I've been in Harvington for more than two weeks now, and aside from the occasional loud mouths on the floor, it's been pretty peaceful. The people seem nice enough but I haven't really made any friends aside from Kelly. Then again, I haven't really tried. Kelly and I made a tradition of having breakfast together. She doesn't eat much, so usually i'm sitting across from her, my pancakes already half gone before I start on my eggs and bacon.

She usually had a banana and yogurt with a glass of water. We were both around the same size.

"I wonder where all your food goes." She laughed one day.

"It goes to the cake." I responded.

"The cake?" She looked at me confused and I rolled my eyes smiling.

"You a different type of white girl." I said jokingly.

"I know! I'm so out of everything. What's the cake? Like your thighs?" She asked biting into her banana.

I giggled. "It's ya ass. My food goes to my ass."

"Ohh, cake means ass." She laughed and moved her hair behind her ears awkwardly.

"Do I have cake?"

I broke out in laughter almost choking on my eggs. "If you got THE cake?" I asked, rephrasing it for her.

"Oh, you have to put 'the' in front of it?" She was hysterically laughing now and so was I, her cluelessness was cute. She really had no idea.

"Yea." I nodded as I smiled at her. "You got a lil somn back there." I answered.

"Yayy!" She sang. I giggled at her. In the few days we have spent together, I've gotten a good sense of her personality and it doesn't completely clash with mine, though I am a little more chill than she is. I liked having her around. She was rarely in the room, but when she was I welcomed her company.

Trisha has been calling and texting me throughout the days. I go outside to talk to her, that way I can say everything I want without being cautious of offending Kelly. Trisha spoke recklessly. We had to develop a system where it was safe for her to be herself.

Our phone call yesterday kind of set me on edge.

"Yo, she started. Do I got some shit to tell you." Her voice was muffled like she was walking somewhere.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Is whitey around? I mean... what's that shit you said to say? Banana bread?" Trisha laughed midway through her sentence as if she could feel my annoyance.

"What's the point of making a phrase you not gon follow till after you say something crazy?" I asked sucking my teeth. "No, I'm in the lounge. Whats's going on?"

"Julius died."

It's silent for a moment. I sit up in the couch, a mixture of sadness and confusion running through me.

"How?" I asked Trisha.

"He was back in the hospital a little bit and then he went into coma. Word on the block is, his pops couldn't deal with the hospital bills, told them to pull the plug since he was mostly brain dead."

My heart sank into the ground.

"So, what they sayin this means?" I rub my forehead as I pause. "About Trevon, what does this mean for Trevon?" I ask scared.

Trisha sighs on the other end. " They can't do another trail for the same crime. The case is closed so it doesn't affect him they said."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Good."

"Yea, but you know if they can't get justice, they gon come looking for trouble." She says warning. "His son just died, he ain't gon let that go."

"He's in prison, he's safe." I say confidently. "What they gon do to him from there?"

Trisha sucks her teeth. "His pops got people in prison, Chan."

Fear rises in me again and my hands begin to shake. "So call him and warn him." I say in a rush.

"Pookie already did." Trish says lightly but she sounds hopeless on the other end. Like the warning wouldn't do much. I look up to God and say a small prayer.

Just when things were getting a little bit better for me, my conscience is plagued with him again. I sigh and hang up the phone without saying bye.

I leave the student lounge and walk to my dorm to find Kelly wrapped in her towel. I sit on my bed, not looking her way, the world seeming to be on my chest. Kelly gives me a look of sympathy. I know it bothered her that I shared so little. While I basically know her whole life story. It probably made her concerned when I left the room to have most conversations.

"Are you ok?" She asks in a cute little voice.

"I'm good, boo. Don't worry bout me." I answer reassuringly.

"Okay, well you know i'm here if you need me." She says. I give her a smile and get back to my sulking. A few minutes pass and I decide to turn my mood around again, to block out everything going on at home.

I had been here for two weeks and I haven't heard from the record company. Flex said they should be calling me this weekend. I'm partly nervous and partly excited. Excited to be working with such a big producer and terrified to disappoint. I let the fear of messing up my chances take over my brain instead of Trevon. It works.

