《As You Wish : Loki Fanfic》Understanding
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"Come on," Sam told me. "Have a seat." He nodded back at my chair and released my arm. I bit my lip as I debated sitting back down. "You're already here. You might as well sit and talk to me." Sam said as he pulled up another chair and sat backwards on it, resting his arms on the top of the backrest. He gestured to the seat in front of him again and I finally gave in.
"There," Sam said. "Step one already done." He told me. "So, what's going on?"
"How did you know?" I asked. "That I was here for me and not one of the others back in New York?"
"The way you came in." Sam told me. "It's the way everyone first comes in." He continued. "They either hang on my every word like it's their lifeline, or space out and miss everything because they're stuck in their own head."
"Oh," I murmured and looked at the floor.
"Want to tell me what you were thinking about?"
"Not really." I scoffed with a small smile before my smile fell again. "I don't know how to." I admitted.
"Start somewhere, anywhere." Sam encouraged. "Doesn't matter where, just start."
"They're mad at me." I told him. "And they have a right to be, but I hoped they would still... understand."
"Why do you think they're mad?" Sam asked.
"You know, I can still hear his screams." I changed the subject. "Bucky's," I explained. "In the movie, when Steve recognized him on the bridge and said his name it triggered his memories. They were so overwhelming that he couldn't function as the drone HYDRA forced him to be, so they strapped him back into the machine and electrocuted his mind until he forgot again. When it was only a movie the screams never bothered me, but..."
"Now it's real." Sam finished for me. My eyes snapped up to his.
"And I can still hear his screams." I nodded as I tried not to cry. "And they act like I was supposed to just let that happen."
"You couldn't do nothing when you knew you could help." Sam said. "But who's mad at you? I know Steve's not."
"Loki," I told him. "Bucky." I added. "The only thing they agree on is that I shouldn't have done it."
"Well, was there another way?" Sam asked.
"Not unless I wanted to ruin the timeline."
"Are you doubting that you did the right thing?" Sam questioned.
"The only thing." I corrected. "There was nothing right about what I did. Who I had to kill..." my chest tightened as I spoke. "Most of them were scum, but..."
"Some weren't." Sam supplied. I nodded in response and looked down to my hands as I pulled at my fingers. "How are you sleeping?" He asked, making me laugh.
"I finally get what Steve said about sleeping on a marshmallow." I told him, referring to what Steve told him when he asked about the bed in the Winter Soldier movie. "I always slept on a mattress, but compared to the one I have now it was made out of rocks." I explained. Sam nodded.
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"And what about actually sleeping? Are you getting any?"
"Not really." I told him. "If I do manage to get some sleep I don't have dreams, but I know that will change when I'm off of the pain meds."
"How long until you're out of the meds?" Sam asked.
"Three days." I sighed. Sam was about to reply when his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and denied the call without even looking at it.
"What do you normally dream about when you do sleep?" He continued.
"There was a politician I had to kill last year. He was scum and I have no guilt about killing him... but he was with his family. That's what I regret. I can still hear their cries for their father. I can still see his little girl hugging his lifeless body." I admitted. "I dream about that a lot. There was also a witness that I had to kill on another mission. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but if I didn't kill him HYDRA would have. They would also have killed anyone he associated with just to make sure their secret wouldn't get out."
"So, you made the impossible decision. You killed one to save many." Sam told me.
"There's something Steve says in the future. 'We don't trade lives.' But that's exactly what I did."
"You did what you felt you had to behind enemy lines." Sam said as his phone started ringing again. This time he looked at it, but he still ignored the call and put the phone down. The phone wasn't quiet for even a whole second before it started ringing again.
"Might as well answer." I told Sam having an idea of who was calling. "They won't stop until you do. I didn't exactly tell anyone I was leaving, but Tony can track the quinjet."
Sam glanced at me before sighing and answering the phone.
"Yes?" Sam asked into the phone. "Yes, she's safe. I'm looking right at her." Pause. "We're fine. We just had something to discuss." Pause again. "I'll let her know." He said and hung up the phone. "Tony's on his way."
"Oh, goody." I sarcastically cheered.
"Sounds like you two made up." Sam said.
"We did." I told him. "But that seems to be the only relationship getting better."
"I'm guessing you're referring to dumb and dumber?" Sam asked, repeating what I called them at the hospital.
