“Live life from your point of view and not from the world's; it's so much better.”

‐ akkiinator

Life goes on. I find myself running and warming myself up in sunlight every morning. I go to school and sit with my friends, Sean, Jolene, Doughty, and some other people whom I don’t know much. I come back home. I do my work. I play some tunes on my guitar.

I bake cookies with mom. I find joy in it.

I write and pour out my feelings in empty Word files.

I bike and let my hair flow in the wind. I smile.

It has been two weeks since our school opened. When I see the person standing in front of my locker waiting for me, I am surprised.

“Hi,” he says.

I look at Chase. What is he doing here?

“Hi,” I say.

“I have been meaning to talk to you, but I never found the time,” Chase says.

“Oh,” I say. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to know how vampire girl is doing,” Chase says with a smile.

I raise my eyebrows. “Really?”

We talk as we walk. “Yes,” Chase replies.

“She is doing great,” I reply. “How are you doing, Mr. Woody?”

“Woody is lonely without his vampire girl,” Chase says, and I glance at him.

“Last time I checked, Woody didn’t have any vampire girl,” I state.

Chase clutches his heart. “Ouch. How can you be so cruel, vampire girl?”

“She was always cruel. You just didn’t know,” I say.

“Yes, she has turned me down before,” Chase says as we reach my class.

I look at Chase. “So?”

“Will vampire girl say yes if I ask her out again?” Chase inquires.

I stare at him.

Will I?

I am not ready. Why am I not ready?

“Will you go out on a date with me?” Chase asks.

I look at him. I don’t know what to say. Maybe I am going to think about it.

At that moment, when I am considering that, my eyes fall on the person who is standing a few feet away.

Oliver’s eyes meet mine.

His eyes are not the same dark eyes I used to see. They’re red. He has dark circles around them, as if he doesn’t sleep. His blonde hair is messy and his shirt is un-ironed. He looks terrible.

I look away. I glance at Chase.

“Yes, I will go out with you,” I reply in a second.

“Really?” Chase says it like he can’t believe it.

“You want me to reconsider?” I ask.

“No, no.” Chase shakes his head, “I just—”

He scratches his head. “I will text you the details, but I don’t have your number.”

“Alright, give me your phone.” Chase gives me his phone happily. I type my number. He doesn’t let me type my name. He saves it under the contact Vampire Girl.

“Do you understand that I am one thousand years old?” I say, looking at my contact name.

“You do understand I am a wooden toy?” Chase replies with a glint in his eyes.

Woody is not a wooden toy. Instead of telling him, I shake my head and roll my eyes.

“Okay, this is an important question. I don’t want to be embarrassed like the time I brought you flowers. What type of movies do you like?” Chase says.

“Smart boy,” I say. “Anything that’s not romance.”

The last thing I want to do is sit for two hours and watch a romantic movie on the big screen with Chase.

Chase pouts. “Okay, what about horrors?”

“Nooope.” I shake my head. I can see his motive behind that.

“Ah,” Chase pouts again. “Okay then I will see what to do. I will see you on Saturday.”

“So you will leave me alone for the rest of the week?” I say.

Chase laughs.

But that’s what he does. I don’t see him for the rest of the week.

*****

I am sitting in front of my mirror. I am wearing a normal t-shirt and a pair of jeans. It’s Saturday night. Chase will be here any minute, and I haven’t even put on anything presentable for a date.

If I didn’t see him then, would I have said yes?

Why did I even agree to this?

I am looking at the clock. I don’t want to do this. I’d rather do my chemistry homework instead.

I sigh. I put on mascara and apply lip gloss. That’s it. I don’t have energy for anything else.

The doorbell rings.

Mom opens the door as I make my way downstairs. Chase stands there with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

I raise my eyebrows.

“Hey.” He waves at me.

“She has pollen allergy,” Mom states. She doesn’t sound impressed.

“It’s plastic,” Chase replies looking guilty. “I felt weird coming empty handed.”

He scratches the back of his head. I chuckle.

“Alright,” I say as I go downstairs and take the flowers from him. We don’t have a vase, so I put them on the kitchen counter.

