking truth that their vegetables are being grown by literal bodies of water.

Did that make me sound sophisticated at all Voice?

Voice: Up until asking me, it indeed sounded as if I had not handed you a sheet of paper to read from.

Ah...

Voice: Well, nothing can be done about it now I guess.

Indeed. I'm sorry Voice. You sure put a lot of work into it!

Voice: I did not even mention everything. People might be disgusted when learning about hail...

It's best to leave that part out, yes.

Voice: So, was there an intro you wanted to do anyway?

Well actually...

Voice: Go ahead, I'll wait.

All right then. We meet Seth, Twig and Voice on the outskirts of Voice's territory: The wheat fields. Seth has clear instructions from King Lacial to find the towers that have been kidnapped by dragons; who probably have some kind of plan up their scales. Though it is not known if the dragons' intentions are to piss off the kings, bully the princesses, or if they simply have an unknown diabolical plan involving the towers. One could also assume that the dim-witted minds amongst us wouldn't think further past the princesses really. That brings up a lot more questions when it comes to motivation and other aspects, but for now you can just assume it's the flotsam and jetsam of philosophy; which I will not bother you with at this moment.

Twig: The narrator is truly brilliant at reading from leaflets, isn't he?

Seth: And you are terribly good at ruining his moments of intellectualism.

Voice: Sorry Narrator. Twig is one of those ill-witted souls I presume.

I guess I'll just make you forget that I was here in the first place.

Seth: These wheat fields are truly astonishing in size!

Voice: You have to thank the flamingos for it. They cut the wheat that is ready with their beaks and bring it to the mills to be ground down to make flour. Once the flour is ready they put it into sacks and sneakily deliver them into the bakeries around the world.

Seth: Huh? But I have not seen a flamingo in my life before this.

Voice: Have you ever seen mice skitter around in a farmer's flour bag?

Seth: Ah... I get it now!

Twig: I don't...

Seth: It is simple really. Usually mice brought the sacks of flour to the stores, and sometimes they were caught in the act. But the peasants just assumed they were there to eat the flour, and thought nothing more of it. It is a cunning strategy for a small mouse if you would ask me. I am amazed.

Voice: And since the mice are currently... gone, the flamingos took over and made sure the stores were filled so no one dies from hunger.

Twig: But Seth just said the flamingos have never been seen in town before.

Voice: I cannot explain that either.

Seth: Brainwave!

Twig: Huh?

Seth: It all makes sense now. The mice were slaughtered by either Queen Eve's men or King Lacial's laws to make sure famine would take place in the Kingdom of... What? Then the flamingos, trained by Voice, took over the job while also receiving lessons from the ninja janitors of the Kingdom of... What? And thus I can fairly conclude that this world has in fact a tendency of stabilizing itself in fluctuating times of subliminal poverty and forces of extravagant dignified singularities!

Twig: ... You lost me at "fairly".

Voice: I think your mind backfired on your own booksmarts at the end Seth.

Seth: How so?

Voice: The end was just a bunch of randomly thrown together words to make yourself look smart.

Seth: ... Twig would not have noticed that.

Twig: Have you been doing this all those times before?

Seth: Maybe... You will never know for sure.

Twig: Meh. I'll go punch a flamingo.

Voice: It is interesting to see how such simple minds can just divert their frustration by making another less fortunate.

Seth: I suppose... Hey Voice, can I ask you a question?

Voice: Of course.

Seth: Since you are apparently smarter than me, are you my father?

Voice: No, I have not created you. What a peculiar thing to think.

Seth: It is just... I never really knew him and he is somewhere on this earth. You are the first one that comes close to the possibility of being my father.

Voice: Alas, I am not. Twig is being rather cruel towards that flamingo, is he not?

Seth: Wow, is that a third knot on its neck?

Voice: Impressive.

Seth: And cruel, do not forget cruel.

Voice: Of course. That too.

Seth: So, where do you reckon Twig and I should go to find the towers with the princesses that the dragons have made away with from the kingdoms?

Voice: I reckon you should go west. Usually heroes get there by going from the City of... What? through the forest, then north past the plains, completely evading my territory since it's off-limits to heroes except for a small portion of it for training purposes.

Seth: Yeah, I saw that. Those mutated wheat life forms were really creepy. We evaded them by hiding in bushes.

Voice: That explains why you are still at such an incredibly low level.

Seth: Yeah, also I want to become a Mage.

Voice: A mage? Are those not extinct?

Seth: Captured and imprisoned doing forced labour from what I have heard.

Voice: Which spells do you have then?

Seth: ... None.

Voice: Quite pathetic for a Magician.

Seth: I prefer not to think about it that way...

Voice: I suppose it would dim your mood slightly.

Seth: To say the least.

Voice: You could always ask the Balancing Staff for spells.

Seth: He never gave me spells. He made me able to reset my strength points and start building up magic points though.

Voice: For poops and giggles?

Seth: That would be childish even towards a child would it not?

Voice: Sounds like him though. Impressive that you knew about him, I imagine most heroes have no clue who the people they talk to are in this world.

Seth: What do you mean?

Voice: I used to give out quests for heroes, but I got into a fight with the quest-writers so they removed me from the heroes route. I became some sort of legend, surrounded by invisible walls.

