"I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that's how you grow. When there's that moment of 'Wow, I'm not really sure, I can do this' And you punch through those moments, that's when you have a breakthrough. "

- Marissa Meyer

"So, how was your day?" The question is thrown my way.

How was my day? How was my day? I ask myself. It was an up and down of floating and grounding, grounding and floating. My focus came and went, like waves in the ocean, gone and back, gone and back. When I was alone, I was all the way up. When I was in class, I was gone. When I was with Jason and Oliver, I was a little bit grounded. But after Oliver left and Jason started talking, somehow I tuned out the volume and got lost. I was there with him, talking, listening, shaking my head, but I wasn't.

Should I tell this to my parents? No, it doesn't make sense, and I don't want to give them heart attacks.

I force a smile on my face and make myself look as cheerful as possible. "My day was really great!"

"Good," Dad says, cutting a bit of his steak. Then he turns to mom, and they start talking about some news of the day. I tune out their conversation and start going up, up, up in the clouds. I am not with them anymore.

When I find myself again, I am in my bed, tucked underneath my cover. My room is dark, and the silence is all around. Deep, dark silence. I used to like silence. I still like silence, but this silence echoes and echoes. I need something to think about so I can fall asleep. So I don't get lost again.

Oliver Carlson.

The truth about Oliver is that he is honest. Or so I think. He is rude and mean to me. He can't stand me and doesn't take me for granted. Anything I do, he is annoyed by it.

Every person I came across that I associated with was nice to me. In fact, they were really nice, and I was comfortable with the niceness. What I didn't know was the nicer they were on the outside, the worse they were on the inside. I suffered because I thought they were nice, while they weren't. I thought they cared, but they didn't.

They were acting nice to me, to show me they liked my company. But Oliver is different.

He isn't nice to me. That can mean two things: one, he really isn't a nice person, and I have no problem with that, and two, he doesn't like me, which he shows with every chance he gets.

I need that. The honesty, the brutal truth. Oliver Carlson hates me, and I need that certainty of his feelings. Better to be hated than to be treated well only for show.

*****

It is AP chemistry. I don't hate chemistry. Well, I like everything I can understand and wrap my head around, that I can learn. For example: reactions, compounds, metals, etc.

What I don't like is humans. I can't figure them out. They are complex. They are not black and white; they are gray. Some are more gray, some less. It would have been so easy to figure them out if they were only black and white, bad or good, but they aren't. What a shame.

"So, today we will learn about intramolecular and intermolecular forces," Mrs. Robin says with her singsong voice.

I take a deep breath. Focus, focus, stay here, stay here, don't slip. I already did really bad on the previous test. I can't fail another one.

"As you can see here," Mrs. Robin points towards the slide, "Hydrogen and chlorine are bound to each other with polar covalent bonds. Before we go forward, can anyone tell me what the specialty of a polar covalent bond is?"

Her eyes slide towards our direction, falling on us, looking for answers. But she stops when she notices Owen Carlson, expecting him to answer.

But I can answer that, I remember. It has something to do with electronegativity. But as I start to move my lips, Owen speaks.

"Chlorine is more electronegative than hydrogen, so it draws hydrogen towards its nucleus, causing the bonds to be polarized," Owen answers. Mrs. Robin gives him a hundred watt smile.

Owen smirks. He nods at Mrs. Robin. If I didn't know better, I would've said, Mrs. Robin is in love with him, but that's the usual reaction Owen gets from almost everyone. Girls around him looks up at him as if he isn't explaining chemistry, but he is reading a sexy smut scene out loud.

I squirm in my seat. I don't get what is so special about him. He is just another jock, maybe a jock with a brain.

I guess he is nice, which is why everyone likes him. That sends a chill down my spine.

I don't know what is wrong between Oliver and his brother. But to be honest, does this happen in their house too like it happens in school? Does Oliver get overshadowed by his brother?

Nobody knows who Oliver Carlson is. Nobody pays him attention. Nobody cares about which girl he dated last. (Who was it? I want to know). Nobody looks at him when he walks down the hallway. He is always in the shadows while his brother is in the spotlight.

I guess people even want to know what Owen had for breakfast. Some might, for all I care.

I know why I am not in the 'Owen is a God' fanclub. I was never really okay with buttering people up so you can be their friend, or hanging out with the popular kids, doing trendy things, etc. That is not who I am. Even when I was normal (you know, before this whole floating escapade), I was never doing trendy things. I was never following trends, never looking out for the next Instagram story from Owen Carlson or when he will throw a nice party.

I was never interested. I am all about 'mind your own business'. I'm not into gossip. Even if someone serves gossip right into my ear, I don't listen. I designed myself that way, and I guess that's why I was never in the Owen Carlson fanclub. I just don't bother.

However, that is exactly what I have common with Oliver. I don't think he cares either.

The thing is, everyone labels people as popular, geeks or nerds. Either you belong to the popular bunch and their minions or you can be a nerd who has straight A's. Or you can be somewhere in the middle with talents: you paint, you sing, you dance, you have some uniqueness to you. That makes you acceptable to your group of people.

