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The next forty eight hours were a blur. Loki did his absolute best to keep me distracted. He was trying to keep me for feeling the loss of my parents and friends back in my reality. He was doing a great job, don't get me wrong, but there were still quiet moments where reality crept back in. I tried to hide it from him, but Loki could sense it. It was hard to keep anything from him with the bond we had through our rings.

It didn't help that I kept hearing things and seeing shadows out of the corner of my eyes. It made me paranoid, to say the least. It almost felt like some of the PTSD attacks I'd have after HYDRA.

Loki and I were laying in bed, early into the next morning, when I finally broke the silence that had surrounded me once again.

"Loki?" I asked in a small voice.

"Hm?" He hummed tiredly with his eyes closed. My head was laying against his chest and his arm was around me.

"I, Uhm... I think I need to be on antidepressants, again." I said carefully. Loki opened his eyes and gave me his full attention at that. I had been on antidepressants years before, but hated how they made me feel. It was a muted feeling. Instead of feeling extreme happiness, or extreme sadness, it was a mild sense of those emotions when on antidepressants. I was always close to a baseline.

"I thought you didn't want to be on any more medication." Loki commented with a worried frown. I already hated being on the seizure medication, even if the medication bracelet I wore did the work for me.

"I know, but a lot has happened recently and... I don't want to spiral out of control." I explained. "There are some things I haven't told you. I didn't think they were relevant here because, even with me being here, your reality was your reality and my reality was mine. But, with Layla and my parents being here, too..." I sighed in frustration, not knowing if I was making sense.

"Our realities are bleeding together." Loki finished for me. I relaxed a bit at knowing he understood my rambling. "What is it, Kitten?" Loki asked gently. We were both propped up on our elbows now to see each other better.

"I- Well- God, this is going to make me sound pathetic." I huffed. Loki tucked some loose hair behind my ear, getting it out of my face, and rested his palm against my cheek.

"Nothing you say can make me think that." Loki told me as his thumb grazed over my cheekbone comfortingly. I bit my lip and tried to figure out where to start.

"In my reality, Layla never got better. She died three weeks after she moved away." I finally said while trying to keep the painful memories away.

"How old were you?" Loki asked when I paused.

"Fifteen." I sniffed. "I-Uhm- I didn't take it very well." I got out with a bitter smile and had to swallow the lump forming in my throat before I could continue. "I tried grieving in healthy ways, but... It just made it worse. I started getting into some... bad cooping mechanisms... very bad, actually. I just wanted to forget for a few hours, but hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months."

I was staring off into the dark room as I spoke. The memories were difficult to think of. They came in flashes like a scratched DVD.

"By my sixteenth birthday, I was already addicted to Oxycodone." I mumbled. I hadn't told anyone in the three and a half years I'd been here. I thought it would be easy for me to tell Loki. I was used to telling people in my reality. The more people I'd told, the more people would look out for me, but, for some reason, telling Loki felt like telling my parents for the first time all over again.

"You'll have to explain, Love." Loki said tenderly. His hand had already dropped from my cheek in favor of holding my hand.

"It's a... a narcotic, a drug." I looked down in shame, preferring to stare at our hands. "It's an extremely addictive drug. I finally asked for help right after my seventh birthday. I had run out of money to buy it and was planning some... god awful things just to get a fix. I finally sobered up enough to tell my mom, but just barely."

"They didn't notice?" Loki asked, trying not to sound accusing. I shook my head.

"I was extremely high functioning. No one noticed. The little signs I did show were explained away by Layla's death." I told him, finally looking up at him. "It was easy to separate myself from my past here... I didn't think it'd be a problem."

"And, what of the antidepressants?" Loki asked.

"I was put in rehab to detox and given antidepressants to stabilize my mood. I didn't like the feeling of being on them, but it kept me from going back to Oxy. I was on them for a couple of years before slowly weaning myself off. I had to be careful when getting off of them for... many reasons. The main one being that I could go into withdrawal if I just stopped, which could cause another spiral."

"Why would anyone fault you for that?" Loki questioned. "You were young and dealing with the death of a loved one. And, you pulled yourself out of it. The word you were looking for was brave, not pathetic." He said seriously, trying to drill it into my head.

"But... what will the others think?" I mumbled and looked at him with scared, questioning eyes.

"Everyone is addicted to something." Loki told me. "It's just that some addictions are more destructive than others, but you put an end to it. You. Nobody forced you to stop, you did that all on your own."

I froze, not wanting to admit what I was about to. It was necessary for Loki to know my fear, though.

"I only stopped..." I started slowly, "because I scared myself. For a second, I believed I could... would," I corrected, "kill for it." Tears finally fell down my cheeks as I admitted one of my darkest fears, my eyes looking anywhere but at Loki. "And, that was before I became an assassin."

I snuck a glimpse at Loki to see that he was deep in thought. He was probably trying to figure out a way to comfort me, but didn't quite know what to say.

"I...I think I have to tell the team." I said to break the heavy silence. "Just so they know what to look for. I'll call Dr. Raynor in the morning to set up an appointment for the antidepressants. It's actually a bit strange we haven't heard from her this week." I tried to laugh, but it fell short.

"You don't have to tell them if you don't want to." Loki told me. I smiled at him, but shook my head.

"I need to, Loki." I was scared, but even more so of the thought of falling into old habits. "I can feel myself slipping. I think seeing Layla... I don't know. It's hard to explain. I guess I was too focused on all of you to figure out that this was just as real as my reality. I think, in the back of my mind, I always thought that all the bad I've endured here was ok because it wasn't really happening to me, or that it wasn't ever about me. It was your stories and I was just along for the ride. I thought that it would all go away when this universe got tired of me messing things up and sent me home."

Loki's brow furrowed as he frowned, his eyes widening a bit. His hand holding mine tightened slightly.

"Do you want to go back?" He asked me. I stayed silent for a second, really thinking about it. Loki released my hand to lift my chin, making me look at him. "Do you want to go back?" He asked again, but this time I could hear the desperation leak into his tone.

"I don't think I belong there anymore." I shook my head. "Not after everything, not after you."