"They just don't understand." I shook my head before looking up at Sam. "I grew up with all of you." I continued. "I grew up reading the comics, and watching the movies, and wishing that you were real. Wishing that I was a part of something bigger than myself. Because, yes its traumatic, but it's exciting, and terrifying, and beautiful." I explained. "Everything flowed into the next so perfectly, so incredibly, that it was beautiful." I told him. "Twenty-two movies. Twenty-two movies that were all tied together and led to something bigger. The feeling I got when I saw the moment everything led up to, the excitement, the-the fear, the reaction from the audience, the absolute awe, it was... overwhelming."
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Sam listened to my every word, never interrupting. He didn't look like he was judging me, or getting ready to belittle anything I was saying. Not that Loki or anyone at the tower did, but Sam didn't know me as well. I was just another person to Sam. It was nice.
"I idolized you guys." I continued. "And they want me to sit back and care about my life when all of yours are in danger."
"Although I have so many questions, I know it's not the time." Sam murmured. "I understand your point, I do, and I know it must be hard knowing everything that's going to happen and go wrong and not be able to tell anyone about it." He told me and looked at me seriously. "But you have to look at it from their point of view. They love you and you keep running, or teleporting, into dangerous situations where you keep getting hurt. They want you safe and you want them safe. And, at the rate you're going, you're not going to see if we get a happy ending because you'll be too busy being dead."
"She doesn't care, that's the problem." Tony's voice rang through the room. Sam and I glanced at the entrance to see Tony standing there. "Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong."
I frowned at him as he continued into the room and leaned against the wall next to me. He crossed his arms before glancing at Sam and kicking off the wall to offer his hand.
"You must be Sam. Capsicle was telling me about you." Tony said as Sam took his hand. "I heard you were one of the ones chosen to use the EXO-7 Falcon."
"Yes, Sir. Stark Industries makes some pretty useful equipment." Sam told him.
"Of course it does." Tony said, sounding a little offended. "You expect me to make useless equipment?"
"Wait, you made the Falcon wings?" I asked Tony.
"Catch up would you?" Tony sarcastically told me. "I made two actually. Both for the Air Force. One was blown to smithereens and the other-"
"Tony!" I chastised and sent him a glare.
"Oh, right." Tony said and managed to look a little guilty. "Sorry for your loss." He told Sam. I shook my head as I looked back at Sam.
"He's an asshole, but he means well." I told him.
"Aw, Skydive, that means a lot coming from you." Tony sarcastically said and placed a hand over his heart. I ignored him and continued focusing on Sam.
"It's fine, I know it's all an act anyway." Sam told me before turning to Tony. "Thank you for taking care of Riley's family."
I looked to Tony, surprised. I wasn't surprised that he thought to take care of Sam's late partners family after he died. I was surprised that he actually did and I didn't know about it, but then again I didn't know he made the Falcon wings either.
"It was the least I could do." Tony shrugged it off like it was nothing to him. He really hated getting sentimental. "I need to get Skydive back before Dark n' scary finds out she's gone and has a fit."
"He already knows." I said as I focused on the pull of Loki's ring I was bound to. I could always feel how far or close he was through the ring and he could do the same through the necklace. It was only a matter of time until he showed up. It took me longer than it should have to recognize the rings pull.
"How do you know?" Sam asked and looked at me curiously.
"Because it feels like he's inside the building. He probably got here not long after I did." I shrugged knowing that he most likely heard everything I said to Sam. "Come on out, my prince." I called out into the room. It was silent and Tony and Sam looked around before looking back at me like I was crazy. I held my finger up to signal for them to wait a moment. "Loki..." I said sternly before seeing a shimmer of green as he un-camouflaged himself from the wall. He rolled his eyes as he looked at me, annoyed.
"You should have noticed me a lot sooner." He huffed and walked over to me.
"And you shouldn't be listening in on private conversations." I scolded.
"I wouldn't have to if you would just talk to me!" He countered with a hurt glare.
I hated that I couldn't tell him what happened at HYDRA. I wanted him to know, so badly, but I just... couldn't find the words. I could show him. Let him into my mind to see the last year and a half, but I didn't trust him to not go after the people who hurt me, so I stayed quiet.
"I see you two are still fighting." Tony mumbled.
"Fighting entails that she actually tells me something." Loki said back.
"Do you ever think that maybe she can't?" Sam asked him in my defense. Loki turned to glare down at him. "Just saying, man." Sam shrugged. "If this is how you act with the little she has told you, I wouldn't talk to you either."
I expected Loki to snap at him, but he didn't. Instead, he froze. Sam's comment took him aback for a moment. I didn't want to still be here once he thought over Sam's words. So, I stood up with a sigh and turned to Loki.
"Let's go home."
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