“I will water them everyday,” I say when I reach him. Chase rolls his eyes.

I say goodnight to Mom. She scans Chase’s face and doesn’t say anything. I leave with him.

“I hope you didn’t mind about the flowers,” Chase says as we buckle up.

“Dead flowers for the dead vampire girl, why would I mind?” I say as I strap in my seatbelt.

Chase looks at me. He smiles. Then we start for the cinema hall.

Chase shows the tickets and we get in. Our seats are in the corner. I raise my eyebrows but don’t say anything.

It’s an old comedy movie and half of the hall is empty.

I stare at the screen. How will I spend two hours here like this?

I look at Chase and find him looking at me.

I see another couple sitting a few seats away from us. As the movie progresses, the couple starts thinking they are in a movie. I can’t help but feel like puking.

A few minutes later, I feel Chase’s hand over mine.

I move my hand.

I clasp both of my hands together and place them in my lap, staring at the screen. Chase doesn’t attempt to hold my hand again.

As half an hour passes, Chase suddenly suggests leaving. I am relieved he did. We get out of the cinema hall and he asks me if I’m hungry. I shrug. So we go to a diner.

Chase orders pizza and milkshakes. I stare out the window. A part of me wonders what it would be like to be on a date with someone else. I push the thought away.

I feel Chase’s knees brushing with mine under the table. I lean back and move so it doesn’t anymore. Our food arrives and we eat silently. Chase doesn’t talk. He doesn’t try to start a conversation.

We get out of the diner, and Chase once again tries to hold my hand. I clasp my hands together. I don’t owe him anything.

We get in his car. He drives. I stare out in the dark.

We reach home. I think of the date I just had. I wonder what Chase is thinking.

“Thanks for taking me out,” I say as I open my seat belt.

“Wait,” Chase says.

Chase is bouncing his legs up and down like he is nervous. He looks at me.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

I stare at him.

“No,” I reply instantly. “No.”

Chase stares at me. He looks away.

I glance in front of me. It was only our first date. What made him think he can kiss me?

Silence falls over us. We don’t say anything for a moment.

“You still love Oliver,” Chase says, breaking the awkward silence.

That’s none of his business. What gave him the right to say that? Who does he think he is?

“Excuse me?” I say.

“I am right. You know it Gwen. You love Oliver,” Chase says, and then he looks at me.

I glare at him. “That is none of your business.”

“You went out on a date with me, Gwen. And you wouldn’t even let me hold your hand. I guess it’s my business a little.”

I look away.

So what if I didn’t let him touch me? So what if I didn’t let him hold my hand?

I am taking my time. I am not ready now. I will be ready soon. I will have to.

“Why did you break up with him?” Chase asks. “Why did you break up with Oliver?”

“I guess I will go now,” I say. I am sick of him. So I try to open the door of the car. It’s locked.

“Chase,” I say. “I would like to go now.”

“Why did you break up with Oliver?” Chase asks me again.

I turn to him.

Nobody has asked me this question yet. Nobody.

I sit with Sean and Jolene. They are not my friends, and they don’t care if I start suddenly sitting with them or if I vanish.

I have no other friends who will ask me that question.

Mom guessed something had happened and she didn’t say a word. She must have said something to Sam because when I called him on Christmas, he didn’t ask about Oliver.

Now, this guy whom I don’t even know properly asks me this question.

“We were not in a relationship,” I say to him, “so we didn’t break up.”

Chase furrows his eyebrows. “But when I asked you out for winter formal, you were talking about someone. Wasn’t it Oliver? I saw you with him when I looked back.”

I don’t reply.

“He was kissing you,” Chase says.

I feel suffocated. Why does it bother him so much?

“Can I go now?” I say and look at him.

“You still didn’t answer my question,” Chase says.

“God, why does it matter to you?” I say. “Is this why you asked me out on a date?”

Chase doesn’t meet my eyes. He stares in the dark in front of him.

Nothing makes sense.

Then Chase suddenly leans forward and I lean back. He doesn’t come for me. Instead he opens the cabinet in front of my seat. He brings out an envelope.

Chase goes back to his seat. He says, “I have something that belongs to you.”