_____________________________________

Flex was right. Friday evening as soon as I got out of class, I got a call from the MacWayne studios of Albany, New York. It wasn't Mac on the phone, of course not, it was a secretary. They would be picking me up tomorrow at noon. They would be picking up me- an average teen from Brownsville who happened to love music and poetry, someone who has lived in the hood their whole life - they were picking me up.

Kelly had planned to take me out on Friday night, apparently her older sister was an alumni of the school and a part of some big sorority called Alpha Phi. The sorority was having a party at their house and Kelly almost fell off her chair when I told her I didn't know much about sororities or what they were really about. It's not like I would want to join one, I'm not that girl.

Kelly spoke about it like it was her life. She wanted to pledge as soon as Spring semester hit. She said that just because her older sister was apart of it, didn't mean she had an easy way in. If anything it would probably make pledging difficult. We spent half the night painting our nails and talking about Kelly. I was fine with that, I didn't have to say much. The girls in the dorm next to us knocked on our room door.

Kelly got up and opened it carefully not to mess up her nails.

"Heyyyy!" Two energetic tiny voice screamed into Kelly's face. It was a blonde and brunette. The blonde was thin and universally cute. Nothing really stood out about her, but she was still good looking. The brunette was a little chubby. With all the make up on her face, you would think she had the best bone structure in the world. She wore a cute flare off top and jeans.

"Hi." Kelly greeted, smiling.

"My name is Courtney and this is Anna. We wanted you guys to take shots with us." Courtney giggled and ran her fingers through her hair. They looked like they had already taken a few. Kelly looked back at me for confirmation.

I shrugged. "Why not?" I said, getting up.

"Let's do it!" Kelly agreed.

Courtney walked us to their room which looked so girly, it was almost too much. It smelled of cupcakes and there were pink stars taped to the wall with a large variety of posters of half naked men and friends and family. A few bottles of liquor were displaced over their living room table.

After everyone had a shot in their hand, we toasted to a good night and threw them back. We had a whole conversation about the Alpha Phi party before everyone got dressed and decided to head out. In the middle of getting dressed, Kelly and I took a few more shots and I sipped on a mixed drink she made for me. I've never been much of a drinker but I knew college would change that.

I marveled at my new experience in the cab to the party. I felt so light and laughy and free which was such a breath of fresh air. The last time I was drunk, was at Trevon's Release party.

I shake my head, hoping his face disappears and it does for momentarily.

Sitting down with Kelly in the cab, her arm wrapped around mine, I noticed how drunk I really was. Nothing felt like it was happening to me, I felt completely out of my body. I laughed at my thoughts as Kelly and the other girls chirped on about the Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity.

"They're sooooo cute! Oh my Gosh Chanel! You have to see them. You might fall in love." Courtney sang.

I giggled uncontrollably. "You are way too excited. You gotta chill."

Courtney laughed. "I know, I'm drunk as shit. But you really will like them."

"I doubt it, I like someone else." I said, my mind going back to my jailed prince at home. I questioned my loyalty to him. Were we even still together? Or had that passed. I got sad again.

"Who's that?" Anna asked.

"One of my best friend's and I kinda had something before I left for Harvington and I don't know... some stuff happened and now it's.." I rest my head on Kelly's shoulder and laughed. "Ugh it, doesn't even matter!" I scream.

The girls cheer and the cab driver rolls his eyes, annoyed with the loudness.

"Yea, it doesn't matter! Tonight is about a great fucking night! And it's going to be the best one ever!" Kelly opened the water bottle that contained straight vodka, and took a few sips. She cringed and shook her head until the taste was gone.

I took the bottle from her and did the same.

We finally stumbled into the party. Anna and Courtney disappeared almost immediately, since they knew people there and Kelly and I marveled at how huge the house was. The walls were creamy white and even with the furniture moved to the side for the party, you could see smooth wooden floors, a large staircase, huge kitchen and living room as well as a distribution of sorority letters and pictures on the wall. The lights were off and the music was loud, it was hot and sweaty but everyone seemed to be having such a good time. Kelly and I were so drunk that we danced into the party, not caring that we didn't know anyone there, just dancing to have fun.

