We find Seth and Twig just on the edge of the forest that lays just next to the City of... What? after a tremendous victory over the Evil Wizard who didn't feel like dying. However, seeing as this battle yielded not a single experience point, as well as no drops, perhaps calling the situation a rather unfortunate waste of time is more accurate.

The evening is still on route to Seth and Twig with its evil plot to cover them in darkness. They don't really seem to mind it, but the evening who conspires with the night to make Seth and Twig's life a little more grim is very keen on me mentioning this to you. I guess everyone needs some credit at some point, and this was theirs. Some shadows decides to join the plot also as it thickens around Seth and Twig, and starts to hide behind them where it is darkest because the moon, currently their only silent ally who loves to be mentioned as well, has trouble finding them. The treeline behind Seth and Twig chose to drop their leaves a while ago to contribute to making things more creepy. Though the shadows complained about it, because now they had less surface to cast their darkness on, the whole conspiracy proved so creepy already that all these elements were in agreement that in fact they didn't actually need some human shaped things hiding behind the bushes, leering out at Seth and Twig as well. And as such, would have preferred that the human shaped things would stop it immediately!

Twig: Man I'm glad this is over with. That tower was creepy!

Seth: It was creepy indeed. But do you remember us ascending any stairs? How did we manage to get to the highest floor?

Twig: Beats me. Probably magic involved to make it that way. Too bad you didn't ask the Evil Wizard to explain it to you.

Seth: Yeah. The couches did look cozy though.

Twig: Yeah, that's true. I think he managed to starve or scare away all of his enemies until we came around.

Some shivers and creeps suddenly decides to crawl up Seth's back, but failed to have any effect on Twig.

Seth: Something is not right here. It is rather creepy and quiet. And that is not usually the best combination.

Twig: Why?

Seth: Have you not read any books at all? There are countless books with horror stories that describe how people die in usually very secluded areas where they wandered off to. Usually following a sound and when it is all quiet then WHAM, death! I just hope this is not one of these moments. I am scared Twig.

Twig: You? Scared? Geez look at my health bar Seth! I have only got one hitpoint left before I kick the bucket!

Seth: Ok, that is true.

Deep Dark Voice: Gotcha.

A very heavy looking silhouette starts to advance towards the place where Seth and Twig are standing. Before Twig could react, a nasty looking shuriken hit his head.

Twig: Hey that isn't supposed to go in th- ....

Seth: NO! TWIG!

Deep Dark Voice: What'cha gonna do about it boy?

Another Deep Dark Voice: It's just a little kid. Why is his bounty so high?

Deep Dark Voice: I dunno. But the reward scroll really stated: "Kill the Evil Wizard. By Poetic Death, or Alive but bathed", so be careful!

Another Deep Dark Voice: Ok, I get it.

Seth: You.. *sniff* You guys killed my only friend! *Sniff* You bastards!

Deep Dark Voice: Hey! My parents were married long before-

Another Deep Dark Voice: He probably means we're jerks, Jeb.

Jeb: Oh, thanks for clearing that up, Warren.

Warren: That little Goblin was worth a single copper piece though. That little kid is worth five gold!

Jeb: Oh my! That will sure feed us until the end of the year!

Warren: Let's get him!

Seth: Wait a minute. Who are you guys? Are you .. Heroes?

Warren: Aye! We're on a quest to destroy the dragon with the Crystal Sword of Epicness that is said to be in the Cave of More or Less Return!

Jeb: We have survived flies, rats, spiders, dwarfs, wolves and we were about to fight the Evil Wizard in the Evil Tower! Which is you!

Seth: No, that is not me. I am a Mage, not a wizard. Not very good, but not evil. We defeated the Evil Wizard just now. What makes you think he would be outside his Evil Tower on the Evil Mountain that is actually more neutral than evil?

Warren: Well... Must he always be around? No. And we just came from the mountain, he ain't there. The final evidence we needed was that evil goblin beside you. So you must be him!

Seth: Huh? Do you guys have teleportation or something? We just came from there and did not see you on the way back at all.

Warren: Sure we have teleportation! We can just go back to the lower level areas in an instant.

Seth: Why can I not do such things? I am an adventurer too so I should be able to, right? And what do you mean "lower level areas"?

Jeb: Yes, of course you should be able to! The forest is level one to ten. The City of... What? level 11-20, and the Tower level 21-30!

Seth: And the Dwarves?

Jeb: Huh? Dwarves?

Warren: Is that a side quest?