He lends me the envelope. I gaze at his hand.

“What is it?” I ask.

“See for yourself,” Chase says, looking out the car window.

I take it. I open the folds and I see the first few words.

“Hey Gwen—”

It’s a letter. I know the handwriting. It’s Oliver’s handwriting. I fold it again immediately. My heart jumps.

“Where did you get this?” I ask looking at him. I can’t breathe.

Chase doesn’t answer immediately.

“Chase, where did you get this?” I ask again.

“ I found it in my backpack during winter break.” Chase says looking down. “Must have slipped out of your book when I had it.”

I stare at him.

“You are lying,” I state, “Chase, you are lying.”

Chase grips the steering wheel. He doesn’t reply.

“Why did you do this?” I say. My voice cracks.

I never got the letter. I never got it.

I didn’t lose it. Chase took it. He took it when he had my book.

“Why did you do this?” I ask again. I look away. My eyes water.

Chase clears his throat. He doesn’t say anything.

I feel so suffocated in this car, I can’t take it anymore. I move and try to open the door. It opens this time.

Of course it does.

I get out of the car and don’t look back. I open the front gate of our house.

I can’t walk anymore, so I clutch my heart and sit on the front porch. I close my eyes and cover my face with my palms. I feel the heaviness of the paper in my pocket.

It’s Oliver’s letter. A letter he said he gave to me.

Will it make any difference?

I don’t know.

I am afraid I don’t want to know.

*****

I am carrying the letter with me. I don’t know why. I have been unfocused the whole day. I couldn’t concentrate on anything.

I didn’t sleep last night. I broke my routine and didn’t go for a run. I couldn’t eat breakfast.

He is not even here, and he is ruining everything already.

It’s the truth.

He ruined me. I will never be the same.

I take a deep breath in. I don’t even see where I am walking. That’s why I crash into someone. I look up. It’s a familiar face.

“Gwen,” Owen says, seeing me.

I step back immediately.

I never realized how similar they look before.

“Gwen, I actually wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute?” Owen says.

It’s lunchtime. I was heading towards the cafeteria.

So I nod yes.

Owen turns around, and I follow him.

We enter an empty classroom. He leans against the table while I stand by the door, so I can leave whenever I want to.

“What is going on?” Owen asks.

I want to leave.

“I saw you with Chase yesterday,” Owen says. “If I am not wrong, you were on a date with him.”

I look at him. “So?”

Owen shakes his head. “Gwen.”

I look away.

“I thought you and Oliver—” Owen says.

“No,” I say. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But why?” Owen says. “Why? How did this happen? I don’t understand it. Will you please tell me?”

I don’t reply.

“Gwen, have you seen Oliver? God, I can’t look at that boy. He looks terrible,” Owen says in a cracked voice.

I wonder if he knows his brother cares that much.

“Oliver doesn’t talk. If this goes on, I think he will forget he has a voice,” Owen says.

“He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep properly. Have you seen the bags under his eyes?” Owen says as if accusing me.

“He doesn’t even come out of his room. God knows which robot he is making this time,” Owen says.

I look at him with surprise.

“You don’t know about the robots?” Owen says.

“I do. You do too?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I knew ever since day one,” Owen shrugs. “But that’s not why I called you here.”

I look away.

“Look, Gwen. I just want you guys to be happy. Just tell me what went wrong? Did Oliver do something?” Owen says.

I say, “Why don’t you ask him?”

“You think I didn’t?” Owen says.

He runs a hand through his hair. He paces around. Then suddenly he looks at me.

“I don’t know how this happened. But on the day of winter formal, Oliver suddenly came to my room. He apologized to me. Gwen, do you even understand?” Owen says.

“My brother, who never talked to me if it wasn’t necessary, apologized to me. He sat down in my room. He talked to me,” Owen says.

“I felt like I got him back. The brother I had but didn’t have for years was back to being my brother, and no one was happier than me.”

“But that night, after I found you on the dance floor and sent him after you,” Owen says, “he came back broken. Oliver was broken.”

I look down at the floor.

“You broke his heart,” Owen says.

“Gwen, you broke Oliver’s heart.”

*****