Seth: Why does that not surprise me?

Voice: Well, I had prepared a few nice interesting concepts and stories to motivate the heroes to feel good about themselves, but they just scribbled the assignment on a quest sheet and moved along.

Seth: Sounds like them...

Voice: Yeah, all they really cared about was 'Kill Boars (0/12)'. They did not care about the boars' hierarchy that was in trouble, the political state of their empire and the importance of the assassination of a few of the group to prevent a revolution that would make them more dominant than any form of life in this world.

Seth: That sounds terrible. Even I would have killed some boars if I knew about that.

Voice: After a while I became less serious about the matter. I would ask some rats to paint some of the important boars blue when they were asleep and change the mission to "kill blue boars (0/12)", and what do you think happened?

Twig: They laughed just like me and Seth right now?

Voice: No, they just thought this was a 'game' that had 'originality' because of 'blue boars'. So I went a step further and changed (0/12) to (0/120).

Seth: Let me guess, they still abided?

Voice: Indeed. They did not even realize 12 was enough since they never came talking to me, until one time. Then they considered it a "glitch", whatever that is, even though I clearly stated in my speech that twelve was enough. Anyway, not a single hero listened.

Seth: Wow...

Voice: True depression got to me when I added a line in my speech telling it was my birthday. Not a single "congratulations" or cheer.

Seth: Was there a point to this story?

Voice: ... I forgot. Twig sure has that flamingo packed up hasn't he?

Seth: Forty-three knots and still on-going. It looks like a purse now.

Voice: I feel bad for the animal empathizers.

Seth: I feel sorry for the flamingo.

Voice: Oh... Yes, that too.

Twig: Done!

Voice: Done what?

Twig: I fold. Heh , get it?

Seth: Reversed origami...

Voice: Impressive!

Twig: What's 'origami?'

Meanwhile at the Castle.

King Lacial: Servant! My bath water is cold! What's going on?

Servant: Sorry Sire. I was unable to find enough fuel for the tub.

King Lacial: That is a problem... I really cannot stand cold baths. It lowers my mood! It makes me angry!

Servant: Please sire, there is probably something we can do about it.

King Lacial: Indeed, bring my lawyers in here!

Servant: Even in your... less clothed condition Sire?

King Lacial: I don't care about anything else than heating my bath tub right now Servant.

A few minutes later a handfull of lawyers stand in line, shaking in front of their king.

King Lacial: What happened to our current law system? You haven't won even a single case?

Lawyers: We are almost winning at least three of them on misbehaving peasants, Sire. But we are drowning in the paperwork we have to fill out!

King Lacial: And whomever has demanded that you people had to do paperwork in the first place?

Lawyers: It's the law, Sire, in all its infinite complexity, and we have to keep track of anything and everything that is happening, file it, archive it, store it.

King Lacial: Servant... is that true?

Servant: Not even remotely. It seems these lawyers have just imagined a way to keep themselves busy.

King Lacial: ...

Servant: You know... Forcing paperwork upon paperwork, trying to fool each other's minds by making the law more and more complicated in written word, while in the end a bottom line is nowhere to be found.

King Lacial: I see.

Servant: We decided a bottom line long ago actually.

Lawyers: You did?

King Lacial: Altogether it was covered under "Taxes" and "Miscellaneous".

Servant: And by "Miscellaneous" he means "Convenient for us while also ripping off the common-folk".

Lawyers: Ah... That makes sense.

King Lacial: And by that logic Servant, get the guards. We just found ourselves a whole pile of fuel!

Servant: I'll send the guards to fetch the paper right away Sire.

King Lacial: I wasn't talking about the paperwork, but I will keep that in mind for another troubling time. Good idea Servant!

Servant: ... Of course my Liege.

Lawyers: We're confused.

Servant: And single-minded.

Lawyers: ... We're not. Steve here likes bowling while we're all into golf.

Odd Lawyer: Sure do!

King Lacial: Isnt that lovely. Well, I've got more news for you then, there is a special... briefing downstairs for you!

Lawyers: A bonus for our terriffic work?

King Lacial: You could say that if that puts your minds, or hive mind, at ease.

Lawyers: Thank you. We were actually expecting something awful.

King Lacial: Don't mention it, you'd only enable me to lie while giving an inconvenient truth.

Lawyers: But-

Servant: He means: Don't mention it. Ever. Follow me please.

Ten minutes later the Servant returns.

King Lacial: And?

Servant: You should feel the warmth now my Liege.

King Lacial: ... Aaahh there it is. There is nothing better than a relaxing warm bath.

Servant: My Liege, would you consider yourself evil when you do stuff like... 'this' ?

King Lacial: ... You know the answer to that Servant.

Servant: Yes, I'm aware you've given yourself the right to remain silent.

King Lacial: Don't forget they mass murdered trees to fuel their minds in the first place.

Servant: You're too kind... to trees my Liege. I'm glad you're in a good mood again.

King Lacial: That's because I only just remembered I made up the lawyer position for a day like this in the first place. Saving trees and warming my bath.

Servant: ...

And with that we end this disturbing yet informative chapter of Spellbent!