“I think we all change each other's paths. I don't know which law idea that is in physics, but I don't think any of us can live without affecting one another.”

Frank Ocean

- sent by

“And on that date, Chase gave me something that I was supposed to get long ago.”

Oliver looks at me with confusion.

“The day you gave me the letter was the same day Chase and I were working in the library. And our physics book got swapped,” I say.

Oliver blinks.

“And Chase got my book. When he returned it later,” I take a deep breath, “he didn’t return the letter.”

Oliver looks at me with wide eyes. “No.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get your letter, Oliver,”I say. “You were waiting for me to say yes, but I didn’t even know you asked me out.”

“No.” Oliver shakes his head.

“On our date, Chase gave the letter to me,” I say.“I got your letter one week ago, Oliver. And I read it two days ago.”

“I thought you would not ask me out. I thought all of this was a game. We never talked about our feelings. I was just giving you guitar lessons. We never admitted anything, Oliver. I thought I knew where this was heading.” I look down.

“Gwen.” Oliver sighs.

“After I read your letter, I realized I was so, so wrong. You said everything you could not say to me. That’s why I am here, Oliver. Because I trust every word you said, every word you wrote to me,” I say.

“How dare Chase—” Oliver hugs me tighter. “How—”

“Yeah,” I exhale and hold onto him.

“He deserves the worst,” Oliver says as we pull back. “He always gave me a bad vibe.”

“He does,” I say as I glance at him.

I feel glad that we finally had this talk, that we admitted our feelings. I have Oliver back. More importantly, I really have him this time.

“The next time I see that bastard I’m going to—” Oliver clenches his fist, looking angry.

“Have you looked at him though?” I raise my brow. “If he blows on you, you’ll fly away.”

“Excuse me?” Oliver says being offended.

I chuckle.

“You have no idea how strong I am. I am going to show you,” Oliver statesm and he picks me off the ground.

“Oliver!” I squeal.

Oliver turns us around and places me on the edge of the bed. “Yeah, you have no idea.”

I swallow as he kneels in front of me. “I need to get an idea then.”

Oliver stares at me. I stare into his dark eyes.

“There was something else you asked me the night we met.”

I know what he’s talking about. My heart beats rapidly.

“Did I?” I say, with my eyes fixated on his.

“Yes,” Oliver says, “Ask me again.”

“So,” I clear my throat and look down, “you want to be my one night stand?”

Oliver takes his time to answer. His eyes travel down from my eyes to my nose, to my lips, down, down, down. Then they travel up back to my eyes.

“No,” Oliver answers.

I frown.

“One night is never going to be enough with you, Gwen.”

My heart bursts. I am not even kidding.

Oliver places his hand over my cheek. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

I swallow. My throat hurts because of what I am about to say. I need him to know everything before we get into this.

“I need to tell you something, Oliver.”

Oliver gulps. I can see that he is nervous.

“I want you to know that I am stupid. I saw you with some other girl, and I thought you are cheating on me. I am insecure, and I have this trauma from people leaving me. And I am warning you, I will be unbearable from time to time.” I say, looking down.

“Aren’t you already?” Oliver says. I glare at him through teary eyes. Oliver shakes his head and places his palm on my cheek.

“Gwen, I—”

“No, let me talk. I just-I am no good. Some days I am going to be extremely sad. I will probably hide from you. And I will try my best to be better—” I tremble. I have never said these to anyone before.

“When I look at myself, I only see my flaws, Oliver. I don’t even know, I don’t even understand why you love me. I still have a lot of growing up to do. I still have to learn to value myself. So I am warning you, it’s going to be hard standing me every day.”

Oliver hugs me and cradles me.

“It is going to be so hard,” I say, trying to stop my tears.

Oliver leans back, “Isn’t it hard to stand me too? I am no sunshine, am I? I am a mess, Gwen. I-I am scared of my feelings. But I am trying, too. I want to do it with you.”

I look at him. I swallow and say, “Me too.”

“So...?” Oliver asks.

“I love you so so much,” I say. “ I would love to be your girlfriend. It is the only thing I wanted from the start.”

“From the start, eh?” Oliver asks.

I punch him. “Shut up.”

Oliver smiles. He leans forward.

