After many hours of almost hard work, Seth finally gained enough experience points to consider himself to be Leveled Up. Leveling up is quite an interesting concept where a puny, little ten-year-old boy can suddenly have a lot more muscles, have a sudden growth spurt or other miraculous things in a fraction of a second. Out of the blue, a little boy who would at one moment be the world's punching bag could suddenly become an experienced fighter. Another interesting thing is that there have been occasions in this world where heroes suddenly were adept at skills they had never practiced before. Thus far any protests from demons, dragons, logic, and nature have been ignored.

This is only one of many examples where things in this world seem unfair or ridiculous. One of the most exceptional artifacts that defies any kind of logic in existence, is the fabled Balancing Staff. Among the many books of lore (in Seth’s room), there was one book where it was described a mysterious artifact that would have appeared out of the blue and changed things that neither made sense nor had any logic behind it. Even with the current inexplicable logic applied. It also had a peculiar inexplicable effect on the heroes' vocabulary. Out of the blue words like "OP" and "Nerf" started to emerge, which is about the only evidence to date that this mysterious Balancing Staff even exists…

A recently added page in the book about the Balancing Staff cites how King Lacial attempted to prove its existence by introducing some "Laws of mildly cruel volition". However, both the laws and the temporary disappearance of King Lacial have left many people puzzled up to this day. The book in question was one of many in Seth's bookshelf at his home in Bathvil. He cherished them with all his heart, as the books were the only real evidence of him having a father. Unfortunately, Seth also thought that the "Balancing Staff" was a magic object, which made him go into the world to find this great magic Staff he's read so much about. To make things worse he was just told by the Towns' Idiot that he might have misinterpreted the "Staff" part of the Balancing Staff, completely diminishing the idea of there being a powerful magical object for him to wield. And thereby perhaps crushing his dream of obtaining a magical weapon to channel is nonexistent magical powers with.

Seth: K..k.k.k…

Twig: Careful Seth, your eyes might pop out if you keep staring at him so furiously.

Towns' Idiot: Did that hat just talk?

Seth: You will pay for this…

Twig: Isn't your anger a bit misdirected Seth?

Seth: Ten years I have been stuck at my house. Finally, I was able to go after my dreams. For ages I have been wondering what the Balancing Staff looked like and how it would feel in my hands. And now some random Idiot-

Towns' Idiot: Hey! I'm THE Idiot in town, in any town, give me some credit and show some respect!

Seth: That is it.

Twig: Oh boy…

The world around Seth, Twig and the Towns’ Idiot become blurry, and Seth feels he has the initiative in this battle.

Seth: You will pay for your sins!

Towns' Idiot: What sin? Aaaahhh, the pain!

Seth's Wand of More or Lesserness hits the Towns’ Idiot for 2 damage!

Twig hits the Towns’ Idiot for 2 damage as well with his tiny knife.

Towns' Idiot: What have you done? Your hat sliced off some of my hair!

Seth: Yes, so?

Towns' Idiot: Do you know how many months it takes to make it look this silly?

Twig: …

The Towns' Idiot draws his mop and hits Seth's hat for ... 1 damage.

Twig: Argh! Why is it still wet?

Towns' Idiot: Well how do you expect mops to be? Mops are always wet!

Seth: That does not make any sense! Hit him again Twig!

Seth and Twig combine their strength and hit the Towns' Idiot for 5 damage!

The Towns' Idiot staggers and can barely stand.

Towns' Idiot: Please… Please, no more. I can't take a single point of damage more. Please, have mercy Seth!

The Towns' Idiot falls to his knees and sobs onto his mop. The tears are absorbed by the mop, while also wetting the Towns' idiot's face. Seth seems to have calmed down a little even though his hands are trembling, and it almost looks like he wants to cast a 'fireball' at the Towns' Idiot. Then he suddenly freezes and stares at the Towns' Idiot.

Seth: What happens when I slay you?

Towns' Idiot: Then um... I guess there will be another Idiot to take my place?

