"I just want to say how proud I am of this beautiful little money maker- ugh- I mean talented artist." Mac begins his toast and the room fills with laughter.

"I remember the very first time I met Chanel, in her $2 plaid shirt with knotted hair and dirty converse sneakers." Mac continues. I lower my head in embarrassment. The venue is filled with large chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings. My crew and my closest friends and family sit around the large and long table, dressed to impress.

Mac looks at me and I look up momentarily.

"Now she's in Ralph Lauren shoes and designer dresses... being smart to me like i'm not a platinum selling producer." Mac looks at me warningly , like a Father would his child. The table chimes in on the laughter again, I join them this time. "The thing I love most about Chanel is that she has barely changed. She would still wear those busted sneakers and that crushed up plaid shirt if we let her. There's something genuine and humbling about this girl and it's what I've always loved."

"Chanel, all jokes aside, I've watched you progress into a more confident artist, I've heard your voice grow, I've seen you go through hell, come back and go hard to work on this album that has earned you your first million dollars. I can't express how proud I am to be your mentor." For a second it looks like Mac is getting emotional, I hold back tears as I have already cried twice since the night started, just out of astonishment. It happened so quickly. 1 million dollars. It all happened so fast that I didn't understand it. I still don't.

Mac continues.

"I thank Flex a lot for sending me that first couple songs you guys worked on together because I knew from then that you would be something special to Atlantic Records. I saw myself in you and I congratulate you on your success. Here is a toast to many millions in the future. I love you baby girl." Mac raises his glass and the rest of the table follows with "Awwes".

We drink and before he takes his seat, he reaches across the table and kisses my cheek.

"I love you." I say quietly as he sits back down.

Flex gets up without an introduction.

"My turn." He smiles big.

"Oh God." I sigh, ready for more embarrassment and most likely more tears.

"Where do I start?" Flex begins his speech like he already didn't have it planned out.

"Honestly, I loved you from the first moment I met you because you introduced yourself in the most unique way anyone has. I didn't want to show it, I couldn't show you how much you had wowed me because that's not a part of the business. But when you did that poem, out of the blue, I was thrown back but I was thrilled because I already knew what was about to happen." Flex shrugs.

"I already knew. I said explain who you are to me.

Chanel said 'I am a poet Mr. Flex of the Firebox Records

And my poems can flow with a beat

I am a rapper Mr. Flex of the Firebox Records, if words on a beat defines the game

I am everything but tame and the only person to blame for how I am is me."

Flex stops and looks around the table. He has everyone's full attention now, but when has Flex never had everyone's full attention? I remember that day when I first met him. I knew how big he was but he never seemed unapproachable or too rich to speak to. I think I was drawn to him by his own humbleness and positivity.

"I was so taken aback that I was silent. Her talents often speak for themselves. She walks like she knows what she wants and I've seen such a growth in maturity and confidence. It has been my absolute pleasure being on this album. I could careless about the money, because when we started, I was doing it for fun and for free. It never felt like work. It still doesn't feel like work. I love this kid like my own man. I know everyone here loves her, but not as much as me. Not as much as how I love her and her Mother. So Chanel, I want to say congratulations for all that you have accomplished. I thank you for restoring happiness to my life and introducing me to someone else who has given me purpose."

Flex looks at my mother and she blows him a kiss. He winks at her.

"Thank you for killing every beat I've given you. It's been a couple weeks since the album has been out and it's all I hear on the radio. You've really made an impact on the youth and a positive one at that. So here is to your celebration. The first milli!" Flex raises his toast.

"To the first Milli!" We all repeat and then sip the champagne.

"Does anyone else want to give a toast?" Ma speaks so the entire table can hear her.

She is in a yellow silk dress with a long silver necklace. I cross my legs under the table as my long silver dress adjusts on my legs. I too am wearing a silver necklace with many small diamonds. The strapless silver dress, cuts into a V that make my boobs look amazing. I pose for a selfie with Trisha who is on my right. She wears a salmon colored dress with a close fitting mesh top. I've hugged her at least fifty times tonight alone. This is my first time seeing everyone in at least a month. Pookie talks to Mac as he adjusts his suit and tie, he looks so excited to even be sitting next to the legend.