Oliver kisses me. He kisses me and pours all his feelings into his kiss. He talks to me through his kiss. He lets me know that he loves me. He lets me know he will never stop loving me. He tells me I should never have any doubts. Ever.

As we are kissing, we hear a knock on the door.

Oliver makes a sound in annoyance as he pulls back. “If it’s Owen, I swear to God, I’m going to—”

“Hey,” I say. “He helped a lot.”

Oliver narrows his eyes. “What?”

The knocks keep coming. Oliver strides to the door. I follow him just to make sure he doesn’t attack whoever is on the other side.

Oliver opens a sliver of the door and peeks out. “What do you want?”

“Just need to make sure if everything’s okay. Oh, hey, Gwen. You are blushing!” Owen says.

I hide behind Oliver.

“Get lost,” Oliver says, and he’s about to close the door un his face, but I hear another voice.

“Hey, we deserve better than that. If not for us, you wouldn’t even have your girl, you dumbhead.” Jason says.

I get out of my hiding. I haven’t talked to him so long.

“Jason!” I say, excited.

Jason notices me. “Gwen!”

He comes forward and hugs me off the ground. I squeal and hug him back.

“I missed you so much. I got so sick of being with this dead guy. Oliver was dead, Gwen, dead. He doesn’t even talk when he’s alive. Can you imagine him dead?” Jason says.

“And I didn’t have my wing woman. There was no one to tell me how disgusting I look. There was no one to make fun of me,” Jason accuses.

I smile. “Don’t worry. I will overdo it now. We will be even again.”

Someone clears their throat behind us.

“Last time I checked, you are my girlfriend,” Oliver says, and grabs my hand, pulling me back at him.

“Hey, do you have any idea what we went through to get her back?” Jason says to Oliver.

I press my lips together, holding back my smile.

“What did you do?” Oliver says, rolling his eyes.

I clear my throat. “How did you think I got into your room?”

Oliver looks at me. Then he looks at Jason. Then he stuffs his hand in his pocket looking for his keys.

“Where are my keys?” Oliver says. He looks from me to Owen to Jason.

“It was Gwen’s idea,” Owen says. “Not mine.”

Oliver looks at me.

“I only said it. Jason stole them,” I say.

Oliver glares at Jason.

“What? If I hadn’t stolen them, you wouldn’t even have her back!” Jason says, taking a step back.

“You all went behind my back and planned this?” Oliver says.

“Um.” Owen looks at me.

“Well,” I say.

“Yes, we did. Because you can’t do it yourself.” Jason shrugs.

Oliver smacks his head.

“That’s enough.” I pull Oliver back with me.

“You are right.” Oliver wraps one arm around me. “That’s enough.”

“Of course, it is.” Jason rolls his eyes. He looks at Owen. “I mean, I don’t get it dude. You and I, look at us. We can’t get a girlfriend. And then look at this raccoon!”

“Hey!” I say, offended. “My boyfriend doesn’t look like a raccoon.”

“Eh.” Jason snorts. “Nobody asked you. You are blinded by.love. Someday you’ll wake up and look at him and realize he’s a raccoon. But by then you’ll probably have ten kids.”

Owen laughs. I fume.

“Stop right there,” Oliver says.

He looks at Owen and Jason, “Get lost now. I don’t need you anymore.”

Jason gasps and clutches his heart dramatically. Owen mimics him.

“Goodnight,” Oliver says to them as he pulls me inside his room and tries to close the door.

“Hey, I am still here. And I am an adult,” Owen says, “I need to make sure you guys are safe.”

“Safe?” Oliver says.

I narrow my eyes at Owen.

“Yeah,” Owen says.

“He means to ask if you have cond—” Jason starts.

“I get it,” Oliver replies instantly. “Get out!”

“No really, I have a box, if you don’t have any you can always borrow. Should I give you some right now?” Owen stuffs his hands in his pocket.

Oh, God.

“Get out of here,” Oliver says, looking red and closes the door.

Owen shouts, “Maybe you need the whole box. Don’t be shy to borrow from me!”

“And if you need advice you can always come to me!” Jason adds.

Then I hear Jason and Owen booming in laughter.

“Disgusting,” Oliver says after a while.

“Absolutely,” I reply.

“Annoying son of a—” Oliver starts.

“Um, one of them is your brother so...” I say.

