《Spellbent》Chapter Ten - Spooks and Cliffnotes

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After some goodbyes and some sweet-talk by the Servant, because King Lacial went into a random rant about how Richard could've possibly taken the taking off part, Twig and Seth decide to venture forth to the Evil Wizard that lurks in the Evil Tower that may or may not be actually Evil. They all had a "good", "night's”, "sleep" as the Servant quoted. Of course, that only caused King Lacial to rant even more since his Servant apparently just took his lawfully deserved mid-afternoon naptime away from him.

Evening falls as well, and that's quite fitting since there hasn't been a single evening in Seth's story so far. It's really peculiar how sometimes evening can creep up on you, and on the other hand can be completely forgotten or skipped for some reason. It's still a consistent occurrence though, which is of course not so odd. Nothing is more annoying than walking to the bakery on a Saturday morning and find yourself losing your precious weekend because on the way back two nights have passed in ten minutes. This is why King Lacial has decided that breakfasts and nights should become a tolerable consistency in his Kingdom. This law has cost the Magicians of the country countless sleepless nights. Though that didn't matter much. They just didn't know better back then.

Twig: So, let's recap Seth. Got your defenseless robe?

Seth: Check.

Twig: Your 'Fireballs'?

Seth: Of course!

Twig: Your... Sense of adventure?

Seth: I purposefully left that at home where it belongs. Seriously, how terrible would it be if I would constantly long for an adventure whilst being on one?

Twig: Good point. Your Mop of Wetness?

Seth: Yup, and my knapsack with some foodstuffs, some none-dream inducing goat milk and Richard's special spell.

Twig: What does the spell do Seth?

Seth: I do not know. The envelope said: "For emergencies only". So I am pretty cautious. Also, it is from Richard. That makes me even more cautious.

Twig: You do realize that you're checking your stuff now whilst standing on a ledge 100ft. above the ground, right?

Seth: Err... What?

Indeed! Seth and Twig are making their way towards the Evil Wizard in the Evil Tower on Evil Mountain that may or may not be Evil. The path itself is pretty treacherous. Not that it would disappear at any moment or stab them in the back or anything. No, it just lies there, minding its own business. Allowing the wind to move some sand around and shake up some grass, but other than that it is actually a pretty loyal mountain so far. Very consistently loyal. You can't blame an ugly duckling for being ugly of course. Applying the same logic, you can't blame an evil mountain path on Evil Mountain for being extremely deadly by having some rocks falling here and there, removing footing from the path, and leaving our adventurers with a ledge hardly bigger than two feet in some places.

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Twig: Whatever you do, don't-

Seth: Do not tell me to not look down. I already did and it is fine. Also, I am pretty light and there are roots everywhere to latch onto in case I fall.

Twig: I'm pretty sure the notes stuck to the roots claim they are "evil roots". Also, don't be a know-it-all! It's really annoying sometimes.

Seth: Sorry... I cannot help it really.

Twig: Why is that?

Seth: Want to know my roots? Sure. Well, my ex-wife always told me-

Twig: Hold on hold on hold on... Ex-wife?

Seth: Yes Yuna, my ex-wife. You have met her, remember?

Twig: But you're ten!

Seth: So what?

Twig: Backstory. Now.

Seth: I had spent almost my entire life with her. So after a couple of years being together, we decided to tie the knot. My wife always said I was drunk on books. But I think she was deflecting because she had her own drinking problem. Plus, they were her books in the first place! So while I was reading books, she went out to a lemonade store or whatever. Then she would come back late with an odor of oranges and lemons.

Twig: But... Bathvil doesn't have any stores though?

Seth: We did have the lemonade superstore of course. It is ten times bigger than a lemonade stand.

Twig: So like... a shed?

Seth: Yes, it was a shed come to think of it... So anyway. We argued a lot at night. About who would feed the chicken and which of our moms should have cooked dinner for us this time. But every time I mentioned her drinking problem, she got angry. Then one day she finally snapped, and she spilled twenty gallons of lemonade over my books!

Twig: Oh no she didn't?

Seth: Oh yes she did. A divorce followed quickly after that. It is too bad though, we were thinking about children the day before. All those dreams came to a sudden halt. Well, after that she went to a clinic to sober up from the lemonade. And I realized I was better off exploring the world.