"I want to say something." Mila's small voice says, as she pushes her chair back and gets up out of her seat.

I smile at her and she nervously smiles back.

"First of all, I just want to thank you for the invite Chanel. I truly wish I had as many close family and friends as you do. Second I want to thank you for the opportunity to be on such an outstanding album and upbeat song." Mila holds her glass of champagne in her hand daintily. She is wearing a simple but expensive mint green silk mini-dress with long sleeves and a deep V neck. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail.

"I knew the song would be big, but I didn't think it would hit Gold as fast as it did and you're just an all around great person to work and hangout with. So yea, here's a toast to ground breaking sales and the first million."

We all raise our glasses, except Trisha, who I don't even think was listening.

She stands up shortly after.

"Another toast to my best friend of a decade. I knew there were big things coming your way, I always did. Thank you for believing in me and taking me along for the ride." I get up and hug her tightly. I see cameras flashing, capturing the moment. I was at ease for the first time in weeks because these photographers were not paparazzi for once. Very little people know about my celebration and aside from the people here, no one really knew about me making it to a million.

The media would only think it to be a small album party, which it also was.

Devin takes a stand. I still feel some type of way about him suddenly being involved with someone and I haven't seen him in weeks. Probably because I've been ignoring his calls.

He looks at me, directly into my eyes as he toasts.

My Mother watches him carefully and I remember the last time she asked me if there was something between us. Devin is in a nicely fitted grey suit with a pink collard shirt under it.

"To all the success in the world. I wish you all the best in the rest of your journey, Chanel." He says calmly.

"Thank you, Devin." I smile and take a drink.

"Anyone else?" Mom says too quickly after he sits down. Trisha and I chuckle.

"Okay, my turn!" Mom pushes her seat out and stands. Everyone chuckles and Ma gets right into it. She takes a deep breath as if she is nervous but I know she's not.

"This is my one and only child, if y'all were ever wonderin where the attitude and entitlement came from." Ma speaks with all her own attitude. Flex chimes in.

"Mhhmm." He agrees.

"I only give birth to legends, I only birth greatness and I knew that Chanel would accomplish anything she put her mind to because that's how I raised her. I raised her by myself, I instilled the right values into her and I prayed and prayed over her life." Mom's smile fades and the room is quiet. So quiet, that if I moved at all, you could hear the ruffle of my dress against my skin.

"I prayed for her not to go through the same things I went through... the struggles, the poverty, the early pregnancy, the heartache, the self hate. I prayed every night for her to be so much stronger than I ever was." Ma clears her throat and blinks back tears. I sniffle and turn away from the table momentarily.

I take a deep breath and contain the tears because some really great artists worked on my make up.

"Of course there were nights that I showed weakness, there were days where the bills couldn't get paid, where not as much food was on the table, there were days we went thrifting for some birthday clothes. But Chanel never complained and she would just look up to me like I was her superhero, like I was her Wonder Woman." Ma looks down at me and wipes her eyes carefully with a napkin.

"Kinda like she's looking up at me right now." Ma laughs.

I smile and let another tear slip down my cheek.

"I've never felt alone because she was always right there annoying the crap out me. I was never alone." She laughs again.

"And I know everyone is avoiding the elephant in the room. I understand that what happened was too sad to bring up at any celebration but when I woke up in that hospital and saw that my baby girl was still right there, waiting for me to wake up, even though my head was jumbled and confused, I felt the same company and warmth that I always feel when she's around. I understand that those were hard times, we still haven't completely recovered but I'm so proud of how she bounced back from that. But I didn't expect any less because that's what I taught her." Mom smiles through the painful images.

"We lived in a bad neighborhood, Brownsville isn't the greatest place to raise kids but I told myself that if I teach her the right things, she could get us out. She could get us out." Tears fill Mom's eyes and roll down her neck. She dabs at her cheeks with the napkin.