But aren't there always some people who have no talents? Like us. The middle ground. We are not popular, we are not nerds. We are just hanging there. We don't have talents, we don't sing, dance, paint, or do anything different in particular. We are not the teachers' favorite. We are not people's favorite. We are just there.

These 'us' or 'we' have friends. One or two. The common people. Like Jason and Oliver. Common bunch.

I was in a common bunch. Until.

"So, here we end today's class. You'll have a small quiz next class, so be prepared. "

I blink and snap my head towards Mrs. Robin. I look at the clock. Wait, what? Already? Great, Gwen. Now you'll fail another test.

I sigh and stand up. Arranging my notes and books, I head for my next class. So much for focusing.

*****

I walk towards where Oliver is sitting, at his usual table in the corner, eating his lunch alone. I don't see Jason around.

"Hey, Carlson," I sit down and set my tray in front of me.

Oliver doesn't give so much as a glance my way. He is in his own world. His brows are slightly knitted, the corner of his lips are facing downward.

He is contemplating.

God, this guy needs a dose of sunshine.

Now, I don't think of myself as the sun, or someone who brings light into a room, or makes people feel good whenever I'm around. To be honest, I don't make anyone feel anything. But, here it goes.

"Do you know....?" Oliver looks at me.

And I'm empty. I don't remember any joke or any funny thing to say.

"Do you know cotton candies are unicorn poops?" I say out of nowhere.

Well, what was that?

Oliver blinks and narrows his eyes at me. "I mean, it makes sense. You know, 'cause when you eat cotton candy, it dissolves in your mouth like magic. So, it must be unicorn poop."

I shake my head at my own logic.

Oliver gives me the same look he gave me the other night, like when he was trying to figure out if I'm actually for real, and if all the screws in my brain are still intact.

"'Cause you know, unicorns are, like, magical animals, so their poops have to be magical, too," I say.

Oliver releases a slow breath. I think he is counting to ten to keep his cool.

"And I think the cotton candy makers have a secret connection with the unicorn society-"

"Alright, I get it," Oliver holds his hand up, "Eat your lunch. "

"But you didn't smile," I blurt out.

Oliver snaps his head at me, almost surprised. I swallow. Oh, well.

"Well, umm," I look away, not knowing why I said that.

"You-" Oliver starts.

"There you are!" Oliver and I both shudder a little at the sudden arrival of Jason, "Whaddup!"

"The sky?" I say.

Oliver looks back at his lunch with the same disappointed look. Mission failed.

I'm disappointed, but not surprised. He needed a dose of sunshine, not unicorn poop.

"I watched this basketball game last night. This player was playing so good, and then he-" Jason starts.

I nod, trying listening to him, but I'm not really. Basketball is not of interest to me. I don't know what is. Probably books? Math? Something should be.

As I listen to Jason, his words reach me, then rush past me. I don't catch them. I shake my head, giving him the expression he wants. Then I glance at Oliver. He is still moping.

Oliver looks up at me as if he knows I am staring. Our eyes meet, and I look away.

After almost twenty minutes of Jason's commentary of the game he watched last night, I ask Jason, "Is he always like that?"

Jason stops and gazes at Oliver, "Most of the time, yes."

"I'm right here," Oliver comments, not even looking at us.

"Oh, I thought you forgot how to talk," I say. "You know, like normal human beings."

Oliver turns at me, "Who says I'm a normal human being? And why do I have to be 'normal'?"

Because that is what it should be? Because that is what I'm trying to be? Normal, like everyone else, like nothing is wrong, and everything is fine. Shouldn't he be doing that?

Maybe he shouldn't. It's his life, his opinion, his choice. Who am I to say anything about it? I guess I just wanted him to smile, to see someone happy. It doesn't have to be Oliver. It can be anyone.

The truth is I need a dose of sunshine myself. Strong sunshine. If I can give him that, maybe some of it will reflect back on me.

"Right," I say.

"Are you normal?" Oliver asks.

I don't meet his eyes. I look at Jason and laugh, "Who asks that!"

"Yeah, right. Because you don't have the answer. Why do I have to fit into a definition of so called normal human beings?" Oliver says.

"Okay, alright. I get it. Both of you are abnormal. I'm the only normal one here," Jason shoots his hands up in surrender, "You're turning my brain inside out."

I laugh, "Sorry not sorry."

Jason smiles back.

We finish off our lunch. Soon the bells rings and we head towards our respective classes. I wait for the perfect opportunity of Jason leaving. He does and I attack Oliver.

"You know, you're right," I say, "Nobody is normal. But there are levels of abnormality. I think you're a solid level 5."

Oliver raises one eyebrow.

"If you're level 5, then I am absolutely a level 10," I finish and grin proudly. Oliver stays silent.

"And that will be my class," I point, "Nice having lunch with you, my friend. "

"You are not my friend," Oliver mumbles, but I hear.

It hits me right at my heart. I breathe sharply. I needed honesty, and I got honesty.

Oh, how much God listens to my wishes.

"Denial is toxic!" I say one last time before turning around and getting in my class.

Time to float again.

*****

I