"Move closer to the mic, i'm going to turn down the music in your headphones so you can hear the notes you're belting. The first take was beautiful." I can hear Mac speaking into my headphones and when I look outside of the booth his lips match the audio in my ears.

"Now reach deep and give me all the emotion you were feeling wen you got the news in the first place. Let me feel it. I know you're trying not to go there. I know you don't want to go back to that place but for the sake of art and your own lyrics, you have to push past that and let it consume you."

His head is down, staring at the music control board and as the intro plays through, I take a deep breath. I had wrote this song on my way back to Albany after leaving Mom and Flex in the hospital a few days ago. It was honest and powerful. It was hard to write without tearing, let alone sing. But it needed to be heard, and it is exactly the right time to do it. It isn't another rap song or another freestyle. It doesn't have a hard beat behind it that makes people want to jump. It reaches out to you and grabs you by the heart. It forces you to listen. It calls you.

A ballad.

Something slow and heartfelt. Something nobody would be expecting from a rapper who just been through hell and back.

The chart topping record.

Cece and Mac took a few hours yesterday sorting through the notes to make sure that my voice was ready to take on such a challenging song. For notes she thought were too high, she suggested a different note to take instead, but I turned all of them down and practiced until I nailed every single one of the original notes I wrote into the song. To say Cece was impressed was the least.

Yesterday she taught me how to project different parts of the song to get the right feel from the audience or fans. I've been singing all day so my voice is rusty but Cece insists that I keep it that way just for this record. It sounds a little like I am crying but I've stayed on every key so far.

Devin composed the piano piece and Mac filled in some kicks and drums that were barely noticeable. He wanted it to be as raw as it could get. The only thing more raw than this is full on singing acapella. But I was happy I was doing this song.

Vocals and piano.

A true ballad.

The definition of a ballad is a song or poem that tells a story in short stanzas and that is exactly what I am doing. I know my fans will grasp the concepts and find out who each verse is about. The first verse is about my Mother, the second verse is about Flex, but will they find out who the third verse is about?

I take a deep breath and lift my chin to sing into the microphone. The lights in the studio are dim and there is nothing in the booth with me apart from the mic and my bottle of water. The music begins again and I close my eyes and let it take me. I let each word ring out until the hairs on my arms rise up.

"I curse the day that I lose you

I've known no other love so strong

Built me up like your soldier

Raised me up like your Dawn

The biggest part of me was knowing who you are

You say the thanks you get is knowing i'll go far

You are my everything and I see that you mean everything to me

You weren't my everything till I almost lost you and realized I had nothing

Nothing without you

I have nothing without you"

As I begin the second verse, I can feel the music running through me as if it is the very blood and veins itself. This past week really has made me realize that without Flex and Ma, I don't think there would be much to me. Ma raised me to be so strong that sometimes I wonder if someone my age should even have this much strength, the hood played a part in it too and Flex, Flex taught me so many things that I can't even put into words.

He taught me how to smile and love. He showed me the true meaning of positive vibes. Flex has been the closest person I have to a Father figure and he's the only Father figure I want. Besides the music, he's been everything I needed and everything for my Mother. They really shot him up. They really tried to end his life and as much as I don't want to believe it is because of me, a part of me knows that it is.

I try to pull from my pain in the second verse.

" I curse the day I lose my way in this strange part of town

You trained a dragon to start a fire

And burn this city to the ground

Never had a Father apart from the one looking down

Rewrote the story, filled in the beat and now my heart sounds

The biggest part of me was knowing who you are

You say the thanks you get is knowing i'll go far

You weren't my everything till I seen that you meant everything to me

You weren't my everything till I almost lost you and realized I had nothing

You weren't my everything till I seen that you meant everything to me

You weren't my everything till I almost lost you and realized I had nothing

Nothing without you

I have nothing without you"

I wiped away the liquid rolling down my cheeks and sang loudly into my high notes. I realize that there is a sting of pain in my palm and look down to see my fists clenched. The music continues to fuel through me and even though I feel like stopping to cry. I push through to the third verse and before the words leave my mouth, the beat slows down and I know that Cece will love the raw emotion coming out.

"The Ville can't be the same without you

Locked and unloaded behind those bars

I promise to be the anchor that grounds you

I promise to never chain up my heart

You took the key when they took your freedom

You bailed me out and I left you in

But if you can't hear me calling

Call back, I'll answer on the first ring

The biggest part of me was knowing who you are

You say the thanks you get is knowing i'll go far

You weren't my everything till I seen that you meant everything to me

You weren't my everything till I almost lost you and realized I had nothing

Nothing without you

I have nothing without you"

The beat continues to play and I don't look up to Mac to see what he says to do, because I already feel it. I do my riffs and runs. I let my high notes play with the song all the way until the end as the harmonies I had recorded earlier take over the chorus. As the beat fades out I realize that my eyes are shut tight and my arms are wrapped around my chest and stomach. I don't know when I began hugging myself but with my arms still around me, I sink down to the floor and cry. I shake the headphones off my head and it is quiet in studio C. I can no longer see Mac, just the carpeted wall leading up to the studio window. Mac doesn't look for me, he lets me have the alone time.

I cry softly into my self.

Before the past few weeks, I don't ever remember crying this much in my entire life. I didn't know a person had this many tears in them. I must be completely dehydrated, using up all this water that my body had planned for other system uses. I sniffle and wipe my nose on the arm of my sweatshirt. I pick up the headphones and slide them back over my head, my body still curved up on the floor.

It is completely quiet when I put the headphones on. Silence with all the noise cancellation a headphone can have.

I sniffle again and wipe my nose then take a few deep breaths.

"Mac?" I call softly and sounding completely congested.

After several moments, I hear Mac click in.

"Princess?" He answers.

I want to smile but my face won't let me.

"Did we get it?" I question clearing my throat.

"We got it." He answers proud but gentle.