Twig: That sounds like a hell of a midlife crisis.

Seth: Yeah it was... Wait that means I only have 10 years to live according to you? Thanks...

Twig: You're welcome.

Seth: You got any kids?

Twig: Some... But we goblins never pay too much attention to that really. Seeing as once they accidentally swat a fly, they gain 1 experience point and become level 1 instantly. Then they're grown up and have a mind of their own... and won't level up ever again of course.

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Seth: Weird...

Twig: Oh yeah? And waiting at least seventeen years to become a grown-up is normal you'd say?

Seth: Well. Yeah?

Twig: Tell that to the one-day fly. Becomes level 1 instantly and dies of old age after a few turns.

Seth: My head hurts... Not because of you though. Your notions are hardly worth brain power.

Twig: Rockslide!!

Meanwhile at the Castle.

Servant: We finally made it home again my Liege. What is your first order of business now that the throne room is restored in its full glory. Wait... Who repaired this?

King Lacial: What happened to our bloody walls?

Servant: Well... According to this sheet on your throne, there has been made some changes around the castle. Everything is brighter because there has been placed lighter curtains, and apparently we hired people to clean our windows. Also, the whole castle is repainted in bright yellow, red and gold.

King Lacial: Does this mean...

Servant: Yes, my Liege.

King Lacial: Oh no…

Mysterious Voice: Lacial? Are you home sweety? I've been waiting for you.

Meanwhile back at Seth and Twig.

An enormous boulder had been falling straight towards Seth and Twig from above and rolled down the side of the mountain, aiming to flatten our two brave adventurers before the intermission! Fortunately, a different boulder who had the same idea as the first boulder, decided to give the first boulder a small bump, so that it missed Seth and Twig at the last second! But that is not all. That other boulder got stuck in the chasm directly in front of Seth and Twig which would have otherwise prohibited them from proceeding towards the top of the mountain!

Seth: Well, that was lucky.

Twig: I'm not sure if that's true. See, there's a note on the boulder that was meant to squish us.

Seth: What does it say?

Twig: "Definitely an evil boulder."

Seth: Well… The note said it, so it has to be true right?

Twig: I'm not too sure...

A little more cautiously they follow the road towards the top and see the place where the boulder probably originated from. When they make a right, they notice they've been walking around in a zigzag pattern to the top of the mountain. But if one would watch them from the City of... What? or the Castle of... What?, they would see a strange two-dimensional way of Seth and Twig zigzagging an enormous vertical cliff where they would at times disappear at a point on the left side and re-appear on the right. This could all be explained quite easily if a villager wouldn't lose their mind in the process. But let's just safely assume that the main road has some collateral damage concerning the environment, which causes an optical illusion that caused them to see as if the Kingdom of... What? was at the bottom of a huge cliff, while in truth, the cliff itself is just a normal spirally hill. The best way for most townsfolk and King Lacial to cope with it, was calling it Evil Mountain, turn their backs, and never look at it again.

Once at the top they can see the whole main road stretching from the castle to the end in a straight line, obviously, and a very, very evil-looking signpost. Evil because it has angry eyes, and merely the words "evil signpost" written on it. Twig and Seth don’t think much of it and walk towards the front door of the Evil Tower. There is a big gong on the side with a stick with a little paper scrapped onto it. It reads: "Gong three times to open the door automatically, twice for a healing potion, and once for spiders.” This made the two a little more nervous.

Twig: So, let's get this gong going. Three times Seth, go ahead, and quickly so we don't encounter any spiders!

Seth quickly bashes the gong three times which causes three scary-looking spiders to emerge from the shadows behind the gong, two healing potions to appear out of seemingly nowhere, and the doors to open automatically; but so slow that it will take another ten minutes before one goblin can get through.

Seth: Now that is just cheating!

Will Seth and Twig survive this next encounter? Will King Lacial like the decorations in his throne room made by his wife? Find out in the next episode of... Spellbent!

Seth: I managed to crush one spider with my foot, two more to go!

Twig: Those other two are my size though...

Seth: Aw bullocks.

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