Seth: In comparison. How much of an idiot are you to the others?

Towns' Idiot: … What now?

Seth: Are there idiots in your branch who are dumber, slower, and bigger jerks than you are?

Towns' Idiot: Why yes, I've lost my mind for years I'm told. Apparently, the Village Idiot in Bathvil pretends to be an Elder for example.

Seth: …

Twig: Oh my…

Towns' Idiot: Yeah well… If you don't mind, I'll be off then. I have a special errand for the King to check up on the Doughnut Caravan that's coming this way. Here, have my mop if you like. I don't like it when it's so wet.

And so, Seth finishes off his second opponent! For this victory Seth receives another 15 Experience Points! Where will it end? We may never know! But for now, we quickly move on to King Lacial's Castle!

King Lacial: Has my package arrived yet Servant?

Servant: It has! Is this the fabled "Staff of Balance" Sire?

King Lacial: Oh, I wish... But no, it isn't. It’s a special delivery of an item I ordered one of the Village Idiots to retrieve. I haven’t seen him since… So I sent our Towns’ Idiot to find it again, and now it’s finally here!

The package looks like it contains a-

King Lacial: Hold on Narrator. This is my special attention time, remember? You are not allowed to speak.

That's right! I'm terribly sorry, Sire.

King Lacial: Good! Or else I'll put you into the dungeons instead of the ivory tower! Well, where was I. Oh yeah... The package looks quite like a Staff, right? Well it isn't! Let me wrap this open.

Servant: And by that you mean you allow me to unwrap it, I presume?

King Lacial: Do I have to spell out everything for you Servant?

Servant: Why no, not for me but without a Narrator the readers-

King Lacial: I thought we confirmed that fourth wall breaking was only for comedic moments?

Servant: Yes sire.

King Lacial: And is this one of them? Look at my face. Does this face exert copious amounts of happy?

Servant: ... No my Liege…

King Lacial: Exactly. Now stop stretching the story so that I can finally explain what this is.

Guard: It's a mop isn't it?

Servant: …

King Lacial: …

Guard: Aw bullocks. Now I'll be sent to the lions for sure.

King Lacial: We do not have any lions here. But I'll see if I can meet or exceed your expectations.

King Lacial: What did you just say Servant?

Servant: I said 'What is what package being?'

King Lacial: Bad English Servant! But that's not punishable by death... yet. Do remind me I'll make a law that makes everyone in this world know when to use Your and You're.

Servant: Gladly, your Majesty.

King Lacial: Anyway. This mop is an enchanted mop! It will replace the mop that the thousands of janitors use.

Servant: Oh yeah, I nearly forgot we had those. They used to be ninjas right?

King Lacial: Indeed. I took them in when they were in abundance in their own country. Gave them a home, and work. They begged me to give them a different job than being a ninja. Problem is, that's all they're good for. In the end, the only job they could more or less do… was becoming janitors.

Servant: And we never see them clean.

King Lacial: Exactly!

Servant: But how do you know they're there?

King Lacial: Because if they left, you would see a trail of deforestation.

Servant: That does not make any sense, does it?

King Lacial: Not from what I've been told. Now, the thousands of janitors all share one mop. They copy it or pass it around super quick or something. But for some reason they can't copy the water in the buckets.

Servant: Isn't there a certain rule stating that one can't summon water or food or something?

King Lacial: Are you implying there is magic in this world?

Servant: ... No?

King Lacial: You'd better not be. But oh my... This is the wrong mop.

Servant: What now?

King Lacial: This isn't the Mop of Constant Wetness! This is the Nimrod 2000!

Servant: That's ... Bad?

King Lacial: No, it's awesome! It's got these special fibers that reaches all hard to get to places!

Servant: So, you don't care about an alleged magical mop being misplaced?

King Lacial: No, why would I? It's not as if anyone is going to notice?

Servant: If you're happy, I'm happy.

