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Dr. Raynor talked a lot. She normally made me talk, but not today. She tried to get me to eat. I wasn't able to, though. I couldn't get myself to want to do anything. I couldn't even force myself. When I tried, my stomach rolled and I threw up everything that I had just eaten.

Dr. Raynor was quiet for a minute after that. She just silently rubbed my back to comfort me.

"This is a normal grief response. You're ok." She told me before pulling out her phone. She sent a text message before putting her phone back into her pocket and going back to comforting me.

"I'm fine." I said as I brushed her hand off me and stood up fully. "I think I just need a shower and to sleep." I told her and started to my room. We both knew I wasn't actually going to get any sleep, but she understood that I wanted to be alone.

"I need to talk to Tony, but at least have one of your friends sit with you." Dr. Raynor called to me.

"They can do whatever they want." I dismissed. I had no more room for arguing tonight. My voice sounded so hoarse. It wasn't even recognizable.

I walked into my room and into the connecting bathroom. Everything looked the same, but was so, so different. I went over to the bath and turned the water on as hot as it would go. I wanted to burn today off my skin.

I purposely didn't look at the mirror. I couldn't look at myself. Not yet, at least. I took off the, now dirty, clothes that Tony had bought me in Korea. I was still bleeding and was told by Dr. Reece that it would be like a heavy period for a few days. I was basically put in a diaper after my surgery. I took the diaper-like pad off and threw it away. I then took off the boot medical had given me to stabilize my dislocated ankle. My foot was swollen, but, otherwise, fine.

I stepped into the bath and the water immediately burned my skin as it lapped at my legs. I sunk into the water and let the sting of the bath consume me. I brought my knees to my chest and rested my head on them. My mind was blank, completely empty. All I was able to focus on was the heat around me.

Even though the water was set to its hottest temperature, it still wasn't hot enough. I still felt everything today put me through. I wanted my mom. I needed her here to hold me. I loved Loki with everything I had, but even he wouldn't be enough. I needed my mother's arms wrapped around me, grounding me to her.

The world felt like it was on fire, and it had nothing to do with the scolding hot temperature of the bath. My world was in flames. Everything was burning. Happy memories no longer felt happy. Sad memories weren't sad at all, they were mediocre at best. The love I used to feel for this world was shriveled and weak in comparison to what I felt when I held my daughter for the first time.

Nothing was anything anymore... except the pain. It was still there. I felt like I was turning to ash and everyone was just watching the show. They were all just waiting to see what the outcome would be. No one was trying to help. No one was attempting to douse the rising flames. I was on fire.

I stood from the bath abruptly, the water sloshing over the bath wall and dripping to the floor. I didn't turn the water off, or unplug the drain. I stepped out of the bath with water dripping off of me and looked in the mirror. I wanted to see the flames on my skin.

My skin was pink from the heat of the bath. There was also steam rising up from my body, an indicator of just how hot the water had been. I had three small incisions from the surgery. One under my navel and two to the left of that. The bandage that the hospital put on the wounds were coming off because of the water. I technically wasn't supposed to even shower for three days. I took the tape off to reveal the blue stitches.

There was some blood stuck to the skin around the stitches and I grabbed a rag to scrub it off. I couldn't get around the stitches to get the blood and scrubbed harder. When all it did was bring new blood to the surface, I gave a short yell and threw the rag at my reflection. I looked up at the mirror then and realized I was crying again. I thought I was out of tears, but apparently not.

I felt like my reflection was mocking me. My body was only pointing at everything I failed at. I failed as a hero. I failed as a friend, I failed as a partner, and, most importantly, I failed as a mother.

At some point, my sobs became more noticeable as my body shook. I hated my reflection. It was a disgrace. A fake. I was a disgrace. A fake. I was just a little girl playing superhero. I had no idea what I was doing, or how i kept messing up so badly. I didn't even know who I was anymore.

I couldn't look at myself in the mirror any longer, but I couldn't look away either. I was angry and hurt and tired and...

I pulled back my fist and smashed it into the mirror. It shattered into sharp shards of glass that fell over the counter while others hit the floor. I was so wrapped up in my mind that I didn't realize that I was standing in a puddle of water until I tried to take a step back and slipped. The bath was overflowing and there was water everywhere.

I hit my head hard on the side of the bath and heard a loud 'crack'. Blood started pouring from the new wound and it dripped steadily down my face and neck. I hissed as I pushed myself to sit up against the wall. When I did, my hand touched something sharp. My initial reaction was to pull my hand away, but then I got curious and wrapped my hand around it, not caring that it was cutting into my hand. I lifted it out of the puddle of water to see that it was a large shard of glass from the mirror.

I saw my bloody reflection in the shard of glass and turned it in my hand. I didn't want to see myself. I wished there was a way I could do everything over again... but maybe I could...

If I could just get back to my world, maybe I could start over here. I knew more than I did and would be more careful. I then thought back to the words the Ancient One said to me 'this isn't the way to get her back'. She was trying to tell me that there was a way, I just wasn't listening.

I could still get my daughter back. I just needed to get back to my world. Then I could shift back here and start over... and if I died in this universe, then maybe I would get back to mine.

"Skydive?" A knock came to the door. "You ok in there?" Tony asked.

I held the glass up to examine it. Any doubt I had vanished when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror shard.

"Sammee?" Tony tried again and banged on the door.

I put the glass to my wrist and pressed it into my skin. The bite of pain was ignored as I drew a sharp, vertical line from wrist to mid forearm. Blood immediately started seeping from the deep cut. Dark red blood spilled over my body and into the floor, mixing with the pool of water.

"Sammee!" Tony yelled and banged on the door harder, trying to get it open.

I dropped the glass shard from my hand and heard a wet 'plop' as it fell to the flooded tile. I was nauseous and getting tired. Too tired to keep my head up. I slumped against the wall and started feeling pleasantly fuzzy.

The door to the bathroom blasted open. The whine of a charged up machine heard behind the sound of the blast. Tony stood in the doorway with his arm held out toward the door. He had his Ironman hand on and had shot a bolt of energy at the door to break it open. Tony's face turned white when he saw me. He ran to me and dropped to his knees.

"Oh god." He sucked in a sharp breath. I moaned when he grabbed my arm, too tired to pull it away. "Somebody help!" Tony yelled. He grabbed a towel, off the rack next to the bath, and wrapped my arm tightly. "FRIDAY!" Tony yelled desperately.

"Help is already on the way." FRIDAY responded.

Tony held my arm high above my head to try and stop blood flow to my arm. He grabbed one of the hand towels and ripped a strip off with his teeth. He then wrapped it about halfway up my bicep, creating a tourniquet and cutting off blood to my arm.

"No." I murmured weakly and tried to pull away. "I'll come back."

"FRIDAY!" Tony yelled again.

"They're on their way up the elevator, Sir." The A.I. responded.

"I'll come back." I mumbled again, my speech slurred. "I can do it right this time."

Tony didn't answer. I could hear his fast, frantic breaths. He was shaking as he held pressure to the wound.

"Just let me go back" I whined. "Please?"

My vision was starting to go black and I started to pass out. Tony pulled me into his lap harshly and I whimpered.

"Stay awake!" Tony demanded and pinched my cheek.

I managed a pathetic huff of displeased air as my head lulled back against Tony's shoulder. "Please, Skydive!" Tony pleaded, but I knew he wouldn't even know I was gone. I'd just come back and do everything right. I could get my daughter back. No...

I would get my daughter back.