The music was nothing like I was used to. It was house music, something electronic. I spotted a few of the Alpha Phi girls, they were thin and beautiful, but they were all white. I searched for a black sister but didn't see one in sight. A beautiful brunette girl who smelled like apple and cinnamon walked up to us with a red solo cup in her hands.

"Freshmen, who invited you?" She said. I turned around ready to defend us when Kelly ran into her arms.

"Monica!" She said screaming.

The beautiful girl gave Kelly a hug. "You guys drunk yet?" She smiled.

I nodded, holding up the water bottle. Monica laughed.

"Monica, this is Chanel, my roommate. She's great. Chanel, this is my big sister I told you about." Kelly smiled up at the brunette like she was her world.

"Hey Chanel, nice to meet you. Welcome to the Alpha Phi house. You're very gorgeous." Monica took a sip of her drink.

I blushed and giggled awkwardly. " Thanks, you too."

"Have you ever thought about joining a Sorority?" Monica asked. Wow, they don't waste time here.

"Don't get her started." Kelly warned. "She barely likes when I talk about it!"

I laughed. "It just doesn't seem like my thing." I said.

Monica shrugged. " I understand. It just sucks because you look like you have what it takes to be Alpha Phi. Brains, beauty, style. You should pledge with my sister."

Kelly's face lit up. Just perfect. Now I had to reject them both. "Pleaseee Chanel, just check it out."

"I appreciate it but nah. I got some stuff on my plate." I spoke over the loud music.

"How about this, come to the interest meeting on Tuesday. If you don't want to be a part of it after that, I'll stop bothering you." Monica gave me her cup. "Taste it."

I took a small sip. It tasted like Lemonade with a tinge of bitterness from the alcohol and it was nice and cold from the ice.

"Mmm." I said taking another sip. "What is it?" I asked.

"Alpha Phi punch." Monica smiled. Come, i'll get you some.

I knew I shouldn't be drinking anymore. We walked with Monica to the kitchen. Her body was amazing. Seeing her in the light was almost too intimidating. Her mini-skirt fit perfectly over her but, her stomach was completely flat and her body curved up into a great pair of boobs. Her brown hair caressed the curves on her back.

I was so drunk, I can't imagine how I looked. I was wearing a mini skirt too, with a crop top and heels. My hair was out and straight and pulled to the side.

I saw some guys staring at me from the sides of my eyes, but kept close to Kelly and Monica so they wouldn't try to talk to me.

"That's them!" Kelly whispered.

"Who?" I mumbled.

"Alpha Phi Alpha." She rolled her eyes seeing I barely paid any attention to the cab conversation. I looked over quickly and all I saw was beautiful black men gathered by the kitchen table. As soon as I looked back at Kelly, my eyes were wide open. She gave an I-told-you-so smile.

"They're black? It's a black Fraternity?' I asked completely taken by surprised.

Kelly nodded. "Told you that you would like them. Aren't they gorgeous?"

"Wow." I said glancing back and forth.

Monica caught me and put her arms around mine, beginning to pull me and Kelly over to the group of boys. I struggled hesitant, but I couldn't do much without looking crazy.

"Devin, Alec, Jay, this is my sister Kelly and her roommate Chanel. They think you're cute, have fun." Monica said before leaving us to fend for ourselves. I glared at her momentarily.

Devin was chiseled from his face all the way down to his calves. He was light skinned with light eyes and at least 6'2'. Something from a magazine. Alec and Jay were darker and just as chiseled, but Devin had been staring at me all night. I take a sip of my drink and look to the side.

"Wassup, Freshmen." Devin said to both me and Kelly. Kelly put her right finger in his face.

"We are not just freshman, ok? So don't like, label us, we are people too." Her drunken words were barely audible. I covered her mouth with my hand laughing.

"Sorry, she's drunk." My apology was directed at all the guys, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Devin.

"It's all good, that's what these parties are for. Enjoy yourselves." Jay said. He was so smooth, I could tell he probably had so many girls waiting on his booty call tonight.

Kelly started making throw up sounds which caught the attention of Devin and I.

