《Wololo》4.
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“I guess I knew there were others,” Juan scratched his head, “or at least other people have to be somewhere else, right?”
“Yeah…”Tracey cocked an eye brow and scratched her chin, “I guess I knew there were other people, but I didn’t know I knew…Ya’ know?”
“I know”
“no.”
“Know?”
“No, not know, no.”
“I know know, why not no?”
“No, I—”
“STOP” cried Dose, “just. Just stop.”
A silence befell them. Only hearing the pitter patter of the critters walking on the roof, and the lambs braying outside. Dose sucked in as if she had just realized something, and then lost balance and fell off the table face first, slamming into the ground.
“Ah! Dose!” said Tracey.
She hopped over to Dose’s crumpled form, helping her up to her feet.
“LAMBY”
“What?”
“Lamby!”
“You can’t just keep repeating words and expect us to know what you mean Dose,” Said Juan.
“When I first found Lamby I was out on a walk!”
There was another beat of silence. Tracey blinked a few times, “G-Great? Tracey are you alright?”
Dose smiled, “Yes, thank you for asking. What I mean is that when I first found Lamby I was out on—”
Juan, “A walk, I’ve heard”
Dose said annoyed, “—And she had a red colored collar. Don’t interrupt me. I took it off and put her beautiful blue one on, and she followed me back home.”
“So you stole,” Tracey giggled, “I didn’t take you for a rouge. A thief. A—”
“NOOO!” screamed Dose, “I didn’t know! I didn’t know! You have to believe me!”
She started panting and stomping her feet.
Juan shook his head, “Great and now I’m an accessory to the crime If I don’t report it! How could you put me in this situation! I’ll have to fill out the theft form and submit it to the rules board. From the rules board I’ll appeal it and itt’le go to the appellate circuit which only comes around every other decade, and it’s another decade so I’ll have to wait in a cell until then but…”
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He started heaving in deep breaths and walking in a circle.
Tracey was smiling still, but rolled her eyes, “Juan. Who is on the fraud board?”
Juan stopped pacing and looked at her, “Well…Dose said the paper work was too boring, and you said quote,” here Tracey mouthed the words with him, “The only thing worse than being governed is the idea that I’d ever do the government the honor of being on one of its boards unquote.”
“Amen. I’m eloquent as hell. So who’s on the board?”
“Well…I guess that just leaves...me!”
“So if you report it to the board, then that means that you’ve completely incriminated the whole board!”
“Oh GOD!” wailed Dose. Tracey looked over, unsure if she was onboard with her plan, but it seemed to be working up Juan anyways, so she didn’t stop it.
“Oh no you’re right!” said Juan.
“And think of all the good you’ve done! Now never to be able to be done again…”Tracey placed the back of her hand against her forehead and looked towards the celling, “all those projects like the…the…”
“The optimal breath pamphlets!” said Juan.
“The optimal breath pamphlets!” echoed Tracey, “Who else can tell us on how best to breathe!”
Dose, also wanting to participate piped up, “Wait, Tracey you HATED all the things he tried to do. You called them stupid and,” she lowered her voice and tilted her head forward like telling a secret, “you said you’d rather have a foot fetishist nut on your feet than listen to even the spirit of one of his rules.”
Tracey’s face looked like she couldn’t decide if she was going to go outside and bathe in Lamby’s blood in front of Dose or laugh herself to death.
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Juan’s brow knit, “Yeah, why are you suddenly a huge fan?”
“W-well. That’s. Just. You see. I just wanted to. Hm. Yes ok. Yeah I was. YES ok.”
The other two looked worried and peered at her skeptically.
“See, If I were able to run this place, Dose wouldn’t stop me!”
Dose perked up at the sound of her name, “She’s right! I would just go along with what she said!”
Tracey pointed at her, “And that right there is why you can’t report it. If we lose YOU Juan, our only sense of right and wrong,” Juan straightened his stance, and puffed his chest a little when she spoke, “ Then we’re all going to die and fail to found New Spainland!”
Juan was deep in thought. His face in a righteous and pensive frown, “Yes…I suppose you’re right. There would be more harm done by penalizing me than not. I’ll bury this one.”
Tracey gave a cheesy smile, “My hero”
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