Jeb: No, I looked it up. There is nothing here about dwarves!

Warren: He's just trying to confuse us Jeb. Let's get him!

Seth: You guys killed my only friend in this world. And you talk about it as if you are on a "quest"?

Warren: Well... yes, we are! It was on the big notice board in the middle of the city!

Jeb: It didn't show us where to go on the minimap though... That was odd.

Seth: Minimap? What are you guys talking about?

Warren: Don't you have it? It's just at the top of the screen!

Seth: No? There is nothing in the air! Come to think of it, I used to have buttons flying there once... but they disappeared too.

Jeb: I guess you're glitchy then?

Seth: No. I am perfectly fine! How can one even be glitchy?

Warren: Soon, not anymore you're not. Have at ye!

The hero Warren charges at Seth, who had quickly equipped his Mop of Wetness while in conversation. A clash of dagger and mop commenced, splashing Warren for no damage at all.

Jeb: Look at that. He is only like level seven? What a noob.

Warren: Oh my god really? How in the hell did he get past those wolves then? We had to be at least level ten to even hurt them. And once we were finished with them, we were at least level twelve right?

Jeb: Yeah. Sounds about right.

Seth: You guys killed Jimmy and his friends?? HOW COULD YOU!

Seth splashes some more water on Warren. Again for no damage. Still, Warren doesn't seem to be able to successfully hit Seth either. Seth's rage seems to make him able to dodge the attacks faster than Warren can lash out.

Jeb: I'll help you Warren.

An arrow flies past Seth's head. He seems to have lost a couple of hairs, but no injuries are inflicted yet.

Seth: You guys massacre creatures as if they are nothing. And you have magical abilities! I will crush you!~

Jeb: Haha, with a mop? Maybe a mob of wolves would work better for you, you evil wizard!

Seth: Shut up, shut up, shut up!!

Seth throws his mop as hard as he can towards the hero Jeb, who fails to dodge the it due to laughing so hard about Seth's misfortune. Perhaps he shouldn't have done that, because the mop landed in his mouth with painful speed and accuracy. Still no damage, however.

Warren: Haha! How could you not dodge that mop?

Jeb: *gurgle*

Warren: Haha! Look at you. Still laughing , with a mop in your mouth.

Seth: ... Are you all right Jeb?

Warren: Huh? Why wouldn't he be all right boy? Worry more about me slicing you open. Have at ye!

Another thrust from Warren's weapon misses, but Seth is still looking at Jeb.

Seth: Jeb, take the mop out of your mouth now! It is dangerous!

Warren: Huh? Don't mind him. You're fighting against me Seth!

Seth: Look at Jeb, Warren!

Warren sees that Jeb's head has turned purple. Due to his laughing he doesn't have the strength to hold his crossbow, nor to keep his arms up to take the mop out of his mouth. A few moments later Jeb crashes to the floor, grasping his throat for air.

Warren: What... What happened?

Seth: The mop has an infinite supply of water. It seems the mop water has made it into his lungs.

Warren: But that means...

Seth: He is currently drowning. Yes.

Warren: But... No! Wait! This is a hardcore game. He will die! He will never be able to return to this game!

Seth: This is not a game Warren. This is a real world. There are no levels. Just us and the wilderness.

Warren: Of course it is! We all started at the same point right? In Hope Falls, fighting flies and rats and receiving quests from the Elder.

Seth: Huh? No. You guys started from Mom's house in Bathvil, just like me right? You guys appeared in front of our doorstep all the time when I still lived there.

Warren: What... are you? We could never get into that house how ever hard we tried. It's just a house to fill up the ambiance!

Seth: I am a human, just like you. Seth is the name. I came from the village called Bathvil and I want to become a Mage!

Warren: Dude, you can only become a warrior in this game, with the choice of a huge amount of diverse swords and sword skills to choose from!

Seth: Do you see a sword on me?

Warren: No...

Seth: Do you not see me taking out this scroll of which I have no idea what it does, and try to cast the spell upon you?

Warren: But you are the evil wizard who killed my friend, who-

Seth: What about your friend? You were here to kill me right? That gives me the right to defend myself. You killed Twig, I killed Jeb. Why did you not try to save him?

Warren: Evil wizard ! You were distracting me with your silver tongue! Jeb, noo!

A moment later Jeb's body vanishes, never to be seen again. The mop lays still on the ground minding his own business with the moon; who enjoys flickering on the water that the mop produced for him.

Seth: And now I cast... This spell!

