“You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”

-C. JoyBell C.

“Guys, guys.” Jason literally jumps up and down in excitement as he comes to our table at lunch. “I talked to Valerie!”

“Um, who’s Valerie?” I ask, of course, because Oliver doesn’t look interested.

“She’s the girl from Halloween,” Jason says, beaming as he sits down and turns to me. “I told her we’re gonna hang out and go to the carnival. So I invited her to come.”

“We are going to the carnival?” Oliver asks from his seat, looking up from his beautiful lunch that he has been staring at this whole time.

As you already know, after Halloween, nothing much changed between Oliver and I. Oliver still acts like I’m a plague. He doesn’t give me much attention. I try to poke at him whenever I can.

“Yes, we are!” Jason announces. “Valerie told me she isn’t looking for a relationship right now. but I am going to change her mind,” Jason says puffing his chest up.

I pat his wrist. “Sure, sure. Good luck on that, buddy.”

Jason doesn’t realize I’m making fun of him, so he beams. Oliver again stares at his lunch. With lunchtime being over soon, we head towards our classes.

“I am going to be picking up Valerie. You guys can come together,” Jason says to Oliver and I. “Saturday around 4, does that sound good?”

“You planned all of it yourself, why not this bit too?” Oliver asks.

“What’s your problem? We’re going to a carnival. It’s going to be fun,” I say.

“I knew Gwen was gonna support me on this,” Jason says, throwing his arm over my shoulder as I smile.

“Yeah, why not?” Oliver says and looks away.

“I see it. You can’t stand fun,” I nudge Oliver. “It’s like you are the opposite of fun. Loosen up, Oliver. It’s not going to hurt you.”

Oliver stares at me. “Reminds me of the fun we had at the haunted house.”

I get what he means. So I scoot closer to him and say, “We did have fun until we lost each other. Remember the dark hallway and the mirror room?”

Oliver instantly realizes what I’m talking about. My eyes flicker to his lips and go up to meet his eyes again. He swallows.

“Yes, and I also remember what happened after that,” Oliver replies.

“Just hold my hand tighter this time,” I say, smiling a little bit.

As I turn away from him, I see Jason narrowing his eyes at us. “Sometimes it seems like you guys think I don’t exist.”

I press my lips together. Oliver doesn’t reply.

“Oh well, buddy, we are going to the carnival to set you up with your one night stand,” I say. “Isn’t that what good friends do?”

*****

Saturday rolls around soon enough. I find myself in front of my mirror, dressing up. I am wearing casual clothes—a cream blouse, a pair of jeans, and my sneakers. I go downstairs and find Mom in the kitchen. That’s when I hear the doorbell ring.

I open the door and find Oliver standing there with a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, his hands in his jeans pockets.

“Who’s that?” Mom says from behind me.

She comes around and I introduce Oliver. “Mom, this is Oliver Carlson. Oliver, Mom.”

“Carlson? You’re Dave’s son?” Mom asks.

I almost forgot that my parents know his father personally.

Oliver nods. “Yes, I guess I am.”

“Oh, nice to meet you, honey,” Mom walks forward and gives him a motherly hug.

Oliver looks at me and stands there awkwardly, quite not sure what to do.

I realize I have never seen Oliver hug anyone before. I always hug Jason, but I just can’t picture myself hugging Oliver—I know it would be awkward. Now, he is just standing there like a pole while my mom is hugging him.

Mom pats him on the back and turns to me. “I didn’t know you were friends with Dave’s son!”

Oh, well. I look at Oliver, who has no expression on his face because he is not the one who has to answer.

What should I tell Mom?

So, Mom, you see, I’m not really friends with him because he doesn’t want to be my friend. But he will possibly bite me on my neck.

I decide to skip that. Instead, I say, “We are going to the carnival with our friends today.”

“That’s great. Get going,” Mom says.

I grab my Mickey mouse backpack and head for the door as Oliver walks towards his car.

“I have never seen your car before,” I comment as he opens the door for me.

Oh, look at him, being such a gentleman. I can’t let it go just like that.

“You’re letting me drive your car?” I ask him, raising my eyebrow.

Oliver stands there, holding the door open for me while I’m standing aside, pretending I don’t know that. I can’t tell if he’s glaring at me because his eyes are covered by the glasses. I see his jaw clench, though.