"Kelly, do not!" I said holding up her almost limp body. She covered her mouth and hunched over.

"Kelly!" I said annoyed and a little worried.

"Let's get her outside, into some fresh air. It's too hot in here." Devin said. He motioned to Alec. "Yo pass me one of the water bottles, in the fridge."

Alec did as was asked and helped us find our way outside of the big house, pushing past the dark and sweaty party.

I sat Kelly down on a bench to the side of the house. You could still hear the music blasting. Kelly sat with her head back and Devin opened the water bottle and held her head down and straight so she wouldn't drown when he poured the water into her mouth. She swallowed a few big gulps before he let up.

I watched him amazed. Was he trying to get to me or was he always this caring?

I moved Kelly's hair out of her face and she flopped down into my lap and instantly passed out.

I sighed and sucked my teeth.

"My bad." I said patting her head.

He smiled an amazing smile. He didn't have dimples, like Trevon and I was both happy and mad at myself for comparing the two.

"You ain't do nothing. This happens all the time."

"Mhm. And are you always the one to the rescue?" I asked staring him down, ready for the bullshit answer.

"Nah, I usually just let it happen but ya'll seem type different." He said. I was happy that he had some kind of slang in him. Some kind of hood. I didn't think my people existed in their true form in these upstate areas.

"Different how?" I asked with an attitude.

"Ya'll seem like good girls. Like you not really suppose to be here, but you tryna branch out. Feel me?" He smiled and took a seat on the bench.

"I was watching ya'll in the party. You specifically. You don't know what you doin. You been drunk before?" He laughed.

I rolled my eyes and took out my phone. " I'm not even gonna entertain you."

"Iight. So that's a no." He chuckled.

"Why are you being so nice to us? You want one of us? That's what you do at these parties? Look for fresh bait, the innocent ones, who haven't gotten drunk before?" I started.

"Chill. Chill. Chill." His face looked truly upset. "Don't go around assuming, I don't like assumptions. Y'all are beautiful and vulnerable, yes. But I'm not jumping at an opportunity." He looked me right in the eyes. I looked away and shook my head.

"I Have a little sister around y'all age. I look out for the younger ones. That's all."

He chuckled as I looked back to him to see if he was lying. There was no trace of dishonesty on his face. I immediately felt like an asshole.

"I'm- uhm. I ain't know. It was just-" I began.

"Don't worry about it. Y'all want a ride home? I swear that's all it is Ms. Feminism." He said pulling his keys out his pockets.

I wanted to argue with him but my stomach knotted and it felt like I had just swallowed a cup of pig fat. I raised Kelly off me quickly and hunched over on the bench. Kelly woke up from the fast movement and pulled my hair back as all the alcohol made itself back up.

Devin shook his head and stood up, car keys in one hand.

"Ima pull the car around. Stay right here."

I passed out on the way back to campus. He nudged me awake to see what building we lived in and when I opened my eyes again, he had used Kelly's keys to get us inside. He lifted me on to the couch and walked Kelly to her room.

"Which bed is yours?" I heard him ask the barely conscious 18 year old. She found her bed and I heard the springs creak as he helped her in.

My head swung from side to side as I drunkenly tried to pull myself together. A few moments later Devin walked out to the common room couch and stuck his hand out to help me up. I took his soft but strong hands and wobble to my bed, using him as support. He laid me down on my bed and took off my shoes.

"Thank you." I managed to let out. I felt like crying. The flood of emotions, completely unexplained. I can suddenly see Trevon's face as he stands in his room and turns to look at me.

He had said.

I remember the feel of him, cuddling me that night and many nights after. I remember his kisses.

I missed Trisha and her loud mouth.

I missed Mom and her home cooked meals.

I didn't know alcohol was it's own form of poetry, bringing up everything that I didn't want to remember or feel at the moment.

This place was not home, and this bed was not my bed. There were so many emotions building up in me at once that I thought I might explode.

"Don't stress it." Devin said. He pulled up my blanket to my shoulders.

"Goodnight." He mumbled as he walked to the door. He turned off the lights and opened the door.

"Devin." I called him back, staring into the dark.