I was glad to go home the next day. The humiliation of the previous night was too raw and I couldn't face anyone. I woke up early and quietly packed my things before creeping out before anyone else was up.

Christmas was a dull affair, it was lovely seeing my parents again but I was too depressed to enjoy it. I kept thinking about how Pansy and the others had tricked me for so long. I really thought she had wanted us to be friends. I felt like such a fool.

I also kept thinking about how I'd snubbed my lovely, loyal, kind Gryffindor friends - genuine friends. They didn't deserve that. I had been horrible when all they did was try to warn me. And they were right. I should have listened.

And as hard as I tried not to, I kept thinking about Draco Malfoy.

Every time I closed my eyes I would see his grey eyes staring back at me. I would feel the intense feelings come flooding back as I remembered the heat of his breath on my skin, the feel of his hands on my hips. I'd never felt so alive before.

And then I would remember the cruel words he had hissed in my ear. I would see the look of disgust on his face as he pushed me away. And I would remember the excruciating humiliation I felt when I had landed on the floor. It made me want to shrivel up and die.

No one had ever made my emotions feel so conflicted before and it confused and scared me.

I didn't want to ever go back to Hogwarts and face any of them again. But the two weeks was up, and before I knew it, I was back on the scarlet train returning to my doom.

***

Draco looked up from his food to see the Christmas lot returning. He had remained at Hogwarts for the holidays; things at Malfoy Manor were hectic and his father had a lot of business meetings to host. His mother thought it would be best all round.

As the returnees joined their tables, Draco found his eyes searching out for a particular dark haired Slytherin and despite himself, felt a twinge of disappointment when he realised she wasn't there.

"Oh Drakie! Did you miss me?" Draco grimaced as Pansy launched herself down besides him and felt a prickle of irritation as she started stroking his arm.

He shrugged her off, put down his knife and fork, murmured something about not being hungry and hurried back to the dungeons; leaving a disgruntled Pansy behind.

It wasn't that he wanted to see her. He just needed to be sure she existed as he was starting to doubt himself. The whole situation was surreal. He had barely registered her as a being for the first four years of their Hogwarts life and then, that night before the Christmas break... she had felt so real. And then the next morning she was gone. And despite himself, Draco couldn't help but think about her since; about the way her hair fell down around her shoulders, how her brilliant blue eyes sparkled when she laughed, the way she moved so fluidly beneath his hands as they danced, her soft puckered pink lips-

Stop it - damn it! He scolded himself. She's a Mudblood. Dirty. Disgusting. He had to see her, he needed to remind himself of what she looked like when she wasn't dressed up and making seductive moves. He needed to be reminded of how ordinary she really was.

As he turned into the common room, she was the first thing he saw. And he wasn't prepared for how he felt.

***

I didn't feel like eating, especially not with the Slytherins, so when I arrived back at the castle I made my way straight to the dungeons and was relieved to find that there was no one else there.

After unpacking my trunk, I wandered into the secluded common room and made the most of the peace. I realised I hadn't properly studied the interior in all the years I had been there and suddenly saw how hauntingly beautiful it all was; the room was bathed in a green light cast by the lake that could be seen through the windows, tapestries hung on the walls featuring medieval Slytherins.

I stopped to admire the beautiful painting of a large serpent above the fireplace when I heard someone entering the common room from behind me.

I whirled around and came face to face with Draco Malfoy. We just stood staring at one another, his grey eyes piercing into mine. My heart stopped. I had to remove myself quickly, as I could feel my palms start to sweat and my breathing getting erratic. I hurriedly turned around and walked swiftly back to my dormitory without looking back.

***

It was just the shock of seeing her after that night, Draco assured himself.

It wasn't because he was ridiculously pleased to see her, or because of the way her piercing blue eyes met his.

His heart skipped a beat because it was a shock. That was all.

***