Mhm, nice jawline he’s got there.

“Get. In,” Oliver says.

“Oh, so you’re holding the door open for me?” I gasp. “Such a gentleman,” I say and standing on my tiptoes, I go to grab his cheeks.

Oliver leans back away from me and scrunches his eyebrows. “Just get in the car. Don’t push it.”

“What will you do if I push you, oh-so-sweet Oliver?” I say, smirking.

Why I like annoying the hell out of him is something I don’t know yet.

Oliver huffs out, “I’ll pick you up no-so-gentlemanly and toss you in the car.”

“Oh, really?” I say, challenging him. I lean against the car, really pushing it.

“But the fact that your mom is staring at us from the window is stopping me,” Oliver says as a matter of fact. I glance at the window behind him, and my mom is staring at us from there.

“Oof,” I say as I get in, totally missing the chance of Oliver trying to toss me. It is fun to test his limits. Then I realize we are heading towards the carnival, and we’ll possibly be together for the next few hours. That makes me feel great again.

This is going to be so much fun.

“Keep that grin off your face,” Oliver says as he buckles up and nods at me to buckle up my seatbelt as well.

“What grin?” I say, grinning from ear to ear.

“This grin,” Oliver points to my face. “You always grin like this when you are planning something terrible.”

Sure as hell I am.

That makes me grin even harder. He has caught up with my expressions, huh.

Oliver rolls his eyes and leans over. He casually buckles my seatbelt as I keep smiling.

“You are still grinning,” Oliver says, still close to me, not leaning back although he has done his job.

“Yeah, I guess,” I reply and bite my lips, smiling.

“Sometimes,” Oliver says, looking at my lips and tugging a strand of my hair. Then he gazes out through the car window, trailing off, “Sometimes I want to...”

“Yeah?” I say.

“And your mother is still watching us.” I groan as I hear Oliver.

“Just start the damn car,” I say. Oliver leans back completely this time and starts the car.

“So, let me know about your music taste,” I say as I am going through the radio, trying to come up with something to listen to.

“Nothing in particular.” Oliver shrugs.

“I did see a guitar and a Pink Floyd poster in your bedroom,” I say, reminding myself of his room.

Oliver glances at me sideways and replies, “The guitar was a gift from Owen and the poster was from Jason.”

“Do you know how to play guitar?” I ask him, still fiddling with the radio.

I can't find anything underrated or different on the radio. To be honest, my brother and I have always liked old songs. Those songs are simple and fun. But sadly, everything on the radio is either pop or mainframe music.

“No,” Oliver says, “I don’t know how to play.”

“It would have been really cool if you did,” I say, fishing my phone out. I guess I’ll have to play songs from my own playlist. “I know how to play guitar.”

“You do?” Oliver asks, glancing at me for a brief second.

I smile, reminiscing in the memories.“Yeah, remember what I told you about my brother? He’s a music geek. I used to sneak into his band practice and stay with them, playing guitar and drums.”

I smile sadly and sigh. Those days were the best days of my life. I remember going to Sam’s band practice with Claire.

When I don’t say anything for a long moment, Oliver says, “You miss him.”

I look outside and see the trees pass by. “Yeah I do. He was like my best friend. But it’s life.”

“It’s so weird, isn’t it?” Oliver says and I turn to him. “I have an older brother, too.”

I want to say that he’ll miss his brother once he isn't around. It does seem like Oliver cares, and he wants to have a good relationship with his brother. But I don’t really know what went wrong between them. The fact that they were distant from childhood, and the fact that Oliver couldn’t live up to his parents’ expectations being the only reason behind their cold war, is something I don’t believe.

I feel like there’s more to this that I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised though. Since when does Oliver share everything?

I scroll through my music playlist to come up with a song to lighten up the mood. Not long after I have found the perfect song. Oh yeah, this is it.

I press play on Jason Mraz’s “I’m yours”.

The song starts playing, and Oliver looks at me. I chuckle as the lyrics come up. I start singing because it’s just so right.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it

I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted

I fell right through the cracks

And now I’m trying to get back

Before the cool done run out

I’ll be giving it my best-est

And nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention

I reckon it’s again my turn

To win some or learn some

Oliver looks at me for a few seconds. I say over the song, “Give it a chance.”