Trisha hands me a napkin and I dab at my nose.

"And then she got into Harvington and I was beyond happy. But I didn't expect this." She motions her hands to everyone sitting around and the lovely place that we reserved for the occasion. She looks down at me.

"I didn't expect 1 million dollars." She wipes my cheeks with her hands and sniffles.

"Stop yo crying." She hushes me, wiping her own tears. I laugh and roll my eyes at her Bipolarity.

"I didn't expect this." She resumes, motioning to her dress and then her ring.

"It just finally feels like God is answering my prayers. Cause you know, sometimes you wonder if he up there listenin?" The table laughs. I look around and notice it isn't just us crying and wiping tears. Mom's speech had ruined everyone's make up to some extent.

"So here's a toast to my daughter, not to the money and the fame, but just to being Mama's everything." She raises her glass and wipes her eyes with the back of her wrist.

"To Mama's everything!" Flex yells.

We drink.

I get up and I hug and kiss Ma a dozen times. Cameras flash in our direction. It seems the toasts have ended for the night because no one can top that.

_________________________

I change into a more flexible dress. A short pink dress, that is so light that I feel like i'm flying. When I turn, it whirls around beautifully. The dress was a gift from an Italin designer and I was getting a few thousand to take fun photos and just model in it, but I would wear this for free. My white pumps don't feel like heels at all and so when the dinner turns into an after party, I am so ready that I down another glass of champagne while Ma isn't watching and head to the dance floor first.

Mila joins me and we play and dance, while our photographer takes pictures of us. When everyone is on the dance floor, the effects of the alcohol begin to wear on me. My dancing feels impeccable on the wooden floors and even though I've been extremely happy the past few days, I suddenly feel the happiest I've been in a long time. Everyone is dancing to the corny music being played but no one seems to care. Flex and my Mom are wrapped around each other, almost floating to the music. Trisha and Pookie, laugh by the tables with drinks in their hands. Mac and his association of friends are even on the dance floor trying to show off their old moves. They laugh at each other.

On the crowded dance floor, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I stop dancing and turn around all too quickly. My vision blurs then readjusts to Devin's face.

"Oh, Hii!" I laugh giddy. "Take a shot with me!" I plead, walking over to the open bar.

"Are you sure you want a shot? You seem pretty wasted already." Devin warns.

"Nooo." I put my hand to my chest. It suddenly registers to me that my 'No' was a little too long and not very convincing.

"I'm just happy." I shrug.

"I'm happy for you." He says into my ear, trying to talk over the music.

"Thank you. Can we take a shot now?" I yell back. He laughs, his head falling back.

"Just one." He lectures.

I tell the bartender and she passes two tequila shots. Devin and I clink our glasses.

"To honesty." He says.

I make a face at the randomness of the toast, but take the shot anyway. I wince at the taste, it sends a chill through my body.

"Getting better at those." He compliments.

I smile big.

"Are we good?" Devin questions, his eyebrows turned down in the middle.

To honesty. My mind flashes back to our shot.

"Yea, why wouldn't we be?" I wrap my arms around his neck softly and stare at him with my flirty eyes. I can feel the alcohol start to play with my head, because I suddenly need to keep my arms around Devin's neck to keep from stumbling. I disregard the dizziness and look him up and down from head to toe. His suit fits him so perfectly. I wonder who picked it out.

"Because you've been ignoring all my calls and text messages." He looks at me with edgy eyes.

"Can't we just dance?" I plead, pouting. He chuckles and removes my arms from around his neck. I leave my arms by my side and I suddenly don't even want to look at him.

"Okay, Devin." I shrug and begin walking away. He grabs my arm and pulls me back. He looks around nervously to see if anyone caught the scene I was making.

"Don't be like that." He says into my ear. I stumble and stare at him with hate in my eyes.

"Where's Abra?" I ask, concerned. I told him that he could have a plus one.

"So it is about Abra?" He questions with a dark smile.