“Dang it,” Oliver says.

I can feel the blush on my cheeks from the conversation we just had.

“Um.” Oliver clears his throat. “Will you stay tonight?”

I look at him. He has so much emotion in his eyes, it breaks me.

“I didn’t say anything to my mom.”

“Oh,” Oliver says.

“But she didn’t say anything about taking you home with me,” I add.

Oliver nods.

“Then,” Oliver swallows, “let’s go.”

“Okay,” I say.

“Okay,” he replies.

*****

“It’s the only way you can get in,” I remind him. “If you want to.”

I shrug.

Oliver looks at me. “If I want to?” He glares. “Is it too hard to read my face?”

I take a step forward and cup his cheeks, then I examine his face. “But there’s nothing written on it.”

Oliver glares. It cracks me up.

He wants to. He really wants to. But not the way I am planning it.

“If you don’t want to go in through the front door and announce to my parents that I am taking you to my room at one in the morning,” I state, “then it’s the only way.”

Oliver sighs. He looks at the pipe and the tree. I am holding back my laugh, seeing the look on his face.

“I will show you how to do it,” I say. “It’s easy.”

I walk forward and hold the pipe. I yank myself up, place my foot on the wall, and then I place my hand on the tree. Then I do the same with the pipe as I balance among the pipe, tree, and wall.

I look down at Oliver just to make sure he is watching.

Oh, yes, he is watching, but not what he was supposed to be watching.

“Oliver,” I say.

“Mmh?” Oliver says, his eyes still there.

“I am showing you how to climb. It’s not an invitation to stare at my butt.”

Oliver snaps his eyes to mine. “I am watching you.”

“Yes, but watch how I climb,” I emphasize.

I see Oliver’s face getting a little red. Oh, God. What is actually happening in his brain right now? I don’t want to know. I don’t think it will be decent.

I finish climbing and look down at Oliver.

“Come on,” I say. “It’s not that hard.”

Oliver swallows. “It’s hard. I can confirm that.”

“It’s not as hard as it looks. I climbed right in front of you. Now it’s your turn,” I say. “Come on, Oliver.”

Oliver takes a deep breath in. “It’s harder than it looks.” He shakes his head. “I don’t think—”

“Oliver,” I smile at him. “Oli, I loooooooove—”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Oliver says as he places one hand on the pipe and the other on the tree. He didn’t see me climbing at all.

He grunts and cusses as he makes his way up. I wave at him to cheer him up. “Oliver, I am here!”

Oliver shakes his head. He tries his best, but when he almost reaches the roof I decide to give him a hand. I pull him up with all my strength, but boy is he heavy.

“Come o-on,” I grunt as I pull him the last few inches.

I end up on the roof with him over me, breathing hard like he ran a 10k. I glance up at him and say, “It’s time you should start going to the gym.”

“Excuse me?” Oliver tilts his head up as he looks down at me.

“As much as I love your body—” I start.

“You haven’t even seen all of it,” Oliver retorts.

My face burns. “I have a nice brain.”

Oliver raises his brow. “And that’s what you use it for.”

“You think I don't know what you meant when you said those words a few minutes ago?” I say.

Oliver smiles a little, his eyes glinting. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t know what I mean.”

“Keep your hormones down, teen boy,” I say, punching him in the shoulder.

Oliver says, “They have their reasons.”

I smile. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I think it’s going to be common from now on.

“Aha, you might be having your ovulation,” I say.

“My what?” Oliver asks. He is supporting himself on his elbows, and we are still on the roof.

“You know, it’s the time when a girl gets really horn—”

“Shut up,” Oliver says, pressing himself down on me.

I laugh, and when I look at Oliver, I see him smiling down at me.

“Want to go inside or what?” I ask.

“If you insist,” Oliver says and rolls over. He sits up, yanking me towards him.

I squeal but he picks me up. Opening my windows, he enters my room.

******

I realize I have never brought him inside my room before. Oliver Carlson looks awkward standing in the middle of my room.

“Welcome.” I bow. “Make yourself at home.”

But I don’t press him. I know Oliver needs his time to get accustomed to things, so I give him that.

He walks around my room, looking at this and that. He looks at the teddy bear he gave me. I brought it out of the storeroom and put it in my bed, where it belongs.