A little light rise up from the letters on the scroll, and as the scroll is bathed in light it starts to change into... a sword. Seth lets out a cry of frustration.

Seth: Oh wow. Great humor, Balancing Staff! Sure, give Seth a sword spell. That would be completely hilarious...

Warren: ...

Seth: Do not mind me and my grudge.

Warren: ... Ok?

Seth: Now where were we... Oh yes! Fighting! For just this once, I swear I will use this sword until it breaks! Maybe I will actually become a fighter and give up on becoming a Mage!

Seth charges at Warren with his newly acquired sword. The sword itself is from an unknown substance. Seth just hopes it holds against the steel dagger Warren is holding in his right hand. The sword clashes with the dagger and breaks in half!

Seth: What the...

A black vapor emerges from the broken sword and starts to take form of a black bat with blood red eyes. The rest of the broken sword becomes a small, black bracelet around Seth's left hand.

Warren: Holy crap... What is that?

Seth: That is a bat.

Warren: A bat? I haven't seen one before in my life in this game.

Seth: There are more of them up in the Evil Tower I think.

Warren: I definitely should go and visit it then. I would love a bat as a companion pet.

Seth: So are you letting me go?

Warren: Hell no, you're unarmed now!

Seth: Fiddlesticks.

Warren charges towards Seth, and all Seth can do is to protect his head with his arms and wish for a better outcome. The dagger slits his arm for three damage!

Warren: There we go. Die little kid!

Before Warren can charge again, the bat flies up to Warren's face and bites him in his nose for... 4 damage!

Warren: Ouch what the...

And that's not all! The bat flaps towards Seth and red bubbly light surrounds Seth, healing him for two life points!

Seth: Thank you Richard. You just saved my life.

Seth nods gratefully towards the sky. The moon feels flattered that someone calls him by his name and thanks him finally after all these millennia. Before Seth, there was only one person that was able to figure out the moon's name, but that jerk nicked his name tag and used it as his own. Time to sleep soon, the moon thought, and starts to move slowly but steadily down towards the horizon.

Warren: You're cheating! It can't be anything else!

Seth: I cannot cheat. This is all real, Warren.

Warren: This isn't real life!

Seth: I grew up here Warren. For ten long years I have waited to become a Mage. And now I am finally on my path to become one because... I finally have my first spell! Yay!

Seth starts to jiggle a little in the moonlight, and the bracelet reflects some of the light towards the shadows. The shadows didn't really like that gesture, but couldn't do anything about it. They felt defeated. Not that the bracelet, Seth, nor anyone else cared, they thought resentfully.

Warren: Well... I can still kill you.

Seth: No, I calculated the outcome already. If you keep on slicing me with that dagger and my bat keeps feeding off you, eventually you'll die first with me having three hitpoints left.

Warren: But what if I had... Two daggers?

Seth: Oh no...

Oh yes! The one dagger was just Warren's way of saying Seth was an easy fight! He quickly draws his dagger that is apparently made of obsidian judging from the moonlight shining on the weapon. Thanks moon!

Warren: Now to finish this!

Familiar Voice: Hold it!

Another Voice: Awoo!

Warren: What the...

From the forest emerges a four legged creature, almost like a horse jumping over a fence into the fray. On the four legged creature is a silhouette of a dark knight with yellow eyes glaring from the dark at Warren, sizing him up. Warren does the same, but fails to notice the awesomeness and only sees a small goblin on a wolf cub.

Twig: You killed me and my friends, prepare to die.

Warren: Huh?

Seth: Oh my, a zombie!

Warren: Is that... a necromanic wolf cub?

Twig: What? No dude, I respawned! And so did the cub.

Warren: Uhh... So the wolves we killed in the forest?

Twig: Well they're not happy, but also not quite dead.

Warren: This is heracy!

Seth: I think you mean "hearsay", technically. Unless you go to the forest again, as you cannot know for certain whether he is telling the truth or not.

Warren: You guys undermine the rules of this game!

Seth: Stop with this game nonsense! Twig, do you know what he is talking about?

Twig: Huh? Oh that's something heroes have to keep telling themselves to keep them motivated and/or same. Don't worry about it.

Seth: Ok...

Warren: I can't seem to win this battle. I'm leaving now.

Seth: Err...

Twig: No.

Warren: What? You don't leave me be?

Twig: No, you killed me. I kill you. That's how this world works.

Warren: No it doesn't.

Twig: For me it does. Look at the sky mr. Err. What is your name?

Warren: Warren.