And so, yet another day passed peacefully in the Castle. We now can safely return without any of the King's intermissions… right?

King Lacial: Right.

Right.

Seth: This mop does not dry up.

Twig: Could it be magical?

Seth: We will check tomorrow. If it is still wet, it will be my first magical item!

Twig: And you have mastered two of the five elements!

Seth: Excuse me?

Twig: Don't worry about it. What will we do now though?

Seth: I am going to level up!

Twig: Don't tell me you're going to stare blankly into nothingness for hours again?

Seth: I will not promise anything.

Twig: Ugh

Seth: Let us see. I can decide to get more strength, dexterity, or health apparently.

Twig: Who would ever choose health? I mean... Isn't that only useful if you want to become like five thousand years old or something?

Seth: Do not care. I want a Magic stat. Where is it?

Twig: It's not an option?

Seth: It has to be. It is what I have been looking for all my life!

Twig: That's how I feel about leveling up…

Seth: Is there not anyone who I can pray to to have our most sincere wishes come true?

Twig: Sure there is. Yo Balance Staff! Come here for a second. There's this kid here that wants to become a mage and I know you guys have that stocked up somewhere!

Seth: What are you doing?

Twig: Shush!

Seth: All right.

Twig: Come on dudes ya kno' I 'no ur they're!

Balancing Staff: Wow. Just wow. That was the worst grammar I have seen in ages.

Twig: Yeah, but I knew ya're there!

Balancing Staff: You were*

Seth: My head hurts…

Twig: Yeah that happens when I'm using your head like a fishbowl.

Seth: Great, how does that work?

Twig: You're the bowl, they're the fish.

Seth: …

Balancing Staff: So, 'sup Twig?

Twig: My bro here wants to become a mage.

Balancing Staff: 'Tha hell?

Twig: My... interesting feller ain't he?

Balancing Staff: Saw his face when he saw that there ain't no Magic Points there.

Twig: Ya, pretty hilarious! The tears were almost showin'!

Balancing Staff: Ya, pretty much like when you realized you couldn't become more than lvl 1! Haha! So funny! Me and the dudes here are still talkin' 'bout it!

Twig: …

Balancing Staff: Soz bro. Just wouldn't be fair to the dragons. You know how it goes…

Twig: I know. Thanks for the Alternative Currency we got though…

Balancing Staff: Shush, you know humans aren't permitted to know anything about our... arrangement!

Twig: Oh yeah. Sorry. But the mage thing...?

Balancing Staff: Oh yeah. Err... I'll make up sumthin'. Dun' worry Seth. It'll be fine.

Twig: Thanks Bro.

Balancing Staff: Hear ya 'round.

Twig: Thanks fer yer help!

Balancing Staff: Your help Twig. It's your help.

Twig: Right.

Seth: What was that all about?

Twig: Oh, that's Balancing Staff. He's mah bro.

Seth: I am tired Twig. Bad grammar. Fishbowl head. It taxes on my sanity.

Twig: Well short story. I'm old, they're older. We met at a pub once. Jimmy was there too.

Seth: Jimmy the wolf?

Twig: Yeah, so we get together once every interval to chitchat a little and then we go our separate ways.

Seth: I wish I had more backstory…

Twig: Yeah well. Nobody's perfect. At least you have no baggage from the past.

Seth: You do then?

Twig: Let's just never meet a pixie, all right?

Seth: I will do my best not to?

Twig: Good, now let's go meet that king for yer Mana potions!

Seth: Your*

Twig: Right.

And so, Seth and Twig continues along the Main Road back to the Castle. Will we ever know if the King finds out Seth has got the precious mop? Will Seth eventually find a suitable background story? Will Twig ever meet a pixie, and would the Towns’ Idiot ever wonder where his mind is at? Yes, that IS a music reference, look it up!

King Lacial: No, I won't. And I know about the mop now Narrator.

Woops.

King Lacial: And I still don't care. Because... *Catchy Tune* Nimrooood 2000 is the one - for you!

Word.