He mumbles something underneath his breath that sounds like what a lucky teddy bear.

As he gets done going through my stuff, he turns to me. “Why did it take me so long to come here?”

I smile. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him. “But you are here, finally.”

Oliver runs his hands through my hair as he looks down at me. He looks at my bed and so do I. Then I realize my single bed won’t fit the two of us. Crap.

“Um—” I say, looking at the bed. “One of us will have to stay on the floor. Don’t worry—”

Oliver stops me. “We are sleeping on the floor.”

I look at him. We. Us. My heart has a limit.

“Alrighty,” I say.

Oliver and I pull my mattress down and I get extra comforters to make the bed for us. Somehow we end up with a comfy bed. I find myself lying next to him.

I heard somewhere that when you are in love, you can’t sleep, because you are finally living your dream.

I know what that means now.

“So, you and Owen just started talking like that?” I find myself saying. “After you realized that he didn’t do anything.”

“No, not just that,” Oliver says. He has one of his arms wrapped around me, hugging me to his side. “We also had other issues to talk about.”

“I was thinking about that,” I say.

“Remember I told you he never helped me out and showed off?” Oliver says. “He actually didn’t lie when he said he had my back.”

I glance at him. “Owen was the older child, so my dad always had huge expectations for him. There was not one course he wasn’t taking when he was a child, from swimming to guitar to language. He was busy all the time.”

“And when I came in, Dad wanted to do the same with me. I was a little bit different from Owen, and I didn’t do well in everything, so even with my tutors, I needed his help. Owen didn’t want to help me.”

“Even at that age, he figured my life would be as dull as his if I started following everything my dad wanted me to do. Owen thought I should have my freedom.”

“Really?” I ask in surprise.

“Yeah. So when I started doing poorly in various courses, I had to drop a few, and that’s when I found time to do what I like. I dunno, without him, I might not have found my love for robots.”

“And I got angry at him, but I started not caring about anything he has or does because there wasn’t any point. Dad already thought I was dumb, and he gave up on me, easily focusing all his energy on Owen,” Oliver says. “Leaving me alone with myself.”

Oliver turns around and wraps his other arm around me. “And I didn’t realize what a blessing it was for me. Owen has all his life planned out in front of him. It’s not his plan. It’s Dad’s plan. Owen doesn’t even get to live his own life.” Oliver sighs.

“Wow,” I say. “That sucks.”

“Yeah, remember how I thought he wanted to rub his achievements on my face? That wasn’t him either. It was Dad, it was always Dad,” Oliver says. “From sticking his certificate on the fridge to keeping all his trophies.”

“Owen was just a victim of the consequences,” I say.

“And my poor judgement,” Oliver says. “I think he adds his own pocket money ro mine, you know. I never wondered about the amount I get, and how I get to buy everything I need for my robots. I thought he didn’t know about them.”

“He does. From day one, he said,” I say.

“Yeah,” Oliver looks down at me, “I can’t believe I wasted so much time misunderstanding my brother.”

“Everything is alright now.” I hug him. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Not quite,” Oliver says. “He doesn’t want the life Dad has planned for him, and he is so scared, he can’t even tell Dad. It’s one of the reasons why he has been drinking lately.”

“Can’t we do anything about that?” I say. “Oliver, it’s his life. We only live once, and if he feels he isn’t living the life he wants, how’s that okay?”

“It’s not okay,” Oliver says.

“Can’t you tell your dad?” I say suddenly. “Tell him to stop leaving it all on Owen and to let him plan his own life. It’s his senior year. If not now, then never.”

Oliver blinks. He looks like he is thinking about something. Suddenly, he looks at me.

“You are right,” Oliver says. “I am not scared of my dad. I can do that. I can tell him.”

“Yes, you can,” I say.

Oliver contemplates. “I am going to tell him. Who does he think he is?”

I smile looking at him. Oliver gazes at him. He pulls me closer and says, “I knew there was a reason why I love you.”

“Just one reason?” I raise my brow.

Oliver’s expression changes. His eyes turn a shade darker.

“You are right. There’s more than one reason, and I am going to tell you.”

I swallow.

Oliver kisses me. Oliver tells me why.

With every kiss, he tells me why he loves me.

He also tells me he will need a lifetime more to say them all.

I don’t doubt that.

*****