Well open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and damn you’re free

Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love

I sing and say, “That’s about you, like he knew I’d be playing this for you.”

Oliver doesn’t make any comments. The chorus comes up.

So I won’t hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait I’m sure

There’s no need to complicate

Our time is short

This is our fate, I’m yours

This time Oliver glances at me, pauses, and soaks in the lyrics. Then he says, “That’s what you’re trying to say? That you’re mine?”

My mouth falls open. I pick up my phone to change the song immediately, but Oliver says, “Don’t change it.”

I cross my arms and look at him. The song keeps going on, and I have the luck to see Oliver drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “I believe the next part really was written for you to sing,” he comments.

I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror

And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer

But my breath fogged up the glass

And so I drew a new face and I laughed

I lean over him and smack him. He shakes his head, almost smiling.

The next song comes up. It’s “Riptide” by Vance Joy, which is another one of my favorites.

I sit facing him. “Are you scared of pretty girls and the start of conversations, too?”

Oliver gives me a look.

“That’s why you run away from me and don’t talk to me,” I conclude.

My feel-good playlist keeps playing. I see the sun lighting up Oliver’s face. As time passes the shadow moves across it.

Finally we reach the carnival. I get out from the car, and Oliver follows. We see Jason standing a few feet away, leaning against his car talking to a girl. That must be Valerie.

“Hey,” I say as Oliver and I reach him. Jason turns around.

“Hey, guys. You are finally here!” Jason greets us happily. “This is Valerie Thompson. Valerie, these are my best friends, Oliver and Gwen.”

“Hey, there.” Valerie waves.

“Valerie, Jason can’t stop talking about you,” I announce. Jason stands there, pursing his lips.

Valerie dismisses my comment with a laugh. “I was really excited when I knew I’d be hanging out with you guys.”

“So were we!” I say. “Let’s go!”

We get our tickets from the booth. As we walk inside the carnival, I feel Oliver’s fingers wrapping around mine. I look down at our hands intertwined, and I glance up to find him looking forward as if he didn’t just wrap his hand with mine.

I stare at his face, but he doesn’t acknowledge me and keeps walking. Oliver never holds my hand voluntarily, to be honest. I am surprised.

Oliver finally looks at me sideways and says with a straight face, “You told me to hold your hand tight.”

I raise one of my eyebrows. “Yeah, like you listen to everything I say.”

“How would you know I don’t?” My eyes go wide hearing him. Before I can reply to that, Oliver speaks again.

“Do you want me to let go?” he says, looking down at our joined hands.

“No,” I say almost instantly. Oliver glances up, his eyes a little amused. It looks like I want him to hold my hand more than he wants it. He made it seem like so.

“Okay,” Oliver shrugs. “As you wish.”

He squeezes my hand, looking at me, then starts walking forward. I am standing still, so Oliver tugs me, and I crash into his side. My cheeks feel hot as I follow him.

The first ride in the view is a teapot ride. Oliver doesn’t even stop walking. So I tug him. Jason and Valerie are already heading for the booth to show their tickets.

“What?”

“The ride,” I reply. Oliver looks at the ride and makes a face.

“Come on, what are you here for?” I say and tug him with me. He doesn't even move.

“I don’t think I’m here for a teapot ride,” Oliver says, as if he’s bored.

I turn to him and say, “Then what do you want to do?”

Oliver takes his time thinking as he looks around the carnival. I do it as well. I can see the rides all around: teapot, merry-go-round, mechanical bull, roller coaster, and of course, the big ferris wheel in the middle of the carnival.

“Carnival games?” Oliver says, as if he’s not sure of himself.

“What about them?” I glance around, but can’t find Jason and Valerie anymore. They are probably on their ride.

“You really think he wants us around?” Oliver asks.

I contemplate for a moment.

“Okay, but why does it seem like you only want to be with me, and we are ditching them?” I blurt out.

Oliver stares at me. “I’m just trying to help him, but think whatever you want to.”

Oliver shrugs as we head towards the game booths. I look down at our hands for a moment and realize that we are alone, outside of school. He’s with me hanging out with me, holding my hand.

I smile, but I don’t know why. I speed up my walking so I’m at his side. Oliver glances at me sideways and sees me smiling.

“Jason will probably be grateful for this,” I say, hiding my smile.

Oliver nods yes before pulling me towards the first booth.

*****