"I'm glad you're entertained." I say seriously. I fold my arms and Devin unfolds them and again looks around. No one is paying attention to us, everyone seems to be too drunk to care.

"Don't shut me out." He mumbles. I feel his warmth on my ear and move closer to him.

His hand moves to my waist and he pulls me so my stomach presses against his abdomen.

"Can we talk outside?" He asks smoothly.

"Can't you just hold me like this and dance with me?" I question with pouty lips. I press my cheek against his neck and before long, he pulls away.

"We need to talk outside." He says sternly this time, this time when I look at him, he looks like he's struggling. He takes me by the arm and pulls me towards the back door. As we exit, the warm LA air greets us. There are dim lights and what looks to be a garden out in the back. Devin pushes the door to the after party closed and the music dims down to a low humble with bass.

It's quiet.

I'm drunk.

And there is a handsome man in a grey suit who doesn't want me anymore.

"Why are you mad at me? Are you really mad at me for dating?" He questions. I don't say anything because finding the right words while under the influence doesn't make for good conversations.

"Can we not do this now?" I ask.

"Sure." He puts his hands up in surrender. "We don't have to do this right now at all. But if you're going to try and be all over me after you told me that you're fully in love with someone else, this isn't going to work."

"Devin I'm tr-" I start but he cuts me off.

"You didn't answer not one of my phone calls because I told you I went on TWO dates with someone. You cut me off so fast." He looks hurt. His jaw clenches.

"She came out of nowhere! And before that I hadn't even seen you for weeks!" I scream back.

"Yea because I was trying to get OVER you, Chanel! I was trying to stop liking you so damn much, you don't think that's hard to do? You don't think that hurt me a little? And after all I've done for you, I finally find someone I'm even HALF interested in, and you completely cut me off for it?"

"Devin, I didn't cut you off. I was just a little..." I search for the words going through my head.

"What? Jealous? If you're jealous, I understand." He stops and I roll my eyes, even thinking about this Abra girl. Jealous of her? What do I have to be jealous of?

"You can BE jealous, but don't be selfish, Chanel. Don't be fucking selfish." He says sternly.

"I'd like to be happy too." He finishes.

I stare at him in disbelief. No words escape my mouth.

I suddenly feel sober and sad. The happiness begins to disappear.

"I can't force myself to be happy for you, the girl came out of nowhere and suddenly you're up and out of my life. Suddenly I barely see you at all. You were becoming one of my best friends." I say calmly.

"No, I was becoming your bitch." The words come out bitter. "And that's fine, I already know I'll do anything for the people I love and no matter how many times you made it clear that we couldn't be together, I still did anything for you. But if you're going to break the friendship because I'm looking for ways to be happy, then I'm done."

I look at my shoes and then up at his face. Misconstrued with, not hate for me, but some mix of frustration. I take a deep breath and go over all the things Devin has done for me. It's an awful lot.

A frog ribbits in the bushes beside us and as more and more time passes before I respond, I see my friend slipping away from me.

"You're right." I say quietly. "It was selfish of me to be like that. You're 100% right."

I watch Devin's face change from anger to something softer.

"I'm sorry I didn't pick up your calls. I was finding a way to deal with you seeing someone else. That's all." I shrug and look at the door to my party. I see Trisha walking towards me.

"Are you okay?" She mouths through the glass.

I nod my head and she disappears.

"I wasn't trying to upset you. But you gotta let me be happy too." Devin says calmly now. He opens his arms and I slide into them easily. They wrap around me like a bear.

Devin kisses my forehead then my cheek.

"I'll always have something for you but I can't keep getting hurt waiting around for Trevon to infiltrate your mind and then you decide you're not making the right decision. I can't do that." He mumbles.

"Good luck with Abra." I say, really meaning it this time.

"Thank you." He responds. "I believed you that time." He laughs.

We pull away from each other and he opens the door to my party for me. I walk back in and he follows.

"NOWW, we can dance." He says grabbing my arm and pulling me to the floor. I laugh as he picks me up and spins me around.