I watched Loki's chest rise and fall as he slept. It was difficult for me to sleep without a certain soldier watching over me, protecting me. Bucky never left the hospital, so for those three days, I actually slept. But now that we were in the tower...

It was stupid. I knew I was safe here, I knew it! I just couldn't convince my fight or flight reflex that I was safe. I couldn't just release all of the fear I've held on to for the past year.

The worst part was that I couldn't tell anybody. I couldn't tell Loki that I didn't feel safe with him even though I knew I was. It frustrated me to no end, but I couldn't stop looking over my shoulder, or getting into a defensive position when someone moved too quickly. I couldn't even tell Bucky. He would only use it as reason to not like Loki more.

I wanted to talk to Natasha, but she hadn't messaged me with her new number yet. I could talk to Steve, but he had his hands full with Bucky. He didn't need two HYDRA victims to take care of. No... that was wrong. Bucky was the only victim. I did it willingly. I had no right to call myself a victim.

I slowly slid out of bed and threw on my shirt and shorts before grabbing the throw blanket from off the couch. I wrapped it around myself as I teleported out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. I grabbed some fruit from the fridge before teleporting to the launch deck.

I walked to the edge and sat down, swinging my feet as I ate my snack. It was around midnight, but there was plenty of light from the city that I could see the buildings around me.

I looked down at all the cars and people stories below me. It was fascinating to watch them. They all looked like toys from up here.

"If you're planning to jump, give me a warning so I can have a suit ready to catch you."

I jumped at the voice and turned to see Tony looking at me. I sighed as I relaxed my shoulders and fists from their defensive position.

"Didn't mean to scare you." Tony said in an almost apologetic voice as he slowly walked over to me.

"I know," I told him as I looked back to the city. He stood next to me for a second before sitting.

"Can't sleep?" Tony asked after a few seconds.

He wasn't being hostile toward me like he usually was these days. I turned and gave him a sad smile before watching the people below again.

"Listen, Skydive.." Tony sighed heavily as I turned to him. He looked like he was struggling to say something, so I waited patiently. "I'm sorry." He finally got out. "The way I've been acting... you didn't deserve that."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused. "I did, I totally did."

It was quiet for a minute as Tony looked at me.

"No, you really didn't. I had an entire year to understand why you didn't tell me sooner and I still acted like a jerk." He told me. There was another long pause as I looked at my fingers. I didn't know what to say. "I went through HYDRA's files." Tony said. I immediately tensed and pulled the blanket tighter around me. "They had videos of your... 'training'. If you can even call it that." Tony's voice was sad and serious as he spoke. "I... didn't realize just how much you're risking for us."

I looked up to him then. He looked like he wanted to say more, so I didn't interrupted him.

"I forget that you can see the whole picture, not just the little pieces we're given. You're risking everything for a world that's not yours to protect and I'm sorry."

Relief washed over me as a small hiccuped sob left my lips. Tears fell down my cheeks and I knew I would scold myself later for being such a crybaby.

"So you're not mad at me anymore?" I asked shakily. I watched Tony deflate as he put an arm around me and pulled me into his side.

"No, kid, I'm not mad anymore." He told me as he hugged me to his chest.

Tony allowed me to cry as he comforted me. After a few minutes, I was able to get a hold of my emotions again and dried my cheeks. I moved my head to lean against Tony's shoulder and looked back out over the city, Tony's arm still around my shoulders.

"I'll try not to question you anymore. If you say it's necessary, even if I don't 100% agree, I'll do my best to help." Tony sarcastically sighed. I chuckled and looked up at him.

"Thank you." I smiled. Tony hummed in acknowledgment.

"So, why aren't you with lover boy?" Tony asked making me laugh and sit up straight.

"It's stupid." I shook my head.

"Tell me what's wrong and I'll tell you if it's stupid or not." Tony told me. I hesitated for a moment until I realized that he was the only one I could talk to about this.

"I know I'm safe here... but I don't feel safe." I explained. "When Bucky was still the Soldier we had a system, to protect each other. We took shifts and watched over the other as they slept."

"He became your security blanket." Tony said.

"See, it's stupid." I huffed and shrunk in on myself, tucking my legs to my chest.

"It's not stupid, Skydive." Tony assured me. "Have you told Loki? I'm sure he'd be more than willing to help. He watches you like he'd do anything for you."

"And how do I tell him that I don't feel safe with him anymore?" I asked. "That it's not because of something he did or didn't do, but that I just-" I grunted in frustration and ran a hand down my face. "He already doesn't like Bucky, which kills me, but I get. And Bucky isn't helping with that."

"He's jealous." Tony states. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"Bucky?" I asked already ready to deny that.

"No, Loki." Tony corrected. "You're gone for a year and come back extremely close to another guy, he's jealous."

I sighed and nodded in agreement.

"I know." I told him. "But he doesn't need to be and I've already told him that. I try to spend as much time as I can with him, but Bucky needs me too, just in a different way." I explained. "And Bucky makes me feel safe. He's the only person I could trust behind enemy lines. It's not Loki's fault he wasn't there. I sent him away. I need to relearn how to trust people again. I just don't know how."

"I get it." Tony told me. "After Obadiah I didn't trust anyone, but Pepper, for a long time."

I nodded thinking back to the first Ironman movie. Obadiah Stane ran Stark Industries until Tony took over. They were business partners until Obadiah started selling explosives illegally and tried to have Tony killed. Tony had known Obadiah since he was a kid. He was probably closer to Obadiah than he was with Howard, his father. For Obadiah to betray him like that...

"It just takes time." Tony continued. "It's hard to just forget that last year like nothing happened. You can try, but your subconscious still remembers."

"I hate it." I told him. "I knew there would be repercussions, but I never thought I'd be scared when he was with me. A little over a year ago, next to Loki was the safest I'd ever felt. Now, it's just a general fear... of everything." I said, hugging my legs tighter.

"Are you afraid of him?" Tony asked.

"No!" I answered quickly. "God, no! It's not him I'm afraid of. He would never hurt me. And I trust him with my life, I do... so why am I still scared when I'm with him?"

Tears slipped from my eyes again and I buried my face in my legs.

"Since New York, I'm terrified of what's out there." Tony confessed, looking up at the stars. I wiped my eyes and looked up at the sky with him. "Not knowing is killing me, but I know you can't tell me." He sighed. "Sometimes I just feel like building a shield of armor around the planet. Maybe then I could get a full nights sleep."

I kept my mouth shut as he spoke. He already had the idea for Ultron planted this soon. I want to tell him it was a stupid idea, but I didn't, I couldn't. Vision was born from Ultron and Tony needed to lean that he couldn't always control everything. We still had another year before he actually built Ultron though.

"I think we're just lost causes." I chuckled.

"Ya, maybe." Tony scoffed before looking at me and standing up. I looked up at him and he held his hand out to me. "Come on," he said and gestured inside with his head. I smiled sadly and let him pull me to my feet, grabbing the empty bowl of fruit as he did. "You'll be ok." He assured me as he led me back inside. "I know it."