Twig: Look at the sky Warren. The moon salutes you for the last time. The stars came out to behold your death. And look how quiet it is around you. There is no other outcome.

Warren: You're creeping me out Goblin! Leave me alone!

Warren's fear apparently gets the best of him, because he tries to run inside the forest again to hide; at least from the moon. The moon isn't too happy with that and uses all his light to keep an eye inside the forest.

Seth: He is running away Twig. Let us just leave him be.

Twig: No. Not tonight. Not when someone kills me. Not when I brought Sally all the way here. I did not rush just to see someone leave.

Sally: Woof. Awooo!

Seth: Why can I not understand Sally?

Twig: She's into roleplaying. So she prefers just to speak wolf.

Seth: Ok. Nice to meet you still, Sally.

Sally: Arf arf, awooo!

Seth: So, how are you planning to kill this Warren guy?

Twig: Just listen to the narrator.

Seth: I missed you and your weird notions Twig.

Twig: I would not want to miss our future conversations for the world, Seth.

I missed you as well! Thanks Twig for this opportunity.

Twig dramatically gets off Sally and grabs a small bolt out of his pouch, a pouch that Seth hasn't seen before. He should ask about it later, he thought. From the pouch, Twig picks one single bolt that appears to shine in all kinds of colors. From the shadows' perspective it were the colors red, blue and light green. He picks up the crossbow that is apparently left as a drop under the Mop of Wetness. He puts the bolt gently on the crossbow and aims for the forest. Here the moon has a vital role to play because it shows Twig that Warren isn't in fact running deeper into the forest, but walking slowly about a hundred meters further along the treeline. Twig placed the bow in eye height and aimed for poor Warren. The trigger is pulled and the bolt screamed silently through the night sky, hitting Warren in the butt cheek.

Warren: Oww! What was that? A bolt? A bronze bolt even, that's like three damage. Ha! What the...

+10 Pierce Damage

+10 Fire Damage

+10 Ice Damage

+10 Acid Damage

+10 Dark Damage

+10 Electric Damage

+10 Poison Damage

+10 Light Damage

Warren falls to the floor, defeated, with his body covered in blisters, his fingers and toes frozen, and there isn't much left of his butt cheek due to the acid. A few moments later Warren also disappears into the night, as if he never existed. His last words were: "Why didn't I take the red pill to heal myself?". Poor Warren.

Seth: .... What was that bolt?

Twig: Magically enchanted. I only had one of those. I used up all my hero kill points to save up for these... special occasions.

Seth: Wow...

Twig: How about you? What happened while I was gone?

Seth: I drowned Jeb.

Twig: Who's Jeb?

Seth: The hero you didn't see in the forest.

Twig: Ah... drowned? How did you do that?

Seth: I flung the mop towards him and he laughed himself to death by swallowing the mop, thereby choking himself.

Twig: That's... Dark Seth.

Seth: Well, I forgot about the respawning stuff. I was mad. I also have a bat now.

Twig: Wow! Awesome, what does it do?

Seth: It feeds me health points by sucking my enemies dry.

Twig: That... is... awesome!

Seth: The scroll turned into a sword first though.

Twig: Haha! Oh my Deity. Did the Balancing Staff put an illusion spell on it to trick you?

Seth: Sounds like him.

Twig: Yes...

Seth: What about that pouch though?

Twig: I bought it from the Monster shop for a few hero kill points as well. It's baby-skin.

Seth: And you call my bat evil?

Twig: Hey, babies are not evil! They are the monster equivalent of a cute rabbit pouch!

Seth: As long as you do not wear human... masks...

Twig: I'd never! As long as you won't use me as a mask ever either!

Seth: Ok, I promise.

Twig: I wonder what's happening in the castle right now.

Meanwhile at the Cas— Oh, you were already doing my job. Good. Thanks.

Twig: Always nice to be of help.

Well all right I'll give you one extra minute.

Twig: Hey, let's go to the town. I'm tired!

Seth: We cannot. There might be more people thinking I am the Evil Wizard, and attack us for the bounty.

Twig: Hmm... Well I guess we should go to a pidgeon farm then.

Seth: For what?

Twig: Well, I figured since I saw my parents a few moments ago in passing that you might want to tell Yuna and your Mom-

Seth: She prefers to be called Lisa.

Twig: Ok... what the hell? Well all right, Lisa. Let's be off then!

Meanwhile at the Castle!

Queen Eve: Would you like some more pumpkin pie dear?

King Lacial: No, I'm stuffed.